The Best 84 Donuts Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Donuts jokes. There are some donuts flapjacks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these donuts donut cop puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Donuts Jokes and Puns
An old lady walks in a dinner and seats where she can see the cook, and asks the waiter for a hamburger.
He says "ok, hamburger." The old lady sees the cook stick the hamburger meat under his arm and slaps it on the grill. The old lady says,"Oh my God that is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" The waiter says, That's nothing you should see how he makes Donuts.
Who's the most popular guy on the nude beach?
The one who can carry a half dozen donuts and two large cups of hot coffee.
So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...
And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."
Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
The guy that can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and 6 donuts
Most popular
Who is the most popular guy in a nudist colony?
The guy that can carry two pots of coffee and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular girl?
The girl that eats the last donut.
(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.
In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.
Two magicians walk into a bakery
The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclaims "Ta-Dah." The bakery is angered and asks "Well what's the magic trick?" The second magician replies "Look in my friend's pocket."
What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other's eyes
Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
The one who can bring his friends two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.
Nudist colony
Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.
Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the last donut.
The lady at the front counter of my donut shop said her husband started taking male enlargement pills...
Which would be fine except he's the baker and the holes in the donuts were a little bigger this week.
You can explore donuts glaze reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean donuts strawberries dad jokes. There are also donuts puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The baker at my local donut shop was bragging about how the male enhancement pills he'd started taking actually worked.
And that was fine until I noticed the holes in the donuts were a little larger than usual.
Why doesn't anyone like jelly donuts?
They have fillings too...
Bob Marley was complaining about the donuts up in heaven...
...because they didn't have any jam in...
Why were the golfer's donuts so bad?
Because he couldn't get a hole in one!
A guy came to me with a bag in his hand.
He said "If you can guess how many donuts are in this bag... I'll give you both of them."
So I was doing donuts in my car..
And a cop pulls me over. Now I know what you're thinking, who names their dog Donuts?
I have 2 donuts: a secular one and a religious one.
The secular one is solid. The religious one is holey.
I just saw someone eat 12 dozen custard donuts
It looked like a gross meal
Where do Irish people go for breakfast?
Drunkin Donuts
Ariana Grande should stop licking donuts...
and lick deeznuts.
Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts
Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?
Drunken Donuts
I like my donuts like I like my women
Cream filled.
Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?
Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed
If James Bond movies were about food...
These could be their titles:
* On Her Majesty's Secret Recipe
* Donuts are Forever
* Octopie
* Moonbaker
* The Spy Who Loved Meat
* License to Grill
* GoldenPie
* Diet Another Day
* All The Food In The World Is Not Enough
* Cashew Chicken Royale
what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?
One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
With jammin
Where do super-villains get their coffee?
DUN-DUN-DUUUNNNNkin Donuts.
I heard Dunkin Donuts has a cold brew now.
Cool beans.
So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell and uh...
...I kinda feel weird about donuts now...
69'd the wife then went to buy donuts after. The guy at the counter said he already knew what I wanted, so I asked how.....
He said "You had 'glazed' all over your face. "
What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer?
The ones with Jam in
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
A guy gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: Your eyes are bloodshot; have you been drinking?
Guy: Your eyes are glazed; have you been eating donuts?
DoooNuts!
What do you call the center of the donuts?
"Filling"
LOL
A local donut shop started putting cereal on their donuts
When asked why they did it they said: "having donuts with cereal is a very ce-real experience"
Cop: Your eyes look red. Have you been smoking pot?
Me: Your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating donuts?
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing
Who is the most popular man at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry 2 margaritas and a dozen donuts.
My doctor told me to to incorporate more hole foods into my diet
so I ate a box of donuts.
Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?
The one who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.
Who's the most popular lady in the nudist camp?
The one who can eat the last donut.
Some men are like donuts
Sweet and tasty looking but once inside, you feel only regret...
hello, this is 911, what's your emergency?
it's national donuts day.
