The Best 35 Door Neighbor Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Door Neighbor jokes. There are some door neighbor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these door neighbor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Door Neighbor Jokes and Puns

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...

"For goodness sake, keep it down!"

My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!

Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.

"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

My daughter, 10, won tonight

My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.

She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I

Rickrolled as a dad joke.

Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text screwed up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar

The reply?

Too late, she's white dog wasted

We have a natural here…


My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes nude in her backyard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night.

Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

Just saw my next door neighbor with big boobs, laying topless by the pool

Just wish his wife would do the same

My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am!

Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

A doctor was treating a victim of a beating.

Doctor: How did this happen?

Patient: I was banging my neighbor over her kitchen table when we hear the front door open.
She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

You can explore door neighbor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean door neighbor dad jokes. There are also door neighbor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night

lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

My lesbian next door neighbors just gave me a Rolex for my birthday

I really like it but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch .

A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.

The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?

What is between moms legs?

One day a boy asked his father, Dad, what is between moms legs?

The father reply, The door to heaven!

Then what is between yours? – the boy asked. The father said, The key to the door!

Then the boy said, I think you should change the lock because our neighbor has the spare key.

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.

"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender."

"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.

A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.

"Hello, I'm your congressman."

A neighbor's wife knocks on the door

She says "Your kids can't play with our children any more."
"Why?" the man asks, shocked.
"They keeping on calling the other kids gay, you should watch your language around them!"
The man replies "They couldn't have learned it from me, otherwise they would have been calling them faggots"

My 90 year old neighbor has Alzheimer's

And every morning when i wake up he's in a panic knocking at my door asking if I'd seen his wife, and every day i am forced to remind him that she has been dead for over 10 years...

Honestly i could just move, the house isn't too great, and I've had many opportunities to live in better places..

But the look of pure joy on his face every time i tell him she's dead just makes my day and keeps me from leaving.

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.

She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.

He asked: Why are periods so important?

The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?

Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself


One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.

"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.

"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor.

"That's because he's inside your cat!"

RIP Neil Armstrong

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Blushing

My gorgeous next door neighbor is a beginner gardener. I asked her how it was going so far.
She said,'I cant get my tomatoes to turn red like yours. Any advice?'
I said,"Every morning expose yourself to the tomatoes and you'll see they'll start blushing red.'
After a week of watching her expose her beautiful body to the tomatoes, I went over and asked her.'Any luck with the tomatoes?'
She said,"Not yet, but the cucumbers are enormous.'

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.

Sounds good to me! I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?

Well, no...

Then please wait in the waiting room

She was building up tension.

I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.

A man is getting into the shower...

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

A happy family.

Son: Dad, I like this awesome girl and want to date her.

Dad: Who is she?

Son: Our next door neighbor's daughter, Sandra.

Dad: Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that son. I have to tell you something but promise me that you will not tell your mom. Sandra is actually your sister.

The boy is obviously bummed out. He finds another girl, but dad tells him that is his sister too. This happens a few more time and he gets frustrated. So he decides to tell his mom.

Son: Mom, I am so mad at dad. I fell in love with 4 girls but can't date any of them because dad is their father.

His mom hugs him affectionately and says,

Mom: Son, you can date anybody you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father.

My next door neighbor is a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's

Every morning at 9 AM he knocks on my door and asks me if I've seen his wife.

Which means every morning at 9 AM I have to explain to a 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife has been dead for several years.

I could move. I could just not answer the door. But it's worth it to me to answer that door every morning at 9 AM and tell this 90 year old man suffering from Alzheimer's that his wife is dead just to see the smile on his face.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 a.m.

3 a.m.!!!

Fortunately, i was still awake, playing my bagpipes.

I was woken late last night about 3am

By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.

I said, 'fuck off dave, I've got work in the morning'.

The lesbians next door

My lesbian neighbors wanted me to help them conceive a child and agreed to do it the old fashioned way because they are very easy going. We've been trying for three months and I haven't had the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year...

Ever since the government lockdown, my neighbor has had to run her business out of her backyard. She bakes delicious pastries.

Google Back Door Cream Pies if you're interested.

My wife is upset our young next door neighbor sunbathes topless.

Personally, I am on the fence.

My birthday present from my friendly Lesbian neighbors

So it was my birthday and I'm really good friends with the lesbian couple next door. I told them what I was wanting this year and they ended up giving me a brand new gold Rolex. I was disappointed to say the least.

I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"

Last night ...

I was woken out of a deep sleep by pounding on my front door and the neighbor's wife screaming "help!"

So I went downstairs, unlocked the front door, and let her out so she could go home!

Statistics show that one out of three of your next door neighbors could be a child molester...

Thank goodness the only neighbors I have are smokin' hot ten year olds.

Missing

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children. "The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. "The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back? "

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the door neighbor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working door neighbor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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