Dressed Jokes

Following is our collection of gown humor and wore one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Dressed puns for adults, dirty affluent jokes or clean dressed as satan gags for kids.

There is an abundance of birate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 62 funniest jokes on dressed. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any robe witze you can hear about dressed.

The Best jokes about Dressed

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…

2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

I was having sex with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me...

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

Arrested for being too good in bed!

My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"


After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.


Why are gay men so well dressed?

They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.

The answer is the chicken.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered

The chicken


A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.

Apparently the answer is Chicken.

My wife dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, "You're being charged with being good in bed..."

After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence. 

I saw the girl i had sex with on Halloween yesterday

I don't know why she was still dressed up as a guy though...

I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you.

They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg

A life long question was answered. It was the chicken

My dad dressed up as The Invisible Man today

He's had the costume on for the last 20 years

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."


A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."

The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

McDonald's will give you a free combo meal...

McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.

With a gun.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?

Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.

Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

I went out dressed as a chicken last night.

and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier.

I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"

He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.

When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."

What do you call Hulk dressed up as Captain America?

Star-Spangled Banner

Today is International Women's Day.

It was supposed to be yesterday, but they took longer than expected to get dressed.

Wife's at the door.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
Tie me up, she purred, and you can do anything you want.
So he tied her up and went golfing.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

What's the difference between a poorly-dress man on a bicycle, and a well dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

Actually wait, there's two differences.

Attire, and a tire.

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

I remember when I was younger lying there in bed waiting for Santa to come..

I also remember the awkward silence while waiting for him to get dressed and leave.

I accidentally went to Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca...

It was a Wookie mistake

What do you call a group of chickens dressed up like crows?

A murder most fowl.

(I'll see myself out...)

Why are Gay people always so well dressed?

Because they spend all that time in the closet.

I went to a party dressed as an egg

and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken.

Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

I saw my buddy dressed as a bowl of soup...

I didn't know if he was friend or pho.

A Halloween joke for you.

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."

A man in a bra.

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, How long have you been wearing that bra? The friend replies, Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.

On Halloween, a little boy dressed as a pirate.

He went up to a house and rang the doorbell. A man answered and said, "Well I'll be, a pirate! But where are your buccaneers?
The little boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced

When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:

"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"

"Because he's considering getting married"

As a child I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

I met a little boy today.

He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.


I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.


I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"


As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.


"Yeah. What gave me away?"


I leaned in close and whispered,



"Your parents."

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road

I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"

Four nuns about to take their vows..

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.

Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother Superior said, "I am so honored you want to share this experience with us. May I ask why you came?"

"We're from the groom's family."

Went to the party dressed as a chicken last night.

Went to a party dressed as a chicken last night, and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg - a life long question was answered. It was the chicken.

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.

"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."

At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.

"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and screwed her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.

"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."

"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants

In the locker room after the game...

The guys have finished playing, have showered, and are getting dressed. Dennis pulls out a black lace bra and panties and starts to put them on.

His team mates begin laughing, and making fun of him. The coach asks, "Hey, Dennis! Since when did you start wearing women's underwear?"

Dennis replies, "Since my wife found them under the passenger seat of my car."

A man walks into a bar...

Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.

The Costume Party

The local pub once held a costume party. The bartender announced to the patrons that they must all come dressed up as their "love life". Sure enough, the day of the party arrives and the bartender spots some old geezer dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He says "Oi, mate. You were supposed to come dressed up as your love life!"

With a shrug and a sly grin the other man says "Oh, I have. My four scores were seven years ago."

Overcrowded church

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were only three people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."

A man walks into a costume party

Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.

A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"

"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.

"And who is this on your back?"

"Oh, that's just Michelle."

(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)

A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"

She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."

Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely naked. With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"

The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."

"My ears? On this luscious body, you think my ears are the most sensitive?"

"Well, yes. When you said you heard somebody coming, that was me!"

Emergency flashers

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?"

"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.

"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!

I went to an underground party dressed as a bird.

I was raven for hours.

Who came first?

I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.

The Royal Honeymoon.

On the day of her wedding to Prince William, Catherine gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Catherine's feet are in agony.

The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear William say, "God, that was tight."

"There," whispers Camilla to the Prince Charles, "I told you she was a virgin."

Then, to their surprise, they hear William say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter."

"That's my boy," says the Prince Charles. "Once an Etonian, always an Etonian."

The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.

"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.

"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.

"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.

My boss told me to "dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

Now I'm in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes