Driver License Jokes
137 driver license jokes and hilarious driver license puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about driver license that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Driver License Short Jokes
Short driver license jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The driver license humour may include short driver licence jokes also.
- A cop looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.
- LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror! You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.
- Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments! Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)
- My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6 Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver's license and a mustache
- A guy called British Airways before his flight from London to Paris: Hi, I have a question. Can I fly to France using my drivers license? No , said the woman. You need a plane
- A cop stops a guy for speeding Cop: Sir, I need to see your drivers license.
Guy: what, you guys took it from me two years ago, don't tell me you lost it. - Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license? He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.
- Driving License Judge: Why did you steal the car?
Man: I had to get to work.
Judge: Why didn't you take the bus?
Man: I don't have a driver's license for the bus. - Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license? He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.
- Police officer to a driver: OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle. Driver: Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"
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Driver License One Liners
Which driver license one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with driver license? I can suggest the ones about drivers license and drivers licence.
- Yo mamma's so fat... She had to get her drivers license photo from Google earth!
- Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license
- My mom always used to say "50 is the new 20!" Lovely woman, lost her driver's license...
- I was on a vegetable and wine only diet I lost 20 pounds and my drivers license
- Yo momma so fat Her driver's license picture had to be taken by satellite
- What driver doesn't have a license? A screwdriver
- Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- My Drivers License says I'm classy... Or was it Class E?
- Shorty! Yo' momma is so short, I can see her feet in her driver's license.
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 - Chuck Norris' driver's license simply shows his shoe size.
- Where would you check a cold Scottish inventor's drivers license? Icy Watt you'd ID there
- Yo mama so old her drivers license in hieroglyphics.
- Why does spongebob keep failing his drivers license? Because his teacher is a woman.
- What do you call a tree with a drivers license? All bark, no bike.
- Two African-American men are in a car. Who's driving? The one with a driver's license.
Driver License Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about driver license you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean driving license jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make driver license pranks.
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says, "You failed to stop at the red light.
Let me see your driver's licence." The blonde asks, "What does that look like?" The blonde cop answers, "It is rectangular and has your picture on it." The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies, "Oh, I didn't know you were also an officer. You can go!"
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop.
She holds up the mirror and looks in it.
Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you."
A police officer stopped a driver for speeding.
"Can I see your driving license?"
"I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system."
"Can I see your license for the vehicle?"
"But it is not my car, I stole it."
"Stole it?"
"Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there."
"There is a gun in the car?"
"Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk."
"There is a corpse in a car?"
"Right, sir."
After all these he calls the police chief.
And soon the car gets surrounded by police.
The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
"Sir, can I see your qualification?"
"Of course, ultimately, there it is."
"In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?"
"It is mine, there is my license as well."
"uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?"
"Of course, take a look, there is nothing."
"Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there."
"No problem, take a look."
"Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
"Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"
"Are you two twins?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"Because mommy dressed you both in the same clothes."
"OK that's enough, your driver's license please."
You might be a r**... if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.
I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.
....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.
A 10 year old girl opens her mother's purse, and finds her driver's license
Later, the girl says to her mom, "I know how old you are." The mom asks, "How old am I?" The girl says, "You're 34." The mom says, "You're right!"
The girl then says, "I know how much you weigh." The mom asks her how much, and the girl says, "135 pounds." The mom is a little puzzled, but says, "You're right on that, too."
Finally, the young girl says, "I know why daddy divorced you."
The mother freaks out, and asks, "Why is that?!?!?!"
The girl says, "Because you got an 'F' in s**...."
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
The Polish eye exam.
A polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters
~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
NY Driver's license.
A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
C Z A J K O K I W S
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driving her car. The blonde cop says "You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see your license?"
The blonde driver looks confused.
The blonde cop says "Its a little square thing with your picture on it"
The blonde driver reaches in her bag and hands the cop her makeup mirror.
The cop takes the mirror, looks at it and exclaims "Well why didn't you tell me you were a cop? On you go. Have a great day".
