Drag Jokes
157 drag jokes and hilarious drag puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about drag that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
An article about drag jokes. Read the funniest jokes about drag racing, drag queen bingo, drag race inside, drag racing gap, drag bingo, drag queen roast, Marlboro, hang, haul and more. Laugh out loud with our selection of jokes!
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Funniest Drag Short Jokes
Short drag jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The drag humour may include short pull jokes also.
- Why are there no transvestites in space? Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
- I used to have a dog with no legs named Cigarette And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
- I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up. Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.
- What's the difference between game of thrones and United Airlines? One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
- Firemen are called to a burning pub. They drag out an Irishman and asked him how the fire started. "I don't know." He says, "It was on fire when I went in there."
- What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - He won't come anyway.
But you could call him "cigarette" and take him out for a drag. - A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?" - An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub The Englishman decides to leave and drags everyone else out with him.
- So I dragged off this girl from the bar the other night... She had this cool tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. Damnedest thing, though! When I put my ear to it, I could smell the ocean.
- Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.
Share These Drag Jokes With Friends
Drag One Liners
Which drag one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with drag? I can suggest the ones about move and transfer.
- I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
- Why cant transvestites be pilots? There's too much drag.
- Why did the cross dressing pilots career never take off? Too much drag
- My legless dog is named cigarette… Every day I take him out for a drag.
- Friction annoys me. It's such a drag.
- Why are there no transvestites in space ? Because there is zero drag.
- I've been doing some drag racing recently. It's quite the transsport.
- What do you call a cow with no hind legs? an utter drag
- If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
- Why did the doctor feel beat after flying United? He had a severe case of jet drag.
- I finally got my seat on United! The whole process was such a drag
- I'm glad gay month is nearly over it's been such a drag.
- Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition? He is an expert at hiding nuts.
- I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.
- Taking my dog for a walk Taking my quadriplegic dog for a walk is a real drag.
Drag Racing Jokes
Here is a list of funny drag racing jokes and even better drag racing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend invited me to go drag racing with him and I thought yeah that sounds fun Turns out it is really freaking hard to run in the heels
- What's the hardest part about drag racing? Running in heels.
- Why did the car get disqualified from the neighborhood drag race? >!No spoilers!<
- What do you call a dog with no legs? Why would you call him, he can't come over.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Last place you put him.
Where do you bring a dog with no legs?
Drag race. - Drag racing is my favorite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.
- They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called "Drag Races".
- I tried drag racing the other day. It's incredibly hard to run in heels.
- I dont care if I seem racist Drag racing just is not as impressive as formula 1.
- What do you call a bunch of transvestites seeing who can run the fastest A drag race
- I'm thinking about getting into drag racing... It looks pretty straight forward.
Drag Race Jokes
Here is a list of funny drag race jokes and even better drag race puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I recently bought a second hand car. It only had one previous owner, a little old lady, who only used it once a week, on a Sunday - when she took it drag racing.
- How do the transgender compete? They Drag Race.
- As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities Their first project will be Drag Racing
- What do you do with a no-legged greyhound? Take it drag racing
- Did i ever tell u about the time i went to see a drag race? Yeah... I wasnt expecting to see a bunch of dudes dressed as ladies heading for the finish line.
- What I don't understand about drag racing is why they're all dressed like women.
- I saw a group of transvestites driving really fast... ... it took me a while to realise that they were drag-racing.
- What do you call two speeding men in dresses? Drag racing.
- I don't know what people don't get about drag racing. It's very straight forward.
- Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing... ...buy I kept tripping in those high heels
Drag Queen Jokes
Here is a list of funny drag queen jokes and even better drag queen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the general contractor insist on hiring a drag queen to install the house's front door? Because a drag queen always knows how to make an entrance.
- Did you hear about the scottish drag queen? He wore pants.
- Say what you will about drag queens... but they get into more woman's pants than I do.
- I had a date with a six foot, eight inch drag queen I found on Craigslist. Boy was I disappointed when I discovered he was 6'8
- My grandmother made a great living driving funny cars in the 1960's. She was a drag queen.
- Tony Stark's drag queen name. Fe Male.
- Why does Indiana Jones hate drag queens? They're booby traps
- Why don't drag queens drown? (OC) Because they're flamboyant.
- What do you call a female United CEO? A drag queen
- What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool? Phlegmbouyant
Drag Strip Jokes
Here is a list of funny drag strip jokes and even better drag strip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once visited a gay s**... club in Soho, where the main attraction was a drag queen/ stripper they called Mrs.Doubtfire... She was hung like Robin Williams.
- I just seen a prius try his time on a quarter mile at the drag s**.... Ill update when hes done.
Cheerful Fun Drag Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about drag you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean draw jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make drag pranks.
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it will take three episodes.
How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!
Two Dragons walk into a bar
One dragon says, "It's hot in here".
"Shut your mouth", says the other dragon.
A man walks into a bar carrying a dog...
The dog has no legs. The bartender looks at the legless dog and asks the man, "What's your dog's name?" The man replies, "Cigarette." The bartender looks at him puzzled. "Why did you name him Cigarette?" The man replies, "Because every morning, I take him out for a drag."
Once I had a dog...
Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag
A tiger goes to the gym...
... wearing women's underwear underneath his workout clothes.
When he does squats does that make him a crouching tiger with hidden drag on?
Have you heard about the m**... drag queen?
She is Polly Glamorous
"So how was your golf game today, dear?"
"Well, it was fine until Tom hit a hole-in-one on the third and promptly dropped dead of a heart attack."
"Oh, my! That's terrible!"
"You're telling me! For fifteen holes it was 'hit the ball, drag Tom, hit the ball, drag Tom'."
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
Animals missing legs.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It Doesn't matter, it is not going to come anyways.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a cat with no legs?
General Tso's chicken
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean beef
My go-to joke: Chicken walks into a bar...
A chicken walks into a bar, meets an egg. They go home together and the sleep together, and when they're done the chicken rolls over in bed, lights a cigarette, takes a drag, and says, "Well, I guess that answers *that* question."
Women never listen properly
Wife: I lost my keys
Man: Its in your jeans
Wife: Dont drag my family into this.
What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?
The phrase "I blew a t**..." means something totally different.
A terrible joke
My friend was really mad at me because I was m**... while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her f**... a real drag.
Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?
Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.
they'll never listen to us
Wife: I lost my keys again
Me: Its in your jeans
Wife: Don't drag my family into this
SPOILER ALERT:
I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
A r**...'s father passed away in his sleep
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
Caller: Hello, 911, my friend collapsed, we need an ambulance. 911: What is your location?
Caller: Peotone St. at Charlevoix
911: Can you spell that?
Caller: Look, I'll drag him to 3rd and Oak - send the ambulance there.
How many dragon ball characters does it take to change a light bulb ?
Only one... but it will take a few episodes.
~~The lightbulb saga~~
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
Dave came home later than usual from his Sunday golf outing...
He looked thoroughly worn out.
"Tough day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Oh, you have no idea," he said. "The first nine holes were great. But then Steve had a heart attack and died. For the whole back nine, it was 'hit the ball, drag Steve, hit the ball, drag Steve."
The racing driver
The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.
With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."
I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines
It was a drag
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking w**....
You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
Have you heard the new United Airlines motto?
"One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"
Why can't transvestites fly planes?
Theres too much drag.
Why shouldn't you argue with an idiot?
Cause they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Why do cross dressers fall slowly?
Because of the drag.
Why don't blind people Wingsuit?
Too much drag from the dog.
Why are dragons so good at rapping?
Because they're always spitting fire.
The Chicken and the Egg are lying in bed...
The Chicken takes a drag of a cigarette and says... "Well, I guess that answers that question..."
Bubba Calls 911
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
This kid is dragging a chain down the road
and it's bangin' and clanging and making so much noise. An old man pops out of a house and shouts "Son, why you gotta drag that chain?" and the kid replies "Sir, have you ever tried to *push* a chain?"
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails
I am occasionally forced to wear women's clothes.
It's a real drag.
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Smoking Kills
Experts say that every time you inhale a drag of a cigarette, it takes 7 seconds off your life.
When I was a teenager, my best friend and I tried cigarettes for the first time. I ended up smoking for 25 years, but my friend only inhaled **once**.
Yesterday, while out walking his dog, he got hit by a bus and was killed instantly.
I can't get it out of my mind - I keep thinking - if he never had inhaled that one time - we probably could have heard him scream.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
I went to a club the other night where all the men were dressed as women.
What a drag
Came across a body lying on the sidewalk
A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.
The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, I'm on Sycamore Drive.
How do you spell that? the operator asked.
S-i-c-k… the man began. No, s-i-c-a….. no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I'll call you back.
We have a dog with no legs
We called him "cigarette" because every now and then we'd take him out for a drag
Why did the Dragonborn climb the 7000 steps?
He wanted to see what all the Fus was about.
(Credit to a youtube comment i saw)
What do cigarettes and dogs with no legs have in common?
You take them both out for a drag
Why did the Dragonborn climb the seven thousand steps?
He wanted to know what all the Fus was about !!
As a man, I would not mind wearing women's clothes
If only they were not such a drag.
My dog has no legs
So we called him cigarette because we take him out for a drag.
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you d**....
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
I used to have a legless dog named cigarette
Every morning I would take him out for a drag
My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette...
and every night we go out for a drag.
Why do dragons sleep all day?
So they can fight knights!
A salesman knocks on a door and a 10 year old kid answers drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette...
The salesman is shocked but he asks the kid: Excuse me young man is your mother or father home?
The kid looks at him, takes a drag from the cigarette and says, What do you think?
"911, what's your emergency?"
Drunk r**..., "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk r**..., "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk r**..., "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"
TIL you need an Act of Congress to move some pieces of furniture in the White House.
Approving new Cabinet positions is such a drag.
