Door To Door Salesman Jokes
51 door to door salesman jokes and hilarious door to door salesman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about door to door salesman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Door To Door Salesman Short Jokes
Short door to door salesman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The door to door salesman humour may include short door to door sales jokes also.
- A salesman came to my door and tried to sell me a coffin. "Nah, thats the last thing I'll need"
- I didn't let my st-st-stutter stop me from achieving my dream career I'm a door-to-door salesman. I sell "No Soliciting" signs. The more I st-st-stutter the more I seem to sell.
- I've been trying to sell my child to any house that will take her. I'm a daughter door salesman.
- A salesman knocked on my door. He asked me if I wanted to buy a Gideon's Bible or I want to listen to him read the book of Psalms.
He was a stammerer. - My Uncle Bill was a terrible door to door salesman. He never once was able to get one door to buy another.
- Why is a door to door salesman like a guy who hates condoms? They always try to find a way to come inside
- Did you hear about the blind fella going from house to house trying to sell his dog? He was Labrador-to-door salesman
- What's the difference between a Bible salesman and a homosexual? The first one stands at the front door and says amen , while the latter enters through the back door and says ahhh man .
- What do you call a religious door-to-door salesman? A zeal-ot.
(bonus points if this made you think of the Halo games)
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Door To Door Salesman One Liners
Which door to door salesman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with door to door salesman? I can suggest the ones about salesman and salesperson.
- I left my job as a door to door salesman I got fed up dealing with knobs
- I once met a lizard who was a door-to-door pottery salesman He could really rep tile
- What do you call a dog working as a door salesman? A labour-ador
- Worst job I ever had? Door to door door salesman
- What do you call door to door coffin salesman? A Morgue-mon
- The Arabic door to door salesman was being rude to me So I Salaamed the door in his Fez
Share Hilarious Door To Door Salesman Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about door to door salesman you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean salesman up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make door to door salesman pranks.
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
A salesman gets lost (a little long)
A Salesman gets lost in the woods. Nearing dark he sees a farmers house, and decides to ask for a place to sleep. The farmer says, "Sure, but you're going to have to stay in the barn with some of the animals."
The salesman agrees, but before he could walk to the barn, the farmer tells him not to mess with the hole in one of the stables. The farmer goes off to the house, and the Salesman gets ready for bed.
A few hours into the night, the salesman starts to wonder about this "hole"... he looks over it, and sees that its got some heat coming from it, and its kinda moist. A few minutes pass and one thing leads to another...
The next day the farmer is woken up by the police at the door. An officer tells him they got a 911 call and tracked it to this location. The farmer says he didn't call, but maybe the Salesman did. He rushes over to the barn to see the Salesman pants down and pale white inside the "hole".
The farmer looks to the officers and says "Dang it,that's my milkin machine... it won't stop till its got 1 gallon."
Incognito
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion. They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door. Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the guest bedrooms.
In the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About three months later salesman number one opens a letter and can't believe what he reads. He goes to salesman number two and says:
"When we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why, yes I did."
"And did you use my name?"
"Why, yes how did you know?"
"Well, it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Salesman
A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps.
"Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy.
"Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home!?"
The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."
Three legged Pig
A traveling salesman trying to make a buck was driving through the plains of Nebraska when he decided to stop at a farmhouse coming up on his left.
As he was walking up the driveway toward the front door of the house, a pig with three legs caught his eye. It was just hobbling through the grass.
When the farmer answered the door and asked what he was selling, the salesman first asked about the three legged pig.
"That pig is the most amazing pig in the land, son." The farmer said
"Last year, our house caught fire when we were all asleep and that pig ran in and woke us all up one by one and saved our lives!"
The salesman was surprised. "That is one special pig" He said.
The Farmer replied, "That's not all. Last summer, that pig jumped into the pond and dragged my drowning son to safety. He would have died."
The salesman was in disbelief as to how incredible this pig was. "One question. Why does he have 3 legs, is it from the fire?" He asked
"No son, ya see, a pig like that you just don't eat all at one time."
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
Vacuum Salesman
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."
She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"
The salesman says, "Why do you ask?"
She says, "We moved in yesterday and don't have electricity yet."
A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers
The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"
Little Johnny and the Salesman
A salesman knocks on a door. A few seconds later the door opens. Little Johnny is standing there with a bourbon and Coke in one hand and lit cigar in the other hand.
The salesman looks at him for a second and then asks "Little boy, is your mommy here?"
Johnny flicks some cigar ash on the carpet, rubs it into the carpet with his shoe. Then he looks at the salesman and asks "What do you think?"
Buh, buh ,bible . . .
A man with a stutter answers an ad for "bible salesman wanted". He walks into the office and says " I wanna suh, suh, sell buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "
The office manager, holding back a laugh, replies "sure thing, just take this here box and go door-to-door until they are gone. Then come back for more."
The office manager is amazed when the man comes back the next day and says "I nuh, nuh, nuh, need muh, muh, more buh, buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "
The office manager is dumbstruck but agrees to give the man another box, with one condition. "You have to tell me how you did it. "He says.
"Well I just nah, nah, nock on the duh, duh, duh, door and say, I'm suh, suh, suh, selling buh, buh, buh, bibles. Wuh, wuh, wuh, would you like to buh, buh, buh, buy one or should I reh, reh, reh, READ IT TO YOU? "
A salesman's car breaks down
A traveling salesman's car breaks down near an Ohio farmhouse. The salesman knocks on the door and explains his situation to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer says, "Its Friday night, I doubt you can get a tow into town tonight, so I'll let you stay the night. I have only one rule, under no circumstances are you to have s**... with my son."
"I'm sorry," says the salesman. "I'm in the wrong joke."
The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
A door to door vacuum salesman visits a house. When he proposes a deal the woman tells him to take a hike.
Without giving her a second chance the man empties a bucket of cow dung onto to carpet and says "If the vacuum cleaner doesn't s**... all of this up then I will eat the rest myself"
The woman goes to the kitchen and returns with a bowl of sugar and throws it over the cow dung and says:
"Start eating so long, we don't have electricity on the farm"
A salesman with a bad lisp...
came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha w**...."
Hit a rooster
A traveling salesman was driving through farm country. He took his eye off the road for a second, then all of a sudden "WHAM!" -- he ran over a rooster crossing the road.
He stopped the car, got out, confirmed the rooster was dead, and saw a nearby farmhouse. He drove up to the house, knocked on the door, and an old farmer answered. The salesman said, "I was driving past and I think I accidentally ran over your rooster. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm more than willing to replace him."
The farmer looked puzzled for a minute, and finally shrugged his shoulders and said "Suit yourself. The hens are around the back."
A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.
Salesman - Hello. Would you like to buy a book titled '500 Excuses to Tell Your Wife After Staying Out Late'?
Woman - Why on earth would I buy a book like that?
Salesman - Because I sold a copy to your husband earlier today.
A salesman knocked on a suburban door...
...and was greeted by a nine-year-old boy puffing away on a long black cigar. Stunned for a brief moment, he managed to regain his composure and say "Good afternoon. Would your mother or father be home?" The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes onto the carpet, and replied "What the f*c**... do you think?"
Dogs
Lady with three dogs opens door to salesman. Salesman trying to be friendly asks "What are the names of your dogs?"
Lady says "This is Timex, he's Boliva, and there is Rolex." Salesman says with surprise. "There all named after watches!" Lady says "Of course! Their all watch dogs! "
So a snail is shopping for a new car
After all the paperwork is in order and credit checks completed the salesman asks if he wants any extras
Snail: "Why yes I'd like you to paint an "S" on the drivers and passengers door."
Salesman: "Well we can certainly do that for you sir, do you mind if I ask why?"
Snail: "That way,whenever I pass my friends on the street, they'll all say would you look at that "S" car go!"
A traveling salesman knocked on the door of a farmhouse..
