drain Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious drain puns

Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

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My girlfriend came out of the shower

and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"

I said yeah,"the damn drain is clogged again!".

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My wife gets mad at me for peeing in the shower.

I keep explaining to her it's the best way to break the poop up into smaller pieces, so it goes down the drain. She just doesn't understand.

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Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."

After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

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What's thick, black, and over a foot long?

My roommate's asian girlfriend's hair clogging the fucking shower drain.

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I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

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A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

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Three vampire bats had a blood drinking competition

The first bat flew away and came back with blood on its teeth saying "You see that man over there? I drank his blood"
Then the second bat flew away and came back with blood all around his mouth saying "You see that family over there? I drank blood from all of them"
Then it was the third bat's turn. He flew away and came back with his whole face covered in blood. The other bats gasped in amazement and asked "how many people did you drain?"
The bat answered: "You see that wall over there? Well, I fucking didn't"

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An American walks into an Irish pub...

He slams some money on the counter and loudly announces "These 100 Pounds go to the man who can drain ten pints of guinness without pausing!" He then orders the bartender to line up ten pints, and asks "Anyone who thinks he can do it?"
After a moment, Paddy gets up and says "I'll have a go at it, but before that, can I go outside for a few minutes?" "Sure, why not" comes the answer.
So Paddy walks out and, after a little while, comes back in. "Okay, I'm ready" he says, picks up one pint after another and drains all of the glasses. The American is very impressed, but as he hands out the money, he has to ask: "Say, where did you go just before you won my little bet here?"
"Ah, just went to Reilly's pub next door to see if I could do it!"

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A man goes to an asylum and asks

How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?

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My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffe...

... and smiled and said "Ahh, it's like making love in a canoe". I asked "it's that good?" and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eyes and said "no, it's fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain.

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What do you get when you drain a hot tub full of clowns?

Several gallons of laughing stock.

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I just found out that cock fighting is done with chickens.

Six months of training with my niggas down the drain.

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A man noticed another man throwing 50 dollar bills into a drain

What are you doing?!! He asked.

I accidentally dropped a dollar down there the man responded.

So why are you throwing even more money in?

There's no way I am going to crawl down there for just a dollar

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If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one and milk the other, then you pour the milk down the drain

Nazism: The government shoots you and keeps the cows

Capitalism: You sell one and buy a bull. Then put both of them in your wife's name and declare bankruptcy.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned

Binaryism: You have 10 cows

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if a plumber's career can go down the drain...

And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?

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In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

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Turns out, when you drain the swamp...

You are left with nothing, but the shit at the bottom.

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We give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket; and then ask ask them to empty the bathtub...

While I was being given a tour of a mental asylum, I asked the psychiatrist, How do you establish whether or not a person should be committed to your institution?

The doctor answered, We have a standard test. We fill up a bathtub with water, then give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket, and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

I see, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's much bigger than the spoon or the cup.

No, said the doctor, a normal person would pull the drain plug. Would you like a bed near the window?

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If my wife hates when I cum in her hair.

Why does she keep leaving it in the shower drain?

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a man was late for a business meeting

so he was already in a rush when he had a flat tire. he pulled over and began changing to his spare. Just as he as about to mount the spare, he accidentally knocked all his lugnuts into a storm drain. so he begins cursing his luck.

It just so happens he pulled over next to an insane asylum where there were patients out on the grounds behind a chain link fence. one of the patients saw the commotion and came to the fence and asked him what was wrong. He explained that he had lost his lugnuts and couldn't mount the spare.

"just take one lugnut off of each of the other three tires. that will at least get you where you need to go, then you can get replacement nuts later." the patient suggested.

"that's actually really brilliant. thank you" the man said.

"yeah, well I'm in here because I'm crazy, not stupid"

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A boy tells his father that humans are cruel

"Hmm okay, but why?" asked the father.

"Well some people out there are hanging horses" said the son.

The father let out a confused chuckle, "What do you mean people are hanging horses?!"

The son tells him "well I overheard mum telling her friend that the plumber who came over to fix the drain pipes was hung like a horse."

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I like my women like I like my drain pipes.

Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall.

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My girlfriend came out of the shower...

She said, I shaved my pussy, do you know what that means?
I said, Yeah, the fucking drain is clogged.

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Want to see your wife's hair matted with your jizz?

Clean your shower drain.

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Bathroom Poetry

This little throne I call my own

I aim to keep it neat

So drain your soul, pee down the hole

And not upon the seat

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If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain,.....

Can a hooker get laid off?

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My wife got mad at me for buying $10,000 worth of toilet paper.

She said i was flushing all of our money down the drain.

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I heard Dreamworks next picture will be about ale drinking in the Middle Ages...

It's called "How to Drain Your Flagon".

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I just bought a bottle of Drano...

Well that was $4 down the drain.

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11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Arrived at crime scene

11.34: Examined body. Signs of a struggle

11.34: Found murder weapon in drain

11.34: Realised watch was broken

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I had to defrost my fridge but I forgot to empty the drain box.

Now it's just water under the fridge.

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I slipped in the shower yesterday...

Almost lost 28 years down the drain...

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What's the most effective way to drain a swamp?

Pour toxic orange sludge into it and the community will mobilize to drain it for you.

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A man's girlfriend shaves her pussy in the shower.

His girlfriend says "Hey babe, I shaved my pussy...you know what that means?"

The man replies "Yeah, the fucking drain is clogged again."

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What are the most funny Drain jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Drain? Well, here are the best Drain dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Drain pick up lines to share with friends.

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