The Best 76 Drag Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Drag jokes. There are some drag tug jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these drag drag queen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Drag Jokes and Puns
So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night...
She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it will take three episodes.
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!
Two Dragons walk into a bar
One dragon says, "It's hot in here".
"Shut your mouth", says the other dragon.
A man walks into a bar carrying a dog...
The dog has no legs. The bartender looks at the legless dog and asks the man, "What's your dog's name?" The man replies, "Cigarette." The bartender looks at him puzzled. "Why did you name him Cigarette?" The man replies, "Because every morning, I take him out for a drag."
Once I had a dog...
Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag
A tiger goes to the gym...
... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.
When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?
Taking my dog for a walk
Taking my quadriplegic dog for a walk is a real drag.
Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette?
Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.
But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag.
"So how was your golf game today, dear?"
"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."
You can explore drag haul reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean drag rupaul dad jokes. There are also drag puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
Animals missing legs.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It Doesn't matter, it is not going to come anyways.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a cat with no legs?
General Tso's chicken
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean beef
My go-to joke: Chicken walks into a bar...
A chicken walks into a bar, meets an egg. They go home together and the sleep together, and when they're done the chicken rolls over in bed, lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and says, "Well, I guess that answers *that* question."
What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?
The phrase "I blew a tranny" means something totally different.
A terrible joke
My friend was really mad at me because I was masturbating while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her funeral a real drag.
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
they'll never listen to us
Wife: I lost my keys again
Me: Its in your jeans
Wife: Don't drag my family into this
Why are there no transvestites in space?
Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
SPOILER ALERT:
I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
What do you call a cow with no hind legs?
an utter drag
A redneck's father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?
Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix
911: Can you spell that?
Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.
I went to a drag race yesterday
It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
Say what you will about drag queens...
but they get into more woman's pants than I do.
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
Did you hear about the scottish drag queen?
He wore pants.
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing...
He looked thoroughly worn out.
"Tough day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Oh, you have no idea," he said. "The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve."
I finally got my seat on United!
The whole process was such a drag
Why did the doctor feel beat after flying United?
He had a severe case of jet drag.
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.
You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
Have you heard the new United Airlines motto?
"One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"
Friction annoys me.
It's such a drag.
Why cant transvestites be pilots?
There's too much drag.
Why do cross dressers fall slowly?
Because of the drag.
I've been doing some drag racing recently.
It's quite the transsport.
Why don't blind people Wingsuit?
Too much drag from the dog.
Why are dragons so good at rapping?
Because they're always spitting fire.
I have a dog with no legs
I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
The Chicken and the Egg are lying in bed...
The Chicken takes a drag of a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess that answers that question..."
Bubba Calls 911
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
This kid is dragging a chain down the road
and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"
I am occasionally forced to wear women's clothes.
It's a real drag.
What's the hardest part about drag racing?
Running in heels.
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Why are there no transvestites in space ?
Because there is zero drag.
Smoking Kills
Experts say that every time you inhale a drag of a cigarette, it takes 7 seconds off your life.
When I was a teenager, my best friend and I tried cigarettes for the first time. I ended up smoking for 25 years, but my friend only inhaled **once**.
Yesterday, while out walking his dog, he got hit by a bus and was killed instantly.
I can't get it out of my mind - I keep thinking - if he never had inhaled that one time - we probably could have heard him scream.
Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?
He is an expert at hiding nuts.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
I used to have a dog with no legs named Cigarette
And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
We have a dog with no legs
We called him "cigarette" because every now and then we'd take him out for a drag
If horse racing is the "sport of kings"
is drag racing the sport of queens?
What do cigarettes and dogs with no legs have in common?
You take them both out for a drag
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
I used to have a legless dog named cigarette
Every morning I would take him out for a drag
My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette...
and every night we go out for a drag.
A salesman knocks on a door and a 10 year old kid answers drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette...
The salesman is shocked but he asks the kid: Excuse me young man is your mother or father home?
The kid looks at him, takes a drag from the cigarette and says, What do you think?
"911, what's your emergency?"
Drunk redneck, "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk redneck, "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk redneck, "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Why would you call him, he can't come over.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Last place you put him.
Where do you bring a dog with no legs?
Drag race.
TIL you need an Act of Congress to move some pieces of furniture in the White House.
Approving new Cabinet positions is such a drag.
2 dragons walk into a bar
The first one says "it's hot in here."
The second one says "shut your mouth"
My legless dog is named cigarette…
Every day I take him out for a drag.
I'm glad gay month is nearly over
it's been such a drag.
My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun
Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
Why did the general contractor insist on hiring a drag queen to install the house's front door?
Because a drag queen always knows how to make an entrance.
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but it takes 15 episodes.
I once had a dog with no legs. His name was Cigarette.
Every morning I'd take him out for a drag.
911, whats your emergency?
Operator:
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that out for me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to pine street and call right back.
They say make-up sex is the best...
That's why I married a drag queen.
Which fairy tales are longest?
The ones that drag on.
Why do Aerospace Engineers prefer going to the gym instead of cross-dressing?
They want to prioritize Lift over Drag
Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started.
"I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
Why are dragon plushies soft and cuddly?
They aren't scale models.
Why did the car get disqualified from the neighborhood drag race?
>!No spoilers!<
I expect the Musk-Twitter feud to take a really long time to resolve
I mean, one should expect Elon-gate to drag out
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the drag sparky jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working drag lug piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.