Donating Blood Jokes
73 donating blood jokes and hilarious donating blood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about donating blood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Donating Blood Short Jokes
Short donating blood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donating blood humour may include short giving blood jokes also.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others. The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
- I absolutely hate donating blood. As soon as you walk through the door you get bombarded with questions. I absolutely hate when they ask
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket? - I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day... ...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine. - I always give 100% in everything I do Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
- i tried to donate blood today. it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
- I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me. They asked if I was positive.
I said "Yes, I'm sure of it" - I'm just not cut out for the dating world. The last time I was someone's type... I was donating blood...
- I donated my blood to my ex and it was incompatible. Now she knows how rejection feels like.
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Donating Blood One Liners
Which donating blood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donating blood? I can suggest the ones about blood donation and blood donor.
- The last time I was someone's type. I was donating blood.
- My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
- I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
- Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad?
Dad: He donated blood. - what type of blood do ghosts donate? plasma
- Why can't League of Legends players donate blood? They have too much salt.
- I was scared to donate blood today. But I tried my best to B positive
- How does an artist donate to charity They draw blood.
- I just donated blood to the Red Cross. But I'm afraid my donation will be in vein.
- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross.
Just never his own. - My grandfather always gave 100% He died donating blood
- Donating blood is tiring It really takes a lot out of you.
- I just donated blood... Feel so pumped
- When Chuck Norris donates blood, he gives twenty gallons.
None of it is his own. - Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, hes' known as Super Man.
Donating Blood Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about donating blood you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blood drive jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donating blood pranks.
When Chuck Norris donates blood he refuses the needle, he asks for a knife and a bucket.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donating s**...
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate s**..., myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
About a week later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman (shaking her head): "Mnph Mnph!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blood Bank
A guy was running for an elevator and he stuck his hand in to stop the doors, and the doors opened. Inside stood a woman.
He said, "Good morning, which floor are you going to?" She responded, "3rd floor." He pushed the 3rd floor button, plus the 5th floor for himself.
As the elevator started moving the gentleman struck up a conversation and asked the woman where she was going.
She said, "I'm going to the blood bank on the 3rd floor; I donate blood once a week for $10 to supplement my income." Then she asked the
gentleman where he was going.
He responded, "I'm going to the s**... bank on the 5th floor; I donate s**... there once a week for $50 to supplement my income".
The next week the same scenario happens. He stopped the elevator doors with his hand, the doors opened and the woman was standing inside.
He smiled and greeted her and asked if she was going to the 3rd floor?
At this point in the joke, the teller raises five fingers and makes a suitable mouth-full-of-s**... noise.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chuck Norris Donated Blood
Chuck Norris donated blood **once**, that's why there's an Easter.
An Arab and a Jew
There was an Arab oil Sheikh that was in a coma and needed a blood transfusion to survive. Being AB+ it was hard for him to get a donor with the same rare blood type. Finally they found an old Jewish farmer that was listed as a blood donor with the same blood type. However he was very reluctant to give his blood to save an Arab guy. Finally after lots of discussions and pestering by doctors he agreed to donate only enough blood to help make sure the Arab guy was stabilized. After the blood transfusion and when the Arab guy is healthier, he sends the Jewish farmer a brand new John Deere tractor and a Cartier watch and $100000 as a token of appreciation. After a year, the Arab is requires another transfusion. The old Jewish farmer is contacted and this time is willing to give more blood. After the transfusion the Arab send the Jewish guy a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. When the Jewish guy gets this he is furious as he is expecting much more since he gave more of his rare blood type. He contacts the Arab sheikh and asks him why he only gave him such a paltry gift? The Arab says, ya Akhie (brother) I have Jewish blood in me now….
An Arab needed a heart transplant
, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the calls went out to a number of countries.
Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank-You Card for giving his blood along with an Expensive Diamond and a New Rolls-Royce car as a token of his appreciation. The Jew was very happy. Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank-You Card and a box of Dates (Qurma) Candies.
The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Jew's find gesture in the same way as he had done the first time. So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner. The Arab replied: "Ya habibi !!! I have Jewish blood now, remember?
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is donating some blood to make a little extra money . . .
She heads to the hospital and gets on the elevator with a man about her age. They say hello and she tells him she is heading to the 4th floor and asks if he would push the button for her. He clicks the button and also hits the 6th floor button for himself. A few weeks later the woman returns to the hospital to donate and again runs into the same man. As they enter the elevator he clicks the 4th and 6th floor b**... and asks her why she is at the hospital again. She tells him that she makes $50 by donating blood and asks why he has returned to the hospital. He tells her he makes $100 donating s**.... The following month they once again end up on the same elevator and as they enter the man asks the woman, "4th floor?". She shakes her head and says with a full mouth, "No m goin to da shixth floor"
An Arab sheikh is dying
... and the only thing that could save him a blood transfusion. But there is a problem - the sheikh has a very rare blood type. After very intensive searches sheik's servants finally find a donor. This happens to be an old Jewish guy who agrees to donate blood in exchange for a substantial reward. The sheikh's life is saved, and he generously rewards the donor with a luxury car and a huge mansion.
Couple of years later, the same story happens. The donor rushes to donate the blood and comes to pick up his reward. Surprisingly for him, he is handed a box of cookies.
"But last time you gave me a car and a mansion"
"Well, last time I had no Jewish blood flowing in me".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John is in an elevator and another woman enters.
John is in an elevator and another woman enters.
He politely asks, "Which floor?"
The woman replies, "Third please."
He replies, "Oh, are you donating blood at the blood center?"
"Yes, I am! Just need some quick money, having kind of a financial crisis."
"Oh I see. Same here actually, but I'm going to the fifth floor to donate s**.... It pays more."
The elevator reaches the third floor and they say goodbye.
A week later, John comes back, enters the elevator and sees the same woman running to it.
John asked, "Third floor, I suppose?"
"Fifth, actually." She replies, with a mouth-full.
The best thing about donating blood...
is standing up and spinning around immediately after.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a hospital and sees a really attractive female with brunette hair sitting down.
And sits right next to her to make conversation.
Guy:Hi, What are you here for?
Girl:I am donating blood.
Guy:How much are they giving you for your blood?
Girl:$50 for a pint, what about you? why are you here?
Guy:Oh, I am donating s**....
Girl: Cool, how much are they giving you?
Guy:$300
Girl:Wow *surprised/shocked face*
Then the two go there separate ways. The next day the female walks into the hospital and sits next to the same guy she met yesterday and the guy says "Are you donating blood?"
And the girl whose mouth cheeks are puffed up shakes her head no
A joke I heard from a regular customer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks in for a blood donation.
The nurse asks "Are you s**... active?"
The man replies "Wouldn't that be rather awkward with us both sitting here?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man and a woman were waiting at a hospital donation centre.
The man asks the woman, "What are you here to donate?"
The woman replies, "I'm here to give my blood. The hospital is going to pay me $5 for it."
"Good on you! I'm here to donate s**...," says the man, "The hospital is going to pay me $25 for it."
The woman woman looked thoughtful for a brief moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation centre.
The man asks the woman, "Here to donate blood again?"
The woman shakes her head with her mouth closed and replies with a muffled, "Unh unh."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the s**... bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the s**... bank." with her mouth full.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My only form of income is donating blood
It's s**... the life out of me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
Yesterday I donated some blood
wasn't mine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So i was donating blood the other day and had to fill in an identity information sheet
I noticed a question asking s**...'.
Apparently "YES PLEASE" wasn't the right answer
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why did the v**... donate blood?
It was the only way he could get inside someone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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When the nurse declined his request...
He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the s**... bank.
My friend loves to donate blood
He even got a tattoo marking the spot for the needle!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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She gave me pretty eyes and said i'm going to s**... you dry
It's really not what i wanted to hear while donating blood
It just doesn't make sense
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
Went to a blood donation once
Apparently they don't allow us vampires to get a bag.
The clinic said I can't donate blood there.
They don't have a liquor license.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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To any of you Idiots still using condoms and afraid of getting a glorious STI, I ask you this.
Can **You** donate to a blood bank and s**... bank by jacking off?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
An Arab needed a heart transplant
, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the calls went out to a number of countries.
Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank-You Card for giving his blood along with an Expensive Diamond and a New Rolls-Royce car as a token of his appreciation. The Jew was very happy. Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank-You Card and a box of Dates (Qurma) Candies.
The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Jew's find gesture in the same way as he had done the first time. So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner. The Arab replied: "Ya habibi !!! I have Jewish blood now, remember?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are s**... donations more expensive than blood donations?
They are hand made
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit are in a car wreck
They are rushed to the hospital where it becomes clear that the priest and the pastor will need blood to survive. The priest has blood type A, while the pastor has type B. By the grace of God they are saved, as type Os can donate to both.