Dracula Jokes

91 dracula jokes and hilarious dracula puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dracula that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these classic Dracula jokes! From jokes about Dracula's friendly werewolf neighbor to puns about Frankenstein's creation, these kid-friendly vampire-themed jokes are sure to put a fang-tastic smile on everyone's face.

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Funniest Dracula Short Jokes

Short dracula jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dracula humour may include short werewolf jokes also.

  1. I just got a job in a factory making plastic Draculas There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count
  2. I was working in a factory making plastic Draculas for Halloween. There was only 2 of us on the production line so I had to make every second count
  3. For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
  4. A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did Dracula name his boat? The Blood Vessel
  5. I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys... I've got to make every second count
  6. I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party. Oh, wait... I forgot to Count Dracula.
  7. I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines. However, there are only 2 employees so I have to make every second count.
  8. What subject did Dracula major in during college? AcCOUNTing
    This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
  9. I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced... I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
  10. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.
    source: My 7 year-old.

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Dracula One Liners

Which dracula one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dracula? I can suggest the ones about vampire and coffin.

  1. In 1466, Dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins. In 2015, he died of starvation.
  2. What did Trump say when Dracula ran away with his things? STOP THE COUNT!
  3. Did you know vampires aren't real? Unless you Count Dracula.
  4. Are Monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
    Happy Spooktober everyone.
  5. Why did dracula get tested for covid-19? Because of his coffin
  6. I was trying to remember all the vampires I know. But I forgot to Count Dracula.
  7. Where does Dracula buy his pencils? Pennsylvania.
  8. (my 6yo) What type of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin Medicine
  9. What do Dracula's girlfriend and a boxer have in common? They both go down for the Count
  10. Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
    A: Because of his coffin.
  11. Vampires aren't even a real thing. Unless you Count Dracula
  12. Why did Count Dracula fail art class? He could only draw blood.
  13. Are monsters good at math? No, unless you Count Dracula
  14. Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem? Because of his coffin.
  15. What is Dracula's favorite pick-up line? Hey baby, nice jugulars.

Count Dracula Jokes

Here is a list of funny count dracula jokes and even better count dracula puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys I have to make every second Count
  • How many teeth does Dracula have? I don't know. I didn't get close enough to Count.
  • Did you know Dracula had a brother who feasted on pancakes? His name was Count Spatula
    (Tried this out on my kids the other day. It went horrifically bad)
  • How many monsters can do basic math? All of them, unless you count Dracula
  • Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday He said it wasn't faulty, he just couldn't see himself using it.
  • How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It depends if you Count Dracula.
  • I tried to make a comprehensive list of all the vampires in classical literature. But I forgot to Count Dracula.
  • I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures... However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.
  • Vampires aren't real? Unless, you Count Dracula.
  • You do realize that Vampires aren't real... Unless you Count Dracula.

Dracula Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny dracula kid jokes and even better dracula kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
    Out for the count!
Dracula joke

Dracula joke

Delightful Fun Dracula Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about dracula you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zombie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dracula pranks.

What did Dracula say to the teacher?

See you next period.

How can you tell when Dracula is sick?

By his coughin'

Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?


Why is no one friends with Dracula?

Cause hes a pain in the neck.

Count Dracula walks into a bar...

and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used t**... from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.



Dracula walks into a pub...

When Dracula approaches the bar and orders a glass of hot water. Two men at the end notice him and ask each other what in the world he would want with a glass of hot water since all Dracula drinks is blood. So curious they decide to watch him. When the bartender returns and places the glass of hot water in front of him Dracula thanks him then reaches into his cape and takes out a used t**... that he begins to dunk in the hot water as he says "Tea Time!".

What did Dracula name his new boat?

The Blood Vessel

What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker?

Dracula does more work during the day

Dracula says he doesn't want to become an investment banker..

He said he hates stakeholders.

What do you call it when a boxer gives Dracula a BJ?

Going down for the count

Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?

"Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"
"No- wait, Dracula?"
"You're vampires?"
"Yes. We have pamphlets."
"Vampires have missionaries?"
"Where else would new vampires come from?"
"I assumed you bit people."
"There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in?"

Vampire missionaries

"Hello, do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"
No. Wait..."Dracula" Dracula?
So you're vampires?
"Yes. We have pamphlets"
Vampires have missionaries now?
"How else would we get new vampire members?"
But don't you just like, bite people?
"That's a hurtful stereotype sir. **May we come in?**"

If Dracula were a furry, what would his name be?


What do you call a s**... vampire?

Can't count Dracula

They say dracula has turned over a new leaf

He's been re-vamped

Dracula was casually walking down the street for a late night stroll.

All of a sudden, a mozzarella stick flies through the air and hits him on the side of the head. He looks around slightly perplexed, but doesn't think too much of it.
A few meters further on and a chicken wing smacks him in the nuts. As he doubles over in pain, out of nowhere, he is drenched in hot nacho cheese.
He looks to the sky with a raised fist and shouts, "Curse you Buffet the Vampire Slayer!".

Why can't Superman beat Dracula?

Because he can't go to the Krypt Tonight.

Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens

Because their blood is fowl

Me - What's a 3 letter word for compete?

Dracula - Vie.
Me - It's for a crossword.
I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.


Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer

What did Dracula say to his victim?

I am vlad to have you.

Most vampires s**... at maths

unless you Count Dracula

How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?

Must be his nickname.

Why did Dracula go vegan?

He heard stake was bad for his heart.

Must be hard being a vampire

Me: hey Dracula you got something in your teeth?
Dracula: Where? Here?
Me: No not there
Dracula: Here?

Me: No, just look in the m..
Dracula: look in the WHAT Sarah? Look in the WHAT?

Why won't Dracula bite m**... Jagger?

Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.

How can you tell if Dracula has Covid?

You can hear him...**Coffin**.

What does an old person turn into when bitten by Dracula?

A Grampire.

Dracula got mad at Frankenstein while they were playing fighting games.

"He vouldn't stop doing the mash!"

Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?

Because he s**....

Why doesn't Dracula eat beef?

Because steak is bad for his heart.

A friend of mine worked at a production line for a toy factory, producing Dracula dolls. Shortly before Halloween, demand was high, but he only had one colleague.

So he had to make every second Count.

I just lost a boxing match in Transylvania

I was working for Dracula part time and had to run an errand half way through. Referee said I was apparently out for the Count.

Why does Mrs. Dracula have a hard time sleeping with her husband?

Because he keeps coffin!

Why did Dracula always fail job interviews?

He could never answer, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Dracula joke, Why did Dracula always fail job interviews?

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