dreamed Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious dreamed puns

I dreamed I drowned in an ocean made of orange soda.

When I woke I realized it was just a Fanta sea.

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I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.

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Last night I dreamed that I was weightless!

I was like, 0mg

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A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. The woman, excited, takes it from her hands, tears the paper nervously, quickly opens the box and finds a book titled: "The meaning of dreams."

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Happy Pi Day

Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of Ο€.

Psychiatrist: Is it recurring?

Me: Not as far as anyone can tell.

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Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda.

But it was just a Fanta sea.

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3 men go on a trip.....

They decided to just book just 1 room with 1 bed to save money.

After the first night, the man who slept on the right said, "I dreamed I was getting a handjob last night."

The man on the left said, " I dreamed about getting a handjob too! What a coincidence! "

The man in the middle said, "I dreamed I was skiing."

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The Meaning of dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "Maybe you'll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."

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All last night I dreamed I was a muffler...

I woke up exhausted

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Three guys in a bed....

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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Love

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

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I've always dreamed of swimming in an ocean of orange soda

Its a fanta-sea of mine

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Always Wanted to get Married

My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.

So we converted to Islam.

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Murphy Was A Very Religious Man....

...... but he also had financial aspirations beyond his means & dreamed of owning a big house, holidays in the sun & owning the *ultimate* status symbol........ a top-of-the-range Ferrari convertible. Not being criminally minded, he decided to ask the lord to make his dreams come true by going to mass 7 days a week & praying hard for a lottery win. Day after day he would do this....."Lord, just one **major** lottery win is all I'm asking for here, please, *please* grant me this wish & I will never ask anything from you again".

One cold winters day when the snow was piled high on the ground, Murphy went to mass & found himself alone in a deserted church. True to form, he knelt & began to once again ask the Lord for his lottery win. Just then, an apparition of a burning bush appeared in the middle of the church altar & a booming voice spoke from it.....

"Murphy, you are indeed a **good** man, you work hard to support your wife & 2 children, you are not an abusive drunk, you don't steal from anybody or cheat on your wife so it would indeed be my pleasure to grant you this wish, but there's just one thing..............meet me half way here & buy a fucking **ticket**, will you??"

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Handjob

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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Three guys on a road trip.

It's late at night and they need a place to sleep. The only hotel that has a room has one double bed. So, they take it. In the night, the guy on one side wakes up, saying "I just had the most vivid dream that I was getting a handjob". The guy on the other side wakes and says "me too!" The guy in the middle wakes up and says "I just dreamed I was skiing".

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I've always dreamed of making a belt out of watches...

but everyone always tells me it'd just be a waist of time.

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A guy goes to see his doctor...

The doctor asks what's wrong.

The guy says "Two nights ago, I dreamed I was a wigwam. Then last night, I dreamed I was a tepee."

The doctor replies, "Oh, you just need to relax. You're too tense."

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I had a dream.

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Hugh Hefner, publisher of Playboy died and went to Hell. He was trapped in a small room with no doors or windows with an unattractive, hateful woman. A voice boomed out from nowhere and said: "Hugh Hefner, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity with this unattractive hateful woman."

Then I dreamed that Bob Guccione, publisher of Penthouse died and went to Hell. Guccione was in a small room with no doors or windows with a hideous looking, vile, hateful woman. A voice boomed out from nowhere and said: Bob Guccione, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity with this most vile of women.

Then I dreamed that I died and went to Hell. I was trapped in a small room with no windows or doors and in the room with me was Marilyn Monroe. A voice boomed out from nowhere and said:

"Marilyn Monroe, for your sins in life...."

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wife dreamed of being at a dick auction...

Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "They gave those away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction."

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A guy goes to see the doctor...

He says, "Doc, you gotta help me! I keep having these weird dreams! Last night I dreamed I was a Tee-pee and the night before that I dreamed I was a Wigwam."

The doctor looks at him thoughtfully and then says, "I think I see your problem. You're two tents."

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Unexpected handjobs are the best...

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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I dreamed I was broke

And when I woke up my dreams came true.
Never give up on your dreams.

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Three guys go on a skiing trip together.

When they get to the ski lodge there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, "Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job."

The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up, and says that he's had the same dream, too.

The guy in the middle says, "Wow that's funny, I dreamed I was skiing."

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"The Meaning of Dreams"

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.


Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

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I dreamed that I got a handjob...

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up

"I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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A man and a wife were in bed one morning when the wife said,

"I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300." The husband asked, "What would mine go for?" The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free." The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000." "How about mine?" the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction."

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Here's one you might know...

There once was a man from Peru

who dreamed he was eating his shoe

he woke with a fright

in the middle of the night

to find that his dream had come true.

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I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

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On the morning of her birthday....

On the morning of her birthday, a woman tells her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?

Maybe you'll find out tonight, he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled The Meaning of Dreams.

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Sweet Dreams

"Doc, I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed I was the only man in a nudist colony."

"My, my," responded the doctor. "Did you sleep well?"

"I tried," answered the patient, "but it was hard."

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Weird Dreams

I've been having these weird dreams lately and, disturbed by them, I decide to call up my buddy who works as a psychologist.

He asks me what's wrong and I tell him about the weird dreams, "The first night, I dreamed I was a wigwam. And then the next night I had a dream I was a tipi. What do you think this means, doc?"

There was a brief pause before he replied, "Well, I think you're two tents."

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Jacque the Snail

Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.

Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.

As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

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My wife said, "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for a hundred dollars and the thick ones went for two hundred dollars." Chuckling, I asked, "How about the ones like mine?" She retorted, "Those, they gave away."

Not to be outdone, I said, "I had a dream too. I dreamed they were auctioning off pussies. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the tight little ones went for two thousand."

She quizzed, "And how much for the ones like mine?"

To which I replied, "That's where they held the auction."

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Three guys are travelling together

When they get to their hotel they find there has been a mistake and they only have one bed. They decide not to worry about it and they all go to sleep in the same bed.

The next morning the guy who slept on the right tells the other two he had a dream in which he got a handjob. The guy who slept on the left says "dude me too!" The guy who slept in the middle says "I dreamed I was skiing"

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What are the most funny Dreamed jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Dreamed? Well, here are the best Dreamed dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Dreamed pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes