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Drinking At Work Jokes

116 drinking at work jokes and hilarious drinking at work puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about drinking at work that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Drinking At Work Short Jokes

Short drinking at work jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drinking at work humour may include short drinking jokes also.

  1. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... So I did. We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works as a web developer.
  2. My boss told me not to bring my lunch to work in a brown paper bag. I told him that I'll drink my lunch how I want.
  3. My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it... We went and had some drinks. Really cool guy. Works as a web designer.
  4. If I worked in a restaurant.... on valentines day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.
  5. I'm broke, and I am drinking at the bar where my ex girlfriend works. I am hoping she would give me another shot.
  6. Since the wife left me I've bought a motorbike, got a dog, slept with two women, and blown a grand on drink and drugs. She'll go mad when she gets home from work.
  7. The store I worked at fired me for not putting enough variety on their soft drinks display. Apparently I had too many lines of coke.
  8. An employee was drinking on the job His boss saw him and said Hey you can't be drinking while you are working!
    The employee said but I'm not working
    They both laughed and then he got fired.
  9. I work at a restaurant and had someone throw a soda at me.... Thank goodness it was a soft drink
  10. I thought my new ADHD meds would help my drinking and it works. Instead of a half dozen glasses of bourbon with only a sip or two drunk from them, I actually finish them all.

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Drinking At Work One Liners

Which drinking at work one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drinking at work? I can suggest the ones about drinking alcohol and sleeping at work.

  1. What job can prisoners do? Serving drinks, because it's working behind bars.
  2. Its almost ten years since I stopped drinking in work. I haven't touched a job since
  3. My friend works at a recycling centre crushing soft drink cans all day It's soda pressing
  4. What does Bruce Lee drink after a hard work out? Wa-TAH!!
  5. What do you call a sad drink working out?
  6. A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.
  7. Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
    It keeps them awake.
  8. What is it called when you drink while working out? Bacardio.
  9. My ex-girlfriend just got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at a s**... bank.
  10. Your mom's so s**..., she got fired for drinking on the job. She worked at a s**... bank.
  11. I used to work at a s**... bank... but I got fired for drinking on the job.
  12. My gay friend got fired from the s**... bank because they caught him drinking on the job.
  13. Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the s**... bank?
    A: Drinking on the job.

Drinking At Work joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about drinking at work can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of drinking at work puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ridiculous Drinking At Work Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about drinking at work you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean beer drinking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make drinking at work prank.

2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes w**..., drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now."
He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, he was back in his government office.

A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.

In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.

My first job was working at a s**... bank

It was pretty good, until I got fired for drinking on the job

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....(Read this one aloud)

A man is working his job as a bartender one night. A man comes into the bar and sits down near him. He pulls a tiny piano and a 12 inch man out of his shirt, and begins to listen as the little man plays piano. The bartender says, "That's amazing! Where did you meet this guy?" The man responds, "Oh, a genie gave him to me. He's down the street right now, giving out free wishes".So the bartender took his break, and went down the street to meet the genie. The man found a person sitting on the street and asked if he was the genie. "Yeah" said the genie. The bartender immediately said "I wish for a million bucks!" Suddenly, a huge flock of ducks flew out of the sky and began attacking him. He ran back to the bar, where the other man was drinking his beer. "That genie s**...! I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks!" The man looked at the bartender and said "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

A man come home from work one day...

... and asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"
The wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one c**....
He asks his wife again "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"
Again, the wife gets the beer and he drinks it in one go.
Once more he asks his wife "Can you get me a beer, before it starts?"
At that point the wife says "Are you sure you want another beer? Isn't two enough for the evening?"
The man replies: "aaaand it started."

Two men are out on the street with only $3.00...

The first guy says "I want a beer but we don't have enough money." The second guy replies "I have an idea, I'm going to go buy a hotdog from the vender across the street remove it from the bun and put it in my pants. Then we will go to a bar, order a drink for each of us, drink them then I'll unzip and you'll start s**... on this hotdog so we will get kicked out and not have to pay." The first guy, although skeptical, goes along with it. After the first bar works perfectly they decide to try their luck at a few more bars, so after the 7th bar both guys are very drunk, the second guy says "Okay, I'm hungry I want that hotdog now." The first guy replies with "Hotdog? Oh yeah, I ate that 3 bars ago."

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane h**... and get completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's that?"
"Have you f**... yet?" "No....."
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.
We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.
I was sitting on the couch n**....

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first scientist says, "I'll have some H20."
The second scientist says, "I'll have a glass of water, too, Wh.. why did you say H20? Like, I know it's the chemical formula for water and all. but it's the end of the day and there's really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work."
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

A classic

Two scientists walk into a bar.
The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work."
The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

A women is working at a s**... bank

A man with a ski mask comes and points a gun at her face, he says "hey you open that fridge" she says but sir this isn't a regular bank its a s**... bank" he says "I know now open that fridge and take out one of those containers" terrified she does so, he then says "now drink it" as she slowly starts drinking it the man takes off his mask and says "see honey its not so bad"

What is a pirate's favorite drink?

