The Best 61 Drew Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Drew jokes. There are some drew lisa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drew drew carey puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Drew Jokes and Puns

Two knights stood to face each other

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel

The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill

The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese

The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"

"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."

this one comes from the end of a drew carey special back in the 90's: there's an old man & an old woman in a nursing home...

old man says, 'bet you can't guess how old i am!'

she says, 'yeah? unzip your fly!' he does; she reaches in a feels around for a bit, then says: 'you're 83!'

he says, 'that's amazing! how'd you know that?'

she says, 'you told me yesterday.'

What do you get when you cross a gay man and a Jew?

A hit Broadway show.

(heard Drew Carey make this joke in a Whose Line blooper reel)

Drew joke, What do you get when you cross a gay man and a Jew?

Important Punctuation

So little Timmy is at school and for show and tell, he drew a dot on the board.

The teacher asks him, what's that?

Timmy then replies, it's a period!

Teacher, what's so special about it that you brought it in for show and tell?

Timmy, I don't know, but this morning, my sister said she missed hers. Mommy fainted, Daddy got a heart attack, and the man next door shot himself in the head.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high...

She seemed surprised.


How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message.

I know i need to work on my execution.

Did you hear about the mildly popular group sketch artist?

He drew a small crowd.

Drew joke, Did you hear about the mildly popular group sketch artist?

Drew Barrymore

Now I just need to colour him in

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

Bank robbery

Lem: "I got fired from my job as a bank guard."

Clem: "That's awful. What happened?"

Lem: "Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it."

Clem: "What did the thief do then?"

Lem: "He took one more step, so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyway."

Pull over

An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.

As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"

You can explore drew picasso reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drew blackboard dad jokes. There are also drew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at least half an hour but the stain was still there. Does anybody have any good methods for getting blood out of the carpet?

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

I accidentally stabbed myself with a pen

It drew blood.

My cat is an artist

He drew blood

My father never told me why he removed the last page of my comics.

I drew my own conclusions.

Drew joke, My father never told me why he removed the last page of my comics.

inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high

I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused ​

It was time to name Canada

All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.

The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"

The next drew, "N, eh?"

Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"

A group of friends were named after their professions.

The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because 'Fucking People Out of Money' takes to long to say.


One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, Do you see that couple? How devote they are?

He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don't you do that?

I would love to, replied the husband, but I don't know her well enough.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high

She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise.

I had a friend who used to draw on her eyebrows.

One day, she accidentally drew them to high. When I told her, she looked surprised.

Waiting at a bus stop for my bus that was late, another bus stops at my stop for a while, I asked the bus driver: "have you seen the number 5?"

He said "yes, it looks like this -" and drew the number 5 in the air.

I told my gf she drew her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!

My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle."

It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.

My little boy was drawing pictures.

I thought I'd give him a hand, so I drew a picture of a deer. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' I drew antlers on it to make it easier. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' 'You see them out in the forest'. 'Don't know, Dad.' 'Rhymes with 'beer'. You know, beer like your Dad drinks.' 'Don't know, Dad.' Final attempt. 'Your Mom calls your Dad one.' 'Oh, I know! It's a drunken bastard!'

This is a Science Joke: Boyle, Pascal and Newton wanted to play Hide and Seek

So Boyle closed his eyes and started counting, Pascal went to hide, and Newton just stood there and drew a square with a side of 1 meter.

When Boyle opened his eyes, he found Newton, and said "Newton I found you".

To which Newton Replied: "No I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal, Because Pa=N/m^2 "

How did they come up with the name Canada?

They put all the letters in a bag, then drew them one at a time. "Its a C, eh its an N, eh, its a D, eh."

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!"

The man said, "What little girl?!"

The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"

The man now in tears, said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"

The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."

You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid...

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

In an art class

The teacher ask the students to draw an animal

So one of them drew a dot

The teacher ask him what is this

He said " an elephant standing far away "

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."

This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,

"D, eh."

My son drew something in school today which made people scream.

They stopped after he opened fire

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.

One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.

Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

I entered a sketching competition.

Drew every round

My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today...

It drew blood

There once was a man named drew

Who's limericks all stopped at two

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife's house.

A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm fucked...'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''

''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.

''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.

The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.

As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're fucked...''

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.

Because that's where I draw the line

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."

The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

Surprised.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

I never argue with my brother for the front seat

Last time i called shotgun, he drew one

A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?

The patient answered, Sex.

The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?

Sex, the patient replied.

Then the doctor drew a triangle.

It reminds me of sex, the patient stated.

You seem to be obsessed with sex, the shrink told the patient.

*I'm* obsessed with sex? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!

Did you hear about the cop who drew his tickets instead of writing them?

They say he was a master of the fine arts.

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.

The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

Blood donor

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. When I drew his blood, there was a little squirt of blood and it surprised him. I looked him deeply in the eyes and told him, you're bleeding because you don't floss

I once drew a fish but...

...it wasn't to scale.

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew.

Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only Weird if you say it backwards.

I told the lady at the grocery store that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She seemed surprised.

A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.

As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was.

Little Johnny replied, I'm drawing God.

The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from his drawing Little Johnny replied, They will in a minute.

A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation

So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A naked woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A naked woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having sex." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It seems you have obsession with sex." he speculates.

"Me?" answers the shocked man. "Who drew all this filth?"

Art Teacher

Did you hear about the boy who had a fight with his art teacher?

He drew blood.

Who's the best businesswoman in the bible?

Pharoah's daughter; she went to the Nile bank and drew a little prophet

Mice

A family of mice were out walking, and were suddenly surprised by a large cat. Father Mouse stood his ground, drew himself up to his full height, and shouted BOW-WOW-WOW!!! at the cat. The cat, alarmed, ran off.

The small mice were very impressed. That was fantastic, Dad! How did you do that?

That, son, explains Father Mouse, demonstrates the value of learning a second language.

Eight Iron

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "This shot in impossible an eight iron!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drew handwritten jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working drew drew brees piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes