Following is our collection of funny Dont jokes. There are some dont gona jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dont dogs dont tell puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "Look buddy, im blonde, and I am 200 pounds of pure muscle. The guy next to you is blond too, and he is 250 pounds, and the guy on the other side is also blonde, he is 300 pounds of bulk, are you still sure you want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Never mind, I dont wanna have to repeat it 5 times."
Because they dont C#
I come fast and dont penetrate very far! ... ayyyyy!
...The man suggests that they come clean about any straying that they may have done since they got together.
"It`s best to get this stuff out in the open before the wedding," he explains.
The woman replies, "Oh darling. Don`t you remember? We went through all this a month ago."
The man takes a deep breath and says, "Aah...yes...But that was a month ago..."
was really worried until i remembered i dont have a psychiatrist lol
Ξ man watches TV and start shouting :
Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO
His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ?
And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD
Don't lie..
Don't cheat.
Dont steal.
Don't sell drugs.
Don't kill.
The Government Hates Competition
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.
The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."
I dont know, I just fly the drones.
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
You can explore dont didnt reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dont gonna dad jokes. There are also dont puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
if you dont have a good partner you better have a good hand.
Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom.
Because it might pi-ka-chu
and starts crying. So one of the employees goes over to help: "Its ok, we'll find your mum for you. So, what does she look like?"
The kid replies "I dont know."
they dont believe in higher powers.
"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".
That fly never knew what hit it.
The waiter says: We dont serve black people here!
The black man responds: Thats okay, I don't eat them anyway.
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
A man orders a pizza. The waiter asks him: "Do you want your pizza cut in six or eight Pieces?" The man replies: "Six, i dont think i can eat eight"
One. We are efficient and dont have humour.
A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"
So they can get a good grip on the broomstick
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat.
Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ?
Wife: What ? What child ?
Husband: So you are not pregnant ??
>Two dudes were talking about moving to US so the first dude's child will have an American education.
Dude1: My wife and I were thinking that we should move to the US so our kid will have an American education?
Dude2: You dont want to do that.
Dude1: Why?
Dude2: You are telling me you want to send your child to a place where people cant tell the difference between a clock and a bomb?
DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL
and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
None. Racists dont like to be enlightened.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a pint, the second a half a pint, the third 1/4 pint, the fourth 1/8... the bartender gets impatient, gives the whole group 2 pints and says "you guys dont know your limits..."
I dont have a porsche.
(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)
A friend of mine received news from the sexual health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V
If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not.
They are the earliest to pull out of eu.
cause we dont speak english.
Because millions of them already got roasted
Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job.
So don't drink and derive
It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" and I said "I'll just have one". She said "it's alright, you dont have to be polite", and I said "alright then, I'll just have one you stupid cow".
So they can grip the broom.
I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
But I dont think he could do standup
Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep
Even i dont know what im doing
Me: Dad what does it feel like having an awesome son?
Dad: I dont know ask your grandpa
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
They dont believe in me.
Because they dont want to be confused with feminists.
I dont know, i just fly the drone.
Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.
So i shouted hi jack
Still dont know why i was detained
Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"
It defeats the porpoise
I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I dont care if you are black, yellow or normal.
I dont know what he laced them with but i have been tripping like crazy
Dont worry, everything is ok
A man's wife goes into a coma.
The doctor says "Theres only one way of reviving your wife but it's a little unconventional. You go in there and have oral sex with her"
The man says"my god...."
Doctor says "I know I know, but I've seen it work"
The man says "ok doc, I'll try anything, I'm desperate"
He goes into his wifes room, closes the door behind him. He comes out five minutes later and says"Doc, I dont think it's working....she's choking"
The interrogator sat in front of them and asked for names.
Spy A says to the other
"Whatever you do, dont say a word"
A few seconds later Spy B said
"Fdugyop"
The Spy A looked at Spy B and said
"what did just say?"
Spy B replied
"Oh when we played scrabble you said '*thats not a word*' and NOW its a word"
Verizon Wireless.
I guy on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says
"I hear you Irish can drink, I'll give a thousand bucks
to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes"
Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves.
In a few minutes the Irishmen walks back in and says
"Line me up 10 pints of Guinness" and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat.
As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishmen
"If ya dont mind me askin, when you left earlier, where'd ya go"
The Irishmen says "I had to go to the pub next door
cuz I wanted to make sure I could do it"
Diplomatic immunity
Not having potatoes
_(Dont know who came up with this joke but I love it)_
...Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.
If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?
'This is not labelled for individual sales'
I know, I dont get it either...
The state trooper approaches the car, and asks the elderly lady if she knows why he pulled her over. The elderly lady said of course i do, you wanted to give me a personal invitation to the state troopers ball the state trooper replied uh ma'am. State troopers dont have balls. He stood there for a second, tipped his hat, and walked back to his car.
Dad: "Congrats son! Come, sit down and have a beer!"
Son: "I would sure love a beer, but I dont think I can sit down just yet."
people in dubai dont like the flinstones but people in abudabidoo
I'm already on stage 4
Be like me. I like all races even the bad ones
If an ant broke, dont fix it
Typically they are aimed at a younger audience.
A guy walks into a bar with a gun and said
"Which one of you slept with my wife?"
and a guy in the back stands up and saysΒ
"Put it down man. You dont have enough bullets."
Because old people hate change
But when I do, he usually laughs
Must be an inside joke
Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor.
At the 25th floor:
1st guy: T..th...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive
At the 50th floor:
1st guy:T..thi...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive we dont have time
At the 100th floor:
2nd guy: So what did u want to tell me?
1st guy:T..this is the wrong hotel
Just bought a new TV...says "Built in Antennae"
Hell, I dont even know where that is....
They just dont know what period it's from.
After a few tests he says
"Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health"
The doctor says
"I would seem so, Mercury is in Uranus after all"
The man scoffs,
"No offence doc, but I dont believe in astrology"
"Neither do I" answers the doctor, "My thermometer broke"
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.
Cause they dont get it
I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt off. "Take off my shoes" I took off her shoes. "Now my stockings, bra, and panties!" I took all of them off. Then she looks at me and said, "I dont want to catch you wearing my things ever again!"
because thereΒ΄ s someone always Washing a ton
(please dont kill me, engl 2nd languaje):
How people have launched the wii control across the room accidentally. Dad responded " guess they dont have bladder control".
Cheers
I dont know if this counts as a dad joke, but it was one of his first jokes hes ever made where I chuckled and I had never heard it before!
If they dont eat their meat, they cant have their pudding.
Must be the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille.
**I used to be really scared of campfires when we went camping.**
**Dont worry, after a while, i warmed up to them.**
Its a Gross
I told the server "i dont always put an orange in my beer, just once in a Blue Moon.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dont son dont look jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working dont wouldnt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.