The Best 37 Dozens Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Dozens jokes. There are some dozens ten jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dozens playing the dozens puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Dozens Jokes and Puns
A middle school in Oregon
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
YOU'LL SEE, YOU'LL ALL SEE!
An enthusiastic optician throwing dozens of pairs of glasses out into a crowd.
A lifeguard blows his whistle at a little boy and asks him to come over...
He says to the boy, "Hey, you're not allowed to pee in the pool."
"That's not fair!" says the boy, "There must be dozens of people peeing in the pool every day! Why do you gotta pick on me?"
The lifeguard says, "Well most people don't do it off the diving board."
A Man Is Almost About To Die
As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?
Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.
What would you call a Jewish woman who has had dozens of abortion?
Candidate for a Noble peace prize.
A man was found pouring dozens of bags of frozen peas into the grave of his dead wife.
He wanted her to rest in peas.
It took dozens and dozens of flushes, and a plunger, but...
my guinea pig's funeral is finally over.
You've killed dozens and robbed hundreds of people using your hammer. What can you say in your defense?
– Defendant! Stop clowning and sit down!
You can explore dozens lice reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dozens handful dad jokes. There are also dozens puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many chicken eggs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Literally dozens.
A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window.
The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks.
The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces.
The windows phone freezes mid decent.
A Bostonian shooter opens fire on a Catholic meeting, killing 28 and injuring dozens more.
The newspaper headline the next day reads:
"A Massive Massacre Occurs at Mass in Massachusetts."
It's Wine Day
It's National Wine Day. Not National Whine Day, as I came to realize after receiving dozens of nasty looks throughout the day
A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.
After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.
Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?
Upon gaining sentience, a donut was quoted as saying:
"There are dozens of us!"
An old man is driving on the highway
An old man is driving on the highway when his wife calls.
Wife: Hey sweetie! I just watched the news and there's 1 guy driving on the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful.
Old Man: Just 1? There's dozens of them.
What do you call dozens of Star Wars merchandising opportunities having sex?
a Porgy
Wife calls her husband and says, Be careful driving home. Some idiot is driving the wrong direction on the freeway.
Husband frantically replies, No! It's not just one guy going the wrong direction! There's dozens of them!
Person goes to the university ...
says "I want to sign up for all your foreign language classes."
They say "We teach dozens of different language's - you want to learn all of them? why?" They reply "I'm a Vegan and I to be sure I'll be able to tell every single person I meet.
Two brother sit under the christmas tree....
One gets dozens of presents. He opens one after another, a tablet, a drone, a bike and plenty other things.
The other only gets one present with his name on it: a matchbox car.
The one boy with all the presents maliciously asks: guess whom they like more!
The other, calmly playing with the matchbox car, asks back: guess who has cancer.
Dude, I totally found this software that like teaches people to speak like a total douchebag in dozens of different languages. Super rad...
It's called Brosetta Stone.
It's funny isn't it, someone calls the police because they found a dead body and they are helping the police out...
I do the same after finding dozens of dead bodies and i they just tell me to "leave the cemitery"
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to dozens of countries and learned to speak several languages?
He was a man of many cultures.
Why do bird suddebly appear, whenever you are near?
Because you've died and dozens of buzzards have come to feast on your innards.
8-year old Billy comes home from school with a note from his teacher.
It says, "Billy stole a pencil from the student next to him." Billy's father is furious. He goes to great lengths to lecture Billy and let him know how upset and disappointed he is, and he grounds the boy for two weeks.
Finally, he concludes, "Anyway, Billy, if you needed a pencil, why didn't you just say something? You know very well that I can bring you dozens of pencils from work."
I was reading a story the other day about a deranged garbage man running around for years, murdering dozens.
Psychologists said he was a diagnosed Suciopath.
How many people does it take to celebrate an anniversary in Reddit?
Dozens
President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were being shown separately around an experimental farm
When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day."
Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."
When the President came by the henhouse, the guide dutifully told him what his wife had said.
"Same hen every time?" the President asked.
"Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time."
The President nodded his head. "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
A retired banker went to a psychiatrist.
He said "For 30 years, I worked in a bank as a teller. Every day i would serve dozens of customers. I loved my job and never missed a day.
Last month, i retired.
Since then, every time i pass a bank, i have a huge craving to enter and take out money.
Even if i pass an ATM, i have to stop and take some cash out. I've got thousands of dollars in cash at home, yet every day i feel desperate to go to the bank and take out more.
What's wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replied
"It sounds like you're having Withdrawal Symptoms."
A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.
Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.
One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to dozens of men, an old man came walking through the bread aisle. "Excuse me, sir," she said. "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," replied the old man, "but it's twitchin' a little!"
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
A great tragedy befalls the USSR
At a Central Committee meeting dozens of high ranking officials were accidentally killed, poisoned with toxic mushrooms in their soup.
The investigation team arrives at the scene. It was horrific, some had scratched their throats deeply, other lay with foam at they mouth or bloodshot eyes.
But the investigation teams discovers something interesting, three of the dead had gun shot wound to their heads.
"What happened here, we thought this was a poisoning?"
"It was, but these three refused to eat their soup."
My tattoo removal specialist, Dr Pablo, confessed to me recently that he had committed dozens of crimes yet has never been caught.
"How on earth are you a free man?" I asked him.
"Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician" he said.
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York Strip dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
———
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
I'm Lightning McQueen. My buddy Mater told me if I like the Piston Cup, I could work here and get dozens a day. As it turns out...
That's not what he meant, and I hate working in a drug-screening lab.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dozens countless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dozens multibillion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.