Doors Jokes
140 doors jokes and hilarious doors puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about doors that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Doors Short Jokes
Short doors jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The doors humour may include short walls jokes also.
- My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens. Lovely man.
Terrible cabinet maker. - I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
- Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
- My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam for the surface.
- My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?
We've updated our privacy policy - I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning... ...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
- My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
- My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day. Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
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Doors One Liners
Which doors one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with doors? I can suggest the ones about window and door and front door.
- To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out.
- When one door closes... An incognito window opens.
- I bought a dog from a blacksmith as soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.
- The other day I held the door for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
- I went to a psychic… I knocked on her front door
She yelled who is it?
So I left - I don't always beat my girlfriend, but when I do... it's to the door to open it for her.
- A clown held the door open for me yesterday I thought it was a nice jester.
- Last night I played a blank tape at full volume. The mime next door went nuts.
- Knock, knock *shouting thru door*
Just leave it outside, Thank you!
(2020 update) - Guys, I just figured out how to walk thorough walls! Doors
- Oscar Pistorius wants a new bathroom door His girlfriend is dead against it.
- What do you call a $1000 door? A grand entrance
- my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
- What did the sign on the door of the brothel say? "Beat it, we're closed."
Knock Doors Jokes
Here is a list of funny knock doors jokes and even better knock doors puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having
- What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
- My wife didn't order anything from amazon yesterday So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.
- My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM! Luckily for him i was still up playing my drum
- TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween... I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors
- I always knock on the front door of my fridge ... Just in case there is a salad dressing.
- Knock Knock Knock knock.
Who's there?
Door mom.
Door mom who?
Door mom who, I've come to bargain! - A police man knocked on my door the other morning and said 'it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck' I said 'I know'
- A Police officer knocks on the door and says to the man I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your girlfriend's been hit by a truck. The man replied, Yeah, but she has a great personality
- Why should you knock on a refrigerator door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing
Trap Doors Jokes
Here is a list of funny trap doors jokes and even better trap doors puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- For a while, the magician Houdini used a trap door for every show he did. It was..just a stage he was going through.
- For a while Houdini used trap doors in every act It was a stage he was going through
- How do you trap a blonde in a room? Put a 'Do Not Enter' sign on the back of the door.
- Why did Houdini start using trap doors in his routine? It was just a stage he was going through.
- For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.
- For a few years, Harry Houdini only used trap doors in his illusions... But it was just a stage he was going through.
- A magician... Why did the magician always use trap doors during his act?
It was juts a stage he was going through. - What do you call a door that transgendered people walk through? A trap door.
- David Copperfield's fed up of performing the old trap-door trick... It's just a stage he's going through.
- You hear about the Trap door company? I heard they closed down
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Doors Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about doors you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean window jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make doors pranks.
I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...
As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.
The dog c**... looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Being on crutches is like being a woman
People won't always take you seriously, but at least they open doors for you!
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
What is the Jenovah Witnesses' favourite band?
The doors.
A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed
and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"
The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies
It's gonna be Three Doors Down.
Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
I went into my local record store recently...
and asked the clerk "do you have anything by The Doors?", and he replied, "just the fire extinguisher".
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
If they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life.
Push and pull
How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?
They just have a feel for that kind of thing.
Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis?
It wooden go.
An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON s**...!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.
The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."
Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?
More doors.
An accordion player walks into a bar,
orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.
Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you.
Push and pull.
A dad and his daughter are having an argument...
The daughter gets really frustrated with the situation, and goes to leave the room. When she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!".
Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".
Gentleman
Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up.
Recently I saw an attractive woman. I decided to open the doors for her. Unfortunately, she got s**... out of the plane.
Just finished building doors for my fish.
I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane...
Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that if this plane is really built by them, the thing won't even start!"
I'm a moth
I walked into a dentist's office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.
I said, I'm a moth.
The dentist said, You're a moth?
I said, Yes! I'm a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I'm a moth!
The dentist said, Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist's office. He's two doors further down the hall.
I said, I know. I was on my way there, but your light was on.
There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people
Push and pull
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
A man was invited to a wedding
When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written
1. Bride Relatives
2. Groom Relatives
He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the Men's door and found two more doors
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises
Dad: "Go to your room now!"
Child: *storms off* "Jim Morrison was overrated!"
Dad: "What did I tell you about slamming the Doors?!"
