Dog Woof Jokes
93 dog woof jokes and hilarious dog woof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog woof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Woof Short Jokes
Short dog woof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog woof humour may include short woof jokes also.
- Two dogs are sitting in a bar. The first says, "wanna hear a joke?" The second dog says "sure!" The first dog says "knock knock." The second says... WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!
- Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog morse code! Dog: [taps paw]
Me: What did it say??
Scientist: "Woof." - My dog: daddy, I'm bored, tell me a joke … Me: ok, here goes, knock knock…
My dog: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF - It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf. and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle
- A dog says to the other, Woof! The other replies, Moo! The first dog is perplexed. He says, Moo? Why did you say, 'Moo?'
The other dog answers, I'm trying to learn a foreign language. - Two dogs are laying in their front room First dog says to the second dog: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Second dog: Yeah, go on then.
First dog: Knock, knock.
Second dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof! - A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Ouch!*
*Woof!* - What animals say The cow goes moo
The horse goes neigh
The dog goes woof
The pig goes "you have the right to remain silent" - Two dogs have a home construction business and work on the tops of houses together. I guess you could say they work on woofs.
- A dog accountant runs to see his boss, all excited Boss! Boss! The numbers are through the woof!!
* waves tail *
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Dog Woof One Liners
Which dog woof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog woof? I can suggest the ones about dog bark and doggy.
- What's on top of a dogs house? A woof
- Which is Better, a Cat or a Dog House? A dog house, because a cat house has no woof!
- Why aren't dogs house builders? They have trouble building woofs.
- What does a dog from Minnesota say? Woof da.
- What does a Gen Z dog say when something bad happens? Woof
- Why should you never buy from a dog? Because prices go through the woof
- What did the Dog say to the Chipmunk? Woof.
- Why did the dog climb the ladder? To get to the woof!
- My dogs are sick You could say that they have a woofing cough
- What do dogs say when their owers die? wOof.
- After adding a new lab to my dog store our pawfits have gone through the woof!
- Did you hear about that club for dogs? It's pretty amazing I hear it's off the woof
- My Favorite Fairy Tale The dog who cried woof
- What did one hungover dog say to the other? Woof, we had a ruff night, Max.
- What did the dog have to say about their owner's heinous girlfriend? WOOF
Dog Woof Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog woof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog ruff jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog woof pranks.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police.
They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, "Woof woof!" The cop thinks it's a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, "Meow meow!" The cop believes it's a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, "Potato potato!"
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store.
"Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks.
The brunet hid in one that said CAT.
The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS.
When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other.
The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!".
So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!".
So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it.
The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say.
His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?"
He says"Quack quack Mummy."
His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right."
She says "What does a dog say?"
He says "Woof woof Mummy."
She says "Very good."
She says "What does a cat say?"
He says "Meow meow Mummy."
She says "Yes that's right."
Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go."
His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?"
The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says."
Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...
(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all take their various hiding places in the factory just as the police kick down the door.
The police begin to search, and they hear a noise coming from an old crate. The redhead, who is hiding in the crate, hears them approach and quickly barks, "WOOF, WOOF". "Oh, it's just a stray dog," says an officer and continues the search. Nearby the police hear some rattling from within a pile of old manufacturing equipment. The brunette, who is amid the equipment, quickly does her best cat imitation, "MEOW, MEOW". "Nothing but an old cat," says one of the police as they continue the search.
At last, in the back of the factory, the police hear some rustling coming from a large burlap sack, which they surround and demand, "Who's in there? Come out!" The blonde, who is inside, having heard her fellow escapees successes thinks to herself for a moment and then says, "POOOOTAAAATOOOO."
I asked my dog why the cat hated him...
He said, "Woof." I was like, "Wow, that's ruff."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two quick jokes
How do you make a dog go meow? Freeze it in a block of ice an run it through a band-saw... MMMEEEOOOOWWWW!
How do you make a cat go woof? Pour kerosene on it an drop a match... WOOOFF!
Blonde, brunette, and a red head
A blonde, a brunette and a red head were running from the police. The three women ducked into an old barn on the side of the road. Inside the barn were three empty sacks and they decided to hide in them. In walk the police. They see the three sacks and are immediately suspicious. An officer kicks the sack the brunette is in so she says "Meow!"
