donald Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious donald puns

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

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Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for

He said 'Genius'

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President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

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Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

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Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that's comparing apples to oranges.

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Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo...

Donald is walking out of the White House and headed towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout Donald duck."

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

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What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

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What is the best Donald Trump joke you've heard?

Don't know if this one is in here yet, but here goes:

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word tragedy . (No, not the punch line yet)

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that'd be a tragedy.

Not quite , says Mr. Trump, that would be an accident.

A little girl raises her hand: if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call a great loss.

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Mr. Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?

Well', said little Johnny, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and probably wouldn't be an accident either.

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Donald Trump - "I'm not orange!"

"Impeach."

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Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

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If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?

America.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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Donald Trump was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word tragedy . So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy .

One little boy stood up and offered: If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.

No, said Trump, that would be an accident

A little girl raised her hand: If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not, explained the president. That's what we would call great loss.

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Trump searched the room. Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: If 'Air Force One' was carrying you and was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.

Fantastic! exclaimed Trump. That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?

Well, said the boy, It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either .

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance?

Just one pence.

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.

Not by choice though.

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Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"

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What do Donald Trump and his father have in common?

They both have shitty judgment when it comes to pulling out.

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.

The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Hitler died in 1945, Donald Trump was born in 1946...

Coincidence? No.

Mystery? Maybe.

Hotel? Trivago.

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Donald Trump just turned 73

which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.

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Donald Trump is the next President but...

The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

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The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

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So Donald Trump walks into a bar...

and lowers it

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Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason?

Fake Noose

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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

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A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
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Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
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The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
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The man said, Yes, that's the one.Β  Do you have it in paperback?

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Donald Trump is not a rapist.

He's an "alternative romantic."

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Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.

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North Korea has a new war game

The North Korean state media just announced today that in the event of possible war all citizens are ordered to follow Donald Trump on Twitter, as there's no way in hell he would risk losing 42 million followers

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Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

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If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

The United States of America

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If Donald Trump wants to destroy North Korea...

Perhaps he should move there and become their leader.

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A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

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Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

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Why don't Melania and Donald Trump sleep in the same bed?

She was tired of Putin's snoring.

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

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A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

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America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president.

You could say they are going toupΓ©e for it.

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What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

Donald Trump's tie.

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What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?

He grows taller.

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So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

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Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road.

Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, so he runs over the animal, killing it instantly. They get out of the vehicle, look around and spot a small farm in the distance. Trump says:

The pig probably came from there. You should at least tell them that you killed the pig...

So the chauffeur does as he's told. Few hours later, he comes out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss marks, and a champagne in each hand. Trump asks:

Jesus! What did you tell them?

What you told me to;

"Hi I'm Donald Trump's chauffeur, and I've just killed the pig!"

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What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

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What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

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Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days.

That..that's it...

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What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

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What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

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Donald Trump, a Black man and a Jew are sitting in a hospital...

their wives all gave birth to healthy babies around the same time and are now resting. The three men are sitting in a room nearby when a nurse comes in and tells them there has been a mix-up, a nurse forgot to put identifying bracelets on the babies before taking them for a medical exam and now they don't know which baby is which.

She asks them if they could help identify their babies and the Jew goes first. One minute later, he steps out of the nursery holding a black baby, the Black man gets up and says ''Hey man, I'm pretty sure that one's mine'' to which the Jew replies ''One of those babies is a Trump, and I'm not taking any chances!''

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Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

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Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."

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What do me and Donald Trump have in common?

We'd both date his daughter if she wasn't his daughter.

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Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped.
The 3rd passenger, Hillary Clinton, says to Bernie Sanders "Take the last parachute."
Bernie says, "It's ok Hillary, there is a parachute for both of us. The
world's smartest man just took my backpack."

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A guy looking for a fight...

A guy looking for a fight walks into a biker bar and shouts, "Donald Trump is an asshole."

The biggest guys in the bar gets in his face and warns him, "You better watch what you say around here."

"Why? Are you a Trump supporter?"

"No, I'm an asshole."

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Secret Service no longer yells Get down, Mr President any more when the President is under attack

Now they yell Donald, duck

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What does the Secret Service say when Donald Trump gets shot at?

