Following is our collection of funny Donald Trump jokes. There are some donald trump presidency jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these donald trump donald duck puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Because orange is the new black.
You can explore donald trump ivanka reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean donald trump gop dad jokes. There are also donald trump puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
Alcohol sales have never been higher.
The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.
Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
I did and we do.
It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"
Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
But that's comparing apples to oranges.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
......
and set it lower
One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!
George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference
The United States of America.
After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.
...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
He can't even handle 60 minutes.
He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
Denial.
But apparently not 2 terms.
but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
He said 'Genius'
A bird can still tweet.
His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts Mickey Mouse . This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.
Trump turns to his bodyguard and says Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse The bodyguard replies Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.
They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.
The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.
Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
Mankind
People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?"
The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now."
and notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"
The clerk replies, "F*ck you, get out, stay out!" The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"
Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in.
That is if Donald Trump can go on a hunting trip with her Dad.
Benedict Arnold once fought for America.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the donald trump trump pee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working donald trump trump wall piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.