"Oh it's just a cat." He says. The cop goes to the red head and kicks the sack shes in. She says "Woof!"
"Oh it's just a dog." So he moves onto the last sack where the blonde is hiding. He walks up and gives it one good kick.
"Potatoes!"
Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke
* A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.
Telegram
A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!
The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"
The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?
A dog goes into the post office to send a telegram
A dog goes into the post office to send a telegram. The guy behind the counter asks him,
"What do you want it to say?"
"WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF"
The telegram guy says,
"I see you only have 9 woofs there. If you didn't know, anything up to 10 words is the same price! Would you like me to add an extra 'WOOF' on there for you?"
The dog looks at him, confused, and says,
"But then it wouldn't make any sense!"
- Norm McDonald
Where did the dog find it's toy?
On The Woof
An elephant and a dog walk into a bar...
The elephant orders a martini, he then looks the the dog and says 'Banana'.
The dog says 'woof'.
The end.
A blonde, brunette, and redhead escape from prison.
They made their way down the nearest road looking for somewhere to hide out for the night. After a couple of miles, they come upon a Barn on the side of the road. They thought "why not?" and slept in the barn for the night.
Unfortunately they overslept and awoke to find police investigating the grounds around the barn outside. "Better take a look inside" they heard a cop say. They decided to each hide in an empty burlap sack in an effort to evade the police.
As the cop searched the interior of the barn, he came upon 3 filled burlap sacks. Being lazy, he investigated the sack with the brunette with a kick from his boot. "Woof!" said the brunette. "Ah, just a dog in this one," said the cop. He then kicked the one with the redhead in it. "Meow!" she said. "Just a cat in that one," the cop said. He then kicked the one with the blonde in it. The blonde confidently exclaimed, "Potatoes!"
What did the dog say to the cat?
answer: woof
A brunette, a redhead head, and a blonde are running from the cops...
The girls quickly turn a corner and see three empty barrels, so they each jump into a different one.
Once the cops turn the corner, they see the barrels and they are suspicious about them so they kick the one with the brunette in it.
"Woof! Woof!" says the brunette.
"Just a dog in there" says one cop, so they move to the next one.
They approach the barrel with the brunette inside, and give it a jolt.
"Meow! Meow!" says the redhead
"Just a cat in there" says one cop, so they move on to the next one.
The approach the barrel with the blonde in there and shake it a bit.
"Corn! Corn!" says the blonde.
Blonde joke I heard a while ago
A red head, brunet, and a blonde were robbing a building. They heard the police and didn't have time to escape so they all hid in in the bag they were carrying. The police officer walks up to the bag with the red head in it and give it a kick and she says, "Meow, meow."The police officer says, "It must be a bag of cats." He then kicks the bag with the brunet in it and she says, "Woof, woof." The police officer says, "It must be a bag of dogs." He walks up to the bag with the blonde in it and gives it a kick and she says, "Potato, potato."
What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in?
The Woof of Wall Street.
Telegraph
A dog walks into a telegraph office, puts $1 on the counter and says:
"Woof woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof"
The operator says to the dog "Its $1 for 10 words, shall I put another woof on there?"
The dog then says "But then that wouldn't make any sense!"
A dog accidentally set itself on fire...
WOOF!!!
The scientist
a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking.
Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof"
An Englisman, Scotsman and Irishman are being chased by police
The three of them run into an alley ahead of the cops.
"We need to hide" said the Englishman
"Look, there's 3 sacks over there" points the Scotsman
So they rush over and each one hides in a sack just before the police turn into the alleyway
They scan the alley and dont see anyone but they spot the sacks. One officer walks slowly upto them and give the 1st one, with the Englishman in it, a kick
"Meow!" He says
"Hmm, just a cat the officer says to his colleagues
He walks to the 2nd sack hiding the Scottsman. Kick!
"Woof woof!" He says
"Dog in this one the officer says" and walks to the 3rd sack containing the Irshman. Kick!
