Drinkin Jokes
97 drinkin jokes and hilarious drinkin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drinkin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drinkin Short Jokes
Short drinkin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drinkin humour may include short drinker jokes also.
- Why did Abraham Lincoln die? Because he kept Abraham Drinkin'.
It's funny because he was shot.
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Drinkin One Liners
Which drinkin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drinkin? I can suggest the ones about whiskey and fer.
- I'm fishin' and drinkin' tonight. My daughter's fish died.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Drinkin Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about drinkin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean yer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drinkin pranks.
Drinking and driving
I would like to share my experience with drinking and driving.
As most of you are aware, some of us have been known to have had close encounters with the authorities on our way home from the nights out drinking and socializing.
So a couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some close friends of mine and had just a few too many.
Knowing full well I may have been over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. As fate would have it, I passed a police checkpoint but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not even quite sure where I got it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking too much
Every night a guy would come home blitzed out of his mind and p**... in the kitchen sink.
His wife grew tired of this and always berated him, "Johnny! One of these nights you are going to come home and p**... your guts out!!"
He doesn't listen so she decides to put a chicken's worth of chicken guts in the sink to teach him a lesson.
That night Johnny comes home and again pukes in the sink.....
The next morning his wife says, "You see it finally happened...."
Johnny says, "You were right dear but through the grace of God and your long handled spoon.....I got them all back in again"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy moves into a new neighborhood...
And a r**... knocks on the door. The guy opens and the r**... says "howdy neighbor! welcome to the neighborhood! Tonight I'm gona throw a party in your honor - there's gona be a whole lot of dancin, a whole lot of drinkin and a whole lot of screwin!"
The guy replies "sounds great! What should I bring?" The r**... replies "wellp - you can bring whatever you want, it's just gona be you and me"
Have you been drinking sir?
"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."
Drinking wine from a box is nothing to be ashamed of..
but drinking wine *directly from* the box is.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking nonalcoholic beer is like eating out your own sister...
...it tastes right, but it is wrong.
Drinking problems
So a guy comes to the police station,
Hello - says the police officer - you are here for a drinking problem correct?
The man replies : What me? drinking problem? no officer I have no drinking problem, I was drinking all night, no problems so far.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is drinking American beer like making love in a canoe?
What's a drinking game you can play by yourself?
Alcoholism
New drinking game! Draw a card. If it's black take a shot.
I call it the Ferguson
There's a new drinking game...
You draw a random card from a deck & if it's black you take a shot....
We call it "Ferguson"
The drinking age in Alabama has changed to 25
Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school
Why should you never go drinking if you wear a monocle?
Because then you'd be a barnacle.
Sometimes when I go out drinking...
...and hit on girls, they call me ugly. That is, until I tell them how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
(original joke that a friend just came up with)
DRINKING BUDDIES
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City and both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and asks, "So where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender."It's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."
I Have a serious drinking problem.
I dont have a drink in my hand!
Drinking water in africa
hashtag nofilter
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was drinking my favorite liquor the other night...
...while sitting in front of my fireplace. I was feeling a pretty good buzz when all of a sudden I began to hallucinate, and out from the top of the fireplace sprung the disembodied head of Jane Fonda! Normally I would find this odd, but you know what they say:
Absinthe makes the hearth grow Fonda.
How do you know you're drinking too many protein shakes?
You've had whey too much!
Drinking hard liquor is...
pretty whisky business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New drinking game:
Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, c**... someone else's beer.
So I was drinking this vampire's blood the other day
It was irony.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking non-alcohol beer is like to eat out your own sister:
the same taste but something is wrong
Drinking
Remember, it isn't drinking alone when you're pregnant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Despite my drinking, I can honestly say I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman
But man I've woke up with a few.
-What are you drinking, son?
-Soy milk.
-Hola milk, soy tu padre.
Edit : Removed the "es" that was bothering everyone
I don't think I have a drinking problem
I find it incredibly easy to drink!
Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?
It was important not to fall off the wagon.
When drinking liquor while watching baseball, at what point will you be the most drunk?
Bottom of the fifth, of course.
I was just drinking some orange kool-aid and I was thinking...
it's not that grape.
I have a drinking problem..
I need more booze
I was drinking gin for the first time when I realized...
I'm not supposed to lose my ginity until I'm married
I used to have a drinking problem.
I still do, but I used to, too.
Drinking is a slow death
..It is okay. I am in no hurry.
