Donald Jokes
152 donald jokes and hilarious donald puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about donald that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These Donald Jokes will amuse and delight! Get ready to laugh at Donald Duck, Donald Glover, Donald Rumsfeld, Denise, Harold and other famous Donalds. Let the laughter begin!
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- Short Donald Jokes
- Donald One Liners
- Trump Donald Jokes
- Donald Trump Jokes
- Donald Duck Jokes
- Donald Trump Hair Jokes
- Donald Glover Jokes
- More Donald Jokes
Funniest Donald Short Jokes
Short donald jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The donald humour may include short donald duck jokes also.
- "You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!" "Mister President, we've been over this..."
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm? One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to orange.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- If this year has taught us anything, it's that Donald Trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
- Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
- Donald Trump is the next President but... The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.
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Donald One Liners
Which donald one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with donald? I can suggest the ones about donald trump and duck.
- Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state. Denial.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird? A bird can still tweet.
- There's a term for guys like Donald Trump. But apparently not 2 terms.
- Who would win in a street fight between joe Biden and Donald Trump? Everyone watching
- Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'
- Donald Trump walks into a bar ......
and set it lower - I don't know why Donald Trump wants four more years. He can't even handle 60 minutes.
- Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins? Mankind
- What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut? Command Alt Right.
- Why is Donald Trump moving to Egypt? To live in a state of de Nile.
- What is Donald Trump's Spy Name? Agent Orange!
- Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump? Apples and oranges.
- Donald J Trump was asked what the J in his name stood for His response? "Genius".
- You cannot compare Steve Jobs with Donald Trump. Apples vs. oranges.
- What is Donald Trump's favorite sports team? The Dodgers
Trump Donald Jokes
Here is a list of funny trump donald jokes and even better trump donald puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16 - What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump? George Washington couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference - A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
- Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.
- So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
- What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.
- I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer... ...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.
- I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
Donald Trump Jokes
Here is a list of funny donald trump jokes and even better donald trump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common? They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.
- Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.
- Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
- How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern? They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.
- Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.
- Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot. As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.
- What's the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump? Benedict Arnold once fought for America.
- I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her. After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.
- Say what you like about Donald Trump.. But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.
- Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump... But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
Donald Duck Jokes
Here is a list of funny donald duck jokes and even better donald duck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot" - The Secret Sevice is not allowed to tell the president to get down If there is a crisis they have to say Donald, Duck!
- Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"
- Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.
- Why did Mickey Mouse get shot? Because Donald ducked.
- BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.
- Donald Duck calls concierge and says can you thend up thome condomths to my room" and concierge said "want me to put it on your bill?" and Donald said "are you thucking thtupid I'll thuffocate"
- What is the difference between Donald Duck and Donald Trump? One is a cartoon character with a hot temper and the other is a duck.
- What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions? Donald Ducks
I'll show myself out - What is Donald Duck's favorite restaurant? Quacker Barrel
Donald Trump Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny donald trump hair jokes and even better donald trump hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Donald Trump lock down the White House when the Easter Bunny was escaping? because his hare is almost gone.
- I heard someone's writing a book about Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump colluding with the Russians. It's called "The Tortoise and the Hair"
- What did the ghost of Ronald Reagan tell Donald Trump after he assumed the presidency? Hair down this wall.
- Why should Donald Trump be grateful to Mexicans? The power of belief in chupacabras is all that keeps his hair in this world.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and a s**...-flinging monkey? The s**...-flinging monkey has better hair.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump's hair and a wet raccoon? A wet raccoon doesn't have 4 billion f**...' dollars in the bank
Donald Glover Jokes
Here is a list of funny donald glover jokes and even better donald glover puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Donald Glover a.k.a. Childish Gambino a.k.a. Don Glover a.k.a. d**... Lover... Lol
- Why does Donald Glover go by Donald Because otherwise his name would be d**... Lover
Amusing & Witty Donald Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about donald you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean president jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make donald pranks.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?
It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.
*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*
A s**... has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...
...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.
Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?
Society
Letter to God
Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.
What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?
Oranges have thick skin.
Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!
Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...
He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar.
They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"
The bartender points to two taps.
They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"
The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."
Election Day Drinking Game:
Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.
Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.
Alcohol sales have never been higher.
A child tells the make a wish foundation.
So a child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks "what do you want more than anything" the child responds "to trade places with Donald trump!"
They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.
So they ask trump, he obliges.
Trump meets the child and says "so you want to know what it's like to be president?"
The child retorts "no I just wanted you to have cancer"
Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...
He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...
Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.
Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?
I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges.
Not everything Donald Trump says is s**....
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed
I'm sure they'll soon get over it
The trump family is flying from New York to DC
Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
Donald Trump gets executed
and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.
"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.
"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."
I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.
It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.
Donald Trump said, "I declare April as s**... Assault Awareness month."
His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"
Trump replied, "Prevent it?"
Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"
The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."
Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"
The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"
Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office
Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."
Comas can change the meaning of a sentence.
For example:
"Donald is in a hurry."
"Donald is in a coma."
Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.
Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."
To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.
It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP"
"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"
Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better."
Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."
A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...
As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
The man said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?
Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
Barack and Trump found themselves at a local barbershop. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump reached for the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks. My wife, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like.
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says I will destroy America...
Trump replies, No way, that's my job. I won't have another asian stealing an American job.
When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English
It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.
Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...
The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.
Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.
Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.
Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?
"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.
Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.
He replies: "Fake noose."
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak
28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands
What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a s**....
When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a s**....
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
An assistant to Donald Trump
>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?
One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to h**....
Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.
Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a h**...-hole, so it's a local call."
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like h**... need a reality check.
After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?
He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.
What's the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump?
Trump would've charged for the kool-aid.
