The Best 83 Drinkin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drinkin jokes. There are some drinkin comin jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drinkin havin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Drinkin Jokes and Puns

Did you know drinking beer makes you smart?

It made Bud wiser.

drinking

A guy says to his friend "Man, I feel terrible. Last night I drank too much, came home and blew chunks."
Friend says "aw don't worry mate, that happens to all of us"
Guy says "you don't understand; my dog's name is 'Chunks'"

A guy moves into a new neighborhood...

And a redneck knocks on the door. The guy opens and the redneck says "howdy neighbor! welcome to the neighborhood! Tonight I'm gona throw a party in your honor - there's gona be a whole lot of dancin, a whole lot of drinkin and a whole lot of screwin!"
The guy replies "sounds great! What should I bring?" The redneck replies "wellp - you can bring whatever you want, it's just gona be you and me"

Drinkin joke, A guy moves into a new neighborhood...

Have you been drinking sir?

"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.

"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.

"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."

New Drinking Age in Alabama

They raised the drinking age to 32 in Alabama to keep alcohol out of high schools.


Why is drinking American beer like making love in a canoe?

What's a drinking game you can play by yourself?

Alcoholism

Drinkin joke, What's a drinking game you can play by yourself?

New drinking game! Draw a card. If it's black take a shot.

I call it the Ferguson

The drinking age in Alabama has changed to 25

Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school

Why should you never go drinking if you wear a monocle?

Because then you'd be a barnacle.

Sometimes when I go out drinking...

...and hit on girls, they call me ugly. That is, until I tell them how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

(original joke that a friend just came up with)

You can explore drinkin gonna reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drinkin roadblock dad jokes. There are also drinkin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


DRINKING BUDDIES

Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."

I was drinking at a bar so i took the bus home

Seemed like a good idea at the time but i've never driven a bus before...

I Have a serious drinking problem.

I dont have a drink in my hand!

I'm done drinking for good...

Now I drink for Evil.

Drinking water in africa

hashtag nofilter

I was drinking my favorite liquor the other night...

...while sitting in front of my fireplace. I was feeling a pretty good buzz when all of a sudden I began to hallucinate, and out from the top of the fireplace sprung the disembodied head of Jane Fonda! Normally I would find this odd, but you know what they say:

Absinthe makes the hearth grow Fonda.

How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?

You've had whey too much!

So I was drinking this vampire's blood the other day

It was irony.


Drinking

Remember, it isn't drinking alone when you're pregnant.

Despite my drinking, I can honestly say I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman

But man I've woke up with a few.

So I'm drinking in a bar...

... And the waitress yells 'help! Does anyone know CPR?!'

So I say 'Hell I know the whole alphabet!'

So everyone laughs.

Except this one guy.

-What are you drinking, son?

-Soy milk.

-Hola milk, soy tu padre.

Edit : Removed the "es" that was bothering everyone

I don't think I have a drinking problem

I find it incredibly easy to drink!

Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?

It was important not to fall off the wagon.

I was drinking a margarita at the bar....

And a woman screamed "Does anyone know CPR?!"
I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy.

I used to have a drinking problem.

I still do, but I used to, too.

Drinking is a slow death

..It is okay. I am in no hurry.

'Doctor, I have a drinking problem!'

'I'm always drunk whenever I'm traveling between countries!'

Doctor - 'Sounds like you're a borderline alcoholic.'

I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems...

But it's worth a shot.

So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.

Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

I went out drinking last night and took a bus home

That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me...

So I gave up thinking.

I'm drinking some pretty average tea...

It's Mediocritea.

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister

It tastes the same but it's just not right.

Drinking beer without alcohol is like eating out your sister...

tastes right, but trust me: its wrong!

I don't have a drinking problem

'Cept when I don't have alcohol

Drinking alcohol is like calculus.

You have to know your limits.

Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future?

I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.

You know what they say about drinking too much tequila...

Can't remember.

I don't have a drinking problem!

I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem!

I've got a drinking problem.

Sometimes beer spills out the sides of my mouth when I drink.

Drinking alcohol free beer is the same as going down on your sister

It tastes the same, but feels wrong

Here's a new drinking Came. It's called Going Irish.

You take 10 rounds of shots and then you pass out.

Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife

"To my wife, the love of my life, and the sexiest woman I know. But it's too bad only one of those three is here tonight!"

There was a burst of laughter from the crowd, but Frank's wife took it in stride, raising here glass for a toast of her own.

"To my husband, a good provider, and the father of my children. Too bad only one of those could make it."

Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin

If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again

If you see someone drinking a Sierra Mist, punch them straight in the face...

...that's the first rule of Sprite Club.

I'm not drinking anything this Christmas...

Under 40% ABV.

They say drinking milk makes you stronger...

So I drank a carton of milk, and then I tried to push my fridge and it didn't even budge.

Frustrated, I decided to drink a bottle of vodka, and guess what happened?

The fridge moved itself

Drinking tea is bad for you.

Tea is more dangerous than beer. You should avoid it, and just say NO.

I discovered this last night. I had drunk 14 beers, until 3:00 am at the pub, while my wife was sitting at home, drinking tea.

You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.

I was peaceful, silent, and heading to bead as she shouted at me... All Night Long. Even into the next morning!

Please, ladies.... If you can't handle your tea, then just don't drink it!

I've got a drinking problem.

I just ran out of beer.

I was out drinking with a friend and saw two old drunks across the bar. I said, that's totally going to be us in 10 years.

He said, that's a mirror, dipshit.

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?

diabetic

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

You know you might have a drinking problem...

When you go to the doctor and he informs you that they found traces of blood in your alcohol stream

They say I got a drinking problem

But I ain't got no problem drinking at all

Drinking brandy always reminds my of my Grandmother

She never touched the stuff, but she's Very Special, Old and Pale.

I don't have a drinking problem

I have a drinking solution. It allows me talk to the opposite sex.

I went drinking with a human centipede

The first guy could hold his liquor.

The rest if them got completely shitfaced.

You say I have a drinking problem...

But I won't let you ruin my Tuesday morning buzz.

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

Drinking alcohol-free beer..

..is like giving oral sex to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.

Drinking can cause memory loss...or even worse

Memory loss

Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's sexual performance by 80%!

It burns tongue and fingers!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

A: To hide in the cherry trees!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?? Then I guess it works!

(As told by my mid-70s, overall wearin, Southern Comfort drinkin neighbor.)

I used to be into drinking pot and other bad stuff until my parents yelled at me...

They said "You're not supposed to drink it, stupid."

If drinking alcohol causes memory loss,

what does drinking alcohol do?

Can drinking bleach really kill you? We asked our listeners to try it out and none of them called back to tell me they're dead so I think not

One of my fav quote from C&H

Why is drinking alcohol gay?

Because when you are drunk, you can't think straight.

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself...

Wow, this is ledge 'n dairy!

I've been drinking to kill something inside me.

Apparently I succeeded, because my girlfriend tells me it smells like something died every time I fart.

What should you do if drinking coffee hurts your eyes?

Take the spoon out of the cup.

Have you ever tried drinking so much alcohol, your wife makes sense?

Me neither, but I keep trying...

I have a drinking problem.

I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.

But don't worry, I can stop at any time.

I was drinking a margarita and the waitress screamed does anyone know CPR?

I yelled, I know the entire alphabet and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.

Drinking alcohol slowly turned me into an emotional mess.

So I started drinking it faster.

I was drinking coffee in my pyjamas this morning and I thought:

"I really should have bought some cups".

Drinking coffee used to make my eyes hurt a little.

Then I learned you're supposed to remove the spoon from the mug first.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name...

...and you've never been to that bar before.

*Courtesy of Zack Galifianakis*

They say that drinking is a sin, but . . .

He who drinks sleeps.

He who sleeps doesn't sin.

He who doesn't sin is holy.

Therefore, he who drinks is holy.

I'd been out drinking, and knew I'd had way too much to drive my car safely.

I knew there was a breath testing checkpoint between the bar and my place, so I decided to take a bus. Sure enough, when the bus reached the checkpoint we were waved through. This morning though when I woke up, hungover as balls, there was a damn bus on my lawn and I don't know what the hell is going on

Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems.

But then again, neither does drinking milk.

I used to think drinking was bad for me

So I gave up thinking.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drinkin jethro jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drinkin eatin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes