Doggy Jokes
81 doggy jokes and hilarious doggy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about doggy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Doggy Short Jokes
Short doggy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The doggy humour may include short hound dog jokes also.
- I tried to start a doggy day care, but it failed within the first couple days. I only had a ruff idea of what I was doing.
- My son recently asked me why those 2 doggies were playing piggyback. I said one is sick and the other is pushing him to the hospital.
- Sherlock bones the worlds greatest doggy detective has solved yet another mystery with the help of his partner Dr.Dogson, but how did they do it? Smellementary.
- Doggy Sherlock Holmes was investigating a case... Doggy Sherlock: Any leads?
Doggy Watson: Yes, Holmes. Two.
Doggy Sherlock: Excellent, lets take them and go walkies. - Doggy Diet book Did you hear about the new doggy diet book? It is titled "Shitzu shouldn't eat"
- From my not quite 3yr old cousin. Q:Why did the doggy cross the road?
A:To get to the bone!
Q:Why did the bone cross the road?
A: To get away! - Old mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard, to fetch her old doggy a bone. When she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
- Why did the man stop getting Korean takeaway? He was beginning to cat on to their doggy ingredients.
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Doggy One Liners
Which doggy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with doggy? I can suggest the ones about dog sitting and dog smiles.
- Why did the cowboy have to buy a dachshund? He had to get a long little doggy.
- I bought a dachshund on a cowboy's recommendation. He told me to get a long little doggy.
- What does a diplomat and a good doggy have in common? They both want treaties.
- How did the doggy scientist get into his secret lair? Through a Lab-bra-door.
- Doggies just call it style.
- Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a big rock.
- Give a man a fish.. C'mon..give it... bad doggy..
- What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry? Answer in comments.
- What s**... position is banned in Alabama? d**....
Never turn your back on family. - My wife and I do it d**...... ...she plays dead and I beg.
-Dan Chopin - My girlfriend likes it from behind while she's smoking a blunt. Snoop d**....
- Why do cowboys prefer wienie dogs? So they can get a long little d**....
- We usually do it d**... I beg and she rolls over and plays dead
- What do you call a dog's fashion sense? d**....
- My Girlfriend got both our dogs sweaters... Shes's always loved d**...
Cheerful Doggy Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about doggy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean puppy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make doggy pranks.
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Doctor is examining a young women...
and says:
- Everything seems OK, but I am worried about those bruised knees and elbows.
- Oh, it's because of all the d**... s**... I have.
- Don't you know any other position?
- I do, but my doggy doesn't.
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What dog is most proficient at d**...?
A Great Pyrenees
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What's a rancher's favorite s**... position?
d**.... You can't really do much else to a horse.
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Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it d**......
Because that's almost an hour in dog time...
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freecopon4u
d**... ;-)
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Why did John Wayne get a w**... dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggy.
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You're mama is SO fat...
your dad doesn't do d**... - he does the humpback whale
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What do you call the act of turning over in bed to switch from the m**... to d**...?
A s**... revolution.
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I'm an animal in bed
I do it d**... and come after 5 seconds
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d**...
How do i like d**... s**...?
Ruff
Pluto's Orbit
Did you know that Pluto's orbit around the sun is so large that it didn't even complete a single Pluto year between the time we found it and declassified it as a planet? It takes 248 earth years for 1 Pluto year. Isn't that horrible? Put it this way. We named a planet after a cartoon dog, and before it even turned one in its doggy years, we put it down. Isn't that horrible?
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Based on statistics
The most used s**... position among married couples is d**......
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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A dad is having s**... with mom d**......
Mom: "I want a girl, I want a girl, I want a girl".
Dad: "I will give you a girl, I will give you a girl".
Son is watching through the door.
Listening.
Then runs in the bedroom, jumps on the bed, gets in the doggy position.
And says: "I want a bike and colored pencils".
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How does s**... Doo like his s**...?
Ruff
No, d**... you idiot.
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I like d**...
It's a position I can really get behind
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A small boy walks in on his parents having s**......
...he asks his parents what are they doing:
"We're making your sister "
"Do her d**..., i want a puppy!"
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I love it d**.... But my wife always insists
...that I give her a treat afterwards.
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What do d**... and driving in the rain have in common?
One wrong move and someone's gettin rear ended.
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Apparently, there is a protest today in favor of d**... s**....
Now that's a protest I can get behind.
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d**...
When my wife wants to leave party too early and I don't, we aggreed on 15 minutes d**... xhen we get home. I throw sticks in the yard and she gets them back.
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Goofy is the only Disney character who has had s**... and has a child....
I bet it was d**....
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Bob was late to come to see his friend John at the bar
John: Dude, you're so late!
Bob: You won't believe what just happened to me. On my way here, I saw a girl tied to a train track. I untied her and we had s**... time together.
John: That sounds awesome dude!
Bob: Yeah, I know right. We did m**..., doggy, c**... etc. you name it.
John: Did you receive head?
Bob: Nah, couldn't find it.
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This girl once told me she wanted me to do it d**....
So I licked her face, crapped on the carpet and bit her mailman in the ankle
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Do you speak english?
- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- s**...?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, d**..., any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.
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My wife and I were having some marital issues but we have moved on.
We have been doing it d**... a lot lately, too much if you ask me. I guess I shouldn't complain. Her s**..., her rules.
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Well me and the wife have doggy s**... every night.
I sit at the end of the bed panting and begging and she rolls over and plays dead
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Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of b**... fluids for doggy biscuits?
Well, u**... for a treat!
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Miranda had scraped knees...
..."Why have you got those marks on your knees?" her friend asked.
"Oh! It's from making love. d**...."
"Well, why don't you change positions then?"
"I'm willing, but the dog isn't."
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A PUPPY WANTED TO KNOW WHO ITS FATHER WAS.
The mother said, " i dont know son, we were doing d**..."
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Girlfriend: "Can you do d**... a little bit rougher?"
Me: "So you want me to bark as we're doing it?"
An English kid, a Spanish kid and a Chinese kid are in nursery school together...
The teacher asks: What does the doggy say?
The English kid replies: Woof Woof!
The Spanish kid replies: Guau Guau!
The Chinese kid replies: Sizzle Sizzle!
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Rodeo s**...
When you're making love to your girl d**... and bend over and whisper in her ear, this is how your sister likes it too , and try and hold on for 8 seconds.
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Dogs are so unimaginative in s**...
They always do d**....
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What is China favourite swim style?
d**...
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What's the roughest s**... position?
Doggy.
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A man and wife were 'fixing the cat flap' and started arguing about whether they should switch to d**... or c**...
It was a bone of contention.
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My girlfriend told me she wanted to try d**......
Now that's an idea I can get behind.
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They say that the most powerful way for a woman to have s**... is d**......
Then they're really bangin' on all fours.
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Yo mama so dumb
When i ask her if she wanna do d**... she starts barking
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Conversation between friends at a bar
Guy: Hey have a shot of this
Girl: no man I dont drink but anyway is that tequila or v**...
Guy: why do you know soo much about alcohol when you don't want to have any
Girl: Do you know what d**... is ?
Guy: ( with a big smile) yea
Girl: 69 ?
Guy: obviously yea
Girl: why do you know soo much about s**... when you know you're not going to have any
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Next time you are with your girl try this new position.
It's called the bucking bronco. It's where you go d**... then lean over and whisper another girls name in her ear and see how long you can stay on...
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Two d**...
I walked past a K9 police unit ghe other day and said to my girlfriend: Look, this doggy is walking around with two d**....
To my credit, both policemen checked under the doggo before attempting to chase me.
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Q : "Do you the difference between 5 minutess of s**... and 5 minutes of d**... ? "
A : "No"
Q : "Do you have 10 minutes ?"
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My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed
In my defense it was d**... so it's more like 14 minutes.
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My wife dosent like d**... anymore
Because last time while fetching the ball she fell into the lake
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Did you know it's a sin to have s**... before marriage?
Except if you do it d**......as all dogs go to heaven.
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My wife and I only have s**... one way
It's so boring just the one way we have s**.... It's called d**....
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
My wife and I were walking out of a nice restaurant, and there was a young teen in shabby clothes asking people for their doggy bags
We immediately gave him ours. I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yes - what gave me away?"
I replied, "Obviously, your parents."
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Me wow you barely lasted 2 minutes!
Him well it was d**... so that's 14 in dog minutes
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My girlfriend wanted to try d**......
Apparently, slobbering all over her and dragging my a**... along the carpet wasn't what she had in mind..
