drawer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious drawer puns

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

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I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

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I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided; if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

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Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.

The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."

The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I burned them."

The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."

The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"

"I poked holes in them."

The third nun fainted.

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Favourite one-liner?

"stationary shop moves" - Jimmy Carr

**Another favourite -** "I keep my porno tapes in my sock drawer, it's all you need in one place" - Jason Manford

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Can't Hold a Job

Bubba thought his new girlfriend might be the
one but after looking through her knicker drawer
and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid's
outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally
decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him

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A blonde walks in on her husband cheating on her

Sobbing uncontrollably, she pulls out the gun from the drawer and puts the barrel under her chin.

"No, honey! Don't! I'm sorry; don't leave me alone with the kids!"

Glaring through her tears, the blonde yells:

"Oh, don't worry. You're going to be next."

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A guy starts his first day at a bakery...

The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.

"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."

"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.

"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."

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Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

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A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.

While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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A horny married couple

A horny married couple stumble into their bedroom all over each other. As things progress, the wife sits up and says "you wait here while I slip into something a little more comfortable." She gets up and disappears into her walk-in closet.

The husband sits up and undresses. He reaches into his drawer and grabs a rubber and starts to slip it on. Then the door opens and the couple's son walks in right as the husband has both hands firmly on the condom around his shaft. The husband lets out a high-pitched, surprised yelp and quickly covers himself with a pillow.

"Hey dad, what are you doing?" the son asks curiously. "Oh uh.....I uh.....I thought I saw a rat under the bed." says his dad. "Oh." replies the son. "Well what were you trying to do, fuck it?"

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Viagra & Ben Gay

A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.
I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny . . . keep potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength"and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"


The man says, "Gimme 3 boxes." The next day, he walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places. The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."


The pharmracist replies, "BEN GAY?!?!?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on THAT, are you?" The man says, "Naw, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up!!

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A woman is cleaning out her husband's bedside table...

...and when she gets to the bottom drawer she finds 3 eggs and $3,458.

Confused, she asks her husband about it. He sighs, then says sadly, "You'd better sit down."

She sits, looking anxious. "We've been married for over 30 years", he starts, "and in that time, I've... well I've been unfaithful."

There's an awkward pause, then with tears in her eyes she asks, "What does that have to do with the eggs?" "Well," he explains "whenever I was unfaithful, I put an egg in the drawer."

"Well three times isn't that bad in 30 years, but what about the money?"

"Oh." the husband says, "Whenever I had a dozen eggs, I sold them."

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Where do geneticists store vegetables?

In the CRISPR drawer

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Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.

The first one says "I found nude pictures on his desk so I tore them".

The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".

The third nun fainted.

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i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat...

so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer

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Jack Off...

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they should lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.

One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.

Manager, "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."

Jane, "Well, jack-off. I've got a headache."

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Visiting a barber

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.


"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."


The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.


"And what if I swallow it?"


"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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Two pathologists are in a morgue...

...one says to the other,

"Hey, you know the blonde stiff in container C-06?"

"Yeah?" the other replies.

"Well, there's a prawn in between her legs."

"What?!"

"Yes, I swear!"

"Bullshit, show me."

The pathologist leads the other to the container, pulls out the drawer, throws back the white sheet and points.

"See? What did I tell you?"

The other pathologist shakes his head and says,
"That's not a prawn you moron, that's the clitoris"

"Oh." He replies. "Tastes like a prawn."

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Barber's Joke today

A man enters a barbershop for a shave.
While the barber gets him lathered, he mentions he can't get a close shave on his cheeks.

"I have just the thing" the barber takes a small wooden ball from a small drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum"
The customer places the ball in his cheek and gets the closest shave he has ever experienced.

After the shave, the customer asks in garbled speech "what if I swallow it?" "Not a problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else"

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A man can't stop sneezing...

...So he goes to the doctor. Unfortunately, poor doctor can't find a thing that is causing his patient to sneeze all the time, but the man is relentless and visits the doctor almost daily, causing him to be more and more annoyed. One day, the doctor gets an idea. He takes a bottle of pills out of his drawer and hands them to the patient.

\- Take those three times a day. In fact, take one right now. They should help with the sneezing.

Patient thanks the doctor, takes the pill, and leaves.
A minute later a nurse runs into doctor's office.

\- Doctor, doctor, the patient that left a moment ago is writhing in pain in front of the clinic!

\- Ah yes, the medicine must be working.

\- What did you give to him?

\- A laxative.

\- Will it cure him?

\- No, but let's see this fucker try and sneeze now.

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Two guys are working in a morgue...

...when one guy comes in and says, "Hey man, did you see that good looking blonde they just brought in?"

"No, why?"

"She's got a shrimp sticking out of her pussy!"

"No way. You're fuckin' around."

"No, really, come see for yourself!"

They walk down to storage and open her drawer, pulling back the sheet to her knees.

"See!"

The other guy spreads her legs a little to take a closer look.

"Man, you're an idiot. That's her clit!"

"Oh," he says. "It sure tastes like shrimp."

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Who's This Guy

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

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A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny and potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer, and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength," and says, "here, if you take these you'll go wild for twelve hours!" The guy responds, "Great! Gimme three boxes!"

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, approaches the pharmacist, and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror at man's black and blue member.

The man says, "I'm gonna need some Ben Gay cream."

The pharmacist replies, "Ben Gay? You're not going to put Ben Gay on THAT are you?"

"Nope, it's for my arms ... the girls didn't show up."

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A woman is putting clean laundry away...

She starts putting away her husband's clothes. Her husband's wardrobe has four drawers, the top one being his personal drawer. She was told to keep away from it by her husband. Curious, she opens it, and finds three golf balls, and dozens of stacks of banded bills.

Her husband arrives home and she decides to confront him. She asks him why he has these things in his drawer.

He replies "I'm sorry hun, i shouldn't have kept this from you. Every time i've cheated on you, i put one golf ball in the drawer."

She thinks for a moment...three golf balls, that isn't horrible..

She looks at him and says, "Ok..that explains the golf balls...but what is all the money about?"

Her husband replies, "Every time i got to 10 golf balls i sold them."

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[Blonde] A blonde comes home early and finds her husband with another girl...

...so she runs out of the room and the husband follows her. She gets to the kitchen and grabs a gun from the drawer and points it at her head. The husband starts crying as tells her, "Wait don't do it I still love you it was just a mistake!" The blonde replies, "Shut up you're next!"

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I slide her panties to the side

So I could fit her socks in the drawer.

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Condom

Many years ago

Just before leaving to meet my first real girlfriend,
My Dad pulled me into his bedroom,
He opened his bedside drawer and handed me a condom.
With a wink he said, 'Take care, Son, I'm proud of you'

To this day I'm not sure what was worse:

My Dad's knowledge and pride in what I was about to do,
or
Having used a condom that was intended for my Mother.

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When I was a toddler, my Italian mother caught me in her study.

I'd gotten into a drawer full of Greek plays. She walked in to catch me tearing Hippolytus in half. I'd done the same to others as well. The Bacchae, Heracles, Madea. As I stood there, happily shredding what had to be a 120 year old text, she began flailing and screaming.

"My a-beautiful boy, why? Why-a Euripides?"

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A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''


The man does so and the barber shaves away.


''Wow,'' exclaims the man, ''that is great!'' He then asks with a muffled voice, ''What happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?''


''No problems,'' replies the barber. ''Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else.''

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Where do you keep genetically modified vegetables that cure cancer?

In the CRISPR drawer.

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A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife.

He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...

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I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model...

I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

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My dog got into my sock drawer today...

I had to re-pair all my socks.

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what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

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What are the most funny Drawer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Drawer? Well, here are the best Drawer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Drawer pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes