Doubt Jokes

Free Hong Kong Tee Shirts are okay I guess...

I doubt that I'd ever *buy* one though

Mujibar get a job in India

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have to show you are proficient in the English language. Please make a sentence using the words: Yellow, Pink, and Green.'
Mujibar responded, 'The telephone goes green, green, I pink it up, and say, Yellow! This is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him.

Guilty and Depression!

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

My psychic friend told me that she could tell me what my favourite band is...

I said No Doubt

Between the Boko Haram schoolgirl abductions and the recent Malaysia Airlines incidents...

I'm starting to doubt if we'll ever see an intact black box ever again.

cheater husband

Woman to the priest, ' I doubt that my husband has been cheating on me... I have doubt on one woman. what should I do?'
Priest replied, 'Take your husband to that woman's doorsteps... and check if WiFi connects automatically'

I'd like to be an optimist,

but I doubt if it would work out.

Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him...

People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about.

I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called "Don't Speak"?

On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind.

Did you hear that the band members of No Doubt have announced they are moving forward without Gwen Stefani.

It is reported they will now go by the name "Some Doubt".

gwen stefani was asked if she wants to reunite with her former band

she responded: "no doubt"

I started dating this girl online who says she's from Turkey but I'm starting to doubt her.

It was definitely Instant-bull.

A: What are you planting???

B: The seed of doubt.
A: Dude, that's the worst joke I've ever heard!
A: Or is it the best???

I'm suffering from a more rare kind of stomach ache.

It's called Indiegestion, I doubt you've heard of it before.

They asked me if I wanted to go to Gwen stefani tonight

I said No Doubt

The cashier at my local grocery store hates me...

I'm always paying in 1$ bills and I use a lot of them. I attempted to calm her down with some humor.
"I'm an exotic dancer...and I'm really good at it", I said with a wink.
She replied with a glare, "I doubt that. If you were any good you'd be paying with $5's"

I had doubts about buying a big metal cabinet with a locking door for my guns

It turned out to be a safe purchase.

I just finished baby-proofing my condo.

I seriously doubt any of them are making it past the barbed wire and claymores.

I was at the store with my Dad...

We were in the store and passed by the condoms. He looks at them for a second, picks some up, and throws them to me.
He said "I know you've got yourself a girlfriend now, so I think it's about time you learn about protection. These are pretty great, I doubt that you would be here today if not for these!"

I don't get it, why do black people always call each other that?

I highly doubt that ALL of their names are Monica...

When in doubt ...

Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do?
Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically.

My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.

No doubt she's a Cat-holic.

Doubting wife!

My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.
Well, she's in for a shock!

An obese woman walked by me and winked.

I shirked, so she gyrated and told me to "take a picture it will last longer."
I retorted, "I don't doubt it."

Girls follow the tide warning signs when I ask them out

"When in doubt, don't go out"

I think I doubt myself too much

But I'm not sure

The 90s surely had some great bands.

There is no doubt of that

What's a matadors choice skin moisturizer?

"Olay"
(I made it up- unsure if I'm the first but I doubt it)

Necrophiliac's motto:

When in doubt, test her out!

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a crowd...

The Pope turns to Trump and says, "Did you know that with a single wave of my hand, I can make this entire crowd go wild? Their joy will not be a momentary passing emotion either, but will live on in their hearts each time they tell someone of this day."
Trump replies, "What?! With one wave of your SAD hand? I doubt it."
So the Pope slapped him.

When people find out I work in a food tinning factory they always doubt my ability to do my job.

But I can.

Pregnant With Doubt

When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was.
The sergeant's reply: Completely, sir.

After a Year of use I can say without a doubt that the Nintendo Switch is the perfect console for Me

The Nintendo Sub was too under powered and the Nintendo Dom is more than I can handle.......

I seriously doubt that Jesus was against LGBT...

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

Tim was planting a seed in the ground.

Jack: What kind of a seed is it?
Tim: A seed of doubt.
Jack: That's The worst joke I've ever heard......Or maybe the best...

If there's any doubt about what parts of The Hunger Games match the books, we can be sure at least one thing is true to the series; The sound played after someone dies during the games.

That's definitely cannon.

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Jacinda Ardern celebrated the birth of her daughter by going to a bar and ordering a drink.

She asked, "Can I get a large aperitif?"
The barman said, "I very much doubt it."

TIL that there's doubt on whether Pavlov ever actually did use a bell in his experiments or not.

I mean, after all, he did won the Nobel prize.

The spy must have sensed I was watching him, because he quickly lit a cigarette and started puffing while gazing at his reflection on a shiny metal wall.

It was smoke and mirrors. I had no doubt.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's going to do when she shows up. His face contorts in frustration. "When I see her face..."
He softens.
"Imma believe 'er."

I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.

I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.

My wife left me because she said I was too condescending.

I doubt she even knows what that means.

Skepticism is a virtue…

I doubt it.

Electric blankets are so nice

I doubt I can go back to plain old acoustic blankets.

I doubt that the moon lending ever happened.

I mean seriously, when would the moon pay it back?

I ran into Gwen Stefani on the street the other day

She said to me, nice weather we're having.
I replied, No Doubt.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"
He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks at the pupil's eyes and answers:
– "I'm not Master Zhi"