The Best 75 Dress Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dress jokes. There are some dress sweaters jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dress fancy dress puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dress Jokes and Puns

Anyone need a slutty costume for Halloween?

Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners

A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".

The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".

"No. This time it's mayonnaise"

A woman stands on a boardwalk...

She notices a man below looking up her dress.

"You, sir, are no gentleman!"

"And you, lady, are no blonde!"

Dry Cleaning

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean."

Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"

"No," says Monica. "Mustard this time."

jokes about dress

A woman walks into a dry cleaner...

and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"


How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like a choir boy.

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

to fulfill my fantasy... that we have health insurance.

Dress joke, I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

The next person to show me that dress...

...is gonna get a white and gold eye.

You can explore dress garb reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dress skimpy dad jokes. There are also dress puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide?

Dress them up as dead lions

Will you get mad?

Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*

Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*

Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*

Husband: *I slept with your sister*

A lady walks into a dry cleaners...

...she's carrying a beautiful black dress. She tells the clerk, "I'll need to pick this up tomorrow."

The clerk, hard of hearing and distracted, innocently asks, "come again?"

Unfazed, she replies, "No. Vanilla ice cream this time."

Little Johnny...one more time.

Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." But this time the little girl just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. "My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Dress joke, Little Johnny...one more time.

2 Black Eyes

A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.

The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.

"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."

Why is Santa Claus always a man?

Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

I went out dressed as a chicken last night.

and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.


I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

Wife: I heard you have a new secretary today?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:Is she smart?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:Is she pretty?

Husband:Yes.

Wife:How did she dress today?

Husband:Very quickly.

"Dress for the job you want," they said.

Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option.

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.

However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"

Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...

A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.

She goes inside to inquire:

Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.

Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.

A nun asks another

What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?

Nun: I would lift up my dress

Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?

Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down

Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?

Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.

Dress joke, A nun asks another

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.
"But wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well? Won't they find out?"
"And who's gonna tell?"

A girl walks into a dry cleaner

She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."

Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes

After all, we have a right to bare arms.


A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

My favourite way to dress is all in black.

My sense of fashion is second to nun.

I'll show myself out.

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?

"Sorry, not Sari."

I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won't be leaving the house.

(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies


The man came home early from work to find his wife lying naked on the bed, crying her eyes out.

What's wrong? he asked.

I've got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night, she

sobbed.

Oh come on now! You've plenty of clothes, and with that

he went over to the wardrobe. See here, there's the nice

pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi

there Tom, the green silk gown…

Saw a guy walking with a naked woman on his back. "You OK?" I asked.

"Sure. I'm headed to a fancy dress as a tortoise."

"And her?"

"Oh, that's Michelle."

I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.

Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party

My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters,

but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."

A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.

Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so sexy I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.

They say Dress for the job you want.

How do I dress like a blow job?

What does a programmer wear?

Whatever is in the dress code.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

A blonde drops off her dress at the dry cleaners,

The dry cleaner says come again
The blonde says it's toothpaste this time

I saw a man walking down the road with a woman on his back

I said "where are you going?"

He replied "Fancy dress party"

"What as?" I asked

"Tortoise" the man shouted back

"Who's she?" I questioned

To which he responded "That's Michelle"

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.

When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?

Because civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

For his birthday, an old man's nephews secretly hire a call girl for him.

When he answers the door she's standing there in a slinky black dress. She says, I'm here to give you super sex.

After thinking for a minute the old man replies, I guess I'll have the soup.

Last night my wife asked me if I wanted to dress up as a clown, hide in the drains and scare her

but I didn't really feel like It.

A guy approaches a beautiful young woman in a short dress at the jukebox.

Wow. Great thong.

She pours her drink on him and walks away.

I'm thorry, was it thomething I thaid??!!

A mathematician arrives at work on a bike

His colleague asks "Where did you get the bike?"

"That's really curious. Imagine, I was walking down the road, suddenly that young woman comes along on this bike, jumps off, takes her dress off 'til she's naked and says "Take what you want". So I took the bike."

"Makes sense", his colleague says, "I don't think you'd look good in a dress".

A guy comes home with two black eyes.

A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.

He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.

He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

Stung...

A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.

"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."

"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."

"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."

Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....

Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress

Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise

Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?

Guy: That's Michelle....

I had my wife dress as a nurse and get on top last night.

That's the closest to healthcare coverage I've had since I was 26.

cries in American

After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says...

"I look forward to seeing you in it".

So for his birthday I bought him a coffin.

My wife hates it when I show her old pictures of what she used to wear.

She has post traumatic dress disorder.

My ex-girlfriend had this weird fetish

She liked to dress up like herself and act like a raging bitch all the time

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care

Sadly that shop didn't have any small shiny discs either.

Sorry , said the cashier, we don't have any in stock.

A lady went into an embroidery shop to buy some fancy beads for her dress.

So she tried another shop down the road.

Like this joke, the shops were all out of sequins.

A man comes home from church with two black eyes.

His wife takes one look at him and exclaims, "how in the world did you get two black eyes at church!?"

"Well" the man answers, "When we stood up to pray, i noticed that the woman in front of me had the back of her dress tucked in to her pantyhoes. I didn't want to embarrass her by telling her, so i reached forward and pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!"

"that explains one black eye" said his wife, " so how did you get the other one?"

"I thought she must have wanted it there so i put it back!"

A naked man was walking down the street with a woman on his back

A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"

The naked man replied, "To a fancy dress party."

"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.

"A tortoise", said the naked man.

"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.

"Oh, that's Michelle."

EDIT - I changed the first "gentleman" to "bloke." I hope it makes more sense that way.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

My wife asked me if she looked fat in her new dress.

I told her: "You look like a beautiful shining star"
She replied: "Awhh..."

But then I added: "A neutron star" and she slapped me.
I was hoping she was too dense to understand the joke.

I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.

"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."

Preacher finds a receipt for a$250 dress in wife's purse. ..

You know we don't have money for things like this. She said, but you don't understand...the devil was there and kept telling me how great it looks on me. Then he replied, you should have said Get behind me Satan. She said, I did, but he said it looks even better from back there!

Police Station: You admit having broken into the same dress shop four times. What did you steal?

A dress for my wife, but she made me change it three times.

Two cowboys walk into a bar and sit down for a drink.

A woman sitting next to them drinking her martin starts choking on her olive.

One cowboy says to the other cowboy, "I'm going to help that there woman." He looks at her and says, "Are you choking?" And she nods yes. "Do you want me to help you?" Again she nods yes.

With that, the cowboy lifts up her dress, pulls down her panties, and licks her bare butt. She gets so flustered she spits out the olive and he saves her life.

As the cowboy sits down next to his friend he says, "That there hind lick maneuver works every time."

I went to a Halloween party

I decided to dress as a clown. On my way to the party, a man in a suit stopped me. He said he was glad he finally found me. I had to explain that he must have me confused for somebody else, but he told me I was dressed like him. I explained that I was just wearing a costume, but he laughed it off as a joke. He then drags me into his car, and now I'm suddenly a member of Congress.

Yesterday I encountered a woman with a very extravagant dress, flawless skin, and a really fancy purse.

I avoided her since I thought she would judge me by my appearance.

They said "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have"

So now I'm sat in a disciplinary meeting, wearing a Batman costume.

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver.

Turned a few heads.

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey...

The bartender gives him one, looks at him head to toe, and asks, "So, what did you dress up for this Halloween?"

The man replies, "A nine-carbon chain".

The bartender chuckles and says, "A nine-carbon chain with alcohol?"

"Yeah, any problem with that?"

"No, nonanol"



Studying chemistry right now and thought of this one. Y'all enjoy Halloween now!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dress apparel puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dress dressed as satan piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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