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Doubt Jokes

126 doubt jokes and hilarious doubt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about doubt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Sick of being skeptical? Don't worry, get a laugh from these jokes about doubt, self doubt and no doubt. Let these jokes about skeptics and skepticism put a smile on your face and make you suppose that doubt can be humorous.

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Funniest Doubt Short Jokes

Short doubt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The doubt humour may include short suspicion jokes also.

  1. "Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything." "Dad, are you sure?"
    "Absolutely."
  2. I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
  3. How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Honestly, it's a pretty obscure number. I doubt you've ever heard of it.
  4. Girlfriend said that she slept with 61 men before. I doubt it, but she insisted that I was her sixty-second man.
  5. I don't see why Obama gave all his speeches behind bulletproof glass.. I know he's black and all but I doubt he'd actually shoot anyone.
  6. "Remember son, everyone has doubts about something. Only an idiot is completely sure about everything. "Are you sure dad?"
    "Absolutely."
  7. "These speakers didn't cost that much so I doubt they will work well" "that is a cheap stereotype"
  8. I ran into Rick Astley today. He borrowed my copy of Disney's "Up", but I doubt I'll ever see it again.
  9. Is Google a he or a she... Is Google a he or a she?

    A: A she, no doubt, because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
  10. My new cat is obsessed with sitting on the calendar, so I took that as an inspiration for his name I'm still doubting between Greg or Ian

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Doubt One Liners

Which doubt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with doubt? I can suggest the ones about unsure and uncertain.

  1. What do you call an anti-vax babysitter? Mrs. Doubt Pfizer
  2. Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is... ...Mrs Fire.
  3. My mother is anti vaxx Calls herself miss Doubt Pfizer
  4. What is an Anti-Vaxxer's favourite movie? Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer
  5. I doubt whiskey is the answer, But it's worth a shot.
  6. What do you call an Anti-Vaxx Nanny? Mrs. Doubt Pfizer
  7. My favorite movie is without a doubt Mrs. Fire
  8. Robin Williams Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
  9. Among all the months there's one that leaves me doubtful. May
  10. Did you hear about the horse that doubted everything? He was a neighsayer.
  11. Where do Egyptians go when people keep doubting them? Into de-Nile
  12. I've started doubting myself a lot less recently... well at least I think I have
  13. I've heard that you should always be skeptical... but I have my doubts.
  14. Some people doubt my memory But I can remember last year as if it were yesterday.
  15. What's your favorite Robin Williams movie? Without a doubt, mine is Mrs. Fire.

No Doubt Jokes

Here is a list of funny no doubt jokes and even better no doubt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Has anyone else noticed During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
  • "Will I be ok doc?" "I doubt it. mercury is in Uranus now."
    "I don't believe in that astrology rubbish."
    "Nor do I !! My thermometer just broke."
  • Why do nuns wear the same outfit every day? It's a habit.

    (I made this one up. I doubt I am the first to do it. )
  • I was at the train station. The woman next to me said, "Is the next train from London to Edinburgh?"
    I said, "I doubt it. I don't think trains are that long."
  • I went on a date with an anorexic girl She said, 'I don't want anything serious right now, I've got a lot on my plate'
    I said, 'I doubt it'
  • Will I be OK, doc? I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus.
    I don't do that astrology stuff, doc.
    Me neither, my thermometer just broke!
    (Not my joke but I think it's worth sharing!)
  • Without a doubt, Robin Williams is great. Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
  • What do you call cancer when it achieves sentience? A reddit mod.
    (doubt this will prevent it form being deleted and myself banned, but this 'attack' is quite impersonal)
  • I have no doubt prince andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences No sweat
  • I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person I doubt I'll manage to win that title.

Self Doubt Jokes

Here is a list of funny self doubt jokes and even better self doubt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor Every time he had a moment of self doubt, I'd remind him he is Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't.
Doubt joke, If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor

Doubt joke, If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Doubt Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about doubt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skeptical jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make doubt pranks.

Mujibar get a job in India

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.

A man walks into a bar...

And has the bartender line up 5 shots. The man takes all 5 shots in under a minute to the bartender's surprise.
"Wow, what's the occasion?" the bartender asks.
"First b**...," the man replies with a slight grin.
"Congrats! The next one's on me," the bartender offers
"No thanks. If 5 shots haven't gotten the taste out of my mouth, I doubt the 6th will"

Guilty and Depression!

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is...

I said No Doubt

Between the Boko Haram schoolgirl abductions and the recent Malaysia Airlines incidents...

I'm starting to doubt if we'll ever see an intact black box ever again.

Types of salaries

* The onion salary - the moment you touch it, you start crying
* The d**... salary - it doesn't help you at all, it makes you suffer, but you can't live without it
* The agnostic salary - you doubt its existence
* The magic salary - now you see it, now you don't
* The period salary - comes once a month and lasts for 4 days
* The impotent salary - when you need it the most, it lets you down

A salesman's car breaks down

A traveling salesman's car breaks down near an Ohio farmhouse. The salesman knocks on the door and explains his situation to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer says, "Its Friday night, I doubt you can get a tow into town tonight, so I'll let you stay the night. I have only one rule, under no circumstances are you to have s**... with my son."
"I'm sorry," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."

cheater husband

Woman to the priest, ' I doubt that my husband has been cheating on me... I have doubt on one woman. what should I do?'
Priest replied, 'Take your husband to that woman's doorsteps... and check if WiFi connects automatically'

who enjoys s**... more - man or woman?

