Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Doors Jokes and Friends
Being on crutches is like being a woman
People won't always take you seriously, but at least they open doors for you!
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
What is the Jenovah Witnesses' favourite band?
The doors.
A husband came home and found his wife laying n**... on the bed
and asks her "Why are you n**..., woman ?" "Because i have nothing to wear." "You have nothing to wear? You have a closet full of clothes !" He then goes and opens the closet doors and starts going through her stuff. "Look, you have one dress, two dresses, three dresses, Hello neighbour, four dresses !"
The band The Doors have decided to change their name after the next member dies
It's gonna be Three Doors Down.
Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
I went into my local record store recently...
and asked the clerk "do you have anything by The Doors?", and he replied, "just the fire extinguisher".
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
If they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
You can explore doors gate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean doors locks dad jokes. There are also doors puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life.
Push and pull
How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?
They just have a feel for that kind of thing.
Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis?
It wooden go.
An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...
Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON s**...!"
Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"
A man enters an elevator, and the operator asks him what floor he wants.
The man says "Eighteenth floor." After arriving, the doors open and the operator says "We are here, my son."
The man says "Thanks, but why did you call me your son?"
The operator replies "Because I have brought you up."
Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?
More doors.
An accordion player walks into a bar,
orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn't even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late.
Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.
Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you.
Push and pull.
A dad and his daughter are having an argument...
The daughter gets really frustrated with the situation, and goes to leave the room. When she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!".
Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".
Just finished building doors for my fish.
I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
A group of engineering proffesors got in a plane...
Before closing the doors, the flight attendants told them that the plane had been built by their own students. Scared, all of the teachers ran out of the plane, except one. The pilot came to him and asked him why he was so relaxed. The proffesor said "I know my students very well. And I'm sure that if this plane is really built by them, the thing won't even start!"
I'm a moth
I walked into a dentist's office. The dentist asked me what the problem was.
I said, I'm a moth.
The dentist said, You're a moth?
I said, Yes! I'm a moth. I act like a moth. I think like a moth. I'm a moth!
The dentist said, Sir, I think you want the psychiatrist's office. He's two doors further down the hall.
I said, I know. I was on my way there, but your light was on.
There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people
Push and pull
A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.
Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"
A man was invited to a wedding
When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written
1. Bride Relatives
2. Groom Relatives
He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the Men's door and found two more doors
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises
A dad sends his son to his room
"Go to your room!" Dad exclaimed, frustrated at his son's behavior.
"Jim Morrison is overrated!" yelled the son as he stormed down the hall.
The dad yelled furiously, "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors?!"
Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...
What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?
More doors.
A boy and his father are in an argument
Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"
My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum today
She told me to choose between her and my obsession with pointing out doors to anyone in the room.
I responded, "Well, there's the door."
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father
And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison s**...!"
The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."
Learning to pick locks
really opened a lot of doors for me
A t**... had two cases at home...
he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a Chicken Sedan..
Do you know why a chicken coup only has two doors?
If it had four it would be a chicken sedan
Sinks can't open doors.
Let that sink in.
Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids...
Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.
Farmer Smartass
A grandson goes to visit his grandfather's farm. He asks his grandfather, "Why does that chicken house have two doors?"
The grandfather replies, "It has two doors because it's a chicken coop. The one over there with four doors is a chicken sedan."
What kinda room has no doors and no windows?
A mushroom.
Why didn't the Mexican ever walk into a glass door again?
Because Juan does not simply walk into more doors.
I got in trouble at work for suggesting Saloon Doors on the Gender Neutral Bathroom
I just wanted to show my support for swinging both ways
A Calvinist dies and goes to Heaven
He sees two doors. One is labeled free will, and the other is predestination. He walks through the predestination door and an angel asks him why he was here. The Calvanist replies, "I saw this door and decided to walk through it." The angel replies, "You can't be here, you chose this."
Dejected, he goes into the other door. Its angel asks him why he was here.
He replies, "I had no choice"
Guys, I just figured out how to walk thorough walls!
Doors
I have this s**... obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.
I really hate my job at the crematorium.
Dad: Go to your room!
Son: Jim Morrison s**...!
Dad: what did I tell you about slamming The Doors?
My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment.
But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.
Two Blondes leave a bar and realize they've locked their keys in the car.
After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I'll run inside and see if they have one!
The other blonde says Ok, well hurry because it looks like it's going to rain and the top is down!
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.
I just learned how to lock pick
Its opened so many doors for me
My girlfriend and I were arguing as usual. She said "It's either me or your obsession with pointing out doors?"
I said "Well if you don't like it; the door is there".
A man was invited to a wedding...
A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:
1. Bride's relatives
2. Groom's relatives
He entered the groom's door and found two doors again:
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the men's door and found two doors again:
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.
I'm so glad I learned to lockpick.
It's opened so many doors for me.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
Have you heard about the man who goes around knocking on doors?
"Doesn't ring a bell"
"That's him!"
When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."
All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *
Lockdown here in Australia is confusing.
I have no idea what's open or closed anymore. I just walk up to the automatic doors and if my face hits the glass I just turn around and go home.
My favorite Dad joke, because it's my cake day.
Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.
A dad and his son get into a big argument one day
DAD: Go to your room right now
SON: *storms off* JIM MORRISON WASN'T EVEN A GOOD VOCALIST
DAD: What have I told you about slamming The Doors!
An irate woman bursts through the doors of a bar, angrily screaming, "All lawyers are a**...!" This enrages a patron at the end of the bar, who stands up and shouts, "Hey! I take offense to that!"
"Why?" she asks, sneering at him, "You a lawyer or something?"
"No," he retorts, "I'm an a**...!"
Chivalry really is dead…
The other day, I helped a young lady out the door and, instead of thanking me, she yelled at me on her way out.
I don't know what surprised me more: Her reaction or the fact that airplane doors could actually open mid flight
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween...
I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
My grandfather used to play in a rock band called "The Hinges".
They usually opened for The Doors.
My 7 yo son: Imagine this room has no doors or windows, how do you get out?
Me: Break the wall?
Him: Just wake up from your imagination.
Just learned how to pick locks the other day!
A lot of doors have opened up for me since then.
What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors?
A monkey and a donkey
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had more, it'd be a chicken sedan.
I'll see myself out.
Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time
They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"
I exercise running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Jehovah's Fitness.
What's the difference between a velociraptor and a police officer?
The velociraptor can open doors.
Why do chicken coups have 2 doors ?
If they had 4, they would be chicken sedans.
Most people didn't like the guy who invented doors
They say he was a bit of a k**...
Saruman's fortress has only one gate, but Sauron's realm has multiple gates
Sauron has more doors.
In Self Defense
Tenant - "I simply won't stay here any longer. Those people above me banged on the floor early this morning, slammed doors, and jumped up and down as hard as they could. I won't stand it, I tell you!"
Landlady - "They woke you up, I suppose?"
Tenant - "No, I hadn't gone to bed yet. I was practicing on my saxophone."
Source: 1933 Newspaper
Of all the holidays that jehova witnesses should celebrate...
... You'd think halloween would be it. Knocking on strangers doors, how could they pass that up?!
Guy races into a bar looking very flustered and says to the bartender "Quick, give me a shot of your finest Scotch before the trouble starts"
The guy downs the scotch in a single gulp and glancing nervously towards the doors says **"Quick, give me another shot of you finest Scotch before the trouble starts"**
The guy downs that Scotch too and says, ***"Quick, another shot before the trouble starts".*** The barman pauses and says ***"Ok but I need you to pay for the other shots first"***
The guy looks the barman in the eye and says ***"It looks like the trouble has started"******.***
Locked keys in car…
On finishing up their round of golf O'Reily and O'Connor returned back to their car only to discover the doors were locked and the keys were in the ignition.
After quite a few minutes of messing with the door handles and thinking up the best way to gain entry to the vehicle, it all of a sudden began to cloud over.
p**... says O'Connor' look at those black clouds coming in over there. You'd better put the roof up or the seats are going to get soaked .
My music snob friend told me that The Doors had a lacklustre rhythm section. I asked him why he would say that, and he just shrugged his shoulders.
I told him I'm sick of hearing these bassless accusations.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.
(My favorite joke)
