A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
But a tiger wood.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.
Lots of people are drinking excessively and having their wives drive
Grandma's fingering herself again
He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.
John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.
But I couldn't find a manual.
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly
Between 33 and 52: Try weekly
52 and up: Try weakly
A Christler
I'm so sorry...
I would drive my first car every day, but only drive the DeLorean from time to time.
Wedding cake.
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
and she wanted me to drive
-The late Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)
Him: "No, I hit trees."
A man driving home from the bar gets pulled over by a police officer.
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "I'm guessing you think I was drunk driving."
Officer: "Tell you what, my shift is ending so if you can spell the alphabet backwards, I'll let you go."
Driver: (very quickly) "ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA."
Officer: "Wow, I couldn't do that sober."
Driver: "Me neither."
So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
A: Her wedding cake.
So a guy is in a bar when the woman across from him sneezes and her glass eye flies out. The man catches it and hands it back to the woman. The woman says "thanks" and then offers to buy him a drink.
The woman then offers to drive him home. On the way to his house, the man asks "Are you always this nice to men that you meet?" and she says "No, you just happened to catch my eye"
but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.
One turns to the other and says: "You man the guns, I'll drive"
...but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds.
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
They can't drive.
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.
Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"
Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."
Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"
Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?
"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."
But at least they drive slowly past schools
A cop pulls over a car in the middle of the night:
-Sir, do you realize how badly your car was swerving between lanes?
-I've had 8 drinks, officer.
-That's no excuse to let your wife drive...
Do you know how to drive this thing?
One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"
McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.
With a gun.
We don't care how many heart attack victims you have to take to the hospital.
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
Wedding cake.
She asked me if I could drive :-(
Credit to Legend Rodney Dangerfield
A fruit-rollup
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''
Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."
I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
they drive slowly in school zones.
A Nii-san
It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.
Yeah, I guess the other 50% drive "rincoln towncah".
She's dead
So now I only let her do it when it's my turn to drive
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Drive? Well, here are the best Drive puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Drive pick up lines to share with friends.