JokoJokes

Driver Jokes

178 driver jokes and hilarious driver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about driver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh along with this collection of jokes about drivers, driver's licenses, driver training, driver tests, driver's ed, driver shortage, truckers, chauffeurs, and more. Enjoy a good chuckle with these driver-related puns and humorous stories about the roads.

Funniest Driver Short Jokes

Short driver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The driver humour may include short dashboard jokes also.

  1. Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...
  2. My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
  3. Boy: What's a palindrome?
    Teacher: racecar
    {10 years later}
    Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
    Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]
  4. My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver
  5. My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
  6. A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
    A REALIST sees a freight train
    The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
  7. My friend just hired a limo for £1000 but it didn't come with a driver Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it
  8. I tried to be an Uber driver... Trouble is, my passengers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.
  9. When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve. Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?
    A: Seedless fruit.
  10. Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

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Driver One Liners

Which driver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with driver? I can suggest the ones about controller and drawer.

  1. A lot of women actually turn into good drivers So if you're a good driver watch out.
  2. Why do french tanks have rearway mirrors? So the drivers could see the battlefield.
  3. What do you call a group of people with something in common, but hate each other? drivers
  4. I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent... It goes without saying
  5. I'm afraid to die alone. So I became a bus driver.
  6. I didn't want to die alone... So I became a bus driver.
  7. Don't want to die alone? Become a bus driver!
  8. What do you call a German taxi driver who thinks Germany is above all? An Über driver.
  9. If you want girls to be running after you Become a Bus Driver.
  10. Why can't PC gamers use Uber? Too many incompatible drivers.
  11. What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers? The designated driver.
  12. You know what never gets old? Russian tank drivers
  13. Why did Spider-Man's evil twin fail his driver's test? He was a bad parallel Parker.
  14. It was a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus. I also lost my job as a bus driver.
  15. I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov

Bus Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny bus driver jokes and even better bus driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society... Then I wait for the next bus
  • Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person. I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.
  • 3 Big things happened to me today 1) My neighbor said he didn't like me

    2) My neighbor got hit by a bus
    3) I lost my bus drivers license
  • I had a really sad day today First - My ex got run over by a bus
    Second - I got fired as a bus driver
  • Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man But I was fired from my job as a bus driver
  • I gave up my seat on a bus to a blind, old lady today. Later, I got fired from being a bus driver.
  • I jumped on the bus, and said, "Two, please." The driver said, "This is a school bus."
    I replied, "I know, and make them good looking."
  • I was going to make a joke about that bus... I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers...
    But there's no pun in ten dead.
  • This was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
    Then, I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • I always give up my seat to blind people on the bus Anyways today I lost my job as a bus driver

Driver License Jokes

Here is a list of funny driver license jokes and even better driver license puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A cop looked at my driver's license and said I should be wearing glasses, so I told him I had contacts. But he didn't care who I knew and he gave me a ticket anyway.
  • LPT: NEVER hang your drivers license from your rearview mirror! You risk being pulled over for driving with a suspended license.
  • Yo mamma's so fat... She had to get her drivers license photo from Google earth!
  • Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license
  • Just got my drivers license and I'm already getting compliments! Someone left a note on my car which said "Parking fine!" I was so happy :)
  • My mom always used to say "50 is the new 20!" Lovely woman, lost her driver's license...
  • My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6 Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver's license and a mustache
  • A guy called British Airways before his flight from London to Paris: Hi, I have a question. Can I fly to France using my drivers license? No , said the woman. You need a plane
  • A cop stops a guy for speeding Cop: Sir, I need to see your drivers license.
    Guy: what, you guys took it from me two years ago, don't tell me you lost it.
  • Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license? He could dish it out but he couldn't take it.
Driver joke, Did you hear about the Pizza Chef with no drivers license?

Taxi Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny taxi driver jokes and even better taxi driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chocolate is bad Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
    Guy: My grandfather lived 108 years.
    Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
    Guy: No, minding his own business.
  • I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
  • I was in a taxi and the driver said I love my job. I'm my own boss and nobody tells me what to do! I said That's really great, now take a left here.
  • Taxi driver: "What I like most about my job is the independence. I'm my own boss. Noone tells me what to do, I make my own decisions." Me: "Take the next left."
  • What's the smallest unit of time in the known universe? The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.
  • I was a taxi driver for a while, but recently I got fired. Apparently they didn't like it when I went the extra mile during my job.
  • "Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" asked the taxi driver. "Is it his shield?" I asked.
  • I had to give up being a Taxi Driver. There was just too much talking behind my back.
  • Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is "Hang on a minute, I don't live in the woods".
  • Sadly, I had to quit my job as a taxi driver... I just couldn't stand everyone talking behind my back.