An old Lady in a nursing home...
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Then the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
'Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?'
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again, up and down the halls, weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out.
He's stark n**... and has an e**....
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
'oh no, not the breathalyzer again!
The Cask of Amor-illado.
A man and woman are involved in a severe car accident. Although the cars are totaled, they both crawl out of the wreckage, each without a scratch. The man immediately starts swearing. Women are the worst drivers on earth! They shouldn't be given driver's licenses!
The woman sighs and points to the wreckage. Look at our cars. Completely destroyed, yet we are unhurt...it must be a sign from God. He's telling us the sexes should be compatible, and live in peace together.
Swayed by this profound sentiment, the man pauses and replies, "Maybe you're right...it could be a sign from God. Then he shakes his head. You're still at fault in this accident! Women shouldn't be allowed to drive!
The woman smiles evenly and says, But look here--another miracle. Although my car was completely destroyed, this bottle of red wine escaped, uninjured. Surely God wants us to drink this wine together, to celebrate our good fortune.
With a generous nod, she hands the bottle to the man. The man shrugs, accepts the wine and drains half of it immediately--in one long, glorious draught. With a dramatic flourish, he passes the bottle back to his new spiritual companion. The woman puts the cap back on and drops it in her handbag, zipping it tightly.
The man glances at her. Aren't you having any?
No…think I'll just wait for the police...
What do you do if your video card driver keeps crashing?
Take away it's drivers license.
A guy gets pulled over for speeding...
...and when the officer asks him if he knew why he was pulled over, the guy replies "No, sir."
"Well, for starters," says the officer, "You were going 50mph over the speed limit, and on top of that you were driving right down the center of the road!"
"Oh, you've misunderstood, officer," says the guy, "My license says I can do that."
The officer doesn't believe this, of course, and asks for proof, so the guy pulls out his license, which is little more than a temporary learner's permit printed on a piece of paper from the DMV.
"Right there at the bottom," says the driver, "It clearly reads 'tear down the dotted line.'"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Drivers License?
Because she got an F in s**....
Double dose (Blonde joke)
So, a blonde woman is driving down the road, speeding, when a cop pulls her over. Hoping she can get out of a ticket, she waits until a blonde police officer shows up at her door.
"Can I see your driver's license and registration?" the blonde policewoman asks.
"Which one's the driver's license?" the blonde civilian asks.
"It's a small rectangular thing with a photo of you on it..." the officer replies. The driver pulls out her pocket mirror and hands it over. "Oh, my mistake!" the officer said, looking at it. "If I knew you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
A blonde woman was speeding...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Why was the blonde nymphomaniac sad after she got her driver's license?
She got an F in s**....
A blond cop pulls over a blond woman...
The cop asks for license and registration. The driver says she may not have her license, she doesn't know what it looks like. The cop says,"It's small, rectangular, and has a picture of your face on it."
The driver digs around for a minute and finally comes up with a handheld mirror. She hands it to the cop.
The cop says,"Oh, why didn't you tell me you were a police officer?! You're free to go!"
They didn't appreciate my joke at the DMV.
When I got my drivers license they asked if I wanted to be an o**... donor. I said "I don't own an o**...".
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...
"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."
Just another blonde joke
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" the driver asked.
"It's square and has your picture on it." The policewoman replied.
The driver finally found a square mirror and handed to the policewoman.
"Here it is." she said
The blonde officer and looked at the mirror and said,
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop. You can go."
A policeman pulled over a speeding car
turned to the driver and said "Do you understand that you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit down the centre of the road?"
The guy smiles and says "Of course I did, that's what it said to do on my driver's license"
The policeman confused asks "and where does it say that?"
The man hands over the paperwork and points out "There, where it says tear along the dotted line"
Teen gets drivers license
Gets it taken away 5 minutes later
My Life s**......
