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Domestic Jokes

121 domestic jokes and hilarious domestic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about domestic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover some of the funniest domestic jokes featuring topics such as domestic violence, the domestic goddess, domestic dogs, parakeets, servants and whatnot. Whether you are looking for a laugh, an inspiration, or something new, these jokes will have you in stiches!

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Funniest Domestic Short Jokes

Short domestic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The domestic humour may include short household jokes also.

  1. My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.
  2. If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence. In the country it's called sibling rivalry.
  3. Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house? Because it leads to domestic violins.
    (From my 9 year old...)
  4. If Russia is the Motherland and Germany is the Fatherland... Does that mean the world wars were two cases of domestic violence?
  5. What do you say to an officer responding to a domestic disturbance call? "There's no way I hit her, sir! She isn't black and blue! She's white and gold!"
  6. My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
  7. Trump is being informed that Biden is getting congratulated on winning by allies domestic and abroad. Trump asks How hot is the broad?
  8. A group of chronic masturbators have recently started an organization to protect women from domestic violence. Their slogan is "We only beat ourselves."
  9. Did you hear about.. Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot
  10. Pacquiao wanted the fight to take place in the Philippines, but Mayweather insisted on Las Vegas. I guess he likes his venues just like he likes his violence...Domestic.

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Domestic One Liners

Which domestic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with domestic? I can suggest the ones about house husband and marital.

  1. I like my beer how I like my violence Domestic.
  2. For my next trick I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
  3. What do you call a group of domestic abusers? A Heard.
  4. My dad is a magician. He can turn a Bud Light into domestic violence.
  5. What do you call it when a symphony musician hits his wife? Domestic violins.
  6. I like my vehicles just like my violence Domestic
  7. Why did the police arrest the musician who homemade his instruments? Domestic violins!
  8. what is a group of domestic abusers called? a heard.
  9. What is one thing... That Bill Clinton failed at?
    *Domestic affairs*
  10. What's the difference between Martial and Marital? Whether the violence is domestic.
  11. I slapped my violin out of anger I got arrested for domestic violins
  12. I like my beer the same way I like my violence Domestic
  13. What do you call a domesticated Chevrolet? A tame impala.
  14. What do you call it when Thomas the Tank Engine beats his wife? Domestic Caboose.
  15. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Domestic violence.

Victims Domestic Jokes

Here is a list of funny victims domestic jokes and even better victims domestic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The BBC have a new cooking show, hosted by women who have been victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook? Right Hook!"
  • I got invited to a charity ball for victims of domestic violence. The dress code was black tie
  • A boy was a victim of domestic a**... and was told hey could allow anyone to have custody of him He chose the Dallas Cowboys because they're not capable of beating anyone
  • What did the doctor say to the domestic a**... victim? See you next "fall".
  • Domestic a**... victims: they don't know what hit them Err, they do, but they mostly blame themselves
  • Sweet Vidalia walked into the shelter for victims of domestic a**..., cut and battered.

Domestic Violence Jokes

Here is a list of funny domestic violence jokes and even better domestic violence puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When my wife starts to sing.... I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
  • WHEN WIFE SINGING When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
  • I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert... ...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas
  • My dad had this great magic trick he'd show us every night He'd turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence
  • My dad was a magician, but he also was abusive He liked to turn 12 packs into domestic violence
  • Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence? Batteries included.
  • There is nothing funny about watching domestic violence Which is why it goes in the 'Action' folder instead of 'Comedy'
  • My Australian friend hit a sheep in his car the other day... ...I told him it doesn't matter where it happens, domestic violence is not okay.
  • When my wife starts to sing I have to go out in the yard and work in the garden so the neighbors don't think domestic violence is happening.
  • How many wife- beaters does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. So how come I gotta do everything around here?
    (I don't actually condone domestic violence)
Domestic joke, How many wife- beaters does it take to change a light bulb?

