Drinking Alcohol Jokes

44 drinking alcohol jokes and hilarious drinking alcohol puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drinking alcohol that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Drinking Alcohol Short Jokes

Short drinking alcohol jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drinking alcohol humour may include short drinking jokes also.

  1. A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
  2. When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
  3. Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister It tastes the same but it's just not right.
  4. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  5. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  6. An alcoholic wakes up in jail He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"
    the officer replies "for drinking"
    The man replies "great, when do we start?"
  7. I read an article saying that you might be an alcoholic if you drink everyday Thank god I only drink every night
  8. I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T. Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
  9. My daughter asked why I drink so much beer I told her it's because I actually have a condition that's pretty unfortunate. You see, my body is actually not capable of producing its own alcohol.
  10. When I drink Alcohol, everybody says I'm an Alcoholic.. When I drink Fanta, nobody says I'm Fantastic.

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Drinking Alcohol One Liners

Which drinking alcohol one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drinking alcohol? I can suggest the ones about drink alcohol and drinking a lot.

  1. Doctor: You don't look too good. Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Me: I drink it.
  2. I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons. I drink it for other reasons.
  3. I drink alcohol without hesitation, but drugs, …drugs is where I draw the line.
  4. Why was the alcoholic mathematician arrested by the police? Drinking and deriving
  5. Remember alcohol and calculus dont mix So don't drink and derive
  6. How does an alcoholic decide how much beer to drink? On a case-by-case basis.
  7. I'm not an alcoholic ... Alcoholic's need a drink, but I already have one
  8. My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism. I'll drink to that.
  9. Alcohol and calculus don't go together very well. Don't drink and derive.
  10. Drinking alcohol is like calculus. You have to know your limits.
  11. I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me... So I gave up thinking.
  12. What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much? A functioning alcoholic.
  13. Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
  14. I don't drink alcohol anymore But I don't drink alcohol any less either
  15. What's a drinking game you can play by yourself? Alcoholism

Laughable Drinking Alcohol Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about drinking alcohol you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drinking wine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drinking alcohol pranks.

I have read so many things about the impact of smoking and drinking alcohol

I think I will quit reading soon.

They say rubbing alcohol fixes outside wounds, so what fixes inside wounds?

Drinking alcohol!

Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems.

But then again, neither does drinking milk.

Drinking alcohol slowly turned me into an emotional mess.

So I started drinking it faster.

Drinking alcohol-free beer.. like giving o**... s**... to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.

I went 14 yrs without drinking alcohol or smoking w**...

Then I entered high school

Use rubbing alcohol when you're hurt on the outside.

Use drinking alcohol when you're hurt on the inside.

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?


I read an article about how bad drinking alcohol is.

So I stopped reading.

My science teacher caught me drinking alcohol

well it is a solution

So apparently drinking alcohol is i**... now.

Just got pulled over for it.

Why is drinking alcohol gay?

Because when you are drunk, you can't think straight.

If drinking alcohol causes memory loss,

what does drinking alcohol do?

s**... is just like drinking alcohol

at first it's super exciting and fun but eventually it's just something that's necessary for procreation.

Why do astronauts always sit one chair apart from eachother when drinking alcohol?

Because they're at a space bar.

Drinking alcohol free beer is the same as going down on your sister

It tastes the same, but feels wrong

What do you call a tree drinking alcohol in a pool?

Root beer float

Me and my family are always drinking alcohol when we get together

What can I say, it's in our blood.

I think I have to stop drinking alcohol...

So I stopped thinking.

How do you call a group of crow drinking alcohol ?

A Crowbar

I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January.

I quitted smoking, drinking alcohol, m**..., biting my nails and coffeine at the same time.

That was the worst second of my f**...' life...

The bible gives clear instructions about drinking alcohol.

Father Dave took a seat on the A train in NYC...

and was disgusted to see a drunk sitting across from him. The disheveled smelly man was wearing a t-shirt with a photo of a n**... lady on it and he reeked of alcohol. The drunk stared at the priest for a few minutes and then blurted out "Father, what causes migraines and kidney stones?" THe priest glared at the man and said "Spending time with loose women and drinking alcohol!" The drunk went quietly back to his newspaper. After a moment, the priest felt bad and said, "I am sorry. How long have you had these issues for?" The drunk replied "I don't have these issues. I read in the paper that the Pope does."


A pastor was completing a sermon on abstaining from drinking alcohol.
With great expression, he said, 'If I had all of the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' 
With even greater emphasis, he said, 'And if I had all of the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.'
And then finally, he thundered, 'And if I had all of the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.'
The church was silent. Not a single congregant made a sound. 
The music leader then stood up hesitantly and said, 'For our closing song, let us sing the hymn Shall We Gather at the River. '

Drinking alcohol will not solve all your problems,

dehydration will solve the rest.

Asian kid drinking alcohol under age

Call that Jin-yung