Dreamed Jokes

I dreamed I saw a color I never saw before

It was just a pigment of my imagination.

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.

Last night I dreamed that I was weightless!

I was like, 0mg

A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

Happy Pi Day

Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of Ο€.

Psychiatrist: Is it recurring?

Me: Not as far as anyone can tell.

Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda.

But it was just a Fanta sea.

3 men go on a trip.....

They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.

After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a handjob last night."

The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a handjob too! What a coincidence! "

The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."

The Meaning of dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "Maybe you'll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."

All last night I dreamed I was a muffler...

I woke up exhausted

Three guys in a bed....

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Always Wanted to get Married

My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.

So we converted to Islam.

I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda

Its a fanta-sea of mine

Three guys on a road trip.

It's late at night and they need a place to sleep. The only hotel that has a room has one double bed. So, they take it. In the night, the guy on one side wakes up, saying "I just had the most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob". The guy on the other side wakes and says "me too!" The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I just dreamed I was skiing".

I've always dreamed of making a belt out of watches...

but everyone always tells me it'd just be a waist of time.

A guy goes to see his doctor...

The doctor asks what's wrong.

The guy says "Two nights ago, I dreamed I was a wigwam. Then last night, I dreamed I was a tepee."

The doctor replies, "Oh, you just need to relax. You're too tense."

A guy goes to see the doctor...

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having these weird dreams! Last night I dreamed I was a Tee-pee and the night before that I dreamed I was a Wigwam."

The doctor looks at him thoughtfully and then says, "I think I see your problem. You're two tents."

I dreamed I was broke

And when I woke up my dreams came true.
Never give up on your dreams.

Three guys go on a skiing trip together.

When they get to the ski lodge there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job."

The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.

The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I dreamed I was skiing."

Here's one you might know...

There once was a man from Peru

who dreamed he was eating his shoe

he woke with a fright

in the middle of the night

to find that his dream had come true.

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

Sweet Dreams

"Doc, I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I was the only man in a nudist colony."

"My, my," responded the doctor. "Did you sleep well?"

"I tried," answered the patient, "but it was hard."

Weird Dreams

I've been having these weird dreams lately and, disturbed by them, I decide to call up my buddy who works as a psychologist.

He asks me what's wrong and I tell him about the weird dreams, "The first night, I dreamed I was a wigwam. And then the next night I had a dream I was a tipi. What do you think this means, doc?"

There was a brief pause before he replied, "Well, I think you're two tents."

Jacque the Snail

Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.

Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.

As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

Three guys are travelling together

When they get to their hotel they find there has been a mistake and they only have one bed. They decide not to worry about it and they all go to sleep in the same bed.

The next morning the guy who slept on the right tells the other two he had a dream in which he got a handjob. The guy who slept on the left says "dude me too!" The guy who slept in the middle says "I dreamed I was skiing"

I dreamed I was the muffler on a big truck....

I woke up exhausted.

A man dies and goes to heaven

St. Peter gives him a tour and asks him 'Well, what do you think?' The man says, 'Its terrific, everything I dreamed it would be. But who were those people sitting by themselves looking so unhappy?' 'Oh, those are the fundamentalists, they can't believe that they aren't the only ones here.'

A joke I was told in school...

Dad : Johnny, why are you crying?


Johnny : I dreamed that the school burned down!


Dad : Dont worry, it was just a dream.


Johnny : Why do you think I'm crying!?

Valentine's Day Gift

A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"

"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.

That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Sasquatch

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.

Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to Sasquatch, "You promised me, Sasquatch, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.

But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of prints in the sand.

Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

Sasquatch turned around, look me staight in the eyes and said,
"HHHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR"

Last night I dreamed I was a god.

I woke up this morning feeling Thor.

A sex addict had a nightmare...

...he dreamed he was being chaste.

Last night I dreamed I was eating a pillow

When I woke up, my 10 pound marshmallow was gone.

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

I once dreamed that I fell down a flight of stairs.

I was so relieved when I woke up safely in the hospital.

Dreams.

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?

You'll know tonight, he said.

That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–to find a book entitled:

The Meaning of Dreams.

What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being.

I told him to grow a pear.

Someone had a crush on you, was totally secretly in love with you, dreamed at you at night and you have no idea

That was the joke

Three guys go on a skiing trip together and are forced to share a room with a single bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job."

The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.

The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I dreamed I was skiing."

The other day I found two gold bars.

I've always dreamed of an Au pair.

Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber?

It was all a pipe dream.

I had a dreamed I pooped the bed.

So it turns out dreams can come true!

Dreamed I died in an orange sea

Was just a FANTA sea

I dreamed about who dies in the upcoming Avengers movie...

...it was a side kick, Vision.

Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

Bill Gates woke up ...

Oh my God!!! - Bill said...
What a nightmare, I dreamed that I was a milionaire!

3 skiers

3 skiers arrive at the lodge to find there is only one room available. They reluctantly accept, and find that it has only one bed. Come time to sleep they agree to share the bed.

The next morning the 3 awake to which says, "last night I had the most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob." Another replies, "I had a dream like that too." And the third simply says, "huh, I dreamed I was skiing."

A man describes his dreams to the psychiatrist.

Man - "Last night I dreamed that I was a teepee. The night before I dreamed that I was a yurt. What does it mean?"
Psychiatrist - "You're two tents."

A girl calls a psychic saying:

*"I dreamed that I had one leg in Spain & the other in Germany. What does that mean?"*

Psychic: *"That you gonna pee on France"*

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^Français, ^je ^vous ^aime

^

My wife and I broke up

Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.


I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.


In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.


The biggest surprise, though, was that we each enjoyed the other's suggestion more.

Last night I dreamed I was a Teepee, and the night before that I dreamed I was a Wigwam.

My wife says I'm two tents.

Me and my wife were contemplating abortion until we saw a commercial sealing the deal...

"They'll do things their parents never even dreamed of, because these kids will grow up with Windows 10."

I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car.

Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible.

We have collected gags that can be used as Dreamed pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Dreamed, here are one liners and funny Dreamed pick up lines.

Joko Jokes