Down Payment Jokes
103 down payment jokes and hilarious down payment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about down payment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Down Payment Short Jokes
Short down payment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The down payment humour may include short money deposit jokes also.
- When receiving payment in gold coins, pirates used to verify their purity by biting into them In other word, criminals only accepting payment in bit coins goes long way back
- Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
- I'm so good with managing money I got a letter from a debt collector saying 'outstanding payment'
- I don't understand why my credit score is so low. Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.
- Google's app management app is called "Google Play" and their payment app is called "Google pay" Their navigation app should be called "Google Way"
- You've got to be careful when getting your house exorcised If you can't afford the payments the priest will repossess your house
- The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay... ..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."
I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."
"They are." - If you don't keep up your regular payments to your exorcist... Your home may be repossessed
- As a hardworking American I'm proud to finally say I'm a millionaire Unfortunately, nobody in the states is accepting payment with Zimbabwean dollars.
- I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
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Down Payment One Liners
Which down payment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with down payment? I can suggest the ones about payment and car loan.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive.. Try missing a couple of payments.
- Wanna get back on your feet again? Miss a few car payments
- What is the Pope's preferred method of payment? Papal
- My local butcher's has started accepting crypto as payment. But only proof of steak.
- My friend stopped making payments to his exorcist. He was soon repossessed.
- Imagine missing a payment on TESLA and the car drives itself back to the dealership
- Money can't buy happiness... but it makes a great down payment!
- What is an assasin's favourite cryptocurrency payment method? Hitcoin
- what is superman's favorite payment method? kryptocurrency
- EA is now offering deferred-payment microtransactions... Calling them E.A.I.O.U.s
- That's the pope favorite method of payment? PayPal
- The Best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments!
- Everyone wishes their credit score was like their payments. Outstanding.
- What's good about your baby momma being an anti vaxxer? No child support payments.
- I put 10% towards the cost of my erectile dysfunction treatment. It's a down payment
Down Payment Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about down payment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mortgage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make down payment pranks.
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.
While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.
After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.
The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up p**... in the dictionary, a person who trades s**... for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.
Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...
... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adam and Eve eat the apple
of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*
But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pious woman was possessed by a d**...
She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the d**.... As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"
She was repossessed.
Movie theater madness
A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just before my girlfriend and I had s**... for the first time...
I told her I was gonna give her 9 inches. Just as long as she was willing to take 3 inch payments
Kid looking for odd jobs comes to a guys door
"Hey mister" he starts out, "I'm looking for some work for pocket money over the holidays".
Impressed by the youngster's work ethic the man says "Sure son; there's a few tins of paint in the garage. Go get them and paint the porch and I'll give you $20"
4 hours later there was a knock on the man's door by a paint spattered youth holding his hand out for payment who says "I've finished and by the way that's not a porch it's a BMW"
I want to be Gold Membership for extra benefit but face a problem with Payment Gateway. How to way of Gold Membership without pay ??
A lawyer's dog
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.
The contents read
"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."
What country accepts only one form of payment?
The Czech Republic!
A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...
He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.
''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.'
I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....
Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments
If you bought a toupee for your friend Bill on a 4 month payment plan...
You'd have four bills to pay for Bill's toupee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As an ornothologist and a p**... I structure payment based on the old saying:
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
An Italian herb seller gets a loan from the mafia.
Two weeks later, the boss walks in for his payment. Unable to pay his debt, the herb seller pleads for his life.
"Please sir, give me one more week!" he exclaims.
"No," responds the boss, "your thyme is up."
I recently stopped sending monthly payments to my exorcist...
Because of that my house was repossessed
A man goes to pay for his shopping...
...and places down an empty box of disposable lenses.
The cashier looks at him and says "you can't possibly expect me to accept that as payment?"
The man points at a sign by the till, "it says here you accept contactless".
There's been a lot of scammers claiming they're from the electric company calling to get payments from overdue bills…
They're getting pretty crafty- they even turned off my electricity.
Payment
Boy - I wish to marry your daughter.
Father - How much do you earn?
Boy - 10K.
Father - I give her 8K as pocket money.
Boy - Yes i included that in my payment.
Did you recover from your operation?
Not yet. The doctor says I still have two more payments.
Salesperson at a big furniture store: "You put no money down and make no payments for 12 months!"
Me (nervously): "Who told you about us?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a brothel that took deer as payment
They described it as the best bang for your buck
A hacker locked a bank's financial information down and demanded payment to decrypt them.
Police tried to catch him but he ransomeware.
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
Girl, am I a loan offered to ppl with impeccable credit and a long history of timely payments?
Bc I have 0 interest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in LA recently and got pulled over by an Indian cop
They are outsourcing everything.
He asked me, " why do you think I pulled you over"?
I said, " I don't know, because I missed my last credit payment?"
Credit Sam Tripoli
How did the puppy pay his barber?
With a defurred payment
What do you call a guy that drives a Ferrari, but can't afford the down payment on his house?
Magnum PMI
Person: Completes 40 years of tax and home payments to finally pay off mortgage
EA: we just wanted users to feel a sense of accomplishment...
I'm so edgy that...
Ron Popeil is selling me for 3 easy payments of $19.99
Some friars were behind on their belfry payments...
I've got some extremely rare tulip bulbs for sale
Payment in BitCoins only.
An accused criminal is brought before a judge...
The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"
I went to buy a new car...
The salesman said- Buy it today, and you won't make a payment for six months.
I said- Boy! You really know me!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once hired a p**... using a bill of exchange as payment
Cheque mate
Which payment type would mario choose for his order?
Mario Kart
For 50$ I will guess your bank account number
(Payment first, checks only)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why did the Venezuelan p**... forgo accepting payment up front?
Because it was worth more by the end of the session.
the Pope doesn't carry cash...
the Pope doesn't carry cash...
he uses Papal to make payments
My landlord is threatening to kick me out because I haven't made a single rental payment in years.
She said, "Listen son, your 35. Don't you think you should get a place of your own?"
After I lost my job a while back I just got back on my feet
just because I missed a few payments on the car
What do you call a "fixed regular payment earned for work or services, typically paid on a daily or weekly basis." in South Africa?
SAwage.
My doctor and I decided on prescription Placebex...
To help him make his Lamborghini payment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make payment at a robot s**... brothel?
You insert your chip and release your data.
Why is the worldwide online payment supergiant called Paypal?
Because you still gotta pay, pal.
My uncle used to own an ice cream shop, but he missed a single payment to the electric company.
They liquidated his assets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a p**... who takes cookies as payment?
An Oreho.
My son kept begging for a present, so I went to the store and got a XBox for him.
I was shocked that they accept kids as payment.
My ex had given me a loan, and I finally made my last payment.
Now it's just some money I used to owe.
TIL the government has a minimum height requirement for workers to receive Coronavirus relief payments. I was so angry...
but I'm over it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What sort of compensation do you get from a p**...?
A going down payment
They've finally reached a Covid Stimulus deal!
It includes a direct payment of $40 in Kohl's Cash that will be valid from January 3 - January 7, 2021.
So my brother got an exorcism
Went fine until he fell arrears on the payments and got repossessed
Waffle House
I went to Waffle House this morning but forgot my wallet at home. I told the waiter I couldn't pay for my meal, so she took one of my shoes as payment and told me I wasn't allowed back.
I guess from now on IHOP.
Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments
The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he said.
"What are you taking?" she asked.
"Car, ma, for repo sting!"
A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.
Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."
Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"
Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."
Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"
Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"
Last mortgage payment!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment!" the guy announces. "I mean, I still owe $273,000, I just can't pay it any more."