Donald Jokes

Following is our collection of harold humor and louie one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Donald puns for adults, dirty richard jokes or clean johnnie gags for kids.

There is an abundance of donnie jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on donald. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any donald trump witze you can hear about donald.

The Best jokes about Donald

"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"

"Mister President, we've been over this..."

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Don't Read If You're A Trump Supporter

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?

The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump...

But that's comparing apples to oranges.


What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.

Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:

"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000.

That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.

The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!


Donald Trump is the next President but...

The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.

Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.

Donald Trump can't tell the difference

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation.

I did and we do.


Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I meant to shout "Donald, duck"

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?

So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer...

...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work.

The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, "fake noose."

Secret Service no longer yells Get down, Mr President any more when the President is under attack

Now they yell Donald, duck

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.** 
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!** 
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"** 
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**

Donald Trump has announced that he plans to extend his wall across the oceans...

This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.

Donald Trump said in an interview that he would consider killing himself if he ever had Alzheimer's Disease.

Sadly, the interviewer didn't have the presence of mind to say, "I know. You've said that already."

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.

As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.

If someone tries to shoot the President...

The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"

I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...

But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!

Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!

So the Pope slapped him.

One day, when Donald Trump is dead, in his tombstone, we'll read: "HERE LIES DONALD TRUMP"

"EVEN THOUGH HE'S DEAD, HE'S STILL LYING!"

Donald Trump walks into a bar

......
and set it lower

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump?

I would tell you....


But I don't compare apples to oranges.

What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president?

Donald duck!

Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better."

Pence says, "The fewer".

Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."

Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.

Alcohol sales have never been higher.

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...

He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

Letter to God

Dear God,

Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

Election Day Drinking Game:

Every time Donald Trump is elected President, we all drink and just never stop.

To be fair, Donald Trump HAS created a lot of jobs.

It's going to take a lot of people to clean up this mess.

I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny.

It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.

A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.

The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.

"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.

A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.

Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.

*(

Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed?

Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

I'm sure they'll soon get over it

So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?

It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

 

 

*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes