Double Meaning Jokes
28 double meaning jokes and hilarious double meaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about double meaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Double your fun and tickle your funny bone with our witty assortment of Jokes About Double Meaning. These carefully crafted puns promise an extra dose of fun because, well, two meanings are always better than one!
These jests are the perfect punchlines for any social gathering or event where you'd like to introduce some light-hearted, intellectual humor. Love them or hate them, there's no denying that these double meaning funnies, as ridiculous as they may seem, will make you ponder, chuckle, and perhaps even appreciate the linguistic gymnastics at play.
So prepare for a hilarious expedition through the twists and turns of language as each joke in our list unfurls a new layer of comedy in its amusing dual interpretations. Let the laughter cascade because it's time to read between the punchlines!
Funniest Double Meaning Short Jokes
Short double meaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The double meaning humour may include short double entendre jokes also.
- A Roman walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. "Do you mean a martini?" the bartender asks.
"Look, if I wanted a double I would have said so." - A Roman walks into a bar ... and orders a martinus.
The bartender asks, "You mean a martini?"
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double I would have asked for it." - In Scotland, they are so mean with money that every home has double glazing installed. So their kids can't hear the ice cream van
- I always thought it was interesting how double jointed kids were always really cool in elementary school... I mean weird flex, but ok.
- So i told my russian friend Your parents must be the novichok killers
1. Because he's russian
2.because theyre both males so it means he's adopted
DOUBLE CUSS - A Roman walks into a bar.. ..and asks for a dry martinus.
"Surely you mean a martini," asks the bartender.
"If I want a double I'll ask for it, you plebeian s**...," replies the roman.
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Double Meaning One Liners
Which double meaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with double meaning? I can suggest the ones about two meaning and double ended.
- Double standards are the worst. I mean, one flag is enough.
- If Jesus comes back and is crucified again Does that mean he's been double crossed
- What do you get when you cross dirty double meanings with WWI? The Triple Entendre.
Great Double Meaning Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about double meaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean double standards jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make double meaning pranks.
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A Roman Legionnaire walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "What can I get you?" to which the Legionnaire replied: "A Martinum please".
The bartender looked puzzled, "Don't you mean a Martini?"
The legionnaire snapped back with "If I wanted a f*cking double I'd ask for one!"
A Roman centurian walks into a bar
And says to the barman "I'd like a Martinus, please"
The barman says "don't you mean a Martini?"
And the centurion snaps "if I wanted a double I would have asked for one"
Professor of linguistics
A professor of linguistics was giving a lecture about double negatives he " in some languages double negative means positive but in others double negative means still means negative , but there is no such thing as double positive meaning negative"
A student from the back was heard shouting "yeah right"
A nun is doing her rounds around town. . .
. . .when she turns the corner near a bar, only to collide with a mean-looking, stumbling drunk. The drunk flies into a rage, and punches her in the face. He then kicks her square in the gut, and begins to brutally pummel her head and face as she doubles over.
Within a minute, she is reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess on the sidewalk. The drunk spits on the nun, and sneers.
"Yeah. . .not so f**...' tough NOW, eh Batman?"
A man goes into a bar where, instead of drinks, they sell words and phrases...
he asks the barman if they sell entendres. The barman says "yes" so the man says "ok, I'll have a double" and the barman says "oh, you mean a large one".
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says
I'll have a Martinus.
The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, Don't you mean a Martini?
Look, Caesar replies, If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!
The double meaning of Christmas!
I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.
The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"
"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
A Roman walks into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Bacardus and Coke."
The bartender, confused, asks "Don't you mean a Bacardi and Coke?"
The Roman rolls his eyes and responds "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for one."
Suit sales.
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.
Guess what, sir? the clerk said. I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!
Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?! the manager asked.
That's the one!
That's great! the manager cried, I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?
Oh, the clerk replied, after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye dog bit me.
New Windows
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically s**.... So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so
I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
On the top floor of a hotel, there was a panorama bar...
...and two men were each enjoying a quiet drink.
One of them asks the other: "What are you drinking?" The other replies: "Scotch, single malt. It's pretty good."
Then the first man says "You should really try out this bourbon right here - two shots of these, and you can do anything." The second man wasn't convinced, so it was up to the first man to prove it.
He swallowed his drink, went over to the window and jumped out fell all the way to the ground, landed and jumped back up again. "There. Anything, I tell you."
So the other man immediately ordered a double of the first man's bourbon, drank it in one go and jumped out the window where he fell to his death.
Then the bartender looked at the first man and said: "Clark Kent, you are one mean drunk."
h**... and Himmer walk into a bar...
The barman comes over, does a double-take, then askes them for a drink. h**... orders two brandys. After the barman returns and places the drinks in front of them he says-"I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend, but you guys look a lot like h**... and Himmler." h**... responds -" well that's because it is us." Shocked, the barman asks where have they been all this time, to which Himmler responds-"actually, we have been making preparations for our next plan. Would you like to hear it?" The barman says ok, so Himmler continues-"we plan on killing ten million jews and a dj." The barman asks -"why a dj?" to which Himmler turns to h**... and says-"see, no one cares about the jews."
Just made it so don't judge.
So a man is on a double date with his wife, best friend and the friend's new girlfriend. As the date progresses the girlfriend asked the man "how they met". "Well", said the man. "We met at grade 6 and we started talking, the more we talked the more we liked each others company." As he's telling her all these details and stories the wife just looks at him confused. Finally, after talking for several minutes he finishes with "I can't imagine how bad my life would be if we hadn't met" Awwww, the girl says. "I hope my marriage can be that happy one day." The man looks puzzled, grabs his wife's hand and says, "ohhhh you mean my wife?!"
Ol' Mr Periwinkle
Ol' Mr. Periwinkle was the nastiest, meanest patient in the hospital. So one day, Betty, the head nurse, decided to try and cheer him up. She brings him a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sets them down on his bedside table. Mean old Mr. Periwinkle promptly picks them up, throws them up against the wall, breaks the vase and flowers go everywhere. Betty patiently cleans up the mess and leaves the room. Later in the day, Betty comes back in and says to Mr. Periwinkle, "It's time to take your temperature, Mr. Periwinkle." He grumpily opens his mouth but Betty says, "No, not this time Mr. Periwinkle. We have to check it in the other end this time." Grumbling, Mr. Periwinkle turns over and sticks his rear end up in the air. Betty sticks it in and leaves the room. A while later, Dr. Brown is walking past Mr. Periwinkles room and looks in. He does a double take and walks in his room. "Mr. Periwinkle, what are you doing?" he says. "Oh that old nurse is taking my temperature." he replies. To which Dr. Brown says, "With a daisy?"