"POTATOS!" He shouts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the cops...
when the ladies duck into the proverbial farmhouse off the main road to hide.
They see three huge wooden barrels, and each climb into one to hide.
Moments later the cops bust down the door and begin their search.
They see the first barrel (with the brunette hiding inside) and kick it to see if anything's inside when they hear...
"Woof! ... Woof!..."
Meh - just an old dog.
They kick the second barrel (with the red head hiding inside) when they hear...
"Meow! ... Meow!..."
Meh - just a s**... cat.
They kick the third barrel (with the blonde hiding inside) when they hear...
"Po-ta-to! ... Po-ta-to!"
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the cops...
They run down an alley and find 3 boxes and decided to hide in each.
The cops arrive to the first box, they kick the first and the brunette shouts
'' Woof Woof!! '' The cops decided it must be dogs and move onto the next box.
'' Meow Meow! '' The redhead exclaims, the cops shrug thinking it is cats and move on to the next box.
'' POTATOES '' yells the blonde.
My favorite Newfie joke
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
There was a Nova Scotian, a Prince Edward Islander and a Newfie who were running from the cops. So they go down this side street and see three potato sacks and decide to hide in them. The police come along and think there's something suspicious so they kick the first bag. The Nova Scotian's in there and he says "Meow!" and the cops think 'Oh, it's just an alley cat,' and keep on going. They kick the next bag and the Prince Edward Islander in there says "Woof!" so they think 'Oh, it's just a stray dog.' So then they kick the bag with the Newfie in it and he says "PO-TA-TO!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Irishman are running from the sheriff...
They turn a corner and see three large empty sacks. Quickly, they each hide inside one.
The sheriff and his deputy turn the corner and see the three sacks on the ground. The sheriff dismounts and kicks the first sack.
"Meow," says the Englishman.
"It's just a cat," the sheriff says and kicks the second bag
"Woof," says the Scotsmen.
"It's just a dog," the sheriff says and finally kicks the last bag.
The Irishman says "potatoes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You light on fire.
*woof*
Three women break out of prison...
..a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They hear the marshal and his men coming so they duck into a near by potato barn. They find three potato sacks and jump in covering themselves from head to toe.
The marshal sends his deputy into the potato barn to check it out. The deputy see's the three sacks looking out of place, so he steps up to the sack with the redhead and kicks it.
"Woof." says the redhead.
"Just a dog in there." says the not to bright deputy. He kicks the sack with the brunette.
"Meow." purrs the brunette.
"Just a cat." says the deputy. He kicks the sack with the blonde in it.
Nothing happens. He gives it another kick.
"Potato" says the blonde.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.
They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"
What did the dog say to the other dog at the party?
Raise the woof!
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were being chased by the police...
As they were running they saw some sacks, and so they hid in them. When the police got to the first sack, which the brunette was in. He kicked it and the brunette said "woof!" And the police thought it was a dog so he went to the second sack, which the redhead was in. He kicked that one and the redhead said "meow!" Thinking it was a cat, the police went to the third sack, which the blonde was in. He kicked it and the blonde said "potatoooo" the blonde was arrested, and the brunette and redhead got away.
What's a dog's favorite color?
Woof
What did the dog say when he was caught peeing on his master's shoes?
Woof.
A dog walks into a telegram office and walks up to the counter.
The guy at the counter says: What would you like to write on your telegram today dog?
The dog goes: woof, woof, woof woof woof woof, woof woof, woof.
The guy writes it down and says: Listen, dog, we have a special on telegrams today. For ten words we've got a special deal but you've only got nine words, we can add an extra woof for free if you'd like.
Then the dog says: Well yeah but then it wouldn't make any sense.
Man's best friend
Another roughly translated joke from my native language
A man spends most of his day working, so he teaches his dog a thing or two about communication, so he could check on his wife while he was at work.
So, he sits the dog down, and teaches him, "Woof is for yes, woof woof is for no." The dog nods its head.
The next day, he calls its dog on the phone, and asks it,
"Is my wife home?"
"Woof!"
"Is she in the kitchen?"
"Woof, woof!"
"Is she in the bedroom?"
"Woof!"