Domestic Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny domestic dog jokes and even better domestic dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dogs are the the most racially tolerant of all domesticated animals... They don't see color
  • Two dogs were fighting the other day. So I called the police to report domesticated a**....
Domestic joke, Two dogs were fighting the other day.

Hilarious Domestic Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about domestic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean indoor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make domestic pranks.

Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy

Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy.

What's in a domestic book?

Home page.

why did the fallen angel end up as a domestic help?

she was maid in heaven

SNL Gold: Domestic Violence

A local county couple had an argument over a jar of salsa, which resulted in the girlfriend stabbing her boyfriend. But hey, you'd be mad too if he was jalpeno business.

They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.

It will be called the Broken Home Depot.

"We like our beer the way we like our violence..."

"Domestic"
-Stolen from a part of a Bill Burr skit. It apparently upset some easily offended people when they saw it at a bar

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Met a r**... magician last night..

Told me he could turn a 12 pack into a case of domestic violence

FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day"

remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"

What's the difference between domestic violence and Coca Cola?

You can feel the beating, but you can't beat the feeling.

What's the difference between Beyonce's clothing line and domestic a**...?

One's an Beyoncé fash and the other's a fiancé bash

What happens when strength meets beauty?

Domestic violence

Irish man arrested for domestic a**...

The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.
"Why do you keep beating her p**...?" asked the police officer.
"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?
It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"

Why is there never domestic disputes at a horses house?

Because they are the most stable.

12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness.

g**... domestic product!

The cubs should be thankful they played Cleveland and not Toronto

as Aroldis Chapman likes to keep his beatings Domestic.

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever

If you can't beat em, join em

How did the domestic goods feel when they were being shipped overseas?

Tarrif-ied.

Every Husband is a farmer by default.

His survival solely depends on "agree"culture...
"Agree"culture increases the GDP (g**... Domestic Peace).
Not my original. Just heard at a party recently. :)

How did the domestic goods feel as they were exported overseas?

tarrified.

Why was the Energizer Bunny sent to jail?

Domestic battery

What's America's #1 domestic product?

school shootings.

If a Muslim beats his wife,

would it be domestic violence or child a**...?

What do you call a dating app for domesticated fowl?

Chicken Tinder

I've had a good couple of days,

I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.
I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.
Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded w**... championship.
I have no idea where I came though.

There is a country whose main export is spiders...

They have a g**... domestic product.

What do you call doing sit-ups in the comfort of your own home?

Domestic ab use.

October is domestic a**... awareness month...

Time to make your significant other aware....

When I was little my dad always did this one magic trick.

He turned a bottle of bourbon into domestic violence

Why is there no equality in domestic a**...?

Someone always has the upper hand.

I like my beer like I like my a**......

Domestic

A thought about Del Toro's The Shape of Water

The Shape of Water is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a plucky protagonist dodging authority.
However, the protagonist also has a love scene with him.
You could say that this is *BestialE.T.*

A man brings his wife to his first domestic a**... support group

As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:
"You hittin' that?"

What do you call domestic a**... overseas?

Abusing a broad

Recent reports show that due to the recent losses on the world cup, England is expiriencing an influx of domestic a**..., but hey...

...at least they're beating someone.

Did you hear about the r**... magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

What is Scotland's g**... domestic product?

Haggis

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

I like my craft beers like I like my a**......

Domestic

What happens when you mix Adolf h**... and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

A k**..., a domestic abuser and a m**... walk into a bar...

The bartender asks what'll it be officer?

What is America's g**... Domestic Product?

The McNugget.

What's the worst part about domestic a**... jokes?

The punchline

what do you call a kid born from i**...

g**... domestic product

What do you call the byproduct of i**...?

g**... Domestic product.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic a**...

>!But I beat her to it.!<

What do plumbers and economists have in common?

They both deal with g**... domestic product.

Domestic joke, What do plumbers and economists have in common?

jokes about domestic