A man and woman got into an argument over who enjoyed s**... more.
The man argued,"Of course men enjoy s**... more than women, no doubt about it!".
The woman replied,"Oh yeah? Well tell me this if your ears itch and you put in your finger inside and wiggle a bit and remove it, which feels better the ear or finger?

I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016.

I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth.

I highly doubt any alcohol or v**... will solve any of my life's problems

But I guess it's still worth the... shot

Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him...

People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about.

I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called "Don't Speak"?

On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind.

Did you hear that the band members of No Doubt have announced they are moving forward without Gwen Stefani.

It is reported they will now go by the name "Some Doubt".

Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?

Dad: Why did the Grammar teacher slap you today?
Son: I just wanted to clear my doubt. I asked her a valid question for which she had no answer, so she took out her frustration by being violent.
Dad : What was the question?
Son: I asked her why 'bra' is singular when it covers two things & p**...' plural when it covers only one

I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache.

It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before.

People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community.

But it's Trudeau.

The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...

I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"

I had doubts about buying a big metal cabinet with a locking door for my guns

It turned out to be a safe purchase.

I just finished baby-proofing my condo.

I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.

I was at the store with my Dad...

We were in the store and passed by the condoms. He looks at them for a second, picks some up, and throws them to me.
He said "I know you've got yourself a girlfriend now, so I think it's about time you learn about protection. These are pretty great, I doubt that you would be here today if not for these!"

I love the English cricket team....

The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.
No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to be led by a Cook.

Research shows that smoking p**... does not make you paranoid.

But I highly doubt it.

I'm going to try to get laughs with a pun based on formatting.

I kinda doubt it's going to work, but I'm feeling pretty **bold** today.

A sodium ion went to rob a bank.

It was charged, without a doubt.

When in doubt ...

Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?
Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.

Leaving for the Crusades...

*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"

Doubt this is true, but I heard that one of those fraudulent midget psychics who escaped was preggers at the time!

Now there's an extra small medium at large.

My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.

No doubt she's a Cat-holic.

Doubting wife!

My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.
Well, she's in for a shock!

Girls follow the tide warning signs when I ask them out

"When in doubt, don't go out"

I doubt v**... is the answer....

But it's worth a shot

What's the difference between a h**... and an e**...?

About $500 and a slight element of doubt to the outcome of the evening.

What's a matadors choice skin moisturizer?

"Olay"
(I made it up- unsure if I'm the first but I doubt it)

I doubt alcohol is the answer

But it's worth a shot

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a crowd...

The Pope turns to Trump and says, "Did you know that with a single wave of my hand, I can make this entire crowd go wild? Their joy will not be a momentary passing emotion either, but will live on in their hearts each time they tell someone of this day."
Trump replies, "What?! With one wave of your SAD hand? I doubt it."
So the Pope slapped him.

When people find out I work in a food tinning factory they always doubt my ability to do my job.

But I can.

Pregnant With Doubt

When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.
The sergeant's reply: Completely, sir.

Man walks into a bar

and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first b**...". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"

You were there for me when I had my doubts, you always gave me guidance, and you always offered me options.

Thanks Google.

After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me

The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......

Next time I meet someone that says they are a cancer survivor...

I will say, "no doubt, my last girlfriend was a taurus."

When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer.

"We haven't had it for a while, and I doubt we'll be getting it soon," I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act.
"Never tell the customer that we're out of anything. Tell them we'll have it next week," I instructed her. "Now, what did she want?"
"Rain."

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

Tim was planting a seed in the ground.

Jack: What kind of a seed is it?
Tim: A seed of doubt.
Jack: That's The worst joke I've ever heard......Or maybe the best...

If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.

That's definitely cannon.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

TIL that there's doubt on whether Pavlov ever actually did use a bell in his experiments or not.

I mean, after all, he did won the Nobel prize.

The spy must have sensed I was watching him, because he quickly lit a cigarette and started puffing while gazing at his reflection on a shiny metal wall.

It was smoke and mirrors. I had no doubt.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's going to do when she shows up. His face contorts in frustration. "When I see her face..."
He softens.
"Imma believe 'er."

I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.

I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

I ran into Gwen Stefani on the street the other day

She said to me, nice weather we're having.
I replied, No Doubt.

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don't last long and lack quality.
China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, You still doubt my abilities, mofos .

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"
He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

The first rule of Condescending Club

is really rather complex and I doubt you would understand it even if I explained it to you with diagrams.

Man, I can never take free w**... from my best friend

bc i will always be in doubt that Rick rolled it

I doubt that men were turned into stone only by looking at Medusa's face.

I'm sure they looked at her b**... too.

Will I be ok doc?

I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now
I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff
Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks at the pupil's eyes and answers:
– "I'm not Master Zhi"

Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?

During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it", said doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."
The patient said, " I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your a**...."

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology c**..., doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.

Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.

1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.

Pretty dark you've been warned

Why does Obama give his speeches behind bullet proof glass? I know he's black and all but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

Doubt joke, Pretty dark you've been warned

jokes about doubt