"Donald! Duck!"

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives?

America.

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Why does Donald Trump hate China?

Because it has a bigger wall

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Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he has followers, not friends.

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Where does Donald Trump Jr. buy his groceries?

Traitor Joe's

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Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans...

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.

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Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

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Why did Donald Trump rush to Macy's?

He heard they had Ivanka's clothes half off

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What is Donald Trump's favourite nation?

Discrimination

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Congratulations to Donald Trump winning the presidency...

May his global impact be as tiny as his hands

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Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

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Steve Jobs would have been a much better president than Donald Trump

But its a silly comparison really, like comparing apples to oranges.

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Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka

Expensive, Transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia.

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Barack V/s Trump

Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop, can you just imagine…

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn nasty.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?"

Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

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If someone tries to shoot the President...

The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"

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Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.

-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

-The rest of the world is in shock.

-Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.

-Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.

-Latin American countries are sending clothing.

-New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

-The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.

-Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.

-President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

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Why don't you want to play Uno with Donald Trump?

He takes away all the green cards.

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I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

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Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

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Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...

But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.

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George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: What do you believe in?

Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.

God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?

Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?

Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.

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Donald Trump on Twitter: "The Theater has always been a safe place"

Abraham Lincoln: "Dude"

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One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP"

"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"

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Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

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Donald Trump walks into a bar

and promptly lowers it

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Donald Trump truly made history...

Winning an argument against a woman.

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If Donald Trump gets elected president...

there's gonna be hell toupΓ©e.

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Say what you like about Donald Trump

You know... while you still can.

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How has Donald Trump managed to bankrupt so many casinos?

He hits on anything twelve or higher.

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What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?

I would tell you....


But I don't compare apples to oranges.

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What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president?

Donald duck!

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting millions of illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan

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What is Donald Trumps favourite type of clothing

Russian Ties

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Donald Trump dies in Israel

After too much effort during a state visit in Israel, Trump collapses of a heart attack. The Israeli officials take the body and tell the Americans : " There's two options."

" The first one, you pay $5,000,000 and we send the body back to the United States so he can be buried there. "

" Second option, you pay $100,000 and we bury him here in the sacred land of Israel"

After much debating, the Americans decided to pay the larger fee and repatriate the body. Surprised, the Israelis ask them why they chose the bigger figure.

" Well, the last time you buried someone he came back after three days so we're not taking any chances !"

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A man walks into a bookstore...

A man walks into a bookstore and asks an employee if they have Donald Trump's new book on immigration. The employee, an immigrant himself, said, "fuck you, get out and stay out!"

The man replied, "yeah. Do you have it in paperback?"

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Why did Donald Trump drain the swamp?

So he could hire what was on the bottom.

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The Pope dies and goes to Heaven...

When he gets there, he finds he's being judged at the same time as Donald Trump. Saint Peter declares that the pope is going to hell and Trump is going to heaven. The pope is outraged and asks how someone as pious as he is going to hell, and someone like Trump could achieve heaven. "Well," says Saint Peter. "When you were elected, you didn't do that much to increase piety in the world. But Donald Trump? After he was elected, we couldn't believe how much the Americans were praying."

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Apparently Donald Trump's favourite film is E.T...

Because it's about an illegal alien that goes home.

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Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better."

Pence says, "The fewer".

Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."

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Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.

Alcohol sales have never been higher.

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How does Donald Trump do calculus integration?

He makes sure to grab it by the +c

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America elected Donald Trump

And we're going toupΓ©e for it

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

Hispanic attacks.

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Why did Donald Trump watch the olympics?

To see how high the mexicans pole vaulters can jumpο»Ώ

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A man is walking through his local mall and noticed a Mexican book store.

So he decides to go in because he has never seen Mexican book store before. He browses through the store, and then he finally asks the clerk "do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?" The clerk replies "fuck you, get out, stay out!". The man replies " yeah, that's the one!"

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What does Melania call it when Donald takes Viagra?

A rigged erection.

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Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

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Donald Trump has just announced his candidacy for president

Sorry for putting the punchline in the title.

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It's been reported that Donald Trump has recently found Jesus ...

And had him deported.

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Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

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Letter to God

Dear God,

Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

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Donald Trump walks into a bar

and lowers it

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What can Donald Trump and I both agree on?

That if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I would date her.

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Election Day Drinking Game:

Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.

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To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

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Why does Donald Trump always seem upset?

Because it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

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I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

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Why does Melania get on top?

Because Donald is only capable of fucking up.

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A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.

The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.

"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.

A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.

Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.

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Did you know Donald Trump is banning pre-shredded cheese?

TO MAKE MERICA GRATE AGAIN

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Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

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What did Donald Trump hate most about school?

Essays.

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Donald Trump is still running for president because it is the only race he hasn't offended yet.

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Why did Donald Trump marry an Immigrant?

Once again, immigrants are doing the jobs no American wants to do

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I went into a Muslim bookstore the other day.

The owner said can I help you? I said I'm looking for the new Donald Trump book about the Muslims and the illegal Mexicans. He said fuck you, get the hell out of here and never come back. I said, that's the one, do you have it in paperback?

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President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

"What happened to you?" asked Trump

"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.

"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."

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Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists!

I heard it on the radio while I was driving down the freeway on my way to work. But then I was stuck in traffic.

Some guys came up to my car, knocked on my window and said "Sir, as you must have heard, Donald Trump has been kidnapped by terrorists! They have demanded a 50 Billion dollar ransom, or else they will douse him in gasoline and burn him alive! We are going car to car asking for a contribution."

"Oh Dear!" I exclaimed. "What is the average contribution people are giving to this great and noble cause?"

"About a gallon, sir"

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The worst part of this election...

...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country.

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Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

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Scottish man studies in an English University

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.

After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

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What's 18 inches long and dangles in front of an asshole?

Donald Trump's tie.

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Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

I'm sure they'll soon get over it

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So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?

It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

 

 

*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*

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Donald Trump and Mike Pence are at a banquet at the white house.

Donald Trump and Mike Pence are at a banquet at the white house.

A guest notices they are giggling with each other so he gets curious and goes to speak with them.

"What is so funny over here?" Trump replies: " We're planning WWIII"

"WOW, and what exactly are your plans?"

Trump replies: " We're going to kill 14 million muslims and a dentist"

"Huh, why are you killing a dentist?"

Pence taps Trump on the back: "See, I told you no one would ask about the muslims"

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Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

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If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord...

His name would be Taxi Vader

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What does Donald Trump tell Barack Obama supporters?

Orange Is The New Black

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Donald Duck wanted a divorce for Daisy

His lawyer tells Donald, "I am sorry, but you can't divorce Daisy just because she is insane."

Donald replies, "I never said she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy."

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What would happen if Donald Trump was about to be assassinated?

Secret Service would shout "Donald, Duck!"

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What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

Donald Trump's tie.

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I'm dreaming of a white Christmas...

...is one of Donald Trumps more offensive slogans.

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When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

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Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.

Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.

Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.

Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?

"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.

Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.

He replies: "Fake noose."

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What America thinks of Donald Trump is what the world thinks of America.

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Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

To prevent Hispanic attacks

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Comas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

"Donald is in a hurry."

"Donald is in a coma."

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What did Donald Trump say after his attempt to hang himself failed?

"Fake Noose!"

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What do you call a mouse on 2 legs

Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

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Brad Pitt, Donald Trump, an old man, and a young boy are flying on a plane that's about crash but there are only 3 parachutes.

Brad Pitt, grabbing a parachute, says: "I'm sorry, guys. My kids need me, my fans need me, I'm outta here." He jumps.

Donald Trump says: "I'm sorry, too, but I'm going to be the smartest president to ever govern the United States." He jumps.

Finally, the old man says to the boy: "You know what? I lived my life to the fullest, now it's your turn. Go ahead and take the last parachute." The boy looks at the man and responds: "There's no need for that. The smartest president ever just took my school bag."

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Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office

Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

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Donald Trump Pulls Out of Iran Deal.

Man, these porn stars come up with weird names.

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What are the best Donald puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Donald? Well, here are the best jokes about Donald to have fun with.

Joko Jokes