"Is she alone?"
"Woof, woof!"
"What is she doing?"
"eh eh eh eh eh"
A Scientist is with his peer
The peer asks the scientist, "What are you working on?"
The scientist says, "Its amazing. I taught a dog how to communicate to humans with morse code!"
The two walk down the hall to see the dog and the scientist gives the dog a command. The dogs taps his paw on the ground with intervals of time creating letters in morse code.
The peer says, "What is he saying?"
The scientist says, "Woof."
There was a blond, brunette and a redhead running from a cop...
They turn down an alley and it's a dead end. The blond hides in a sack of potatoes. The brunette hides in a dumpster and the redhead hides in a trashcan.
The cop comes running down the alley and doesn't see them. So he walks over to the trashcan and kicks it.
"Meow!" Meows the redhead
"Ahh, it's just a cat." Says the cop. He walks over to the dumpster and kicks it.
"Woof woof!" Barks the brunette.
"Just a dumb dog." The cop says. Then he walks over to the potato sack and kicks it and the blond yells...
"POTATO POTATO POTATO!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...
They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.
Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes woof! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of dogs, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes meow! The policeman says, Oh, it's just a bag of cats, and walks on.
They poke the bag with the blonde and the blonde goes Potato. Potato.
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boy do i have an act for you! A talking dog!
"a talking dog? This I gotta see! You have one minute, so make it good, kid!"
"Rex, what's on top of a building?"
"ROOF!"
"What? You kidding me? He just says woof, any dog can do that."
"How about this? Rex, who's the greatest baseball player ever?"
"RUTH!"
"That's it, kid, you're wasting my time, get that fleabag out of my office!"
As they walked out of the building Rex looked over to his master and said "Well, kid, that's show business."
What's the most important part of a dog's house?
The woof! (Roof...)
*credit goes to the girlfriend
A dog was arguing with another dog and the other dog says
woof woof grrrrr
I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals.
I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.
Me: hey do you want your mind to be blown?
My dog: woof
Me: we live on a ball
How do you make a cat go woof?
Dunk it in spirits and light it on fire.
How do you make a dog go meow?
Run it through a bandsaw.
In the USA a dogs go "woof woof", in Japan dogs go "wan wan", and in China dogs go
"Sizzle sizzle"
A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke
Dog: Tell me a joke
Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog
Dog: Oh, go on
Man: You're a dog, you won't understand
Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese
Man: OK. Knock Knock
Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did a big dog say to a n**... lady in the bathroom?
Woof woof
Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet
There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"
Dog walks into a telegraph office...
Says he wants to send a message.
"Sure" says the clerk, "what's the message?"
"Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof."
Clerk says, "OK, but for the same price, there's enough room for one more 'woof'".
Dog wrinkles his brow and replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense.."
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all on the run from the cops...
They find an abandoned potato factory and each hide in a huge brown sack. The cops arrive and kick the first sack. The redhead yells, "Woof! Woof"! to imitate a dog. The captain says, "Leave it be! We don't need some dog out here biting our ankles". A cop kicks the second sack, and the brunette says, "Meow!" The captain says, "Leave it be! I don't want some cat out here scratching our faces". A cop kicks the last sack, and the blonde says, "Potatoes!"
A perfect robbery
Three men are being chased by the police after robbing a store
They find a barn and run into quick, where they find 3 barrels
They each jump into a barrel
The police come into the barn and tap on each barrel
On the first barrel the officer taps
He hears "woof woof"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a dog"
On the second barrel, the officer taps tree times
He hears "meow, meow"
The officer says "it's ok, it's just a cat"
On the third barrel, the officer taps again
This time he hears "PO-TAY-TO"
The officer says "it's just an Irish parrot"
A dog is looking for work...
He stumbles across an open construction site with a hiring sign.
The dog goes to the foreman and says he's willing to work and can start immediately. The foreman asks the dog if he has any experience with carpentry and construction.
The dog replies, "Some; I've got a lot of experience with *woofing*!"
In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...
So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."
The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a secret, for the same price, I can actually add two more woofs?".
Came the reply from the dog "But - then it wouldn't make sense?"