Dragged Jokes
59 dragged jokes and hilarious dragged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dragged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dragged Short Jokes
Short dragged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dragged humour may include short dragging jokes also.
- Why are there no transvestites in space? Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
- I used to have a dog with no legs named Cigarette And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
- I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up. Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.
- What's the difference between game of thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
- Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started. "I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
- What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.
But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag. - A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?" - An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub The Englishman decides to leave and drags everyone else out with him.
- So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night... She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
- Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.
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Dragged One Liners
Which dragged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dragged? I can suggest the ones about drags and pulled.
- I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
- Why cant transvestites be pilots? There's too much drag.
- Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off? Too much drag
- My legless dog is named cigarette… Every day I take him out for a drag.
- Friction annoys me. It's such a drag.
- Why are there no transvestites in space ? Because there is zero drag.
- I've been doing some drag racing recently. It's quite the transsport.
- What do you call a cow with no hind legs? an utter drag
- If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
- Why did the doctor feel beat after flying United? He had a severe case of jet drag.
- I finally got my seat on United! The whole process was such a drag
- I'm glad gay month is nearly over it's been such a drag.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- Taking my dog for a walk Taking my quadriplegic dog for a walk is a real drag.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Dragged Jokes
What funny jokes about dragged you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grabbed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dragged pranks.
KGB is Always Watching!
One night man tries escape from gulag.
Makes his way to cabin in middle of tundra. Inside is plain, but many family pictures on walls. He falls asleep. In middle of night he is put in sack and dragged out. The next morning he is shot like dog.
Pictures are windows. KGB always watching.
i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith
thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
Cavemen were smarter than we think.
Do you know why cavemen dragged their women around by the hair?
It was so they wouldn't fill up with rocks.
A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...
The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."
The final cookie
A man near death smelled his wife baking his favorite cookies down stairs. He decided if he was going to go he would have one last cookie before he went. He dragged his mostly useless body down the stairs and crawled to the counter where he knew the cookies were on the cooling rack. As he reached for a final treat his wife smacked him on the hand with a wooden spoon and said, "Those are for your f**... guests".
A mailman walks up to a house...
He sees a pig with a wooden leg. When the owner answers the door, the mailman asks why the pig has a wooden leg.
"Well, you see, that pig is a life-saver."
"That doesn't explain why he has a wooden leg."
"A couple nights ago, our house caught on fire. That pig dragged every one out of the house- even the dog."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain the leg."
"Well, with a pig that great, you can't eat him all at once!"
The best part about owning a cat...
One of the best things about having a cat is that when you hear noises at night you can just think, "Oh, must be the cat," and go back to sleep. Why, just last night my cat dragged what must have been a large chain around the house moaning, "All who have desecrated this land must die." ...so cute.
Properly relocating a cavewoman
Q: Why did the caveman drag his cavewoman around by the hair?
A: Because if he dragged her around by the feet she would fill up with dirt.
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
What did the flight attendant say to the vulture who dragged two dead raccoons onto the flight?
I'm sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion
Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a glass of Ribena?
He was dragged away by a strong current.
I'm stuck in Christmas mass right now and I need some n**... religious jokes about Christianity in order to make my dad crack. Have any?
Help me, I got dragged to this as vice and now we need jokes.
The Dying Man and the Cookies
An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your f**...!"
What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal?
Welp, seal ate her.
Had a house party last night
...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"
A wife dragged her husband to their marriage counselor appointment with his fishing net.
"Do you see what I have to put up with," the wife says.
"Yes," said the counselor. "He's obviously in seine."
I was window shopping yesterday when something going past me caught my eye.
Lemme tell you, being dragged down the street by the eye s**...!
My mom and dad walked into a bar
Then they dragged me out by my ear and confiscated my fake ID.
In recent news, a woman flying with Turkish Airlines gave birth to a baby girl midflight.
In keeping with the times, the baby girl was promptly dragged off the plane by security.
Why is dad excluded from the wedding?
Because he'd have to be dragged down the isle k**... and screaming
Ancient Chinese Proverb
Once bitten, twice shy.
Once dragged off, one runs back.
United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane"
Largest bill for Chinese take out to date
Car c**...
I crashed my car between two houses today. Mr and Mrs Ball live in the left house and Mr and Mrs Smith live in the right house....
Thank God I was dragged out by the Smiths!!
When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.
As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"
Why did cavemen drag women by their hair?
Because if they dragged them by their feet, they'd fill up with mud!
I love this old joke!
A man stops to ask directions from a farmer sitting on his porch and is amazed to see a three-legged pig sitting at the farmer's feet.
"That's a weird-looking pig," the man says. The farmer is furious. "Don't you ever say anything bad about this pig!" he says. "Just last week my wife and I were sleeping, and a fire broke out. This pig dragged us both to safety. Last month a robber broke into the house. The pig knocked him down, dialed 911 with his snout and sat on him until the police arrived. So don't ever say anything bad about him."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "But what's the deal with the three legs?"
"Mister," the farmer says, "a pig like this you don't eat all at once."
Been awhile since I've seen some United Airline jokes on this sub
Guess they were dragged out of the meta
The vulture dragged a dead goat onto the plane.
Don't worry, he said to the attendant. It's just my carrion.
My wife dragged me to a classical concert.
Me: I hope this concert has a lot of ado.
Her: Huh?
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....
Me: F*c**....
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.
The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"
Why did the boy drown in his bowl of cereal?
He was dragged in by the currants.
Does anyone remember when they dragged the Asian man off the flight?
I think that was just plane Wong.
A Rabbi, a Preist, and a Monk walk into a bar
The Rabbi orders a drink and says, I'm sick of hearing the same old jokes about us recycled over and over again to which the Priest replies, I completely agree! The template is just dragged out and overused. I'd like to see someone try to make a joke about the three of us in a bar that is new. The monk sits back for a moment and then says how about this one?
My friend is addicted to visiting Vegas and watching craps in a casino for hours.
Then one day, security dragged him out of the bathroom
BE CAREFUL IN SUPERMARKETS!!!
My wife and I went to grocery. Of course, we had face mask and goggles to be safe.
When we got there, wow, there are still too many people. Scary !
I decided, and I pulled my wife to go home cos we might even catch Covid there.
But, contradicting me, she wants to let go and doesn't want to go home!
Oh my goodness! I really dragged her back to the car.
In the car, she ignores me and is angry.
When we arrived home, when we remove face mask.
She is not my wife.
After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor's boy,
the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. It's only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age, the neighbor said. Sexuality?! the mother yelled. He took out her appendix!
My Dad is a Nun
When my Dad got dragged to court and they asked if he had an occupation, he said Nun
When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:
"I did it for the car, ma!"
A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "m**...!" "Killer! ".
The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman : Tell me what happened.
The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either c**... the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into the direction of a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person?
Policeman : No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision to make. But tell me how did you end up killing 11 people?
Suspect : Well that a**... ran towards the other 10.
A 90 year old billionaire was dragged into the abyss by the tentacles of a Lovecraftian Old God...
It was an elder rich horror.
A man is standing on the Red Square in Moscow with a banner: "Death to the b**... madman"
Promptly, the police appears. "What, are you against our glorious leader Vladimir Putin?". And so the police beats him up.
"Wait, stop! I was protesting against Zelensky - the b**... madman!" - the man shouts as he is being dragged into the police car.
"Shut up, you. We all know who the b**... madman is here".
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
What is the Funniest soviet joke?
An old man was scattered on the sidewalk and accidentally fell into the river beside the road, shouting for help! The two policemen heard it, turned a blind eye, and continued to talk and laugh as they walked. The old man became anxious and shouted "Down with Brezhnev"! When the two policemen heard this, they jumped into the river and dragged the old man ashore to handcuff him.