The Best 61 Downtown Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Downtown jokes. There are some downtown intersection jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these downtown area puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Downtown Jokes and Puns

Have you heard about the Tempura Shelter they are opening downtown?

It's a center for lightly battered women.

They walk in the bar

A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.

And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.

^thanks ^SnW

A penguin is having car trouble...

A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."

Downtown joke, A penguin is having car trouble...

I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch.

I can't afford her, but you probably could.

That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was kicking over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.


A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

Polishing my shoes

I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.

Downtown joke, Polishing my shoes

I was walking downtown, and I saw a sign advocating veganism, that showed a pig and a dog.

It said, "why love one and eat the other?"

I thought to myself, "that is a good point. I should start eating dogs."

So I saw these two guys fighting with a woman over her purse.

Being my first time in downtown New York, I didn't know if I should help out or intervene. Reluctantly I decided to lend a hand. Between the three of us, it didn't take us long to get the purse away from her.
~Garrison Keillor

I went downtown and apparently today the shops do trick-or-treating.

Three year old goes to prison.

A police officer was investigating a noise complaint coming from a daycare in downtown Detroit. The officer realized that it was just a three year old kid kicking and screaming because he didn't want to nap during nap time. The officer charged the child with resisting a rest, and took him to prison.

You can explore downtown street reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean downtown transit dad jokes. There are also downtown puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Rihanna's new clothes.

Chris Brown is in the news again.
At a popular club downtown he apparently got drunk and started shouting "I'm gonna beat Rihanna till she's gold and white".

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...

They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

A priest is doing some community work downtown...

...when he is propositioned by a hooker.
"Hey Father, I'll give the best blow job of your life for $10."
Confused, the priest replies "No thank you, my dear."
Later, back at the church, he approaches one of the nuns.
"Sister, this is kind of embarrassing, but what's a blow job?"
"Oh, you know," says the nun, "$10, same as downtown."

Did you see the 75th annual ninja parade in downtown Tokyo?

Neither did anyone else...

How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown?

Eh...


It's tso-tso.

Downtown joke, How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown?

There are a ton of nihilists protesting downtown today...

They're part of the #NoLivesMatter movement.

Kim Jong-Il found alive

He's running a hot dog cart in downtown Seoul. It turns out he just wanted a change of Korea.

I was walking downtown and I saw two homeless guys kissing...

and I said, "C'mon you two, get a box."


I had to go downtown the other day for a meeting about fireplaces.

It was at a real hole in the wall.

A hole has appeared in the ladies' changing rooms at the downtown sports club.

Police are looking into it.

Went on a weird blind date

We met at a place downtown. My date introduced himself as Tim.

"So Tim, what do you do for a living?"

He hesitated for a second, "I work for the thought police."

I was clearly taken aback.

Tim: "Now, before you say anything...I know what you're thinking..."

Rudolf

So a man and his wife were walking downtown when suddenly it started to precipitate
"It's raining" said the man
"No dear... it's definitely snowing" said the wife
Just then, the local communist, Rudolf, walks by
"It's raining" he says without blinking an eye
"See?" said the man
"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear"

Fans around the globe are rockin' out to Mariah Carey's latest hit single ...

"*The Monitors Are Down ...*", performed live for the first time today in downtown New York City, has been praised for a unique nihilistic style and pertinent statements regarding the internet-induced apathy of today's youth.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown

I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me.

At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

Three Men Downtown

Three men were taking a stroll downtown.

Two of them walked into a bar.

The third one ducked.

My Night Out On The Town

Last Night, I went to a really fancy nightclub downtown. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.

I said, Drinks?

He said, Birthdays.

Where would Humor be without kids?

Downtown at a bar with friends...

Did you hear about the new Christmas restaurant downtown?

They have an eggs Benedict dish that they service on car hub caps - it's called there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise

Credit to Colin Mochrie.

