Doorman Jokes
30 doorman jokes and hilarious doorman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about doorman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Doorman Short Jokes
Short doorman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The doorman humour may include short security guard jokes also.
- I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience!!!! That surprised me, i thought it was an entry level position. :(
- I went to a really trendy nightclub in town. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.
I said, Drinks?
He said, Birthdays. - A man calls his Asian friend to come to the nightclub. "Why are you calling me over? I'm busy" The friend asked.
"The doorman told me, 'I can't let you in without a Thai'" - The condensed version... A Phillipino, a Korean, a Chinese fella, a Burmese lady, and a Vietnamese guy all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
- Did you hear about the crazy doorman? He was completely unhinged.
I think something's missing. Maybe the opening line? - Two frogs carry a joke into an apartment building. One frog turns to the doorman and says, "I don't know where this joke is going."
- Group of beers get in line for a night club. Doorman goes up to the empty one and says, "Your friends are alright, but you can't come in."
"Why not?" he asks.
"You're drunk!"
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Doorman One Liners
Which doorman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with doorman? I can suggest the ones about delivery man and front desk.
- What did the sandwich say to the doorman? Lettuce in
- A doorman quits his job. He just couldn't handle it anymore.
- Why did the doorman quit his job to play basketball? Cause he got handles
- Why did the doorman get a raise? He was always out standing.
- A man named Matt works as a doorman... He's a DoorMatt
- Always a doorman never a door
Witty Doorman Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about doorman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elevator guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make doorman pranks.
Four men walk into an upmarket bar...
One is Malaysian, one Laotian, one Burmese and the other Vietnamese. As they walk in, the doorman stops them and says, "sorry gentlemen, I can't let you in without a Thai."
Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's Jim's birthday
Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a s**... Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."
TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes
He became widely known as the pun usher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today is Jacob's birthday,
So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a s**...-Club House.
At the club -
DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?
WIFE: How does he know you?
Jacob: We play Golf together!
BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?
WIFE: And how does he know you?
Jacob: He's on the Bowling Team!
HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jacob?
The Wife storms out...... dragging Jacob with her, into a taxi!
TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jacob boy....You picked an ugly one this time...Same Hotel?
Jacob's f**... will be next Friday at 2pm prompt....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"
So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the s**... club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.
"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Carl Lewis goes to a golf club
The doorman stops him and says, sorry mate, no b**....
Carl says, "What?"
The doorman has to concede, "Yeah sorry mate, it's a bit unconventional nowadays but this is an all white golf club. But there is another Golf Club about 10 minutes down the road..."Carl: "But I'm Carl Lewis" Doorman: "Alright, 5 minutes down the road then"
Getting into the pub with your dog
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub.
Mike looks at his friend John and says Let's go in there for a quick drink.
John replies with, They won't let us in with our dogs.
Sure they will, just follow my lead.
Mike walks up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman tell hims, I'm sorry but I can't let you in here with your dog.
Mike replies, But I'm blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.
The doorman says, Okay well in that case, come on in.
John sees this and decideds to do the same thing. He walks up to the front door, but the doorman says, Sorry sir, you can't come in here with a dog.
John replies, I'm blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.
The doorman responds, I don't think so buddy. You mean to tell me you have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?
John stops for a second looking confused, and says, They gave me a chihuahua?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife takes husband to s**... club for his bday....
A wife decides to reward his good husband for his bday by taking him to a s**... club.
As they walk in the doorman says "welcome Mr. Howard", wife stares at husband with a surprised look, as they sit down the waitress comes over and says "scotch on the rocks Mr Howard", wife starts getting angry, the stripper comes out and starts her routine, as she gets to finale, she asked the audience "who gets the last one", the crowd yells "Mr Howard of course!!", wife gets up and leaves, as they get into the cab she lets the husband have it. The cab driver turns around and says "Mr Howard, you got a feisty one tonight~~"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oh, Dave!
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local s**... club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
