The Best 62 Door Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Door jokes. There are some door latch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these door back door puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Door Jokes and Puns

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived

My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her.

Instead I just swam for the surface.


A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." 

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?



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Door joke, My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked  Dad what are you doing?

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"

Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning...

...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

You can explore door window reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean door doorway dad jokes. There are also door puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy

And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

When one door closes...

An incognito window opens.

I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.

She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.

In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.

"When one door closes, another opens", he said.

"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."

Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...

To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:

I'm not letting you out.

Door joke, To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night:

I held a door for an elderly Japanese man.

He said "Sank you."

Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?

A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"


Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.

The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?

She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.

He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted...

"For goodness sake, keep it down!"

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

Door joke, My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

Naked painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.

She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.

Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.

She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?

I got up and went straight to my car.

My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.

Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

My Grandad always said, As one door closes, another one opens.

Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.

I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be saved or else you'll burn

Stupid firemen

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.

Third and most important.

3. He should be great in bed.

One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.

The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."

The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the hell are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"

I think You're mistaken my lady.

Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

So I was having sex with this woman...

I had her bent over her kitchen table, giving it to her good. When all of a sudden we heard a car door slam out front.

Oh god, she said, it's my husband. Quick, use the back door!

Well, I probably should have left at that point, but it's not an offer you get everyday...

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.

"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday

So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

My granddad always used to say, As one door closes another one opens.

Lovely man.

Terrible cabinet maker.

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad

And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares

I think you misunderstood me

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa's favorite joke when I was growing up: Wanna hear a dirty joke?

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

If I'm reading their lips correctly,

my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

What does Bond's doorbell sounds like?

Dong. Ding Dong

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"

Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.

It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.

"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.

The door pops open.

"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman. 

"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

So Putin is woken up at 02:30 in the morning.

"Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Ukrainians want to discuss the terms of surrender." says Putin's secretary.

Putin sits up on his bed and says: "Great, give me my phone, I'll call Zelinsky."

The secretary answers: "That won't be necessary, they are standing behind the door. Also, they gave us an hour."

As my daughter was walking out the door to go on her first date, in my best grumpy old tough guy dad voice, I growled, "I want her home before midnight." The boy she was going with stopped dead in his tracks, turned slowly around and with wide eyes replied....

"But you already own her home!"

Got fired for being brutally honest...

My boss told me to leave my problems at the door so I told him to go stand by the door.

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street...

Two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they spot a sign outside a church: "Today Only: Convert to Christianity and we will give you 100 bucks cash!"

"I'm gonna do it," one guy tells the other and disappears through the church door.

5 minutes later he's back. "Well, Did you get the cash?" his buddy asks.

"Jeez Is that all you people think about?" comes the friend's reply.

"Tonight we're eating good" I said to my wife as I walked in the door, "I got us some Himalayan Hare."

"Now where did you get something like that?" She asked.
...
"Well," I explained, "I was walking down the road and I found Him-a-layin' right there!"

Where does the "knock knock" joke comes from?

The front door

How does Marilyn Manson see who's at the door?

With his beautiful peephole

A navy and army soldier walk into the toilet

They both take a piss into the urinal. As they exit, the army man goes toward the sinks to wash his hands, while the navy man goes straight for the door.



The army man says: "In the army, they taught us to wash our hands after peeing!"



to which the navy man replies: "In the navy, they taught us not to pee all over our hands!"

New Doggy

I've just gone and bought a dog off a Blacksmith!!!

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door!

An old man is celebrating his 90th birthday

And his friends pooled their money together and hired a prostitute to go to his house.

The prostitute knocks on the old man's door and says, "Happy birthday! I'm here to give you super sex!"

The old man says, "I'll take the soup."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the door door to door salesman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working door doorknob piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes