The Best 88 Donate Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Donate jokes. There are some donate charity jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these donate charities puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Donate Jokes and Puns
I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions
Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
i tried to donate blood today.
it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
IRS
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
Was solicited by a charity to donate my used clothing to starving people around the world. I said No Way!!
Anyone that could fit into my clothing, is NOT starving!!
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.
She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
I donated a kidney once
but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
I went to donate a kidney once..
I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
You can explore donate charitable reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean donate lawyer donation dad jokes. There are also donate puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Where do atheists donate their money?
Non Prophet Organizations
I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity.
He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.
I tried to donate a kidney once...
...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it.
I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign
Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.
That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?
I'd rather spend that £2 on a condom to prevent a kid's life.
A man came to my door today, and asked if I would donate to building the community pool
So I gave him a glass of water
I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day...
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
Well I was going to donate blood today until....
the lady got all personal and started asking, "Who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the sperm bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the sperm bank." with her mouth full.
How to make a charity
1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Son: Why?
Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish!
Why don't clams donate to charity?
They're shellfish.
When the nurse declined his request...
He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the sperm bank.
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $2,999,999.75.
Wife tells her husband
Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."
I donated $100 to a charity for blind children
Not like the kids will ever see any of it.
In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.
They asked if I was positive.
I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"
How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero
But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?
ISIS has a new plan for eliminating Americans.
They donate to the NRA.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero
But when I donate 5, I get arrested.
Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero.
I donate five, and get arrested?
My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes
And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
Donate a liver, you get called a hero
Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero,
But when I donate 5, I get arrested?
Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus
It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.
Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!
Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
If someone donates their kidney, they get praised for their selflessness...
But if I donate five, I get arrested?
Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero.
I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.
How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,
but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
I just won 10 million dollars from a lottery ticket. I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Those were the proudest 25 cents I ever donated.
If I had $20 million, I would donate a quarter of it to charity....
I'm not sure what I would do with the remaining 19,999,999.75
I dont get it
If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?
You think you can donate to an African country?
Well... Kenya?
Wife: donate my clothes to poor people who are starving.
Husband: honey, if they fit in your clothes they surely aren't starving.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
Please donate to atheism.org
Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.
I won $3 million in the lottery last night, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
Now I have $2,999,999.75.
Wife: I'm going to donate all my old clothes to starving people
Husband: Honey, anyone who can fit into your clothes, isn't starving...
Donate one kidney, they call you a hero. Donate two, they call you a saint.
But donate three or more, and suddenly you're a monster.
I tried to donate a kidney
But they kept asking where I got it
I won $3 Million and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Now I have $2,999,999.75
If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.
Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.
I donate 1 kidney to a hospital and everyone thinks I am a hero
I donate 10 kidneys and everyone thinks I am a monster
A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood
The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O"
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: What's your blood group?
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?
It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"
It's four good caws
I donated $100 to a blind children's charity...
Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.
"When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself..."
"... the nurse does it for me."
"I understand stand sir, but this is a sperm bank, it doesn't work that way here."
If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!
But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.
Sheesh!
A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.
"What's going on here?"
The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.
"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.
"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"
The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I know you mean well but anyone who can afford to eat enough to fit in your clothes isn't exactly unfortunate!"
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh
How can you donate money to Taliban?
Just pay your taxes in United States
I won 1 Million in a lottery and decided to donate a quater to charity
Now I have $999,999.75
I wish I could donate blood, but last time there were so many questions.
"Whose blood is this?"
"Where did you get it?"
"Was the bucket sanitized first?"
When I donated a kidney, they said I was a hero.
But when I donated 7 more, they seemed a lot less appreciative.
I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.
It will be missed.
So when I donate a kidney I'm hailed as a hero, but when I donate 20 kidneys I get arrested?
Make up your mind hospitals!
Guy says to a receptionist at the clinic.
Guy: When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself, the nurse does it for me.
Receptionist: I understand sir, but this is the sperm bank, it doesn't work that way here....
I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others.
The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
I decided to donate my body to science
For the time being, I'm following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.
A old man as a pet mongoose who gives birth.
Deciding he can't look after the mongoose and the pup he decides to donate them to the zoo and writes a letter to explain.
Dear zoo,
I would like to donate two ~~mongooses~~ ~~mongeeses~~ ~~mongi~~
.
.
.
Dear zoo,
I would like to donate one mongoose.
PS here is another.
I went to donate my kidney yesterday
I went to donate my kidney yesterday... they called me a good person
I went in with 2 more today and they called the police on me
A Crow wanted me to donate to his charity.
When I asked him what it was called he screams: "CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!"
Not knowing what he meant I stared him down until he explains that it's "four good caws".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the donate donation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
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