The Best 35 Drinking Coffee Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drinking Coffee jokes. There are some drinking coffee jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drinking coffee puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Drinking Coffee Jokes and Puns

My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, do you smoke or drink coffee?

I told him I drink it.

Why do Jihadist Muslims only drink instant coffee?

'Cause they hate the French press

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"

"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.

90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn't there beside her.

She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.

"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.

He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"

"Yes"

"And do you remember the first time we had sex?"

She smiled and answered, "Of course."

"And you remember how your Dad caught us."

She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"

"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"

"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.

He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."

Why did the hipster burn his mouth while drinking coffee?

Because he drank it before it was cool


Why does the homeless man only drink coffee?

He had no proper tea..

I was drinking coffee in my pyjamas this morning and I thought:

"I really should have bought some cups".

A politician, a liar and a crooked man enter in a bar.

He sits down and drinks coffee.

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

3 farmers.

3 farmers were sitting at the local cafe drinking coffee. The subject of the lottery and what they would do if they won came up.

"I think I would take some time off and go on a cruise. I've always wanted to go on a cruise." Said the first farmer.

"First thing I would do is buy a fancy sports car. I've always wanted a fast car." said the second farmer.

The third farmer was sitting quietly, fidgeting a little. "Come on, what would you do with your millions?" Asked the other two farmers.

Reluctantly the third farmer answered "I reckon I would just go on farming like I have been until the money runs out"

My daughter at breakfast this AM: Are you drinking coffee because you're coughy?

Me: Are you eating cereal because you can't cereal good?

Wife: 🙄

You can explore drinking coffee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drinking coffee dad jokes. There are also drinking coffee puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why do all Russian Cosmonauts only drink black coffee?

Because in space, no one here use cream.

After I drink coffee I show my empty mug

to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java.

He hates me.

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

Ginny is drinking her coffee
Ginny is drinking her period

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...

Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!

Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.

Why do you always burn your tongue on coffee from the new Hipster coffee shop?

Because you were drinking it before it was cool.

Coffee

I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself...

I really need to wash some mugs

Guy dies and goes to hell.

Satan meets him and tells him he's got to pick between 2 rooms. They go into the first room, and it's full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. He takes him to the second room, and it's full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of shit, drinking coffee. Guy figures that he likes coffee, and he'll get used to the smell, so he chooses the second room. He gets a cup of coffee, sits down and takes a sip. At that moment, Satan sticks his head back in the room and calls out Ok, everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!


What should you do if drinking coffee hurts your eyes?

Take the spoon out of the cup.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He was drinking coffee before it was cool.

Women drinking coffee.

My three favorite things.

Did you hear about the guy breaking into peoples houses and drinking all their coffee?

I don't know how he sleeps at night!!

What kind of coffee does The Godfather drink in the morning?

An alpuccino

Why is Starbuck's coffee so high on the pH scale?

It's the most basic drink there is.

Two Syrian refugees land in America...

They make a bet to see who can become the most American. A year later they meet up for coffee. The first man says " I am so American. I have a hot white wife, a daughter, a house and a well paying job. I drink Budweiser with my friends after work at happy hour. I have come to accept gay marriage as a human right. I joined a bowling league and my average is above 200. What have you done?" The other Syrian looks at him and says " Shut up Towel Head!"

Dad joke [OC]

*My dad with a coffee at the gas station cash register:*

Cashier: any gas with that?

Dad: no thanks, I drink mine black

The best thing about quitting coffee for good...

...is how great coffee tastes when you start drinking it again.

I dont drink coffee to wake up…

I wake up to drink coffee.

When I drink a cup of coffee, I cannot sleep after.

\-Its the opposite for me

\-How?

\-Well, when i sleep, i cannot drink coffee...

Some people can't sleep when they drink coffee. But I'm quite the opposite...

I can't drink coffee when I sleep.

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

What kind of coffee do Emo's drink?

Depresso's

A hipster coffee shop would be a terrible idea.

Everyone would burn their tongues because they would drink the coffee before it was cool.

Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

Because they hate French Press!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drinking coffee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drinking coffee piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes