Donate Jokes
141 donate jokes and hilarious donate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about donate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Donate Short Jokes
Short donate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donate humour may include short donation jokes also.
- I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
- When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
- Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
- Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon. They'll take the money and run.
- I donate my O- blood as often as allowed, but I don't do it to help others. The blood donation center is just the only place I can go where I'm everyone's type.
- I won $3,000,000 from a lottery and donated one quarter of it to charity Now I have $2,999,999.75
- I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero... I donated 4 and I'm somehow a criminal
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Donate One Liners
Which donate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donate? I can suggest the ones about contribute and donor.
- I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.
- Where do atheists donate their money? Non Prophet Organizations
- Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?
- The last time I was someone's type. I was donating blood.
- My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
- I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
- Please donate to atheism.org Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.
- What bounces and makes little children cry? My donation check to Feed the Children!
- I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind. It will be missed.
- I donated $100 to a charity for blind children Not like the kids will ever see any of it.
- I made a bold donation today Sorry, I meant "blood donation". Type O.
- Uncle Bill always gave 100% Son: How did he die Dad?
Dad: He donated blood. - what type of blood do ghosts donate? plasma
- Donate a liver, you get called a hero Donate a whole bag of 'em, you get sent to jail
- You think you can donate to an African country? Well... kenya?
Hilarious Fun Donate Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about donate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean receives donation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donate pranks.
i tried to donate blood today.
it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
IRS
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Was solicited by a charity to donate my used clothing to starving people around the world. I said No Way!!
Anyone that could fit into my clothing, is NOT starving!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.
She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the t**...!
I donated a kidney once
but they turned it down when I couldn't answer where I got it from.
I went to donate a kidney once..
I went in to donate a kidney once
but when I arrived at the hospital they asked me where I'd got it from
-Jimmy Carr
Nescafe and the Pope
Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."
Dog Bar Mitzvah
A man walks into a synagogue with his dog. He goes up to the Rabbi and he says.
Man: Rabbi, I want my dog to have a Bar Mitzvah and I want to do it here
Rabbi: What are you, crazy? We can't do that!
Man: Please, I'll do anything
Rabbi: No, it can't be done
Man: Rabbi, I don't think you understand, I'm willing to donate $20,000 to this synagogue
Rabbi: Why didn't you tell me your dog was Jewish?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I felt like doing some service today, so I decided to donate some video games to the Rehabilitation Center for m**... Addicts.
They seemed particularly fond of "Need for Speed".
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
Donating Tamagotchis to Africans
Whenever people donate Tamagotchies to starving kids in Africa, I can't help but think how depressing it must be to have a virtual pet that'll live longer than you.
Why can't League of Legends players donate blood?
They have too much salt.
I just donated some money to the maintainers of a Linux distribution derived from Red Hat
\*tips fedora\*
I donate money to single mothers going to nursing school...
One dollar at a time.
I'm starting a fund to help build a new hitch-hiking robot, please donate.
Every little bit helps.
I asked a road-kill removal specialist if he would donate to my charity.
He said he might be able to scrape together a few bucks.
My friend kept nagging me to donate one of my prepositions to charity.
Eventually, I gave in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I donated a large amount of money to a r**... clinic..
I wouldn't take no as an answer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .
I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes
Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!
A man is granted one wish, but with a catch
A man unlocks a genie, and the genie tells him that he will grant him one wish, but whatever he wishes for, all lawyers in the world will be granted double.
The man thinks long and hard about his one wish, and calmly states "I wish to donate a kidney"
When Pavlov was done with his experiments what did he do with his dogs?
Donate them to the salivation army
^^I'llseemyselfout
Nike and TOMS are embarking on a joint venture...
...for every pair of shoes you buy, they'll donate a pair to the child who made them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man meets a Genie and gets three wishes
However any of his wishes that are granted, also come true for all the politicians in the world times two.
**Genie:** What is your first wish?
**Man:** I want a million dollars.
**Genie:** You now have a million dollars and all the worlds politician now receive two million.
**Genie:** What is your second wish?
**Man:** I want a new Mercedes.
**Genie:** You now have a new Mercedes and all the worlds politician now receive two of them.
**Genie:** What is your third and final wish?
**Man:** I want to donate a kidney.
A friend convinces a jew to donate to charity...
The friend sees the jew put an envelope in the donation box and asks him
"How much money did you put in there?"
The jew replies "Money? Are envelopes really worth nothing nowadays?"
A man saw a jar at a store's check-out counter that read "Donate $1 for children".
"That's a good deal!" he thought.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why would I donate £2 to save a kid's life?
I'd rather spend that £2 on a c**... to prevent a kid's life.
Where can I donate to the American Red Cross?
I would like to help with house #7.
I tried to donate blood to the Red Cross the other day...
...but they wouldn't accept it in a 5 gallon bucket.
They also said it had to be mine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man steps onto an elevator with a woman inside...
He asks her, "Where are you headed today Miss?"
She says, "I'm on my way to the blood bank to donate blood."
The man asks, "How much do you get for that?"
She responds, "$20."
He then says, "Really? I'm on my way to the s**... bank, they pay me $100."
She looks angry about that, and then they part ways.
The next day the man gets on the elevator again to see the same woman. He says, "What a coincidence seeing you again. Where are you headed today?"
She responds, "To the s**... bank." with her mouth full.
I won 300 million dollars in the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
They sent me a letter saying "thank you for your 25 cent donation".
How to make a charity
1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit
I tried to donate my brain to science
They didn't want it
How do you get a billionaire to donate their fortune to Planned Parenthood?
Take them to a PG rated movie.
I just donated money to help create water reservoirs for families in need.
It was money well spent!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stuck in a traffic jam
some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "
PSA: You should all donate money to testicular cancer research.
It's a no-ball cause.
(But seriously you should)
I donated some old board games to my local daycare.
Hope those kids like Ouija Boards...
I donated my blood to my ex and it was incompatible.
Now she knows how rejection feels like.
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me
Receptionist: Yes, but this is a s**... bank and it doesn't work that way.
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
I just donated blood to the Red Cross.
But I'm afraid my donation will be in vein.
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
Donated my brain to a stranger in the hospital last week.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
Why don't clams donate to charity?
They're shellfish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the v**... donate blood?
It was the only way he could get inside someone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When the nurse declined his request...
He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the s**... bank.
My wife was cleaning the closet last week
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.
After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from Frank Gaybeau's c**... induced, hotel filled, 5 figure by the hour e**... stuffed full on satanic o**... fest.
Yesterday a couple of people came to my home and asked if I'd like to donate to the community pool…
I said "sure, wait here." A minute later I came back from the sink with some water and said, "just return the glass when you get a chance"
I donated a kidney last year
Well, I never got to the donation part.. apparently I MUST state where I got it from
Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student?
Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
I wanted to donate blood, but they rejected me.
They asked if I was positive.
I said "Yes, I'm sure of it"
I donated my watch to a homeless person today.
I was so happy when he put his knife back in his pocket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
It just doesn't make sense
You know how people donate a pint of blood and are hailed as a hero. I go into the clinic and donate 8 pints of blood already packaged. And then they gotta go call the police. Guess I have to find another way to get rid of my mother in law.
I found this cool charity that lets you donate brined salmon to those in need.
Lox of Love
My wife gave me a bag of our children's old clothes
And asked me donate them to kids that don't have any.
So I went around town asking people where I can find kids without any clothes and for some reason I ended up detained...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard the one about the two Irishmen who went to London to donate s**...?
Patrick missed the tube and Shamus came on the bus.
My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.
..and veins and arteries.
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to donate s**... all the time!
But im not allowed in that goodwill anymore :(
Please, donate to charities to provide bug nets to poor Africans.
With your help, we can save millions of mosquitoes from needlessly dying of AIDS.
Music is very powerful,
like that Kars 4 Kids commercial. Before I saw that commercial I wanted to donate a car to kids, but that song changed my mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A charity called me today and asked if I wanted to donate money to children born addicted to crack.
I said, "Sure, but I think we all know what they are going to spend the money on."
Today, I decided to donate all my worldly possessions and give myself up to Jesus
It's pretty hard to say no to a Mexican dude with a knife.
Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!
Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity
Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."
Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."
Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."
Husband: "Darling, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving."
A doctor asked the patient if he would like to be a donor.
The patient said, "Yes, but only donate my organs to my enemies."
"Why?" asked the doctor.
"Because they really hate my guts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it that when someone donates a kidney they're called kind-hearted?
But when I donate seven it is apparently "i**..." and "immoral".
Why did the furniture store donate so much?
They have a lot of chair-ity
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader".
Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.
P.S. I ve donated 5 litres.
Donated to my favorite charity after attending it for only 10 minutes...
Then flushed the toilet and continued my day.
