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Dr And Patient Jokes

23 dr and patient jokes and hilarious dr and patient puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dr and patient that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Dr And Patient Short Jokes

Short dr and patient jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dr and patient humour may include short doctor and patient jokes also.

  1. At the doctor's office Dr: Sir I have unfortunate n...
    Patient: IT'S MA'AM!!!
    Dr: Ma'am you have testicular cancer.
  2. My Dr said the prostate exam can cause erections in some men Turns out he wasn't talking about the patient.
  3. The doctor tells his patient that he only has 6 months to live.. The guy doesn't have the money to pay his bill so the Dr. gives him another 6 months.
  4. Doctor and the Patient Dr.- your case is quite complicated.
    Patient- why doctor? What has happened?
    Dr.- You got a disease from the chapter which I left for option during my studies...
  5. Moth Patient: Dr. I think I'm a moth
    Doctor: Stop wasting my time. What you need is a psychiatrist. What made you come here?
    Patient: I saw your light was on
  6. Prostate exam Patient bent over n**... about to get his prostate checked.
    Dr says "ok Dave don't get a hard on "
    Patient says " my name is Kenneth"
    Dr says " my name is DAVE"
  7. The good doctor Dr. Jones was having mixed feeling after having i**... with a patient. One voice kept saying "follow your heart" another kept saying "remember, you're a vet"
  8. Dr. Holm struggles with a bad conscience after s**... with a patient A voice in him says, "Follow your desire". Another voice says: "Remember, you're a vet"
  9. What do s**... b**... and Dr Phil patients have in common? Both blow up because of mental illnesses.
  10. Dr Hatcher got in trouble and was fired because he had s**... with his patient. Problem was, he was a veterinarian.

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Dr And Patient One Liners

Which dr and patient one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dr and patient? I can suggest the ones about a doctor and a patient and dr who.

  1. Told the Dr I just can't grow any taller She says I will have to be a little patient.

Uproarious Dr And Patient Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about dr and patient you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean doctor and child jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dr and patient pranks.

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking w**... led to his condition worsening.
But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?
Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!
The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?
A water lily.

A deer enters a bar...

A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

I have some good news....

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Give me the bad.
Dr: We have to amputate both of your legs.
Patient: shock! The good?
Dr: The man in the other room wants to buy your shoes!

Dr. Mike had s**... with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Mike, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Mike."
But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
What's wrong with you Mike, you're a veterinarian.

Doctor to patient: I've got bad news & worse news...

Patient: Give me the bad first.
Dr: Ok. Your diagnosis told us you only have 48 hours to live.
P: Oh god! What could be worse news than that?
Dr: I've been trying to reach you since early yesterday morning.

A nurse runs up to a doctor

"Doctor, Doctor!" she exclaims. "This patient's blood sugar is crashing!"
"This calls for a cool refreshing beverage!" says the doctor.
The nurse says, "Dr. Pepper! not now."

Cute repartee from "Dr. Katz"

The good doctor is between clients, and Laura, the administrative assistant, walks into his office. Dr. Katz is lying on his patients' couch and this surprises her.
"I've just never seen you on the couch before," she says.
"Well," Dr. Katz says, "I was just in a reflective mood, and I wondered if the couch might do for me what I hope it does for my patients."
"I see," says Laura. "Would you like me to sit in your chair and doodle and pretend to care?"

A doctor found a cure for muteness

Dr. Smith, a medical professional studying human vocals, found a cure to muteness.
He found out after dealing with a patient and an unlikely scenario happened.
He receives an award for medicine, and is invited to give a speech. He speaks about his life, inspiration, and discovery. He brings the man that has been cured to the microphone.
The cured man clears his t**... for the first time in ages, and states:
"Thank you all. I don't know what to say."

Guy goes to doctor for knee problem...

A guy goes to a doctor to get his knee examined. Dr walks in and says "well sir...I think you're going to have to stop m**..." Perplexed patient asks "Why?" Dr replies "because its going to be very difficult to examine your knee until you stop"