Doorway Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''

He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

A dad and his daughter are having an argument...

The daughter gets really frustrated with the situation, and goes to leave the room. When she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!".

Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".

A man and his wife are having sex...

...They are going at it hot and heavy, and suddenly they hear a noise. It's their son, little Timmy, standing in the doorway. Shocked, Timmy runs back to his room.

The father goes, "I'll go talk to Timmy."

So he goes to Timmy's room and opens the door; there, he sees Timmy's giving it hot and heavy to grandma!

The father, disturbed, says, "O my god!"

Timmy goes, "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"

A widow puts out an ad for a man...

She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her sexually. A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.

"Well, I have no arms so I will never beat you. I have no legs so I can't run from you."

"How do you suppose that you can satisfy me sexual," she asked with a puzzled face.

"Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

A middle aged lady decides to revamp her sex life with her husband.

She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some sexy lingerie and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless panties. That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the lingerie and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your panties!'.

I wanted to see if I could become invisible to others

So I stood in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity tin.

I used to be a huge fan of tractors.

When I was younger I loved them in all shapes and sizes. This was until I went to the county fare when I was 10, and the farmer refused to let me sit in his tractor. I ran home and cried my eyes out, tore all the tractor posters off my wall and that was that.

11 years later standing in the doorway of a night club, surrounded by smokers my friend leans across to me and says:

This smoke is really unpleasant

I open my lungs, suck up all the smoke and exhale it far in the other direction.

He says: Wow, how did you do that?

To which I reply: I'm an ex-tractor fan

Not so funny now is it?

A boy comes home from school. He hears a thud-thud-thud sound coming from upstairs. He goes to investigate and notices the sound is getting louder.
Thud-thud-thud, it's getting louder and faster. It's coming from his parents room! The boy flings the door open and sees his mom on all fours and his dad behind her. The dad sees the boy in the doorway and shoots his son a thumbs up. The boy slams the door shut and runs downstairs.
The next day the dad comes home from work. He here's a strange sound coming from upstairs. As the dad goes upstairs he here's thud-thud-thud coming from his sons room. The dad flings open the door to his sons room and sees grandma on all fours and his son behind her!
The boy looks at his dad and says, "not so cool when it's your mom is it?"

Curing a nuns hiccups

A nurse is going to work, walking through the hospitals parking lot, when a nun runs past her, screaming and crying. The nurse approaches the doctor standing in the doorway and asks, "What's wrong with that nun?" "Oh," the doctors says, "I told her she was pregnant." "Oh, so she's pregnant?" "No, but it share cured her hiccups."

Santa's got lot's of things to do, you know.

Santa's placing presents under a Christmas tree when he hears a soft voice behind him, "Santa…"

He turns around and sees a gorgeous woman peeking out of a bedroom doorway.

"Come to bed, Santa"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, gotta go, got lots of things to do, you know"

She opens the door the rest of the way, revealing a sheer nightie.

"Oh Santa, come to bed!"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, gotta go, got lots of things to do, you know"

With the slightest of movements she slips out of her nightie. As it floats gracefully towards the floor, her absolutely perfect body is revealed.

"Santa… Oh Santa… Come to bed Santa."

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta Stay! Can't get up the chimney this way."

We've divided the population as you've requested, Mr. President, announced the assistant from the doorway, so we're just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.

Wipe the memory of groups 1-8, replied the president, leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.

Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?

The president stood from his chair and looked out at the world from his window.

Only 90s kids will remember this.

The Art Collector [Clean]

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

A man is having loud, passionate sex with his wife...

when all of a sudden he looks over and sees his son Johnny looking at them through the doorway. Horrified, Johnny runs away and his dad puts on some pants and starts running after him.

He gets to Johnny's room and sees him nailing his Grandma. The father goes 'oh goodness me!' and Johnny replies saying, 'not so funny when it's your mum, is it?'

A woman answers her door...

And a man is standing in the doorway. He says, "lady I'm sorry, but I think I just hit your cat." The lady replies, " oh no, I don't think so, he hardly ever gets out of the house." The man says, "well it came running out of your yard." The woman then asks, "what does it look like?" The man says, "well it looks kinda flat and runny." "No what did it look like before you hit it?". "Surprised. "

Once Upon a Time in the West, a Bear Walked into a Saloon..

As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw. **

Joseph Stalin is walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl

Joseph Stalin was walking through a small town when he came upon a little girl sitting in the doorway of a house. He smiled at her and said "Little girl, do you know who I am?"
The little girl gives him a blank stare.
"You really don't know? I'm the one who gave you everything you have!"
The little girl's face lights up, and she runs into the house shouting "Mum! Mum! Uncle Ivan is home from America!"

The awesome power of a wife's love

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table.

The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said.

"They're for the funeral."

So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...

The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"

Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in the door. "How lovely! It smells like waffles and hot jam! "

The baby is trying to grab a spot at the door as well, but his parents are blocking the whole entry. After a couple minutes of futility, the baby mole sits down and says "Well, all I smell is Molasses."

How contagious?