The HI-C!
(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)
(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)

Told my pregnant boss this: Is it OK for you to drink while pregnant...

if you're gonna give the baby up for adoption?
She laughed at least. But I no longer work there

I didn't sleep very good last night...

So I put some Monster energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car.

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'

My friend got so drunk he blew chunks

Saw my friend come into work one morning looking hung over
Me: Had a rough time last night?
Friend: Yeah, I got so drunk I blew chunks!
Me: We've all thrown up after drinking, nothing to be ashamed of.
Friend: Chunks is my dog!

This feels like it could be a comedy bit, for how different leaders would solve the issue:

Obama: snaps the cookie in half
Putin: Forces the cookie in the glass
Kim Jong-Un: Cookie baker and glass maker are put to death
David Cameron: pours some milk onto the cookie. Doesn't work very well, spills milk. Written into policy anyway.
Someone else: Eats the cookie, then drinks the milk
etc. I don't know enough about politics to make this topical.

The best day ever....

The best day ever is *tomorrow*. Tomorrow we will all enjoy a workout, begin to learn, work hard, stop drinking and smoking, begin to read some book, stop to eat after six in the evening: But everytime one wakes up, is it always TODAY !!!

Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.

Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."

After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to my friends...

We work in IT and I tell them that I have successfully installed JAVA. They kind-of hate me.

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that every time her husband comes home from drinking he beats her......

The doctor says that next time he comes home, open a bud light, take a swig and keep it in her mouth as long as possible without swallowing. Wife says ok and heads home
Two days later she is back and tells the doctor that it work amazingly, her husband came home drunk, so she grabbed the bud light, took as swig and kept it in her mouth for nearly ten minutes, her husband didn't hit her once!
Doctor looks at her and says "amazing what happens when you keep your mouth shut"

Two Syrian refugees land in America...

They make a bet to see who can become the most American. A year later they meet up for coffee. The first man says " I am so American. I have a hot white wife, a daughter, a house and a well paying job. I drink Budweiser with my friends after work at happy hour. I have come to accept gay marriage as a human right. I joined a bowling league and my average is above 200. What have you done?" The other Syrian looks at him and says " Shut up t**...!"

Even Mates

2 mates havin a drink: one says "If I went to your house while you were at work, shagged your wife, & she got pregnant, would that make us related?" His mate replies "Dunno, but it would definitely make us even.""

Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on.

The barista looked over and said, "Well, essay chai tea happens."

My friends and I are working on this mixed drink idea

It's pretty simple just 2 parts water and 1 part ketamine. We call it the Cosbypolitan.

Boss p**...

I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

There's a C cup, a T cup, and a P cup

The C cup is for drinking coffee
The T cup is for drinking tea
And the P cup is used to get a Mexican to work

A h**... is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.

His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be d**...-well hung!"
"I am," replies the h**.... "That's why she mows the lawn for me."

An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel

When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"

Why was the homosexual doctor fired from the s**... bank?

Because he was caught drinking At work

3 Irish brothers always get a pint together after work

2 of them moved away, and the 1 brother who stayed would order 3 pints so it would feel like any other night at the pub with his brothers
One day he orders 2 pints, the pub falls silent and the barkeep says they are on the house and offers his condolences. The barkeep then asks which brother had died and the guy says his brothers are both healthy. "But you only ordered 2 pints" to which he replied "oh, I quit drinking"

Today I came home to my wife crying because she was fired for drinking on the job

She worked at a s**... bank

A guy asks his friend how he lost so much weight.

His friend says, "I took up drinking and driving. It works like a charm!"
The guy says "Oh man, you need to stop, you're going to get yourself killed!"
His friend replies back, "Yeah, it was a bit of a c**... diet."

I have recently become a new man

I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

The best thing about tea is you can drink it at work

The best thing about Jack Daniels is it looks like tea!

I drink to forget my problems

Which used to work fine, but recently I've developed a drinking problem...

Got fired from work for drinking on the job

They're strict about that sort of thing at the s**... bank.

Can you work a pole?

So the other night my friends and I are having a few drinks and our one female friend is an ex-stripper, so we got into the topic of dancing and she looked at me and said yeah, can you work a pole xschlots? And for some reason the first comment that comes out is I mean yeah my family's mostly German. Working poles was our thing I have never heard a more deafening silence followed by laughter

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

My friend was talking about "Super Bowl Monday"

Friend: "We should get Super Bowl Monday to be a holiday. People spend all night watching the game, drinking, and partying, but in the morning they have to go to work."
Teacher: "Is that what you plan on doing on Sunday?
Friend: "No, I don't have a job."

I used to work for a mining company . . .

It was a boring job; just a slow daily grind.
I would find myself in a depression everyday; unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
One day, the whole drill got to be too dull and as I was about to do something to remedy the situation, everything started to crumble down around me.
I decided I needed to get out of there in a hurry.
So I went for a drink, but as luck would have it, everyone refused to serve a miner.

A Mathematician works at a bar.

A loud man walks into the bar and says "I want some drinks!"
And the bartender replies with "How many drinks?"
The man answers "5!"
The bartender took the man's order and gave him 120 drinks.

What has a beer belly, but doesn't drink any beer?

A bear.
(This works best in a Jamaican accent)

Two chemists walk into a restaurant after work

Two chemists walk into a restaurant after work, they sit down at there table and order drinks. The first chemist says, "I will have some H20", the second chemist says, "I will have a glass of water, and dude why are you referring to it so strangely, we aren't at work anymore."
The first chemist then goes into the bathroom and cries as his assassination plot has failed.

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.

When the computers c**... at work.

A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.

Two guys are drinking in a bar and one says, "Man, I've really had it with my brother in law."

The 2nd guy asks what happened, and the 1st guy tells him, "He had to go to jail last night and he went nuts. He fought, kicked, screamed, and flung a handful of f**... on the wall." The 2nd guy says, "Man he really sounds like a piece of work." The 1st guy says, "Yeah, that's the last time we invite him over to play Monopoly."

Got a ticket for drinking and driving

I contested it and stated that I wasn't drinking and driving, I started driving first and then started drinking.
Didn't work.

I'm not a drunk, I only drink after work.

Thankfully I work 7 days a week, otherwise I wouldn't be able to cope.

Wifi password

I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer to the hotel lounge to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, "What's the WiFi password?"
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a beer.
Bartender: We have Molson's Canadian on tap.
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $8.00.
Me: Okay, here you go. What's the WiFi password?
Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst" -- no spaces and all lowercase.

Congrats! You're on the new game show, Serbia or Suburbia!

Contestant #1, who drinks v**... immediately when they get off work, because their country is falling apart?

A man walks into a bar and orders a r**... and Coke...

The bartender says to the man "sorry, but is Pepsi okay?"
The man, having had a long day at work and needing a drink decided not to be picky
"Sure, why not" he said, then paid for his drink
The bartender fixed up the drink and handed it over
"Here you go," he said, "Pepsi and Coke"

A man came to work on a monday morning upon which one of his coworkers asked "looks like you had a rough weekend Michael....

- don't even joke about it, me Chris and James was drinking at a bar and afterwards we went home to Chris' girlfriend and had a t**....
- ....you mean you had a f**...?
- what? Oh no she wasn't home.

I was fired from working at the s**... bank yesterday

Apparently the milk is not for drinking.

A guy at my work was so desperate of an alcoholic that he started drinking brake fluid.

He said he could stop at any time though.

My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.

So tonight I'm going to make it up to her.
I've got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.
When she gets in from work I'm going to order her favorite takeaway which we'll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.
Then afterwards I'm going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.

2 men walk into a bar after a long, hard day at work

The first man asks the bartender, "May I have some H2O?"
The bartender gives the first man the drink and the first man c**... it down.
The second man, seeing what the first man did, asks the bartender, "May I have some H2O too?"
The bartender gives the second man the drink and the second man c**... it down.
The second man died shortly after.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?
The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!
The electrical engineer responded that, without the brains and nerves, those muscles and joints would be useless. God must be an electrical engineer!
The civil engineer just looked at the two of them and shook his head. "Who else but a civil engineer would put the sewer outflow right in the middle of the entertainment district?"

Are you Drunk?

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife: Did u drink ??
Husband : No! I swear!
Wife: Idiot!!! Then why are you typing on your suitcase?

James Dean had a tiring day at work

James Dean had a long and tiring day at work, so he decided to stop at a pub on the way home. He ordered a pint of Coors Light and some whiskey. Before the drinks were poured he changed his mind - instead of the pint he asked for a can of Red Bull. He was getting a Red Bull without a Coors!

A few guys always used to meet up on Fridays after work for a drink.

One Friday, Pete showed up late, sat down forlornly at the bar and knocked back his first beer in one gulp.
'You OK?' asked Bill, another of the gang.
'Not really,' sighed Pete. 'This morning my wife told me that she's rationing our s**... life – she's cutting me back to just once a week. I can't believe it.'
Bill put a consoling arm around Pete's shoulder. 'You think you've got it bad – she's cut some guys off altogether!'

Working overseas.

I work in China with a guy named Kim
One day we were drinking and I asked him if he's fed up of westerns saying that all Chinese look the same.
He said "Kim's at the bar getting drinks I'm his wife"

[At work] Man: Boss, I've got a problem...

Boss: There is no such thing as a problem. There are only opportunities.
Man: Ok. I have a serious drinking opportunity.

Drinking At Work joke, [At work] Man: Boss, I've got a problem...

jokes about drinking at work

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these drinking at work jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.