A cabby picked up 3 rather large women and was taking them downtown. Asο»Ώ they were talking he thought he detected a Scottish accent. he asked "Are you three ladies from Scotland?"

They looked at each other silently, then one of the sneered atο»Ώ him and said "It's Wales, you idiot."
"Oh, excuse me. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

BREAKING NEWS: A Large Object With a Pointy Stick and Round End Was Found Spinning in the Heart of Downtown

And that's our top story of the night.

That music store downtown called Hot Jazz in Your Face closed

People just stopped coming

I'm writing a TV show about a girl named Abigail who moves to the big city

It's called Downtown Abbie.

A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan

Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"

The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."

A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....

As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.

The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"

The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

Where do retarded people live?

Downtown

This popular new morgue opened up downtown...

Everyone is dying to get in

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts

down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

Old number 51628

A man is taking his giraffe for a walk downtown. He gets tired and stops at a bar. As the man sits down the giraffe goes and lays down in the corner.

The bartender says to the man: Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' around!

Man: It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.

Tom Brady and Chad Johnson were out downtown late at night.

Chad told Tom to go buy some gum for them, then gave Tom a quarter. After around 10 minutes Chad notices Tom hasn't come back yet, so he goes to look for him. After 5 minutes of looking Chad sees Tom being drug across the street, and in the mans left hand he holds the quarter that Chad gave Tom. Chad yells loudly, "HEY MAN GIMME MY QUARTER BACK!"

The police are investigating the recent shootout at a fancy downtown restaurant.

There are no reports of casual tees.

A Man walks up to a pair of ladies in Downtown London

Man: Good Afternoon are you ladies from England?

One of the Ladies Wales

Man: My apologies...Are you Whales from England

My girlfriend keeps joking she's addicted to chocolate.

She eats it every chance she gets. I finally got so fed up that I took her downtown to see a homeless junkie. I pointed at him and said, Now that, see that? Why can't you be that skinny?

Ever since I moved away from downtown Chicago...

...I really feel like I'm out of the Loop.

In News Today, a fight was started downtown by a man wearing a suit completely made of mirrors.....

The police said the man apologised once he had time to sit down and reflect.

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

An American tourist is hit by a car in downtown Sydney, AU.

He is in a coma for 24 hours. When he wakes up in the hospital, he is very disoriented.

"Did I come here to die?" he asks.

The nurse replies, "No, love, you came here yestadie!"

A joke from an old timer at a dive bar

How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?

She went downtown and blew a few bucks.

*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc β™₯️

An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by

Then he spoke: Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.
The nurse was really impressed. She said, Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.
And the wife responded, What property? … the schmuck had a paper route!!

$50k in hair extentions was stolen from a downtown hair salon,

Police are still combing the area for clues.

I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.

It was a shot in the dark, but I took it

Two nuns are riding bikes downtown

Two nuns are riding bikes downtown. One looks around and says, "I don't think I've ever come this way before."

The other nun says, "It's the cobblestone."

One time I was alone and got lost in downtown Chicago, and got jumped by four black guys.

They were real nice, car started right up, and they even gave me directions back to the interstate.

A man wearing a mirrored suit....

A man wearing a mirrored suit started a fight downtown.
The police stopped the fight and told the man to reflect on his actions

When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill

But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.

I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass.

The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.

We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.

So dad beat my ass again

When I was a boy my dad gave me money....

When I was a boy my dad gave my money to go downtown and pay the electric bill but instead I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a truck. I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass but the next morning in the driveway sat a new truck. We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from electric company there to turn the lights off.
....Dad beat my ass again ....

What is a quickie?

A Father was returning to the church from a meeting he had in the city when a street walker approached him and said ... hey father $25 for a quickie! The father blessed her and continued on his way. Once back at the church he pull a nun aside and asked ... sister, what is a quickie? ... The sister replied ... $25 just like it is downtown!

Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…

So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.

A knight

A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the downtown taxi jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working downtown cemetery piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes