Donation Jokes
113 donation jokes and hilarious donation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about donation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Grab a laugh from donation jokes to lighten the mood when discussing substantial and generous donations. Whether its blood donation, organ donation, plasma donation, twitch donation, or charity donation, these jokes about kidney donation, sperm donation, and more will give you a great chuckle.
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Funniest Donation Short Jokes
Short donation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donation humour may include short donate jokes also.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
- When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
- Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
- Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon. They'll take the money and run.
- I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others. The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
- I won $3,000,000 from a lottery and donated one quarter of it to charity Now I have $2,999,999.75
- I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero... I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
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Donation One Liners
Which donation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donation? I can suggest the ones about donor and giving.
- I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
- Where do atheists donate their money? Non Prophet Organizations
- Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
- The last time I was someone's type. I was donating blood.
- My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
- I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
- Please donate to atheism.org Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.
- What bounces and makes little children cry? My donation check to Feed the Children!
- I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind. It will be missed.
- I donated $100 to a charity for blind children Not like the kids will ever see any of it.
- I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
- Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad?
Dad: He donated blood. - what type of blood do ghosts donate? plasma
- Donate a liver, you get called a hero Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
- You think you can donate to an African country? Well... kenya?
Blood Donation Jokes
Here is a list of funny blood donation jokes and even better blood donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions. I absolutely hate when they ask
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket? - I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day... ...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine. - I always give 100% in everything I do Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
- i tried to donate blood today. it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
- I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me. They asked if I was positive.
I said "Yes, I'm sure of it" - I'm just not cut out for the dating world. The last time I was someone's type... I was donating blood...
- Why can't League of Legends players donate blood? They have too much salt.
- I was scared to donate blood today. But I tried my best to B positive
- I donated my blood to my ex and it was incompatible. Now she knows how rejection feels like.
- How does an artist donate to charity They draw blood.
Charity Donation Jokes
Here is a list of funny charity donation jokes and even better charity donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity. He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.
- How to make a charity 1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit - Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status. He now goes by Mill Gates.
- Why don't clams donate to charity? They're shellfish.
- I donated $100 to a blind children's charity... Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.
- My dad says he donates to the African water charities Because he's got a well paying job.
- Do you guys wanna donate to my charity? It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"
It's four good caws - My coworker is asking for donations for his charity marathon But I'm afraid he's just going to take the money and run
- I raised money for charity by dressing up as Cruella De Ville. I had 101 donations.
- I won 300 million dollars in the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. They sent me a letter saying "thank you for your 25 cent donation".
Kidney Donation Jokes
Here is a list of funny kidney donation jokes and even better kidney donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster - Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
- Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint. But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
- When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero. But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.
- I donated a kidney once but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
- I went to donate a kidney once.. I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr - If you donate one kidney everyone praises you! But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.
Sheesh! - I went to donate my kidney yesterday I went to donate my kidney yesterday... they called me a good person
I went in with 2 more today and they called the police on me - My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached. ..and veins and arteries.
- People are so ungrateful. smh. Donate 1 kidney: everyone loves you
Donate 4 kidneys: sudden yelling
Organ Donation Jokes
Here is a list of funny organ donation jokes and even better organ donation puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A doctor asked the patient if he would like to be a donor. The patient said, "Yes, but only donate my organs to my enemies."
"Why?" asked the doctor.
"Because they really hate my guts." - I am eternally grateful to whoever donated organs for my surgery... I'll always hold a little piece of them close to my heart.
Comical & Quirky Donation Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about donation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean charity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donation pranks.
Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.
Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.
He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken
The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.
100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.
Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.
One billion dollars. This is our final offer.
After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.
I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.
A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach
He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
A man's dog dies
A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL s**... donors are paid $50 per donation.
It was devastating. Imagine all the money that has slipped through my fingers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the s**... bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the s**... bank." with her mouth full.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My only form of income is donating blood
It's s**... the life out of me
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage
Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes
And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...
Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus
It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.
Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!
Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth
He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are s**... donations more expensive than blood donations?
They are hand made
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulls a man over
"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.
"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.
The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."
"Sir, the police doesn't have b**....", the officer says.
There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.
TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons
No strings attached
A old man as a pet mongoose who gives birth.
Deciding he can't look after the mongoose and the pup he decides to donate them to the zoo and writes a letter to explain.
Dear zoo,
I would like to donate two ~~mongooses~~ ~~mongeeses~~ ~~mongi~~
.
.
.
Dear zoo,
I would like to donate one mongoose.
PS here is another.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putin is held hostage by a t**....
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:
Driver: What's going on?
Policeman: A t**... is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.
Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.
Policeman: About a gallon.
A girl knocked on my door today…
Asking for a donation for the local swimming pool…. so I gave her a glass of water
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit are in a car wreck
They are rushed to the hospital where it becomes clear that the priest and the pastor will need blood to survive. The priest has blood type A, while the pastor has type B. By the grace of God they are saved, as type Os can donate to both.
I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said...
Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.
Oh No! Not ELON!
Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.
After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.
The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....
"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
"It's awful! Terrorists have stopped Elon Musk's limo! They are saying if they don't get $10 million dollars, they are going to burn him alive! So, I'm out here collecting donations."
"That's terrible! How much have you collected so far?"
"Ten gallons. But everyone else is still siphoning...."
Real conversation with my 6-year-old:
Him (looking at a bank building): Is this where they keep the money that you donate to them?
Me: Yes, but we don't _donate_ to the bank, we _deposit_ into the bank. 'Deposit' means that you're going to take it back later. 'Donate' means that you just give it away and don't expect to ever get it back.
Him: Oh, I know an example of donate. Like, when you earn money and pay your taxes, you are _donating_ to the government because you're never gonna get it back. Right?
Me: ???
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
Wife: "I have a lot of my own clothes I'd like to donate."
Husband: "Why bother? It's easier to throw the clothes in the garbage can."
Wife: "Don't be selfish! There are so many poor people who have no clothes and are starving."
Husband: " Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving..."
