Driver Training Jokes
50 driver training jokes and hilarious driver training puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about driver training that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Driver Training Short Jokes
Short driver training jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The driver training humour may include short driving school jokes also.
- My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track. - Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
- Best way to vaccinate the masses Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
Everyone will have it by Saturday.
Thursday if you have Prime. - Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice? They're trained to look for red flags.
- What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction? I need to get my life back on track
- Did you hear about the Spanish train driver who went crazy and killed a bunch of people? They say he had a locomotive.
- Why don't self aware train drivers go through thunderstorms? Because they know they're good conductors.
- I'm no Dean Martin. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris".
He said ''Eurostar?''
I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.
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Driver Training One Liners
Which driver training one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with driver training? I can suggest the ones about drivers test and drivers ed.
- I've always wanted to be a train driver. It seems pretty straightforward.
- Why do electricians like talented train drivers? Because they're good conductors
- Did you know about the crazy train driver? I hear he has tons of loco-motives.
- How do they educate locomotive drivers? They train them
- Who is the most famous German train driver? Michael Choomacher.
- Why does the school bus driver stop at all railroad crossings? He was trained.
- Why did the train driver run over the tourist? He had a local-motive.
- Why did the train driver plead madness in court? He had a loco motive.
- What do you call someone who is learning to drive trains? A train driver
- Two drivers play a game of chicken Too bad they were train drivers.
- What do you call a crazy Spanish train driver's reason to commit m**... ? A Loco-motive!
- Huge train c**... in New York.. The driver must have had a loco motive.
Driver Training Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about driver training you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean driving instructor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make driver training pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is the sickest train joke I know. Be warned.
Bruce was meant to meet his friend in a bar at midday.
12:30pm, 1pm, then 1:30pm rolls around. Just as Bruce was about to give up, his friend finally strolls in with dishevelled hair and a smug grin, "Sorry I'm late mate, you won't believe what happened to me just then..."
"What?"
"Well, I was walking here alongside the train tracks when I spot this lovely lady lying down with her skirt hitched up....we ended up making love m**..., d**..., pile driver...you name it. We did it. It was too good an opportunity to miss and the most amazing s**... of my life."
"Did she give you a head job?"
"Nah, couldn't find the head."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why cant train drivers be sentenced to the electric chair?
Because they're bad conductors.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
Old Russian joke from Soviet times
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the train stops.
Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should announce a subbotnik (volunteer work-program), so that workers and peasants will fix the problem."
Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be shot!"
Khrushchev then chimes in, "Let's take the rails from behind the train and use them to lay the tracks in front".
Then Brezhnev says, "Comrades, Comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"
Why did the Mexican . . .
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
- For Hispanic attacks
Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?
- Because they only had two vans
Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?
- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
- Tequila
The pessimist doesn't se the the light at the end of the tunnel, the optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the realist sees the train in the tunnel...
... and the the train driver sees the three insane people on rails.
Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.
"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.
"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.
"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient and arrives on time every day without fail. 20 years, and never a minute late, quite incredible."
"Secret ingredient?"
"Oh yes, he adds mussels and oysters to the fuel. Reckons it gives a boost."
"So why is he late today? Think he got fed up and quit?"
"Oh no, not Bob. He just has low shellfish steam."
I make no apologies.
A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.
"Might as well, it's going to be a while before anyone shows up," she says!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.
A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Spanish train driver c**... into an insane asylum?
Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
A mathematician wants more excitement and wants to become a volunteer fireman on the weekends
He goes through the training, and proceeds to take the written final exam.
Question 1: You come across a car that is flipped upside down and on fire with the driver still in it. What do you do?
The mathematician answers with the steps he was taught in training.
Question 2: You come across a car that is flipped upside down with the driver still in it. What do you do?
The mathematician answers, Set the car on fire. Now it is a solved problem.
Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus.
No amount of reasoning was helping the bus driver resolve the issue. In desperation he grabbed his training manual and announced:
'The policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.'
Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
German tourists are travelling to USSR for the first time
They decide to go by train to see the scenery. After few hours the train stops. The train just stands there for 4 hours without any sign of moving. Eventually one of the Germans approaches the conductor and asks, what is happening:
''The driver is exchanging the locomotive''
''For 4 hours?''
''For v**...''