Domestic Jokes
116 domestic jokes and hilarious domestic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about domestic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest domestic jokes featuring topics such as domestic violence, the domestic goddess, domestic dogs, parakeets, servants and whatnot. Whether you are looking for a laugh, an inspiration, or something new, these jokes will have you in stiches!
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Funniest Domestic Short Jokes
Short domestic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The domestic humour may include short household jokes also.
- My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.
- If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
- Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house? Because it leads to domestic violins.
(From my 9 year old...) - What do you say to an officer responding to a domestic disturbance call? "There's no way I hit her, sir! She isn't black and blue! She's white and gold!"
- My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
- Trump is being informed that Biden is getting congratulated on winning by allies domestic and abroad. Trump asks How hot is the broad?
- Pacquiao wanted the fight to take place in the Philippines, but Mayweather insisted on Las Vegas. I guess he likes his venues just like he likes his violence...Domestic.
- I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert... ...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas
- My dad had this great magic trick he'd show us every night He'd turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence
- My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence
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Domestic One Liners
Which domestic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with domestic? I can suggest the ones about house husband and marital.
- What do you call a group of domestic abusers? A Heard.
- What do you call it when a symphony musician hits his wife? Domestic violins.
- I like my vehicles just like my violence Domestic
- Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments? Domestic violins!
- What is one thing... That Bill Clinton failed at?
*Domestic affairs* - What's the difference between Martial and Marital? Whether the violence is domestic.
- I slapped my violin out of anger I got arrested for domestic violins
- I like my beer the same way I like my violence Domestic
- What do you call a domesticated Chevrolet? A tame impala.
- What do you call it when Thomas the Tank Engine beats his wife? Domestic Caboose.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Domestic violence.
- What do you call doing sit-ups in the comfort of your own home? Domestic ab use.
- Why is there never domestic disputes at a horses house? Because they are the most stable.
- What's America's #1 domestic product? school shootings.
- How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas? Tarrif-ied.
Victims Domestic Jokes
Here is a list of funny victims domestic jokes and even better victims domestic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The BBC have a new cooking show, hosted by women who have been victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook? Right Hook!"
- I got invited to a charity ball for victims of domestic violence. The dress code was black tie
Domestic Violence Jokes
Here is a list of funny domestic violence jokes and even better domestic violence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence? Batteries included.
- There is nothing funny about watching domestic violence Which is why it goes in the 'Action' folder instead of 'Comedy'
- My Australian friend hit a sheep in his car the other day... ...I told him it doesn't matter where it happens, domestic violence is not okay.
- How many wife- beaters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. So how come I gotta do everything around here?
(I don't actually condone domestic violence) - More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever If you can't beat em, join em
- When I was little my dad always did this one magic trick. He turned a bottle of bourbon into domestic violence
- What happens when strength meets beauty? Domestic violence
- What's the difference between domestic violence and Coca Cola? You can feel the beating, but you can't beat the feeling.
- SNL Gold: Domestic Violence A local county couple had an argument over a jar of salsa, which resulted in the girlfriend stabbing her boyfriend. But hey, you'd be mad too if he was jalpeno business.
- In Australia 1 woman is murdered every week from domestic violence. The statistic they don't tell you.. Is how many had it coming
Domestic Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny domestic dog jokes and even better domestic dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dogs are the the most racially tolerant of all domesticated animals... They don't see color
Hilarious Domestic Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about domestic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean indoor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make domestic pranks.
I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported.
Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy
Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about..
Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot
did you see that Hope Solo got her domestic violence charges dropped....
there was a huge gap in the evidence
What's in a domestic book?
Home page.
why did the fallen angel end up as a domestic help?
she was maid in heaven
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im surprised Mayweather can hug so well...
despite all those domestic a**... charges
Help stop domestic violence...
Each year, 1 in 5 people are violently domesticated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.
It will be called the Broken Home Depot.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I asked you for the punchline...
...I didn't think you were talking about polygamist domestic a**....
FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day"
remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"
I like my beer like I like my terrorism...
Domestic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Beyonce's clothing line and domestic a**...?
One's an Beyoncé fash and the other's a fiancé bash
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish man arrested for domestic a**...
The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.
"Why do you keep beating her p**...?" asked the police officer.
"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?
It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness.
g**... domestic product!
The cubs should be thankful they played Cleveland and not Toronto
as Aroldis Chapman likes to keep his beatings Domestic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For my next trick
I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Every Husband is a farmer by default.
His survival solely depends on "agree"culture...
"Agree"culture increases the GDP (g**... Domestic Peace).
Not my original. Just heard at a party recently. :)
My buddy was watching a video of an NFL player involved in domestic violence. I asked, "What position did he play?" He answered.....
Kicker
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dogs were fighting the other day.
So I called the police to report domesticated a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Double Standards [One-Liner]
Sure if a girl wants to be choked it's hot and k**..., but if I want to choke a girl, it's all of a sudden "domestic a**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got arrested for k**... a Budweiser out of someone's hand
I was charged with domestic violence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a Muslim beats his wife,
would it be domestic violence or child a**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've had a good couple of days,
I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.
I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.
Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded w**... championship.
I have no idea where I came though.
Did you know ...
... bricks are domesticated rocks..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is a country whose main export is spiders...
They have a g**... domestic product.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy was a victim of domestic a**... and was told hey could allow anyone to have custody of him
He chose the Dallas Cowboys because they're not capable of beating anyone
What happened when the man pushed his dishwasher down the stairs?
He got arrested on domestic violence charges
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
October is domestic a**... awareness month...
Time to make your significant other aware....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is there no equality in domestic a**...?
Someone always has the upper hand.
A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water
The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.
However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.
You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man brings his wife to his first domestic a**... support group
As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:
"You hittin' that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The cops arrested me when they found me beating a Ford with a golf club.
I was charged with domestic a**....
What did the Domestic Violence Survivor say to her the new Self Defense Instructor?
I've learned to roll with the punches.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call domestic a**... overseas?
Abusing a broad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recent reports show that due to the recent losses on the world cup, England is expiriencing an influx of domestic a**..., but hey...
...at least they're beating someone.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the r**... magician?
He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Scotland's g**... domestic product?
Haggis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
October is domestic violence awareness month.
Time to go home and show her who's boss.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you imagine how awesome domestic violence would be.....
If EVERYONE knew karate?
Scientists today combined a car with two domestic sweeping devices.
It goes broom broom.
I usually don't make New Year resolutions, but it's been put off for too many years now.
This year, I'm going to domesticate the giraffe.
Humans used to ride cows and bulls into battle before horses were domesticated
It wasn't very good, they were udderly defeated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when you mix Adolf h**... and domestic violence?
Adolf *Hit-Her*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is America's g**... Domestic Product?
The McNugget.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part about domestic a**... jokes?
The punchline
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
what do you call a kid born from i**...
g**... domestic product
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic a**...
>!But I beat her to it.!<
