The Best 88 Dracula Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dracula jokes. There are some dracula phlebotomist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dracula coffin puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Dracula Jokes and Puns
What did Dracula say to the teacher?
See you next period.
Dracula
Why is Dracula's favorite subject in school Math? Because he likes to Count.
Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia...
He died last year.
How can you tell when Dracula is sick?
By his coughin'
I think there are nine vampires coming to my dinner party.
Oh, wait... I forgot to Count Dracula.
Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?
Pencilvania.
Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?
Because Dracula was coffin.
What did the cashier say after handing down a wad of currency to Dracula?
"Count Dracula."
Who had the best dinner with Megyn Kelly after the Fox Republican Debate?
Dracula.
Why is no one friends with Dracula?
Cause hes a pain in the neck.
Where does Dracula buy his pencils?
Pennsylvania.
You can explore dracula vampire reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dracula drac dad jokes. There are also dracula puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Count Dracula walks into a bar...
and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used tampon from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.
Why did Dracula need medicine?
Because he was coffin.
Why dracula drinks the blood of virgins
The same reason we put "virgin"
into olive oil
In 1466, Dracula started eating 16-year-old virgins.
In 2015, he died of starvation.
My brother and I started a business manufacturing Dracula toys
I have to make every second Count
What subject did Dracula major in during college?
AcCOUNTing
This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
What did Dracula say to the disappointed young boy who just missed out on catching an Eevee?
"Don't worry, you'll catch it Eeveentually!"
Where does Dracula keep his tools?
The blood shed.
Dracula must have a hard life...
It sucks to live forever
Dracula & Frankenstein are in the heavyweight championship. Who wins?
Dracula. Frankenstein went down for the count.
Why did Dracula fail math?
He forgot how to Count.
How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It depends if you Count Dracula.
DRACULA VISITS HIS THERAPIST....
THE THERAPIST ASKS... "HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF?"
DRACULA SAYS... "I DON'T."
What is the question that has perplexed eastern european historians?
Did Vlad Dracula remove kebab, or impale them?
Where did Dracula go on his Holiday?
The **Vampire** State Building!
I got into a fist fight with a Dracula fan over who's the best vampire.
He put up a good fight until I caught him with a mean hook to the temple.
He was down for The Count.
Dracula walks into a pub...
When Dracula approaches the bar and orders a glass of hot water. Two men at the end notice him and ask each other what in the world he would want with a glass of hot water since all Dracula drinks is blood. So curious they decide to watch him. When the bartender returns and places the glass of hot water in front of him Dracula thanks him then reaches into his cape and takes out a used tampon that he begins to dunk in the hot water as he says "Tea Time!".
Dracula, you have something in your teeth
- Dracula darling, you have something stuck in your teeth.
- where, here?
- No...
- Here?
- No, just go look in-
- GO LOOK IN WHAT, SARAH?
What did Dracula name his new boat?
The Blood Vessel
Why does Dracula comb his hair straight back?
Because he can't see his reflection to part it any other way.
Why did dracula order a steak ?
Because he wanted to die
They're making a Dracula vs Sherlock Holmes movie
They're calling it "The Stake Out."
100 Internet points to whoever can solve this xmas cracker!
What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take?
Con Medicine
(a house of 20 can't work it out between us)
I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys...
I've got to make every second count
I work in a factory that makes Dracula figurines.
However, there are only 2 employees so I have to make every second count.
I was trying to remember all the vampires I know.
But I forgot to Count Dracula.
I just opened an action figure factory
It's a pretty small operation right now, just me and my buddy Frank and we're only making one kind of Dracula action figure. We really need to get things off the ground so I have to make every second Count.
Where did the writer bury Dracula?
Inside an evil plot.
What's the difference between Dracula and a government worker?
Dracula does more work during the day
Are monsters good at math?
No, unless you Count Dracula
why did Dracula's mom give him cough syrup?
because Dracula was coffin.
Dracula says he doesn't want to become an investment banker..
He said he hates stakeholders.
Q: Where does Dracula get his writing utensils?
A: Pennsylvania
xoxo
What's the difference between a lich and Dracula?
One's necromantic and the other's a neck romantic.
What do you call it when a boxer gives Dracula a BJ?
Going down for the count
Why did the doctor suspect Dracula may have a breathing problem?
Because of his coffin.
What did Dracula tell his son while teaching him survival skills
"You suck."
Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?
"Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"
"No- wait, Dracula?"
"Yes!"
"You're vampires?"
"Yes. We have pamphlets."
"Vampires have missionaries?"
"Where else would new vampires come from?"
"I assumed you bit people."
"There are many hurtful stereotypes. May we come in?"
Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday
He said it wasn't faulty, he just couldn't see himself using it.
How many monsters can do basic math?
All of them, unless you count Dracula
Why does Dracula like sending out checks?
Idk, I guess it's just a count thing.
What does Dracula say when he takes his family on a road trip?
RV having fun yet?
Party Pooper
Why isn't Count Dracula invited to more parties?
Because he's a pain in the neck!
I saw a vampire for sale at half price in the shop
It was a dis-count Dracula
Vampire missionaries
"Hello, do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?"
No. Wait..."Dracula" Dracula?
"Yes!"
So you're vampires?
"Yes. We have pamphlets"
Vampires have missionaries now?
"How else would we get new vampire members?"
But don't you just like, bite people?
"That's a hurtful stereotype sir. **May we come in?**"
If Dracula were a furry, what would his name be?
Nos-fur-atu
What do you call a stupid vampire?
Can't count Dracula
Dracula is vegan for 1 reason..
Stake kills him.
Did you know vampires aren't real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Vampires aren't even a real thing.
Unless you Count Dracula
Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he's a real pain in the neck.
Wife: why are you putting garlic in your pants?
Me: so the Dracula won't eat my ass
Wife: why would Dracula eat your ass?
Me: he won't, the garlic- are you even listening?
I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures...
However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.
Dracula walks into a bar.
He orders a cup of boiling water. The barman pours a cup from the kettle and gives it Dracula; he says "No bloody Mary today?"
Dracula reaches into his pocket and pulls out a string. Then a used tampon pops out of Dracula's pocket and he lowers the tampon by the string into the cup of water. Then Dracula carefully lays the string over the side of the cup and says "No thanks. Today I'm just having tea."
They say dracula has turned over a new leaf
He's been re-vamped
Dracula was casually walking down the street for a late night stroll.
All of a sudden, a mozzarella stick flies through the air and hits him on the side of the head. He looks around slightly perplexed, but doesn't think too much of it.
A few meters further on and a chicken wing smacks him in the nuts. As he doubles over in pain, out of nowhere, he is drenched in hot nacho cheese.
He looks to the sky with a raised fist and shouts, "Curse you Buffet the Vampire Slayer!".
Why can't Superman beat Dracula?
Because he can't go to the Krypt Tonight.
Why did dracula get tested for covid-19?
Because of his coffin
Why doesnt Dracula attack chickens
Because their blood is fowl
What did Trump say when Dracula ran away with his things?
STOP THE COUNT!
You do realize that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
Me - What's a 3 letter word for compete?
Dracula - Vie.
Me - It's for a crossword.
I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.
Dracula
Dracula is walking down the street one fine evening when a speeding lorry carrying mini sausage rolls, sandwiches, a variety of salads, dressed salmon, quiches and cold meats loses control, overturns and spills all that food. All this wreckage hits Dracula and with his dying breath he curses buffet the vampire slayer
What did Dracula say to his victim?
I am vlad to have you.
Vampires aren't real?
Unless, you Count Dracula.
Most vampires suck at maths
unless you Count Dracula
How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?
Must be his nickname.
Are Monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Happy Spooktober everyone.
I tried to make a comprehensive list of all the vampires in classical literature.
But I forgot to Count Dracula.
Did you know Dracula had a brother who feasted on pancakes?
His name was Count Spatula
(Tried this out on my kids the other day. It went horrifically bad)
Why did Dracula go vegan?
He heard stake was bad for his heart.
Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.
source: My 7 year-old.
I work in a toy factory where dracula dolls are produced...
I only have one colleague at the production line so I have to make every second count.
(my 6yo) What type of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
Coffin Medicine
How many teeth does Dracula have?
I don't know. I didn't get close enough to Count.
Must be hard being a vampire
Me: hey Dracula you got something in your teeth?
Dracula: Where? Here?
Me: No not there
Dracula: Here?
Me: No, just look in the m..
Dracula: look in the WHAT Sarah? Look in the WHAT?
Why won't Dracula bite Mick Jagger?
Cause you can't get blood out of a stone.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dracula undead jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dracula werewolves piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.