Drew Jokes

121 drew jokes and hilarious drew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Drew Peacock can always be counted on to bring a smile and a laugh. Read this article to find out how his witty remarks in detention helped Kathleen get through a difficult day and how his admiration for Picasso came in handy!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Drew Short Jokes

Short drew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drew humour may include short drawn jokes also.

  1. Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew. Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only Weird if you say it backwards.
  2. A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money... So I drew him a map to my ex-wife's house.
  3. instead of calling my son drew, I called him driew. It's only weird if you say it backwards.
  4. I had a friend who used to draw on her eyebrows. One day, she accidentally drew them to high. When I told her, she looked surprised.
  5. What do you get when you cross a gay man and a Jew? A hit broadway show.
    (heard Drew Carey make this joke in a Whose Line blooper reel)
  6. I told the lady at the grocery store that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  7. You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid... In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.
  8. I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise.
  9. My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle." It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.
  10. Art Teacher Did you hear about the boy who had a fight with his art teacher?
    He drew blood.

Share These Drew Jokes With Friends

Drew One Liners

Which drew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drew? I can suggest the ones about dared and scribbled.

  1. I told a girl at work she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  2. I told my friend she drew her eyebrows on too high... She seemed surprised.
  3. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  4. I drew a criminal the other day. He looked pretty sketchy.
  5. For school I had to write a thousand word essay So I drew a picture
  6. I told my gf she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised
  7. I once drew a fish but... wasn't to scale.
  8. I never argue with my brother for the front seat Last time i called shotgun, he drew one
  9. Surprised. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
    She seemed surprised.
  10. There once was a man named drew Who's limericks all stopped at two
  11. My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today... It drew blood
  12. I accidentally stabbed myself with a pen It drew blood.
  13. Did you hear about the mildly popular group sketch artist? He drew a small crowd.
  14. I entered a sketching competition. Drew every round
  15. My cat is an artist He drew blood

Drew Brees Jokes

Here is a list of funny drew brees jokes and even better drew brees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who deodorizes the Saints locker room after a game? Drew Fe-Brees...
  • Who's the nicest player in the NFL? Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.
  • I overheard a gentleman saying he grew up with Drew Brees, and that he wasn't a very nice person... I said, "Hey! Drew Brees is a *Saint!*"
  • What wind is best for footballs? Drew Brees
  • I asked my little cousin to make a sketch of his favourite football player... He Drew Brees

Drew Barrymore Jokes

Here is a list of funny drew barrymore jokes and even better drew barrymore puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Drew Barrymore Now I just need to colour him in
  • Drew Barrymore is so hot. That's why E.T. is one of my favorite movies.
  • Would you be mildly disappointed if Drew Barrymore didn't introduce herself as… IMDB?
Drew joke, Would you be mildly disappointed if Drew Barrymore didn't introduce herself as…

Drew Peacock Jokes

Here is a list of funny drew peacock jokes and even better drew peacock puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • New book idea: "Too long in the hot tub" by Drew Peacock
  • Who's the best erectile dysfunction doctor in the world? Dr Drew Peacock
Drew joke, Who's the best erectile dysfunction doctor in the world?

Howlingly Hilarious Drew Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about drew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pulled jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drew pranks.

Two knights stood to face each other

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel
The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill
The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese
The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"
"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."

this one comes from the end of a drew carey special back in the 90's: there's an old man & an old woman in a nursing home...

old man says, 'bet you can't guess how old i am!'
she says, 'yeah? unzip your fly!' he does; she reaches in a feels around for a bit, then says: 'you're 83!'
he says, 'that's amazing! how'd you know that?'
she says, 'you told me yesterday.'

Important Punctuation

So little Timmy is at school and for show and tell, he drew a dot on the board.
The teacher asks him, what's that?
Timmy then replies, it's a period!
Teacher, what's so special about it that you brought it in for show and tell?
Timmy, I don't know, but this morning, my sister said she missed hers. Mommy fainted, Daddy got a heart attack, and the man next door shot himself in the head.


There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in n**... and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And
I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message.
I know i need to work on my execution.

Bank robbery

Lem: "I got fired from my job as a bank guard."
Clem: "That's awful. What happened?"
Lem: "Well, a thief came in, and I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it."
Clem: "What did the thief do then?"
Lem: "He took one more step, so I let him have it. I didn't want that s**... gun anyway."

Pull over

An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at least half an hour but the stain was still there. Does anybody have any good methods for getting blood out of the carpet?

So a boy went up for show and tell...

So a boy went up for show and tell. When he got to the front of the room he drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked what it was.
Boy: It's a period.
Teacher: And why did you bring it?
Boy: Well it's pretty important.
Teacher: How so?
Boy: Well, last night when my sister came home, said she missed it and my mom fainted and my dad shot the neighbor.

I was mugged by an artist last night....

he drew a gun on me

I was making a graph of my past relationships. First I drew the Ex axis then the Why axis.

Full disclosure: I saw this in yik yak thought is share it here. :)

I drew my gun. The guy in front of me drew his gun.

Then I drew my other gun, and soon we were surrounded by some lovely drawings of guns.

My father never told me why he removed the last page of my comics.

I drew my own conclusions.

inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high

I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused ​

It was time to name Canada

All the 4 founding hosiers were sitting around and no one could agree on a name. They finally decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat and 3 people would draw one out at a time while the last transcribed the name.
The first guy drew and read, "C, eh?"
The next drew, "N, eh?"
Finally the last maple head drew and said, "D, eh?"

A group of friends were named after their professions.

The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because f**... People Out of Money' takes to long to say.

If I drew a cartoon depicting Mohamed and Harambe dating

It would be Haram-Bae

One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, Do you see that couple? How devote they are?

He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don't you do that?
I would love to, replied the husband, but I don't know her well enough.

I got shot by a cop after I beat him at poker. He had quad aces but I drew an 8-high straight flush (clubs) on the river...

...I guess black fives do matter.

What do you call someone who can't stop reading Nancy Drew novels?

A heroine addict.

Waiting at a bus stop for my bus that was late, another bus stops at my stop for a while, I asked the bus driver: "have you seen the number 5?"

He said "yes, it looks like this -" and drew the number 5 in the air.

A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.

Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!

My little boy was drawing pictures.

I thought I'd give him a hand, so I drew a picture of a deer. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' I drew antlers on it to make it easier. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' 'You see them out in the forest'. 'Don't know, Dad.' 'Rhymes with 'beer'. You know, beer like your Dad drinks.' 'Don't know, Dad.' Final attempt. 'Your Mom calls your Dad one.' 'Oh, I know! It's a drunken b**...!'

This is a Science Joke: Boyle, Pascal and Newton wanted to play Hide and Seek

So Boyle closed his eyes and started counting, Pascal went to hide, and Newton just stood there and drew a square with a side of 1 meter.
When Boyle opened his eyes, he found Newton, and said "Newton I found you".
To which Newton Replied: "No I'm not Newton, I'm Pascal, Because Pa=N/m^2 "

How did they come up with the name Canada?

They put all the letters in a bag, then drew them one at a time. "Its a C, eh its an N, eh, its a D, eh."

Einstein, Newton and Pascal...

... were playing hide and seek. Einstein started counting so Pascal ran off to hide, but Newton simply drew a square on the floor and stepped in it. Einstein shouted "Ha, found you!", to which Newton simply replied "Nope, 1 Newton per square metre, you found Pascal!"

A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!"

The man said, "What little girl?!"
The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"
The man now in tears, said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"
The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."

I told him I didn't want a tattoo...

...but then he drew a gun on me.

An urban British South London youth just drew on me with his pen.

I hope I don't get "Blud." Poisoning.

I drew on my friend with a marker.

He asked why I did it, and I replied "felt like it".

The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting.

When Little Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot.
"What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period." – "Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?" –
"Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one… Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."

In an art class

The teacher ask the students to draw an animal
So one of them drew a dot
The teacher ask him what is this
He said " an elephant standing far away "

I drew a blue dotted line on my arm

Now it's purple

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.
One man pulled out a letter, cleared his t**..., and read,
"C, eh."
The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,
"N, eh."
This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,
"D, eh."

Fishing tickle

In the window of a hardware store was a sign inscribed 'Fishing Tickle.'
A customer drew the proprietor's attention to the spelling. 'Hasn't anyone told you of it before?' asked the customer.
'Oh, yes,' the proprietor responded placidly, 'many have mentioned it. But whenever they come in to tell me, they always buy something.'

I was called to school because my 9 year old son vandalized a wall in school's bathroom with a permanent marker again

That's where he drew the line

I've been to lots of museums in my life...

But the Pencil Museum is where I drew the line.

My son drew something in school today which made people scream.

They stopped after he opened fire

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high...

..She seemed surprised

The teacher told her class to draw a ring.

Johnny drew a perfect square.

The teaches said, Johnny why didn't you draw a ring??

I did. It's a boxing ring!!

I work with an autistic kid. The other day I drew something terribly on the computer screen and told him I'm artistic

He said me too I'm on the spectrum.

My girlfriend drew a knife on me...

Took me a frickin month to wash it off.

A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm f**......'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''

''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.
''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.
The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.
As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're f**......''

One day , the scientists decided to play hide and seek. When the seeker started to count , everybody but Newton went hiding. Newton drew a square 1m each side right behind the seeker and stepped into it. The seeker found him immediately and declared "Newton, Newton". But Newton refused to lose.

He said: This square covered an area of 1m2. I'm a Newton on 1m2. So I'm Pascal.

I met a man on the London bridge joke

As the sun set on the ridge, he tipped his hat and drew his name and cheated at the guessing game.
What was the man’s name?
The man’s name is Andrew.

My son had a bad habit of drawing everywhere. First he started vandalising his toys, then the newspapers and eventually the furniture. But when he drew on the walls I had to stop him.

Because that's where I draw the line

As a kid I loved playing games during recess

But I drew a line at hopscotch

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?
The patient answered, s**....
The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?
s**..., the patient replied.
Then the doctor drew a triangle.
It reminds me of s**..., the patient stated.
You seem to be obsessed with s**..., the shrink told the patient.
*I'm* obsessed with s**...? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!

Did you hear about the cop who drew his tickets instead of writing them?

They say he was a master of the fine arts.

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.
The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

Blood donor

I was chatting with a donor before I drew his blood, and he was a dentist. When I drew his blood, there was a little squirt of blood and it surprised him. I looked him deeply in the eyes and told him, you're bleeding because you don't floss

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

Drew joke, I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

jokes about drew