Dog Wash Jokes
24 dog wash jokes and hilarious dog wash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog wash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Wash Short Jokes
Short dog wash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog wash humour may include short dog bath jokes also.
- Husband: "I have good news and bad news" Wife: "Tell me the bad news first."
Husband: "The washing machine broke."
Wife: "And the good news?"
Husband: "The dogs are clean." - An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo... ...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.
- My sister got upset that I washed our puppy with my own, human shampoo. I reassured her it had already been tested on dogs.
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Dog Wash One Liners
Which dog wash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog wash? I can suggest the ones about dog treat and dog smell.
- Man who washes with dog toy becomes squeaky clean
- What did the psychologist wash his dog with? Pavlovian conditioner
- I should stop washing my dog so often. He developed a severe case of dandrwoof.
- What do you say to a black guy after washing his dog? Yo dawg I washed yo dog.
- Did ya hear about the Mexican who kept washing his dog? They were s**... and spaniel
Dog Wash Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog wash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog fur jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog wash pranks.
A man walks into a bar. Upon sitting down a b**... blond waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
He looks up at the menu above the bar. It says Hot Dog $2, Cheeseburger $5, and h**... $10.
He asks the waitress, "Miss, are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am." He says, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
A man walks into a bar and a b**... blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, "Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, h**... $10".
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She winks and replies, "Why yes I am".
The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".
Recently found out my wife is sleeping with our best friend when I'm out of town.
Every other month I get home from a trip, the sheets are miraculously just cleaned every single time. Hardly coincidental.
She thinks I don't notice the dog hair on the comforter, she never thought to wash that.
In honor of The Challenger disaster: proof that I have no soul.
How do we know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Her head and shoulders washed up on the shore.
It was said that Christa's pupils were hit the hardest... by the instrument panel.
As she left for work that day she said to her husband "you feed the dog, i'll feed the fish."
How do you know her eyes were blue?
One blew one way the other blew another way.
Christa used to teach Social Studies ...now she's History
What does NASA stand for? Need another seven astronauts.
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
A guy gets shipwrecked onto an island with a dog and a pig
So a guy gets shipwrecked onto an island with a dog and a pig. After years, he gets s**... urges and his mind visualizes the pig as a super hot woman. Everytime he tries to get the pig alone and put his arm around it, the dog starts barking loudly and scaring the pig to run away. One day a super beautiful lady gets washed ashore. He nurses her back to health and takes care of her. One day he's sitting right next to her staring at the beautiful sunset then leans into her ear and whispers " hey, can you go take the dog for a walk".
Pet Laundry
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"
"I think it was the spin cycle."
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor
... and she is worried about all the tasks she won't be able to do. She asks the doctor if she is still able to wash dishes. He tells her yes. She asks if she can still walk the dog. The doctor again tells her yes. Then she pauses for a moment. The doctor thinks he knows what she is about to ask. The woman starts to speak and says, "Doctor, my husband was wondering---" the doctor interrupted her and told her that yes, s**... was still permissible and would not harm the baby. The woman looks at him and says, "No doc, my husband was wondering if I could still mow the grass."
Hopefully not a repost, but one of my all time favorites
So a man on a long trip decides to stop at a bar. He walks in, sits down at the bar and looks at the menu.
Soda: $1
Beer: $2
Hot Dog: $2.50
Hamburger: $3
Cheeseburger: $4
Then the man notices something at the very bottom of the menu..
Hand Jobs: $5
The man is a little confused, but then the bartender comes out, a stacked, beautiful blonde. She goes to him and asks "you like anything on the menu?" the man responds "are you the one that gives the hand jobs?" she smiles, "why yes I am" so the man says "ok, well wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger"
A ship went down on a reef...
There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.
They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have s**.... As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and the cat. Naturally, he chose the dog - man`s best friend. But the cat had a jealous streak, and would always interrupt the man when he tried to have his way with the dog. The man tried all kinds of strategies, but it was no use. The cat never allowed him a chance to get it on with the dog.
Then one day, another ship went down on the reef. From this ship there was only one survivor; a beautiful 22 year old woman. She almost drowned in the surf as she made her way to the island, but the man rescued her - effectively saving her life.
The woman was so grateful that she offered to do anything for the man.
"Anything?" asked the man, already thinking about his carnal desires.
"Yes. Absolutely anything. I`ll do anything to show you my appreciation. For you are my savior," she replied.
"Well then", said the man, "I`d be delighted if you could take the cat for a walk for half an hour."
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy.
The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh, what was it then?”
“I think it was the spin cycle.”