...I'm 22 years old and the only job I've had so far was working in fast food. My co-worker hates me and has tried to kill me. Also I have no friends except a southern girl I like and my other friend who only hangs out with me because he is mental. I have to ride my bike everywhere because I can never get my drivers license. And the worst part is, I live in a pineapple.
The Indian Driver
An Indian guy was driving with his family, when he noticed that a cop car was following him. After a couple seconds, he pulled over, and one of the cops came out to his window. He rolled it down and asked, "Is there a problem, officer?"
The cop said, "No, no problem at all, sir. We have been observing you for your entire right. You've stuck to the speed limit, followed traffic rules and were respectful to other drivers. It's Road Safety week so you've been selected as the Best Driver today. So allow me to present to you this $1000 cheque as a token of our appreciation."
The Indian was so pleased. "Great! Now I finally have money for a driver's license."
The officer did a double take. Immediately, the Indian's wife said, "Oh, don't mind him, officer, he blabbers when he's drunk."
This prompted the driver's old mom to mutter, "See, this is why you shouldn't pull over when you're driving a stolen car."
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A blonde is speeding down the highway...
When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...
Blonde driver says, "What's that?"
Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."
The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!"
THE STAGES OF SUCCESS
At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is...having friends.
At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is...having s**....
At age 35 success is...having money.
At age 50 success is...having money.
At age 60 success is...having s**....
At age 70 success is...having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...having friends.
At age 80 success is...not peeing in your pants
Just say "thank you" and drive away
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Life hack for driving
Always get your driver's license picture taken when your s**.... That way, the police will think you always look that way.
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A police officer stops a driver...
A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
What's your name?
A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.
The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."
"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.
"Mr. Kret," the driver says.
"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.
The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."
A man gets pulled over by a cop...
And he takes the man's driver's license. He reads it and looks back at the driver.
"It says here that you need corrective lenses", the cop said. "Where are your glasses?"
The man replies, "But officer, I have contacts."
The cop glares at him. "I don't care who you know."
My drivers license says I'm an o**... donor,
but jokes on them because I own a piano.
A teenager got his driver's license...
...and asked his father, who was a minister, if he could use his car.
The father said, "If you bring your grades up, study the Bible, and get a haircut, then you can use the car."
One month later, the teenager asked his father about using the car again. The father said, "Son, I'm proud of you. You have brought your grades up and studied the Bible every day. But you still haven't gotten a haircut!"
His son said, "Dad, in my studying of the Bible, I found that many great people had long hair. Samson had long hair. Moses, Noah, and John the Baptist had long hair. Even Jesus had long hair."
His father said, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
A child is going through his mother's purse and takes out her driver's license...
his mother catches him reading it and mildly scolds him
the kid says "but i learned so much about you from it"
she says "well, ok, what did you learn about me"
"well, says the kid... "i know your age now"
"and what is that?" says his mother
"you're old" says the kid
"and i learned your height"
"which is?' says the mother
"you're really tall" he says
"well, yes, i am tall for a woman"
"and, i learned your weight" he says
"and what is that?" asks the mother
"a lot for a woman your height" the kids says
the mother sighs and says "well, that's not nice, but i can't argue that"
"and" the kid says "i know why dad divorced you"
"Huh? what?" says the mother, "how on earth did you get that from a drivers license"
"because, you got an F in s**..."
A driver gets pulled over . . .
A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.
The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.
He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"
"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"
A girl ask her mom how much she weighs
The mom replies, "That is not a question you ask other people." As the girl is walking to school her friend recommends looking at her mom's drivers licence because it has all her mom's information. The girl then proceeds to look at her mom's drivers license and then reproaches her mom and says "you weigh 135lbs! And you are also 5' 6" tall." The mom replies "you're correct" the girl continues to say "I also know why daddy broke up with you!" The shocked mother then inquires how the little girl knows. The little girl says "Because you got an F in s**...!"
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A blonde is driving down the street...
Suddenly she is stopped by a police car. A police officer gets out of the car and walks up to her car and says: "Ma'am I'm gonna need to see your papers and your drivers license."
