Dreading Jokes
33 dreading jokes and hilarious dreading puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dreading that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dreading Short Jokes
Short dreading jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dreading humour may include short dreaded jokes also.
- After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Who was that?
- Just been diagnosed with the dreaded 'Peek-a-Boo virus'...
I'm being transferred to ICU. - I went to a party and all the party games were dreadful, they resorted to the Limbo for entertainment Like seriously, how low can you go?
- Dentist: "This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?" Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: "Yes, ready."
Dentist: "That will be $700 please." - I am dreading the time when Mr. Musk's scandal come out. I just know Elon-gate will keep stretching on.
- Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig? We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.
- I've just had that dreaded call telling me I have to self isolate! Apparently my roommates cat has Covid 19!
Don't ask Meow - I've got an elementary school reunion coming up that I'm dreading, because I've gained like a hundred pounds.
- Don't get a Jamaican hairdo... I did and I have been dreading it ever since.
- Did you hear about the Bob Marley impersonator? He's dreadful.
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Dreading One Liners
Which dreading one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dreading? I can suggest the ones about fearing and feared.
- If we make it past 2020, I'll be dreading 2022. After all, 2022 is 2020, too!
- Have you heard about the shampoo crisis in jamaica? It's dreadful
- Why don't jamaican people secure their homes? Because they dread locks
- We're having a Jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already
- You know what I dread? The long hair of Jamaicans
- I went to a lame reggae concert once It was dreadful
- Since they don't get their hair cut, guys with dreads must save a lot of money on dates.
- My dog kept me awake all night. Dreadful diarrhoea.
Don't think I cooked him properly. - Why do people dread mornings in Athens? Because dawn is tough on Greece
- A friend asked me to do their hair for a rastafarian party... I'm dreading it
- Having a Jamaican hairstyle theme at work tommorow. Im dreading it.
- A Jamaican went to the barber. It was a dreadful experience.
- Today is "Jamaican hair day" at work. I'm dreading it.
- Ever hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It was dreadful.
- I always hate going to my Rastafarian friends house its dreadful
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Dreading Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about dreading you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dreading pranks.
A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.
The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."
Oh, you!
A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."
Either way, the results are not good
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a pint. Just then, a fly drops in each of their Guinness.
The Englishman says: "How dreadful. Barkeep, take this pint back at once, I couldn't possibly touch it, it has a fly in it!"
The Scotsman says: "Ach, it's nae so bad!" and flicks the fly out with the back of his hand and c**... his beer.
The Irishman gingerly picks up the fly by the wing, gives the fly a little wiggle and says: "You spit that out! You spit that out!"
There is no ghost
While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.
As a teacher, one of the things I used to dread most was seeing one of my students out in public. So imagine my surprise when I saw 18 year old Kristen out one Saturday night in a 21 and over establishment. She saw me at the same time, came over and loudly asked, "What the heck are YOU doing here?!"
I said, "Well, I'm a functioning alcoholic, it's Saturday night, and I am 32 years old. So I really think the better question here is... how much are the lap dances?"