A middle aged father was in the bathroom one morning shaving before work, when his teenage daughter passed by the doorway, she came back a moment later and asked her father " dad I've got a very serious question for you" "ok" he replies go ahead, she then sheepishly asks, " um how contagious is herpes" stunned the father immediately thinks of nothing but to try and turn his daughter away from this type of activity, he replies with " oh honey, its very very contagious, any kind of contact will mean almost certain infection, I cant watch you 24/7, so all I can ask if you try and at least stay protected" the daughter backs away from the doorway and replies "well I was just asking because your using my razor and Im currently having a breakout."

Yoda stands in the doorway, surveying the crime scene.

The victim is lying face down on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Huge chunks have been taken out of him, and clear teeth marks are visible around the open wounds. Against a nearby wall lies the suspected killer. Mouth full of blood (likely not his own) and back broken in such a way that he can't have lasted long.


Yoda's partner, Luke, looks around in disgust.

"What do you think? Open and shut case of murder suicide?"


Yoda stares grimly, nods, but says nothing.


Yoda walks into the room, and walks around the corpse on the floor.


"So should I just go ahead and tell Nine's family?" Luke says.


Yoda looks at Luke with a glimmer in his eye. "Eaten alive, this man was. Disfigured, he is. Nine, he looks like. But Nine, this man is not. Six, Seven eight."

So, a travelling salesman walks up to a woman's house...

The woman is in a bad mood, but answers the door anyway. Seeing that the salesman has nothing of interest to her, she shuts the door. However, the door does not shut all the way and bounces back open. She thinks that the salesman was sticking his foot in the doorway to prevent her from closing the door. She was not in the mood for that and decides to slam the door on his foot to drive him off. The door bounces back open. Getting really frustrated, she grabs the door and prepares to give it a huge slam. Before she slams however, the salesman says, "Ma'am, before you do that, I would advise moving your cat."

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

GovSchwarzenegger's musical talents.

One day Arnold Schwarzenegger and his two friends Bill and Tom were going for a stroll downtown.
Suddenly a man jumped out of a doorway and said "Help! We've just lost our three leads for our movie on famous European composers!"
Arnie and the boys, ever the gentlemen, decided to help the poor fellow.
Once inside, the director told them who the three composers in question were and that they could pick each part for themselves.
"I'll be Mozart." Said Bill.
"I'll be Beethoven!" Said Tom.
"I'll be Bach..."

Once Upon a Time in the West, a One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Bar

As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw! **

Police dog

One evening, a deputy in the canine division was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building open. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office."

Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.

How much will you give me for this jacket?

Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.

But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.

Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.

Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.

Positive

Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20.Β  The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.

A One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Saloon..

When he enters, the piano player stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he says. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. The bear downs the second whiskey, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw. **

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street.

A German, An Austrian and a Czech are walking down the street, suddenly the German stops.

"Vait up you guys. I need to slip into ze bank for und moment." says the German. The trio walk towards the bank and the German and the Austrian walk inside. They turn around. The Czech is stood in the doorway.

"Vhat are you vaiting for?" asks the Austrian.

"It says no checks." replies the Czech.

A man discovered that feeding seagulls to his porpoises will make them live forever.

A man discovered that feeding seagulls to his porpoises will make them live forever. He went to the beach and grabbed two seagulls. As he arrived back home, he saw, sound asleep in his doorway, an old stodgy lion. As he stepped over the lion carrying the seagulls, police surrounded and arrested him. Of course the charge was transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.

So I'm at the dentist's office...

...in the waiting room when this woman comes storming out, shouting curses and threatening to sue. When she's gone, the dentist is standing in the doorway, speechless, so I ask him, "gee, doc, what's got her knickers in a twist?" And he says, "I don't know, I just asked her to take a shot in the mouth."

What do you call a Greek philosopher who won't move from the doorway?

Obstacles.

A man is half listening to his wife.

She mentions putting a potted plant in the doorway. He goes to bed a few minutes later. He wakes up and feels like he's forgetting something. He steps out of his room, still confused.


And then it hit him.

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery (edited for cultural sensitivities)...

An arab man and a jewish man both decide to head into a bakery together, holding hands no less.

After a brief disagreement on who would hold the shop's door open for the other, they proceeded to pass through the doorway facing each other, so as to enter at the same time.

The two friends walk around the bakery, spying a half dozen pastries to eat. They call the baker over to compliment him on his tasty treats.

The baker smiles and says "you two are as good of guys as back home in america. Take these pastries as a symbol of cultural unity"

How to make a hard-nosed woman laugh and then cry?

It's a Chinese joke. very long time ago, there was a couple, the wife was a hard-nosed woman, who never laughed and was emotionless. One day the husband said to his bosom friend: if you can make my wife laugh and then cry, I give five bucks. The guy accept it, and went out. The woman was standing on the doorway, a dog by her side. This guy went straight to the dog, kneeled and said: "Dad" The woman laugh madly, then the guy kneeled down before the woman and said, "mom". She then was furious and cried also madly.

What are the funniest doorway jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Doorway? Well, here are the best Doorway puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Doorway pick up lines to share with friends.

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