'Doctor, I have a drinking problem!'
'I'm always drunk whenever I'm traveling between countries!'
Doctor - 'Sounds like you're a borderline alcoholic.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't think drinking v**... is the solution to all of my problems...
But it's worth a shot.
So, I just tried a new drinking game.
I put in the bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many of you are drinking r**... this new years eve?
That's the spirit!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say drinking and driving do not mix, but you know what does?
r**... and coke.
I'm drinking some pretty average tea...
It's Mediocritea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister
It tastes the same but it's just not right.
Drinking with the butcher
I organised to have some drinks with the local butcher and he said he would bring the liquor.... he brang a beefs tounge instead
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister.
I wouldn't know because I've never drank non-alcoholic beer.
I don't have a drinking problem
'Cept when I don't have alcohol
Drinking alcohol is like calculus.
You have to know your limits.
You know what they say about drinking too much tequila...
Can't remember.
I don't have a drinking problem!
I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem!
I've got a drinking problem.
Sometimes beer spills out the sides of my mouth when I drink.
Here's a new drinking Came. It's called Going Irish.
You take 10 rounds of shots and then you pass out.
Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife
"To my wife, the love of my life, and the sexiest woman I know. But it's too bad only one of those three is here tonight!"
There was a burst of laughter from the crowd, but Frank's wife took it in stride, raising here glass for a toast of her own.
"To my husband, a good provider, and the father of my children. Too bad only one of those could make it."
Whenever I'm out drinking I flip a coin
If it lands on heads, I get another drink, if it lands on tails, I flip the coin again
Drinking with a speech impediment
Its Whiskey business
I'm going to keep drinking draft beer...
...until they get it right
I'm not drinking anything this Christmas...
Under 40% ABV.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say drinking milk makes you stronger...
So I drank a carton of milk, and then I tried to push my fridge and it didn't even budge.
Frustrated, I decided to drink a bottle of v**..., and guess what happened?
The fridge moved itself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking tea is bad for you.
Tea is more dangerous than beer. You should avoid it, and just say NO.
I discovered this last night. I had drunk 14 beers, until 3:00 am at the pub, while my wife was sitting at home, drinking tea.
You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.
I was peaceful, silent, and heading to bead as she shouted at me... All Night Long. Even into the next morning!
Please, ladies.... If you can't handle your tea, then just don't drink it!
I've got a drinking problem.
I just ran out of beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was out drinking with a friend and saw two old drunks across the bar. I said, that's totally going to be us in 10 years.
He said, that's a mirror, d**....
What's better than drinking at a bar?
Drinking on top of a bar.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, what does drinking Fanta make you?
diabetic
I have a drinking problem and I need help.
If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?
You know you might have a drinking problem...
When you go to the doctor and he informs you that they found traces of blood in your alcohol stream
They say I got a drinking problem
But I ain't got no problem drinking at all
Drinking brandy always reminds my of my Grandmother
She never touched the stuff, but she's Very Special, Old and Pale.
I was drinking at a bar and watching my buddies struggle to score for a couple of hours.
I think I am ready for World Cup Soccer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't have a drinking problem
I have a drinking solution. It allows me talk to the opposite s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went drinking with a human centipede
The first guy could hold his liquor.
The rest if them got completely s**....
Drinking beer kills brain cells
But smoking Bud makes you W(e)iser
You say I have a drinking problem...
But I won't let you ruin my Tuesday morning buzz.
When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.
Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking alcohol-free beer..
..is like giving o**... s**... to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.
Drinking can cause memory loss...or even worse
Memory loss
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's s**... performance by 80%!
It burns tongue and fingers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to be into drinking p**... and other bad stuff until my parents yelled at me...
They said "You're not supposed to drink it, s**...."
You *know* you have a drinking problem...
When even the American Bar Association suggests you should be investigated by the FBI...
I'm going to see someone about my drinking addiction.
His name's Barry, and he's barman.
Do you have a drinking problem?
Yeah, 2 hands and only 1 mouth.
I have a drinking problem...
My glass is empty
Do I have a drinking problem?
No.
Went out drinking with some friends last night and saw a woman in full church garb getting absolutely plastered.
Weirdest thing I've ever seen, bar nun.
Me after drinking 6 shots
brain: What are you doing?
liver: What are you doing?
stomach: What are you doing?
me to my ex: What are you doing?
What do you mean I have a drinking problem?
I can't even remember the last time I had a drink!
