Dreaded Jokes

What are some Dreaded jokes?

A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.

The shelter told her the bird lived in a whorehouse for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.

There is no ghost

While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.

Two peasants turned vampire hunters entered the local cemetery....

...Looking for the dreaded vampire that threatened their homes. As they searched among the tombstones, they found one covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. As night fell, they begun excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear. They threw it open, stakes at the ready but found it empty. Off to the right, a small ordinary tombstone began to tremble and out burst the vampire! As he closed on the helpless pair he laughed saying, "Ah-HA! You fools! You have made a *grave mis-stake!*"


So a man goes to the doctor

So a man goes to the doctor and the doctor believes he may have the dreaded bingo tumour. He says "sir, there is a chance of the tumour being malignant so we will have to run some tests."

They run the tests and a couple of weeks later, the doctor calls him back to his office for the results. The doctor takes him aside and closes the door to deliver the news. "The bad news is that it is definitely a bingo tumour" The man frowns. "What's the good news?" he asks. The doctor looks him dead in the eye and says "It's b9"

Three women go to heaven...

Upon entering the pearly gates God states, "You can live a blissful life with anything you can dream of for all eternity. However, you must not step on any of the ducks!" The women look around to see the floor crowded with waddling ducks. Years go by without a hiccup. Finally after 10 years the first woman makes the dreaded mistake and steps on a duck. Immediately she in handcuffed to the most hideous, grotesque man she has ever seen. God states, "This shall remain for all eternity!" Five years later the second women makes the same crucial mistake and "POOF!" another hideous mate handcuffed for the rest of time. Finally after decades, "POOF!" the final women is suddenly strapped to the most handsome, perfect man she has ever seen. She screams to God, "What did I do to be so lucky?!!" At that moment the man looks over and says, "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck!"

It makes sense that tumblr is against whites with dreadlocks

After all, these are the *dreaded* white people they're always talking about.

Why didn't the Jamaican cut his hair?

He dreaded it.

A young man becomes a born again Christian after reading a religious flyer at his college.

He doesn't initially tell his girlfriend, justifying the embarrassment as natural to any young infant in the faith. But in the following weeks his commitment escalates dramatically, and he takes up a position as a Christian missionary to Uganda.
One day the dreaded phone call wakes him up. Observing the name a few moments as the device vibrates with a strangely irritated tone, he hastily prepares what he will say to his girlfriend.
Hi Susie, he blurts. I can't see you anymore. I'm in a missionary position.

How to make Dreaded jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Dreaded to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Dreaded? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Dreaded pick up lines to share with friends.

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