Drags Jokes
33 drags jokes and hilarious drags puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drags that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Drags Short Jokes
Short drags jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drags humour may include short dragging jokes also.
- Why are there no transvestites in space? Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
- I used to have a dog with no legs named Cigarette And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
- I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up. Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.
- What's the difference between game of thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
- Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started. "I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
- What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.
But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag. - A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?" - An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub The Englishman decides to leave and drags everyone else out with him.
- So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night... She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
- Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.
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Drags One Liners
Which drags one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drags? I can suggest the ones about dragged and pulls.
- I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
- Why cant transvestites be pilots? There's too much drag.
- Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off? Too much drag
- My legless dog is named cigarette… Every day I take him out for a drag.
- Friction annoys me. It's such a drag.
- Why are there no transvestites in space ? Because there is zero drag.
- I've been doing some drag racing recently. It's quite the transsport.
- What do you call a cow with no hind legs? an utter drag
- If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
- Why did the doctor feel beat after flying United? He had a severe case of jet drag.
- I finally got my seat on United! The whole process was such a drag
- I'm glad gay month is nearly over it's been such a drag.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- Taking my dog for a walk Taking my quadriplegic dog for a walk is a real drag.
Charming Humor Drags Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about drags you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drapes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drags pranks.
Pull
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says p**..., 'You must have a vase somewhere!'
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
A nun was out for a walk...
...when a black van pulls up beside her. A man jumps out and drags her into the van were he proceeds to r**... her. When he's done he stands up beside her and asks:
- So what are you gonna tell your sisters when you get back?
- I will tell them the truth. That a horrible man attacked me and r**... me twice.
- Twice? the man asks.
- Yes. the nun replies. If your not in a rush of course?
So this piece of rope walks into a bar...
...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
I hate when my wife drags me to a dance class.
She knew I was paraplegic when she married me.
Gorilla Encounter
Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive e**.... The gay men are fascinated by this.
One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.
An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.
A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"
"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"
A very drunk man walks in to a pub
He tells the bartender "bartender, I want a drink. In fact, give everyone in here a drink on me. You have a drink with us, too." The bartender serves everyone a drink of their choosing and himself then hands the drunk man the bill. The drunk man pats himself down looking for his wallet and says "it appears I've misplaced my wallet." The bartender gets upset, grabs the drunk man by his neck, drags him out back and kicks the ever-lovin-s**... out of the drunk man. A few minutes later the drunk man walks in and says "Bartender, I'm buying another drink for everyone in here. But not you. You get mean when you drink."
Pulling Together
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge.
"Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch.
Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."
A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door
Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the pub."
One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.
Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about h**.... Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door bell
p**... rings his new girlfriend's door bell, holding a
big bunch of flowers.
She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.
She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips
her knickers off and says
'This is for the flowers!'
'Don't be silly,' says p**...,
'You must have a vase somewhere!'
Jesus and Moses are walking by the Red Sea when Moses goes
"Hey Jesus, check this out. I still got it!" and parts the waters.
Jesus responds "That's nothing!" and starts walking out on the water. He takes a few steps and starts sinking.
Embarrassed, he swims to shore and Moses drags him out. "Don't worry", Moses says, "last time you did this you didn't have those holes in your feet."
A man runs through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop
"You are supposed to stop at a stop sign" the cop says.
"But I slowed down." The driver says
"that's the same thing."
The officer then drags the guy into the road and beats him with his baton
"Now do you want me to stop or slow down?!"
A woman drags her husband to the doctor,
He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."
Why did the man name his no legged dog "Cigarettes?"
Because he liked to take him out for long drags.
I went to a Halloween party
I decided to dress as a clown. On my way to the party, a man in a suit stopped me. He said he was glad he finally found me. I had to explain that he must have me confused for somebody else, but he told me I was dressed like him. I explained that I was just wearing a costume, but he laughed it off as a joke. He then drags me into his car, and now I'm suddenly a member of Congress.
