The Best 20 Dr And Patient Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dr And Patient jokes. There are some dr and patient neurosurgeon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dr and patient patient puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dr And Patient Jokes and Puns

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?

Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!

The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?

A water lily.

A deer enters a bar...

A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."

The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"

The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."

"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Told the Dr I just can't grow any taller

She says I will have to be a little patient.

Prostate exam

Patient bent over naked about to get his prostate checked.
Dr says "ok Dave don't get a hard on "
Patient says " my name is Kenneth"
Dr says " my name is DAVE"


In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

I have some good news....

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Patient: Give me the bad.

Dr: We have to amputate both of your legs.

Patient: shock! The good?

Dr: The man in the other room wants to buy your shoes!

The good doctor

Dr. Jones was having mixed feeling after having intercourse with a patient. One voice kept saying "follow your heart" another kept saying "remember, you're a vet"

Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...

Patient: Give me the bad first.

Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.

P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?

Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.

At the doctor's office

Dr: Sir I have unfortunate n...

Patient: IT'S MA'AM!!!

Dr: Ma'am you have testicular cancer.

My Dr said the prostate exam can cause erections in some men

Turns out he wasn't talking about the patient.

You can explore dr and patient doctor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dr and patient surgeon dad jokes. There are also dr and patient puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A nurse runs up to a doctor

"Doctor, Doctor!" she exclaims. "This patient's blood sugar is crashing!"

"This calls for a cool refreshing beverage!" says the doctor.

The nurse says, "Dr. Pepper! not now."

Cute repartee from "Dr. Katz"

The good doctor is between clients, and Laura, the administrative assistant, walks into his office. Dr. Katz is lying on his patients' couch and this surprises her.

"I've just never seen you on the couch before," she says.

"Well," Dr. Katz says, "I was just in a reflective mood, and I wondered if the couch might do for me what I hope it does for my patients."

"I see," says Laura. "Would you like me to sit in your chair and doodle and pretend to care?"

The doctor tells his patient that he only has 6 months to live..

The guy doesn't have the money to pay his bill so the Dr. gives him another 6 months.

Dr. Holm struggles with a bad conscience after sex with a patient

A voice in him says, "Follow your desire". Another voice says: "Remember, you're a vet"

Doctor and the Patient

Dr.- your case is quite complicated.

Patient- why doctor? What has happened?

Dr.- You got a disease from the chapter which I left for option during my studies...

What do suicide bombers and Dr Phil patients have in common?

Both blow up because of mental illnesses.

Moth

Patient: Dr. I think I'm a moth

Doctor: Stop wasting my time. What you need is a psychiatrist. What made you come here?

Patient: I saw your light was on

Guy goes to doctor for knee problem...

A guy goes to a doctor to get his knee examined. Dr walks in and says "well sir...I think you're going to have to stop masturbating" Perplexed patient asks "Why?" Dr replies "because its going to be very difficult to examine your knee until you stop"


Dr Hatcher got in trouble and was fired because he had sex with his patient.

Problem was, he was a veterinarian.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dr and patient neurologist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dr and patient rejuvenation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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