Donate Jokes
142 donate jokes and hilarious donate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about donate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Donate Short Jokes
Short donate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donate humour may include short donation jokes also.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
- I was going to donate blood today but they started asking way too many personal questions like... Whose blood is this?!"
Where did you get it?!" - When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
- Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
- A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a blood donation clinic The nurse asked the rabbit, What's your blood type?
I'm probably a type-O said the rabbit. - Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero. I donate five kidneys and I get arrested.
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Donate One Liners
Which donate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donate? I can suggest the ones about contribute and donor.
- I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
- Where do atheists donate their money? Non Prophet Organizations
- Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
- How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
- The last time I was someone's type. I was donating blood.
- My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
- I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
- Please donate to atheism.org Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.
- Whatever you do, always give 100% Unless you're donating blood
- What bounces and makes little children cry? My donation check to Feed the Children!
- I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind. It will be missed.
- I donated $100 to a charity for blind children Not like the kids will ever see any of it.
- What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry? My donation check to the orphanage.
- I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
- Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad?
Dad: He donated blood.
Hilarious Fun Donate Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about donate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean receives donation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donate pranks.
i tried to donate blood today.
it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
IRS
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
Was solicited by a charity to donate my used clothing to starving people around the world. I said No Way!!
Anyone that could fit into my clothing, is NOT starving!!
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.
She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the t**...!
I donated a kidney once
but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
I went to donate a kidney once..
I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
I felt like doing some service today, so I decided to donate some video games to the Rehabilitation Center for m**... Addicts.
They seemed particularly fond of "Need for Speed".
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity.
He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.
I tried to donate a kidney once...
...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it.
I donated a large amount of money to a r**... clinic..
I wouldn't take no as an answer
When Pavlov was done with his experiments what did he do with his dogs?
Donate them to the salivation army
^^I'llseemyselfout
Nike and TOMS are embarking on a joint venture...
...for every pair of shoes you buy, they'll donate a pair to the child who made them.
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
A man saw a jar at a store's check-out counter that read "Donate $1 for children".
"That's a good deal!" he thought.
Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?
I'd rather spend that £2 on a c**... to prevent a kid's life.
A man came to my door today, and asked if I would donate to building the community pool
So I gave him a glass of water
I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day...
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
Well I was going to donate blood today until....
the lady got all personal and started asking, "Who's blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the s**... bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the s**... bank." with her mouth full.
I won 300 million dollars in the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
They sent me a letter saying "thank you for your 25 cent donation".
How to make a charity
1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Dad : I just donated all your toys to the orphanage
Son: Why?
Dad: So you'll have something to play with when i take you there.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
Because they're shellfish!
Why don't clams donate to charity?
They're shellfish.
When the nurse declined his request...
He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the s**... bank.
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
Wife tells her husband
Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."
In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.
They asked if I was positive.
I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"
How come when someone donates a kidney, they get called a hero
But when I go ahead and donate five, I get arrested?
ISIS has a new plan for eliminating Americans.
They donate to the NRA.
I donated my watch to a homeless person today.
I was so happy when he put his knife back in his pocket.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
It just doesn't make sense
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
If a person donates a kidney, he's a hero
But when I donate 5, I get arrested.
My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes
And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...
Have you heard the one about the two Irishmen who went to London to donate s**...?
Patrick missed the tube and Shamus came on the bus.
My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.
..and veins and arteries.
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
Donate a liver, you get called a hero
Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
I don't understand when someone donates a kidney they get praised a hero,
But when I donate 5, I get arrested?
Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus
It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.
o**... donation has a n**... double standard when it comes to praise.
Some guy donates his kidney, he's praised as a hero. I donate 5, and I get arrested? Double standards smh
Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!
Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader".
Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.
P.S. I ve donated 5 litres.
If you donate a kidney your'e a hero
If you donate five you get arrested
If someone donates their kidney, they get praised for their selflessness...
But if I donate five, I get arrested?
Why don't c**... donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
How come that someone donates one kidney and they're a hero,
but I bring 5 in a plastic bag and I get arrested.
I was planning to donate my body to science,
but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.
So now I'm donating my brain to religion instead.
A man and a woman are chatting in an elevator.
"What are you up to today?" he asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20 a pint."
"Hmm ...," the man, says. "I'm going up to donate s**..., and the s**... bank pays $100 a tablespoon."
The woman gets a strange look on her face and gets off the elevator.
The next day, they meet in the elevator again.
The man asks, "So, where you off to today?"
"Fmerm mank," she says, with her mouth full.
I just won 10 million dollars from a lottery ticket. I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
Those were the proudest 25 cents I ever donated.
If I had $20 million, I would donate a quarter of it to charity....
I'm not sure what I would do with the remaining 19,999,999.75
Why couldn't the poor man donate at the s**... bank?
He was too low income
I dont get it
If someone donates 1 kindey, they're hailed a hero, but I donate 5 and get arrested!?
You think you can donate to an African country?
Well... Kenya?
There is only one reason c**... don't donate and its
They are shellfish
Wife: donate my clothes to poor people who are starving.
Husband: honey, if they fit in your clothes they surely aren't starving.
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck operators that they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask....
How much food would a food truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
My wife said she wants to donate her old clothes to the Salvation Army, so starving people can buy and wear them.
I told her that anyone who can fit in her clothes certainly isn't starving.
If someone gets burn damage and needs a skin graft, can I donate buttock tissue to help them?
a**... skin for a friend.
Saw a billboard today, urging me to DONATE
Who is Nate?
I won $3 million in the lottery last night, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
Now I have $2,999,999.75.
