Doorman Jokes
30 doorman jokes and hilarious doorman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about doorman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Doorman Short Jokes
Short doorman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The doorman humour may include short security guard jokes also.
- I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience!!!! That surprised me, i thought it was an entry level position. :(
- A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, "I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler.
- I went to a really trendy nightclub in town. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.
I said, Drinks?
He said, Birthdays. - My Night Out On The Town Last Night, I went to a really fancy nightclub downtown. The doorman said, Sorry mate, you've had too many.
I said, Drinks?
He said, Birthdays. - A man calls his Asian friend to come to the nightclub. "Why are you calling me over? I'm busy" The friend asked.
"The doorman told me, 'I can't let you in without a Thai'" - The condensed version... A Phillipino, a Korean, a Chinese fella, a Burmese lady, and a Vietnamese guy all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
- Did you hear about the crazy doorman? He was completely unhinged.
I think something's missing. Maybe the opening line? - Two frogs carry a joke into an apartment building. One frog turns to the doorman and says, "I don't know where this joke is going."
- Group of beers get in line for a night club. Doorman goes up to the empty one and says, "Your friends are alright, but you can't come in."
"Why not?" he asks.
"You're drunk!" - What did the sandwich say to the doorman ? What did the sandwich say to the doorman ?
Lettuce in
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Doorman One Liners
Which doorman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with doorman? I can suggest the ones about delivery man and front desk.
- What did the sandwich say to the doorman? Lettuce in
- A doorman quits his job. He just couldn't handle it anymore.
- Why did the doorman quit his job to play basketball? Cause he got handles
- Why did the doorman get a raise? He was always out standing.
- A man named Matt works as a doorman... He's a DoorMatt
- Always a doorman never a door
Witty Doorman Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about doorman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elevator guy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make doorman pranks.
Four men walk into an upmarket bar...
One is Malaysian, one Laotian, one Burmese and the other Vietnamese. As they walk in, the doorman stops them and says, "sorry gentlemen, I can't let you in without a Thai."
Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....
Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress
Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise
Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?
Guy: That's Michelle....
It's Jim's birthday
Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a s**... Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."
TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes
He became widely known as the pun usher.
Today is Jacob's birthday,
So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a s**...-Club House.
At the club -
DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?
WIFE: How does he know you?
Jacob: We play Golf together!
BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?
WIFE: And how does he know you?
Jacob: He's on the Bowling Team!
HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jacob?
The Wife storms out...... dragging Jacob with her, into a taxi!
TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jacob boy....You picked an ugly one this time...Same Hotel?
Jacob's f**... will be next Friday at 2pm prompt....
Very thin tie
A guy was stopped at the door of the club by the doorman.
Sorry no tie, you can't come in, says the doorman.
The guy ran back to his car, got a set of jump leads, wrapped them round his neck and retuned to the club.
I've got a tie on now, so can I go in? He asks the doorman.
Ok, he says, but don't be starting anything.
The doorman at a bar refuses a patron entry because dress code requires a tie be worn.
So the patron goes back to his car and pulls a set of booster cables from the trunk, ties it around his neck like and tie and returns to the doorman.
The doorman says. "OK, that will work, but you better not start anything".
Barack Obama walks into a Halloween Party with the First Lady on his shoulders...
...the doorman says, "Excuse me Mr. President, but this is a Halloween party. Why aren't you dressed up?" Obama says, "I am dressed up! I'm a snail. I got Michelle on my back."
Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the s**... club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.
"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."
Carl Lewis goes to a golf club
The doorman stops him and says, sorry mate, no b**....
Carl says, "What?"
The doorman has to concede, "Yeah sorry mate, it's a bit unconventional nowadays but this is an all white golf club. But there is another Golf Club about 10 minutes down the road..."Carl: "But I'm Carl Lewis" Doorman: "Alright, 5 minutes down the road then"
The fancy dress party.
A man goes to a fancy dress party, carrying a woman on his back. He approaches the door of the party, when the doorman asks 'What have you come as!? You can't come in unless you're in fancy dress...'
The man, looking somewhat confused, replies to the doorman 'I'm dressed as a snail!' The man then points to the woman on his back and says 'That's Michelle!'