A dad sends his son to his room
"Go to your room!" Dad exclaimed, frustrated at his son's behavior.
"Jim Morrison is overrated!" yelled the son as he stormed down the hall.
The dad yelled furiously, "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors?!"
Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...
What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
I started working for a company that made hinges
It really opened a lot of doors for me
Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.
Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
now if i were a diamond ring, where would i hide ...
I hit the gym today.
Broke my hand on the entrance doors.
I got into a fight with my father when I told him Jim Morrison wasn't talented.
He forced me to go to my room. I slammed my door behind me, and my dad said, "Don't you ever slam The Doors in my house again!"
What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?
More doors.
Some women love playing hard to get.
Closing their blinds, locking their doors, calling the police...
A boy and his father are in an argument
Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today
She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father
And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison s**...!"
The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."
Learning to pick locks
really opened a lot of doors for me
A church had their AC stolen
The next day there was a note on the church doors reading: "Dear thief! Keep the AC you stole, where you'll be going you'll need it"
A t**... had two cases at home...
he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a Chicken Sedan..
Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors?
If it had four it would be a chicken sedan
Sinks can't open doors.
Let that sink in.
Commas matter
Let's listen to the doors.
Vs.
Let's listen to the commadoors
Farmer Smartass
A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"
The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."
What kinda room has no doors and no windows?
A mushroom.
Why didn't the Mexican ever walk into a glass door again?
Because Juan does not simply walk into more doors.
I was walking by a car filled with black kids when I heard a "click" as they locked the doors and I felt like such a bad-a**......
...until I realized it was my car...
I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven
He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."
Dejected, he goes into the other door. Its angel asks him why he was here.
He replies, "I had no choice"
I have this s**... obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.
I really hate my job at the crematorium.
Dad: Go to your room!
Son: Jim Morrison s**...!
Dad: what did I tell you about slamming The Doors?
My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment.
But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
A man is locked in a room with no doors or windows...
The only thing in there with him is a red marble and a blue marble.
He says, well, I have a red marble and I have a blue marble, and two haves make whole. And so he uses that whole to climb out.
You say, That's s**.... It's two *halves* that make a whole, not two 'haves.' And anyway a 'whole' isn't spelled the way he's using it.
Now that you pointed out the hole in his reasoning, he climbs out through that.
I just learned how to lock pick
Its opened so many doors for me
My girlfriend and I were arguing as usual. She said "It's either me or your obsession with pointing out doors?"
I said "Well if you don't like it; the door is there".
A man was invited to a wedding...
A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:
1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives
He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the men's door and found two doors again:
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.
Why does a Chicken Coop have two doors?
'Cause if it had four doors, it would be a Chicken Sedan
...Sorry...
I'm so glad I learned to lockpick.
It's opened so many doors for me.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
Have you heard about the man who goes around knocking on doors?
"Doesn't ring a bell"
"That's him!"
I got into Harvard!!!
I don't know why people say it's tough to do, they don't even lock the doors.
A drummer needed a car, but only had $200
A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.
You're in luck, the friend told the drummer. I've got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small problem: it doesn't have any doors.
The drummer let out a mournful sigh and said that's no good – how'm I gonna get in?
When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."
All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *
Lockdown here in Australia is confusing.
I have no idea what's open or closed anymore. I just walk up to the automatic doors and if my face hits the glass I just turn around and go home.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.
I went to see my marriage counsellor.
He asked, "What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?"
"Recently, I've been checking that all the doors are locked. Then I look out of my window."
"It sounds like you still value the safety of your partner."
"No," I said, "I just like to make sure there's nobody around that might break into my car with me in it."
A dad and his son get into a big argument one day
DAD: Go to your room right now
SON: *storms off* JIM MORRISON WASN'T EVEN A GOOD VOCALIST
DAD: What have I told you about slamming The Doors!
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
An irate woman bursts through the doors of a bar, angrily screaming, "All lawyers are a**...!" This enrages a patron at the end of the bar, who stands up and shouts, "Hey! I take offense to that!"
"Why?" she asks, sneering at him, "You a lawyer or something?"
"No," he retorts, "I'm an a**...!"
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
If it had 4 it'd be a chicken sedan!
Chivalry really is dead…
The other day, I helped a young lady out the door and, instead of thanking me, she yelled at me on her way out.
I don't know what surprised me more: Her reaction or the fact that airplane doors could actually open mid flight