And since it was getting late, he asked the farmer if he could sleep in the barn that night. The farmer said, "That would be fine, but you have to promise to leave my son alone." And the salesman said, Oh no! I'm in the wrong joke!"
The vacuum salesman is patrolling the streets for another house to sell to.
He finds a good looking house and knocks on the door.
"Hello?" A lady replies.
He goes inside, dumps a bag of cowdung on the ground and says, "Ma'am, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't leave the floor spotless, I'll eat it!"
"Ye want some ketchup with that?"
"What do you mean?" asks the salesman.
"We just moved in and we got no electricity."
A young salesman walks up to a house and knocks on the door. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen answers, dressed in only a slinky negligee. She asks "Do you like what you see?" Slack jawed, the man finally manages to stutter "uh... yes, very much!"
She says "Quickly, step inside, I think I hear someone coming."
Once inside the beautiful woman drops her negligee and is completely n**.... With a smile she asks "What do you think is the most sensitive part of my body?"
The salesman says "I guess that would have to be your ears."
"My ears? On this luscious body, you think my ears are the most sensitive?"
"Well, yes. When you said you heard somebody coming, that was me!"
Some pig!
So a traveling salesman is driving past a farm when he sees a pig with a wooden leg out front. Curious, he goes to the house and knocks on the door. The farmer answers.
"What's the story with the pig with the wooden leg?" asks the salesman.
"Let me tell you about that pig," says the farmer. "That is no ordinary pig. That pig saved my life!"
"One night about six months ago my house caught on fire. That pig came into the house, nudged me awake, and led me through the smoke to safety. That pig saved my life!"
"That really is some pig," the salesman agrees. "But why does he have a wooden leg?"
"Well," says the farmer, "a pig like that you don't eat all at once."
A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares.
As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a boy sitting on the stoop. "Is your mother home?", he asked.
"Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him pass. The salesman rang the bell three times but got no response. He then knocked on the door loudly but got no answer. Exasperated, he turned to the little boy and said, "I thought you said your mom was home."
"She is," he answered. The salesman was confused. "Then why doesn't she answer the door? Is she deaf?"
"She can't hear it," replied the little boy. "I don't live here."
A salesman knocks on a door and a 10 year old kid answers drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette...
The salesman is shocked but he asks the kid: Excuse me young man is your mother or father home?
The kid looks at him, takes a drag from the cigarette and says, What do you think?
A travelling salesman knocks on a door, which is opened by a 12 year old in a bathrobe, holding a cigar and a snifter of cognac
The salesman is shocked, but manages to say, "Excuse me, is your dad home?"
The kid responds, "What the h**... do you think?"
A vacuum salesman knocked on my door this morning
When I opened my door, before I could even talk to him, he dumped a bucket of dog s**... on my carpet
He then said if this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean your carpet within 2 minutes, I will personally eat whatever's left of the s**...
To which I replied well you better be hungry because my electricity has been cut off since 5am
A redditor answers the door to find a salesman who's selling encyclopedias
"I don't need those," says the redditor. "I'm very well-informed."
"Oh, that's fortuitous!" replies the salesman, "Just think of how much fun you'll have sifting through them and finding all the errors!"
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog s**... on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."
I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."
Salesman's promise
A salesman knocked at the door and a woman answers. The salesman barges in and scatters fresh h**... all around the living room floor and the carpet.
The woman is shocked and her kids are amused.
The salesman confidently says, Do not worry. I am selling this brand new extra power vacuum cleaner. If it cannot clean up all this s**... in 15 mins, I will eat it all myself.
The woman smiles and says, Very well, so would you like some ketchup or salt with it, because the power is out since morning.. .
(An oldie but I am shopping for vacuum cleaners and this joke has been popping up in my mind.)
Information
Is your mother home? the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home." The kid replied, "She is; but this ain't where I live.
Vacuum cleaner salesman
a Vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog s**... over my carpet and said:
"If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left."
I replied:
"I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning"