How do you know who the most popular man at a nudist colony is?
The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts
How to tell who the most popular woman is?
The one that can eat the last donut
Some are upset Dunkin' Donuts is changing its name to just Dunkin'.
Well, that's better than their first choice- Double D's.
A little old lady told me this at work.
Who is the most popular male at a nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and 12 donuts.
And the most popular woman?
The lady that can eat the last donut without getting her hands sticky.
"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?"
"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"
I like to eat a few donuts after exercising.
Just kidding, I don't exercise.
Why do donuts have holes?
The baker makes them with love.
The other day a Cop pulled me over...
After asking for my documentation he said, "your eyes seem a bit red, have you been doing drugs?" To which I replied, "well now sir your eyes seem a bit glazed, have you been eating donuts?"
We both laughed and laughed some more!
I need bail money!
What do you call a bakery that only sells bagels and donuts?
Hole foods
A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.
They walk in and, being that he doesn't have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.
That's disgusting! One guy says to the other.
Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!
Why does a topologist hate breakfast?
Because he can't tell the difference between his donuts and his coffee.
Women are like the police
Once they've settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache
They say Luis Fonsi started his own artisan donut shop recently, he specializes in habanero flavored donuts
When asked for his recipe, he just said they were made with the spicy dough
One day I want someone to look at me and say, "There he is. He's the one"
And not follow it with, "Who ate all the donuts"
French Donuts
Are the Beigne of my existence
Very generous barber
Is cutting a police officers hair, after that the police takes out his wallet, but barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen donuts left for him at the door.
Later that day, a florist comes, and as he is taking out his wallet, the barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen flowers left at the door.
Later that day a jew walks in, he cuts his hair, and then says it's for free.
The next morning barber finds dozen jews at the door.
I have a very well rounded diet
Pizza, donuts and burgers
I never could get myself into donuts...
Little too tight of a fit.
Did you hear about the new "carrot" collaboration between Apple and Dunkin Donuts? They say it's going to be amazing, but unfortunately
iDonut carrot all.
After scoring shockingly low in coffee preference polls, Dunkin Donuts changed its slogan:
America sleeps on Dunkin
A cop pulled a man over and said, sir, your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking?
The man replied, officer, your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?
What's the differnce between donuts and dead kids?
A swat team doesn't break down my door over donuts.
Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?
The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.
Bagels and donuts are the same thing...
I donut see a difference.
What do you call a kilogram of donuts .
Property of obesity
Old man
An old man got pulled over for going over the speed limit.
Officer : Do you know why i pulled you over?
Old man: Obviously because I'm late delivering these donuts.
There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts
**Ugh!**
I was pulled over by a cop today
He walked up and said "sir have you been drinking today? Your eyes look red". I replied back with "no sir but have you been eating donuts? Your eyes look glazed."
I am a Latino pansexual with no regrets
Hot dog buns work ok, baguettes are good when they are hollowed out, and donuts were probably made for it.
So I don't know why my friend always is saying that I'm doing it wrong
What do you call uncivilized donuts?
Bavarians
The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God
They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It
WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!
// THE POLICE
Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?
If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.
I like my women like I like my coffee and donuts
Cream filled
So I got pulled over...
I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.
I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.
Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking
Well, your eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts?!
We laughed and laughed!!!
Yeah, I need bail money........
If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?
Diabetes
I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....
...I've been banned for life from that shop.
What not to say to a cop
If you get pulled over and the cop says "Your eyes look glazed over It is not wise to say "like your donuts?"
Why do feminists hate danishes and donuts?
Because they're a part of the pastriarchy.
Dunkin Donuts should start selling treadmills
Then, America could really run on Dunkin.
A Cop pulls over a man for speeding and asks him,
I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking
The man gets annoyed and says, Well Officer, I notice your eyes are glazed over, have you been eating donuts?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the donuts focaccia jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working donuts cop donut piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.