The blonde hands him her papers but looks at the police officer confused and asks: "Aren't my papers and my drivers license the same thing?"
"No Ma'am, your drivers license is like a small flat thing with a picture of you on it.
The blonde is searching her back when she suddenly yells:" Found it!" and hands the police officer a mirror.
The police officer replies:" Oh, I'm sorry. If i would have known you worked for the police too i would't have stopped you!"
Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too.'
A female blond police officer pulls over another blond female driver..
Blond police officer: "Can I see your license and registration?"
Driver: "What's a license?"
Police officer: "It's a thing in your purse with your picture on it."
Driver: *Fumbles through purse and finds her reflection on a mirror and hands it to the officer*
Police officer: *looks in mirror and sees own reflection and hands the mirror back the driver*
Police officer: "I'm so sorry for pulling you over, I didn't know you were a fellow officer, have a great day" *Walks away*
Polish immigrant
A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.
He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:
C Z W I X N O S T A C Z
"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
The person at the drivers license office asked me if I wanted to be an o**... donor.
I said sure, and I hope my Wurlitzer goes to a good cause.
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
Police and driver.
Police officer: Your car is too heavily overloaded. I simply cannot let you continue like that. I'm going to have to take away your driver's license.
Driver: You're kidding me, right? The license can only weigh one ounce tops!
A police officer stops a car and says:
- "Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge - you win $10,000!"
- "What will you do with that money?"
The driver gets very emotional and says,
- "First of all, I'll finally make my drivers license!"
The wife cuts in,
- "Don't listen to him, officer, he's still drunk!"
A-hard-of-hearing granny from the backseat grumbles,
- "I knew we shouldn't have taken the stolen car!"
A voice from the trunk adds,
- "Hey, are we past the border yet?"
A man is pulled over by a cop...
The cop approaches the car and says, "Sir, step out of the vehicle. You are under arrest. Not only were you speeding well above the limit, but you were driving straight down the middle of the road!"
The man protests, "But officer, I'm allowed to do that! It says so on my driver's license!"
The cop doesn't believe the man, and demands to see where it says that he's allowed to drive so recklessly. The man pulls out his license, which is a temporary license printed on paper, and points to the bottom.
"See? It says right here: tear down the dotted line."
German guy is driving through France
He got stopped by a police officer.
Officer: License and registration please
Driver: Here you go officer
Officer: Occupation?
Driver: Nah, just holidays...
Success means different things at different times of life
At age 4, success means not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success means having friends.
At age 17, success means having a driver's license.
At age 25, success means having s**....
At age 35, success means having money.
At age 45, success means having money.
At age 55, success means having s**....
At age 65, success means having a driver's license.
At age 75, success means having friends.
At age 85, success means not peeing in your pants.
A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.
He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L
They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"
A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop
Blonde cop: May I see your driving license?
Blonde driver: Driving license? What's that?
Blonde cop: The thing with your face on it
Blonde driver: Alright
Blonde driver: Reaches in her handbag and hands over her makeup mirror to the cop
Blonde Cop: Sorry, we didn't know you were a police woman as well. Carry on!
So this blonde girl finally got her driver's license, but is still disapointed. Why is that?
On her license, there's a line that says
'**...: F''
The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.
"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P
Entry level position available!
3 years forklift experience required
5 years general labour required
Class 5 drivers license required
2 years kitchen experience required
4 years retail services required
2 years hospitality services required
4 years janitorial services required
3 years business degree preferred
5 years relevant experience required
$11 an hour to start(with 20¢ raise for every year of employment)
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That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.
Driver's License Test Question:
You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on), and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Get off the Merry-Go-Round, you're drunk!
My friend told me that Star Wars s**.... Ten minutes later a truck hit him.
I lost my driver license.
A police officer stops a car
A police officer stops a car.
Officer: Your driver's license please.
Driver: I'm really sorry, I forgot.
Officer: At home?
Driver: No, to do it.