Woman Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny woman driver jokes and even better woman driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes
  • Did you know woman turn into good drivers. So be careful while they turn, because they might hit you.
  • I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.
  • Woman driver is like a star on the sky You see her, she doesn't see you.
  • A truck driver runs over a woman. Whose fault is it? The truck driver's, he was driving through her kitchen.
  • Why do woman make terrible truck drivers? Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.
  • woman driver I was on my way to work today, when I saw a woman driving with her hazard lights on.
    I thought to myself, "At least she's honest."
  • I gave up my seat to a pregnant woman. And that's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • What did the inpatient woman tell the Uber driver? Hurry up. I'm in desperate need of a Lyft.
  • I'm a truck driver, and today I saw a homeless woman holding up a sign that said please help, I am deaf . My air horn disagreed

Driver Training Jokes

Here is a list of funny driver training jokes and even better driver training puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
    Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
    Realist sees light from incoming train.
    Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
  • The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
    The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
    The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
  • Why did the Mexican train driver kill all of his passengers? I'm not sure, but he must have had a loco motive.
  • I just got hired as a garbage truck driver. There was no training, but I think I'll pick it up as i go along.
  • A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train. The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.
  • Why did the crazy Mexican train driver run over the station master? Because he had a locomotive
  • Best way to vaccinate the masses Train all of the Amazon drivers to give it.
    Everyone will have it by Saturday.
    Thursday if you have Prime.
  • I've always wanted to be a train driver. It seems pretty straightforward.
  • How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum? He goes chew chew chew...
    creds to my 5yo brother
  • Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice? They're trained to look for red flags.
Driver joke, Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?

Giggle-Inducing Driver Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about driver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean device jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make driver pranks.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a s**... driver?

A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A s**... driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.

Two priests in a car...

... as a cop pulls them over.
"Sir, we are looking for two child molesters..."
The priests look at each other and after a short moment the driver says:
"Okay, we'll do it"

A priest and a pastor...

... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Blondes At The Bus Stop.

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says.
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.
"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."
Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

Two priests are out driving one day..

when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"

What does a s**... driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?

It had a bad driver!
**bows **
I'll show myself out.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

Met a Dwarf Today....

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."
The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"
"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...

and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

The kindness of strangers

An old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. The driver, being polite, accepts and munches them.
Every 5 minutes she gives him a handful more peanuts.
Driver : Why don't you eat them yourself ?
Old lady : I can't chew them. Look, I have no teeth.
Driver : Then why do you buy them ?
Old lady : Oh, I just love the chocolates around them.

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?

Because it had a bad driver!
*drops mic*

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.
At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a n**... girl before?
Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes.

I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.

"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"

-New York's most hated cab driver
Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

A man accidentally rear-ended a car

The driver whom was rear-ended steps out of the car and, to the mans surprise, was a dwarf. He walks to the man and says "I am NOT happy."
The man responds: "Then which one are you?"

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear?

It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear

Two priests are out driving and get pulled over

The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it

A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.

Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."

What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

Riding with Uber earlier..

The driver said,
"I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."
Then I said, "Turn Left.

Cop pulls over bad driver

Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.
'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.
'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

A kid takes a taxi home while he eats a chocolate bar....

Taxi driver: Son, don't eat chocolate cause it's not healthy!
Kid: My grandfather lived 108 years.
Taxi driver: Eating chocolate?
Kid: No, minding his own business.

A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road

They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

A Driver gets Pulled Over

A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."
Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."
Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."
Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."
Driver: "Me neither."

A total n**... woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a n**... woman?"

The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."

Israeli tourist

An Israeli tourist is visiting New York and hires a cab to drive him around the city. He engages the driver in small talk to get better acquainted.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"I'm from Palestine" replies the cab driver, "and you?"
"I'm from Narnia."
"b**..., that place doesn't exist" says the cab driver.
"Well, you started it" says the Israeli.

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(

Ugliest baby that I've ever seen

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer.

All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.

Three boys were talking after school...

Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"

I was in a Uber today and the driver said,

"I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"
Then I said "turn left"

What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?

They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Called my wife on her cell to warn her about this crazy driver on the news who's speeding down the highway in the wrong direction.

She replied: I know! There's like hundreds of them!

They finally figured out why the computerized self driving car has crashed...

They didn't install the driver.

*cop pulls over a driver*

Cop: Who's car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?
Miner: Mine.

One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...

a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be f**... driver for 25 years.

Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...

The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, Just let the ugly one have it!
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.

A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven

The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Stunned, the woman sits down and complains to the man next to her. "I can't believe that rude driver! He was so insulting to me! I have half I mind to tell him off!" The man replies, "You should. Let him have it. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."

A drunk driver is being interrogated

Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that o**... to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the o**...
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the h**... is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.
Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.

An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.

The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.
The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.
The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.
The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man's table. "Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes."

Policeman: How could you kill...

...69 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.
The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?
He replied 'India '.
The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'
He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian descent .
It was only few weeks later, he realised that the driver actually asked " Did you come today?'

There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"
The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

David Beckham gets in a taxi at Dublin Airport and notices the driver keep looking in his rear view mirror at him.

After about 5 minutes the driver says "Go on then give me a clue!?"
Beckham replies, "I had a glittering career with Man Utd, played over 100 times for England and married a spice girl, is that enough?".
Driver says "No mate, I meant where are you going?"

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the sidewalk, and stopped inches away from a lady with a baby stroller. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Hey, don't ever do that again. You scared the c**... out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, "I'm sorry. It's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.

The driver lowers her window.
Policeman: Name, please?
Woman: Freda.
Policeman: Surname?
Woman: Gonow.
Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.
Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!

Driver joke, A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.

jokes about driver