Donkey Jokes
126 donkey jokes and hilarious donkey puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about donkey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny donkey jokes? This article provides an extensive collection of donkey related jokes, from funny donkey puns to donkey-and-horse jokes. Perfect for donkey-themed birthdays and rides, these jokes are sure to make you and your steed smile! Plus, a few jokes about cows and asses, too.
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Funniest Donkey Short Jokes
Short donkey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donkey humour may include short llama jokes also.
- Not sure why people are getting grief for using ivermectin to combat covid The label clearly states it is safe for use in donkeys and jackassess.
- What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common? They have both entered the dragon.
- What do you call it when you kill an important donkey? An Assassassination.
I made it up when I was seven and to this day its the only thing I've ever made up that resembles a joke. - I like my women like I like my coffee. Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.
- Me: I think it's safe to assume we are both donkeys. My friend: Careful, you know what happens when you assume.
Me: Exactly. - Two donkeys are standing at a roadside Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: "So, shall we cross? "
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra." - What sound does a Swiss donkey make on a mountain? Yodel-ay-hee-haw
- Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!
- What happens when a man loses his train of thought? So then I said, put that donkey down!
- I asked a freind to give me a donkey, but he only gave me 50% of one. That was really half-assed
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Donkey One Liners
Which donkey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donkey? I can suggest the ones about goat and pony.
- What are a male donkey's pronouns? He / haw
- Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth? To prevent tooth DK.
- What do you call it when Donkey Kong gets a cavity? Tooth DK.
- What do you call a person with 2 donkeys? Biased
- Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling? It was beginning to DK
- Why did Donkey Kong go to the dentist? He had tooth DK
- What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys? Molasses.
- I identify as a donkey Hee/Haw
- What two keys are the worst at opening locked doors? A monkey and a donkey
- My friend got killed by a donkey Some say he was assassinated
- What do you call a mafia boss' key? A don-key
- How does a male donkey laugh at a mediocre joke He haws
- When a donkey is angry in traffic, what does he do? He honks
- What's Donkey's favourite movie? Enter the Dragon
- What are donkeys? If cows are bovine and horses are equine, what are donkeys?
Assenine.
Donkey Kong Jokes
Here is a list of funny donkey kong jokes and even better donkey kong puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What happens when you kill Donkey Kong? He starts to DK.
- Did ya hear about Donkey Kong's Asian cousin, Viet Kong? He specializes in Gorilla warfare
- What do you call a Donkey Kong game that is set during the Great Depression? The Apes of Wrath
- What did Donkey Kong say when Mario asked him for help for some schoolwork? "I D K"
- Q. What videogame best represents capitalism? A. Donkey Kong
- Did you hear Donkey Kong died?..... Me: Did you hear Donkey Kong died?
You: Diddy?
Me: NO, DONKEY!
Also:
Me: Did you hear Puff Daddy died?
You: Diddy?
Me: YEAH. - What is hairy, is referred to as a monkey, and expands? Donkey Kong.
- Why was Donkey Kong named after a donkey instead of a monkey? Because "Monkey d**..." just doesn't have the same ring to it.
- Donkey kong and King Kong adopted a child. They decided to name him k**... Kong
Donkey And Horse Jokes
Here is a list of funny donkey and horse jokes and even better donkey and horse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A donkey walks into a bar.... A donkey walks into a bar.
"Where's the horse?" asks the barman.
"Recession," says the donkey. - The donkey once asked the Persian horse: "Do you play any instruments?" The horse replied: "Ney"
- My dad used to own a donkey that would draw his cart... ...but he sold it for a horse that did watercolors.
- Mules Mules are held donkey and half horse. So does this mean that they do everything half-assed?
- Why are donkeys happy? They're hung like a horse
- How do you acquire a small version of Thor's hammer? Breed a horse with a donkey and you'll have a little mule near.
- What do you call a stripper donkey? A Horse.
- A blacksmith asked me if I'd ever shoed a horse. I said ... No. But I've told a donkey to f*** off!
- I once had an interview to be a farrier Interviewer: have you had any experience shoeing horses?
Me: No. But I did once tell a donkey to f*c**... off
Donkey Shrek Jokes
Here is a list of funny donkey shrek jokes and even better donkey shrek puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey? Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.
- What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant? "Donkey!" (Danke)
You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work. - What is the ending line to my Shrek fan fiction? That'll do Donkey, that'll do.
- What is Shrek's favorite book? Don-key xote
- Gordon Ramsay and Shrek would be good friends. They both hate donkeys.
- What does a donkey say? It says "Hey Shrek, whats up?"
(I was 9 when i made this okay) - What does the talking donkey from Shrek have in common with a donkey that can't talk? They are both d**...
Donkey In A Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny donkey in a bar jokes and even better donkey in a bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lion and a donkey go into a bar. A donkey and a bartender go into a lion.
- A donkey, a calf and a foal walk into a bar... Its not a joke, it really happened in Melbourne not that long ago
Donkey Birthday Jokes
Here is a list of funny donkey birthday jokes and even better donkey birthday puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife gave me a mouse and a keyboard for my birthday. I learned to play "KLONKY DONKEY" on the keyboard and trained that little fella to dance.
The Funniest Donkey Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about donkey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bunny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donkey pranks.
An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:
Consul: Your name please?
Arab: Abu Zina.
Consul: s**...?
Arab: Every day.
Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?
Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.
Consul: Isn't that hostile?
Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab: No deer! run too fast.
Why don't they teach s**... ed and drivers ed at the same time in Mexico?
Because it's too hard on the donkey.
A donkey had an IQ of 186.
He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-a**....
why dont they have drivers ed and s**... ed on the same day in mexico?
it's too hard on the donkey
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey.
What do you call a one eyed, three legged donkey?
A winky wonkey.
What do you call a Chinese, one eyed, three legged donkey?
A c**... winky wonkey.
What do you call an Elvis impersonating, Chinese, one eyed, three legged donkey?
A h**...-tonky c**... winky wonkey.
Young Chuck
One fine old day, Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with the dead donkey?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck now works on Wall Street.
An American and an Indian board a plane to LAX,
Indian sits next to American.
American asks: What kind of "ian" are you?
- What?
- I said What kind of "ian" are you?
- I don't understand your question.
- s**...! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?
- Oh! I am Indian.
2 hours passed without a word.
Indian asks: What kind of "key" are you?
- What?
- Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?
Two terrorists having discussion in a bar...
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
t**... :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..
Waiter :- Why a donkey?
Then one t**... says to the other,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people
What do you get when you cross a human with a donkey?
Banned from the petting zoo
"I am the young brother, let me through"
A man rushed to a gathering at an accident scene. Unable to see the victim because of the crowd the man said,"I am the young brother, let me through" The crowd looked at the man & paved the way silently.At the centre lay a donkey which had been hit by a car.
Why do they have s**... ed and drivers ed on different days in Mexico?
Because they need to give the donkey a break.
What happens when you cross a grown kitten, a donkey, and a champion?
A cat-a**...-trophy.
A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."
Awesome Reporting of the Accident
A car was involved in an accident. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Why don't Mexicans take drivers Ed and s**... Ed on the same day?
They have to give the donkey a break.
The Knees and the key.
My roommate in college was born in China. Once, at a get-together, someone asked him, What kind of 'knees' are you?
He asked, What do you mean?
You know — Chinese, Japanese…
He said, Oh, I am Chinese. What kind of key are you?
Key? they asked.
You know — Yankee, donkey, monkey…
The Farmer had an ill-tempered Donkey.
The donkey would refuse to plow the fields and would kick any anyone that came close to him. One unfortunate day, the donkey kicked the farmer's wife, who died from the blow. During the f**..., thousands of men showed up from all over the province. Feeling amused, a neighbor asked the farmer, "Thats a lot of men paying their respects. Was your wife popular back in the day?"
The farmer bursts out laughing and says, "No, they're here to buy the donkey!"
How does a Donkey make its living?
Eeyores himself out.
A man tries for a job as a blacksmith
"Do you have any experience in horseshoeing?"
"No, but I once told a donkey to f**k off."
My friend and I were a donkey for Halloween...
We just half-assed our costumes.
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey.
Donkey joke
Bob's having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts 'hey here's donkey' and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks 'hey mate why does he call you donkey'. Guy replies 'I don't know .....he haw, he haw, he hawlways calls me that.
That's my first and now probably last post
Dr visits an Indian Tribe
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
There's this guy who likes to collect donkey remains.
It's a pretty assinine hobby.
A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.
But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.
The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"
Deadass?
Farmer in disbelief that his donkey has passed away
A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.
"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".
"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.
Immediately the donkey started crying.
"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.
"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" the donkey bawled.
Apparently I'm going to h**... because I infected the Donkey next door.
They said I must not COVID my neighbor's a**....
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of a**... that will bring a tear to your eye
A Donkey Was Found Dead In Front of a Church
So the priest did the reasonable thing and called the police chief.
Hey, i would like to report a donkey has been found dead in front of the church
The Chief replies: But father isn't that your specialty? You are knowledgeable on how to clean the body and prepare it for burial, right?
The priest replies: You are correct, but we like to notify the next of kin.
Why do donkey trailers go faster when they're full?
Because they're hauling a**....
Why did the limp Donkey cross the road ?..ahh forget it
.. sorry for such a lame a**... joke.
What do you get when you mix a donkey and an onion
A piece of a**... that will bring a tear to your eye
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not knowing what to do stands cluelessly until a tribesman explains to him: " Use the donkey".
The doctor: " what?"
"Yes use it, mount it"
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
What is an asset?
A little donkey
My donkey just ate the last of my French bread
It's a pain in the a**... situation
A big city doctor visits an indigenous tribe of only men,
He asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
The leader of the tribe says "Since you're our guest you get to go first.".
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey.
15 min pass, then one of the tribeman in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
When your donkey isn't to be counted on
One day Juha's friend came to his house and asked to
borrow Juha's donkey. Juha said, My donkey isn't here.
At that moment the donkey began braying loudly. Juha's
friend heard it and said, I thought you said the donkey
isn't here. Juha replied, Who are you going to believe,
me or a donkey?
The lost and found attendant said I couldn't have my lost donkey, so we got into a fight.
Needless to say, I got my a**... handed to me.
What do you call a donkey cleaning your windows
An a**... wipe
What do you call a donkey with only 3 legs?
A Wonkey!
Just had to stop for a donkey crossing the road.
Cool thing was he looked both ways before he crossed.
What a smart a**....
2 guys walk into a bar
"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts o**... to the other.
The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"
The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"
The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"
What do you call a donkey that's on fire?
The hottest a**... you've ever seen
Did you hear about the Donkey that changed it's gender pronouns?
They now prefer Hee/Haw
I spent many hours trying to attach a faucet to a donkey.
I tapped that a**... all night.
Dixie Kong ran up to Donkey Kong crying..
"What wrong?" asked Donkey Kong.
"Someone told me I could get bananas from a hornet's nest so I hit it and the hornets came out and chased me!" Dixie sobs.
"Sounds like you did a Diddy." says Donkey.
"A Diddy? What's that mean?" asks Dixie.
DK explains, "I'm sayin, 'Do a Diddy'. Diddy dumb, Diddy do."
What does Bruce Willis, a donkey with sunglasses on, and my ex have in common?
They're all bad a**....
What do you call a donkey with wings?
A pegasass.
I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
What do you call a donkey on a unicycle?
A wheel-burro.
Why should make sure your donkey is well rested?
Because a tired a**... could spell disaster
A wolf and A donkey were arguing about the color of the grass.
The wolf was saying: the grass is green.
The donkey was saying: the grass is blue.
They went to the king of the jungle to judge between them.
The lion king has ordered to send the wolf to jail.
The wolf asked the lion: isn't the grass green?
The lion said: yes.
The wolf said: then why did you put me in jail?
The lion said: I didn't put you in jail because you were wrong, I put you in jail because you were arguing with a donkey.
i s**... identify as a donkey
my pronouns are he/haw
had an interview last week for a job as a farrier...
Had an interview last week for a job has a farrier.
The guy asked me "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said "no but I've told a donkey to f*c**... off"
I was watching a magic show and the magician cut a donkey into two parts.
Honestly, it was a pretty half-assed trick.
My s**..., hungry donkey decided to eat a window
It was a huge pane in the a**...
What do you get when you cross a small dog with a donkey?
A Jack Russell Derrière.
Sausage Factory
A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory.
- See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side.
- Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donkey?
- Yes. Your mother.