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Drinking Problem Jokes

119 drinking problem jokes and hilarious drinking problem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drinking problem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Drinking Problem Short Jokes

Short drinking problem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drinking problem humour may include short drinking jokes also.

  1. Man says to his boss Can we talk? I have a problem. Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!
    Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.
  2. My wife left me because she said I had a drinking problem After she left I lost the urge to drink.
  3. I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
  4. My wife is concerned at the amount of brake fluid I drink and thinks I may have a problem... I told her "It's ok, I can stop whenever I want! "
  5. Guy gets pulled over by the cops. Cop: It seems you have been drinking.
    Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M".
    Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
  6. Guy gets pulled over by the cops. Cop: It seems you have been drinking.
    Could you say the alphabet starting with "M".
    Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
  7. Don't call it a problem. Instead call it an opportunity. "I have an drinking opportunity" sounds much more positive, doesn't it?
  8. My wife told me, There's no such things as problems, just opportunities. " That's great, I thought. Well, I have a serious drinking opportunity !!
  9. My wife suffers from a drinking problem. Oh is she an alcoholic?
    No, I am, but she's the one who suffers.
  10. Water can solve all your problems.. Want to lose weight?
    Drink water.
    Clear Face?
    Drink water.
    Tired of a person?
    Drown them in water..

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Drinking Problem One Liners

Which drinking problem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drinking problem? I can suggest the ones about drinking a lot and drinking alcohol.

  1. Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does drinking milk.
  2. My friend told me I had a drinking problem I said no, it goes down pretty easy
  3. What do you call a bird with a drinking problem? An owlcoholic
  4. They said I couldn't drink my problems away... But science says Alcohol is a solution.
  5. I Have a serious drinking problem. I dont have a drink in my hand!
  6. As an optimist, I don't think I have a drinking problem. I have a drinking opportunity.
  7. Old man drinks milk and gets gas. He has a problem with his dairy air.
  8. Why do people with problems drink alcohol? It's a solution
  9. I don't think I have a drinking problem I find it incredibly easy to drink!
  10. I've got a drinking problem. I just ran out of beer.
  11. Where did the blonde with a drinking problem go? To the Automobiles Association.
  12. What do you call a classical writer with Parkinson's and a drinking problem? Shakesbeer.
  13. They say I got a drinking problem But I ain't got no problem drinking at all
  14. I always have a problem with drinking water I just don't get the solution
  15. Too many people are drinking from my watering place. It's a well known problem.

Drinking Problem Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about drinking problem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean giving up drinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drinking problem pranks.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."

"My wife suffers from a drinking problem."
"Oh is she an alcoholic?"
"No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."

you have six beers in one hand and five in the other. what do you have?

A drinking problem

forever alone

Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable.
So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook.

What do you get when you mix a Native American and an Irishman?

An alcoholic with a drinking problem

Jar Full of $10 Bills

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. He goes to the barkeep and says "Hey, what's up with that jar?"
The bartender responds "Well, you put in 10 bucks, do 3 challenges, and if you do them you get the whole jar."
The man says "Wow that's pretty cool, what are the challenges?"
The barkeep lists "Well, first ya gotta drink a whole bottle of hot sauce, and no nursing. Second, there's a dog out back who has a sore tooth and he's real grouchy, and you gotta take out the bad tooth bare handed. Last, there's this old lady upstairs who's never done the hokey pokey, if ya know what I mean, and you gotta fix that."
The man replies in disgust "I can't do any of those!" So the man gets drunk. Being drunk, he decides he can do anything and says "Hand me the bottle of hot sauce." So the bartender hands the man the bottle and the man drinks the whole, straight down. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. As the door shuts you hear yelping and screaming and hollering and growling and then.... dead silence... The door creaks open and the man walks in. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair... and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?"

Gimme a triple shot of Jack

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another". The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having s**... with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say?"
The man says, "I told him, BAD DOG!! BAD DOG!!"

My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

A Panda goes into a bar and is asked what he would like to drink, the panda says 'I would like a....

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... Pint of Guinness please. The bartender says, sure no problem but why the big pause?

man walks into a bar with no mouth

bartenders says "looks like you have a drinking problem"

I bought my cat a box of wine...

The selfish rascal only wanted to play with the box! Also, it turns out I have a serious drinking problem and no cat.

Took my son for his first drink.

Today I took my son first for his first drink.
I gave him beer. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him cider. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him whiskey. He didn't like it so I drank it.
I gave him v**.... He didn't like it so I drank it.
I then told him that we were going home since he never liked anything. The only problem with going home was that I could barely push his pram out the bar door.

Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous

Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all

4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

I can't believe how much money I've spent fueling my drinking problem.

Time to start brewing coffee at home.

Why did the law student develop a drinking problem?

S/He never passed the bar.

What do you call a drink with problems?

Dilemmanade

Man walks into a bar

"2 whisky, 1 pint and 3 brandy"
Drinks all and takes the bottle of whisky and continues to fill and drink.
Barman " WOAHHH Slow down pal take it easy, what's the problem?"
Man " I only have £1.60"

A cop pulls over a reverend

The Reverend rolls down the window and asks: What's the problem Officer?
The cop replies with: Reverend have you been drinking?
The Reverend is fumbled and says : No Officer, just water.
Cop smirks and says : Why do I smell wine?
The Reverend exclaims and says: Good Lord he's done it again!

I can relate to alice in wonderland.

She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems

Why did the broken straw go to rehab?

It had a serious drinking problem.

I used to have a drinking problem.

I still do, but I used to, too.

'Doctor, I have a drinking problem!'

'I'm always drunk whenever I'm traveling between countries!'
Doctor - 'Sounds like you're a borderline alcoholic.'

I don't think drinking v**... is the solution to all of my problems...

But it's worth a shot.

I told my doctor I´d got hearing problems

He said "describe the symptoms"
I said "Homer´s a fat bloke, drinks beer, and Marge has got blue hair"

The doctor tells his patient, "Well, I can't find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking."

The patient asks, "Should I come back when you've sobered up?

My friends seem to think I might have a drinking problem

That's ridiculous. I don't even remember last time when I was black out drunk.

A Guy walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

A man walks into a bar

He tells the bartender, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
This goes on for a while until after the fifth beer the bartender says, "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
He answers, "Now the problems start."

I've got a drinking problem.

Sometimes beer spills out the sides of my mouth when I drink.

When people say that they have been sober for X amount of time, it is assumed that they had a drinking problem.

I have been sober for 15 minutes, and I don't.

Two men are sitting in a bar...

...one of them is drinking quite heavily.
The other asks, What's the problem friend?
The drunk replies, I just found out my mother is a p**....
The other stands up, retorting, What?! I need to find that woman and talk to her!
The drunk responds, Sit down, it's not worth it. She doesn't even offer a 'family and friends' discount.

We love Alcohol so much...

If something good happens, we drink to celebrate it.
If something bad happens, we drink to forget it and drown our sorrows.
If nothing happens, we drink to make things happen.
We need to do something about this problem my fellow friends, Please can we meet for a drink and discuss this?

water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,

drown them

I drink to forget my problems

Which used to work fine, but recently I've developed a drinking problem...

I can tell my doctor has a problem with me drinking.

Especially since I'm driving him home.

What do you call a triangle with four sides and a serious drinking problem?

A wrecked angle.

Horse...

A man walks into a bar to find a horse serving the drinks. The horse says:
"What's your problem, you never seen a horse tending a bar before?
the man says:
"Its not that, I just never thought the parrot would sell the place!"

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

I'm 35 so I hate it when people ask me if I have any hobbies.

It's hard enough to find time to hide my drinking problem.

You know you might have a drinking problem...

When you go to the doctor and he informs you that they found traces of blood in your alcohol stream

So I was talking to my manager...

He said you've gotta stop calling them problems and start calling them 'opportunities'.
But suddenly things are different when I have a drinking opportunity.

The math teacher asked her class, "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

A student raised his hand and replied, "A drinking problem."

I don't have a drinking problem

I have a drinking solution. It allows me talk to the opposite s**....

You say I have a drinking problem...

But I won't let you ruin my Tuesday morning buzz.

My wife says I have a drinking problem...

...I said "Problem? It's the only thing I do well!"

Yesterday i went to the doctor and he said i have some hydratation problem and that i should drink almost 2 liters daily

so i started buying a second bottle of wine every day

My stepdad told me it was pointless to apply to med-school because I was too s**... to be a doctor

8 years later and one of us is an unemployed loser with a drinking problem and the other is making six figures and going to Hawaii this weekend to renew his wedding vows with my mom.

Need advice: I'm 35 years old but due to drinking problems I have the liver of a 65 year old

I got drunk and before I knew it I was performing surgery on an older man. How can I either dispose of his liver or sell it on the black market?

I recently had a wakeup call when I had a priest, then a rabbi, then a minister all tell me I had a drinking problem.

Boy, I'm glad they all walked into that bar when they did.

A visibly upset pirate walks into a bar...

He goes to the counter and angrily orders a bottle of r**.... As the bartender hands it to him, he says, "I couldn't help but notice your problem there, Blackbeard. Is it that captain's wheel stuck on your c**...?"
Glaring, the pirate grabs the bottle and takes a long drink from it. "Yarr," he replies as he finishes. "It's drivin' me nuts."

I think I might have a slight drinking problem...

My friend asked me to toast some bread... I got up, raised my glass and said: "Here's to the Bread"

Doc I got a problem.

Patient goes on a checkup.
Doctor: What's the problem?
Patient: Whenever I drink tea my eye hurts.
Doctor: have you tried taking the spoon out.

The key to fixing all of the world's problems is drinking more water

It's the universal solvent

[At work] Man: Boss, I've got a problem...

Boss: There is no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: Ok. I have a serious drinking opportunity.

I have a drinking problem.

I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But don't worry, I can stop at any time.

My girlfriend told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities.

That's great because I have a serious drinking opportunity.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name...

...and you've never been to that bar before.
*Courtesy of Zack Galifianakis*

I think my dog has a drinking problem

He can't control his l**...

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.

I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.
At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.
"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

A horse walks in to a bar...

The bartender greets him, and says "You've been coming in here a lot. Do you think you might have a drinking problem?"
The horse pauses for a minute and says, "I think not."
And immediately disappears.

See, this joke plays on the famous Rene Descartes philosophical quote "I think, therefore I am." I would have explained that first, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A man walks into the Irish bar

The barman says:
-I am deeply sorry sir, but the bar is closed, it will open within the hour only.
-Ok, nevermind, I'll wait - responds the man
-Sure, no problem sir. By the way, would you like a drink to make waiting not so boring?