dressing Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious dressing puns

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

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Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

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My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people let him in

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My wife caught me cross dressing last night.

So I packed her things and left

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For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.

Girls love to do dishes.

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I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

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Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women's attention.

I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.

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I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won't be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)

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You guys ever heard of Murphy's law?

Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.

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Why did the cucumber blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

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Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

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My drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness as a disguise...

He eventually got arrested after the police saw that people actually let him in

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I found some dressing in my fridge that expires on 12-21-2012....

It's called Mayanaisse....

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Customer: I'd like to try on that bathing suit in your front window.

Saleswoman: I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to use the dressing room.

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This is Bullshit. Since when is dressing for the job you want, not the job you have considered "impersonating an officer"?

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My missus said to me in bed the other night

"Why don't we do that dressing up thing again where you pretend to be a burglar, and blindfold me before you take me all rough"

I have absolutely no fucking idea what she's talking about

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My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

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A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.

His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.

When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.

He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"

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Why did the tomato turn red

It saw the salad dressing.

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis at bar...

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up

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hillbilly guy is eating at a buffet...

a large lady at the next table is wolfing down chicken wings, dipping them into a soup bowl of ranch dressing and shoving them in, right hand, left hand...

suddenly she grabs her throat and starts eeking out a panicked sound and starts turning purple...

the hillbilly jumps up, shoves her to the floor on her stomach,
yanks down her sweat pants and runs his tongue right down the middle of her butt crack.

the woman, shocked, hacks and a chicken bone shoots, like a bullet, out of her mouth, flying across the floor and smacking the wall at the other side of the room.

she takes a huge gasp and her color returns to normal.

the guy stands up triumphantly and says,

"ahhh, the ol' hind lick maneuver! works e'ry time"

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Things Men Shouldn't Say in a Victoria's Secret Store

1. No thanks... Just sniffing.

2. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

3. Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

4. No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

5. Will you model this for me?

6. Oh, honey, I'll never fit into that.

7. $85? Are you kidding? She's just going to end up *naked* anyway!

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Son accidentally sees Dad put a condom on

Dad tells him he was just dressing his penis as a ghost for Halloween.

When mom gets home, she asks the son if he wants to be Casper for Halloween. He says, "No way, my sister is going as a ghost eater."

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Happy Halloween Everyone!

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The jumper ....

A Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he says.
"I'm trying to commit suicide," she says.
Sleazy driver says with sly grin "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blow job."
So, she does.
After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl....."

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what did the ranch say to the refrigerator?

close the door, I'm dressing!

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For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern.

She's our little pun-kin.

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Why was the lettuce embarrassed?

It saw the salad dressing.

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If you put on cowboy clothes,

are you technically, ranch dressing?

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What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

"Close the door! I'm dressing!"

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What's happening in this country? School children dressing like whores...

-and whores dressing like school children. It's a nightmare!
You don't know whether to carry candy or cash.

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Halloween is for dressing up as something you're not.

That's why most girls go as something sexy.

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Wake up!

Following a serious argument couple decide not to talk to each other for a while.
Next night husband leaves a note on the kitchen desk: Wake me up at 6 in the morning, I have a flight.
When he wakes up at 8, panics and as he rushes to dressing room, sees a note at the bedside table: Wake up, it is 6!

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Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

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I'm dressing up as a (dead) hooker for Halloween...what are some lines you NEVER want to hear a hooker say?

For example, "I just need to put some ointment on my herpes, and then we are good to go."

I know, I'm terrible at this! Please help!

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Your Turn

Out of prison. As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied.

"How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said.

"But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

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What are the most funny Dressing jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Dressing? Well, here are the best Dressing dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Dressing pick up lines to share with friends.

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