The Best 35 Dog Training Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dog Training jokes. There are some dog training pit bull jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dog training puppy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Dog Training Jokes and Puns

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

my dog is training to be a blacksmith

every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door

Going to mass is basically just like a dog being trained

A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack

Me: Sweet dog you got there

Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.

Me: Still in training, huh?

Police officer: What do you mean?

Me: Nevermind

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

I just met a dog that was trained to help blind people

Apparently he's blinded three already.

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"

The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".

The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"

The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.

drug-sniffing dog

Me: "Sweet dog you got there"

Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."

Me: "still in training, huh?"

Policeman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "nevermind"

I've been trying to train my dog to play dead, so I started rewarding him with chocolates.

I think it worked.

You can explore dog training canine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dog training vet dad jokes. There are also dog training puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk

The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer.
The officer walks up to me and says, "Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."
I reply, "Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for £25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.

When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.

I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'

The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'

My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy

and asked me if I could help train it.

I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

My friend's dog has been trained to sniff drugs.

It's brilliant, he can even roll up his own $20 bill.

What do dogs do after finishing training classes ?

They get their masters.

My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...

... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.

I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport

They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire

Faithful dog for sale

Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.

- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.

- Shoot.

- He good with kids?

- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.

- yard dog or house dog?

- House trained but loves the yard as well.

- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?

- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.

A guy moves to a new neighborhood and sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog

A guy moves to a new neighborhood. The next morning, he sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog. Tries to be friendly, he asks: wow you have an incredibly smart dog, he can even play chess, how'd you train him?. Bothered, his neighbor replies: Nah, not that bright, we've been playing 10 games, and he lost like 7 of them!

I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money.

It's sniffacult work.

Well Trained

I trained my dog to fetch beer.

It may not sound too impressive.

But he gets them from the neighbor's fridge.

Three blondes went for a walk in the country...

...when they stumble upon a line of tracks in the woods.
The first blonde looks down and says, "These are definitely deer tracks!"
The second blonde replies, "No stupid, these are bear tracks!"
The third shouts, "You're both wrong these are certainly dog tracks!"
They were still arguing 5 minutes later when the train hit them.

Sean Connery had his dog trained

He got the dog to do all kinds of tricks. Roll over, do a flip, fetch certain items, but anytime he tried to get the dog to sit, it would defecate on the floor.

Two hobos are at the train yard looking to hitch a ride to the next town.

One hobo sees a dog licking himself and says "Man, I wish I could do that"

Other hobo says "Maybe you should pet him first."

A dog comes upon a set of train tracks

As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.

Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.

As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.

The end.

The moral of the story:
Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail!

Awkward phone call:

"You put it down!"

"No, *you* put it down!"

"No, really, you put it down!"

"I can't, you put it down!"

"No, you put it down!"

"You put it down."

"No, you!"

"No, you put it down."

"For goodness sake, it's an old dog and you're a trained vet!"

I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,

I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,

but he gets them from my neighbour's fridge.

My dog needed training, so I brought him into the bedroom at night.

From me he learned how to beg.

My wife taught him how to roll over and play dead.

When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.

So my parents sent me to dog training school.

I learned a lot when I was there.

Sit, stay, roll over.

I haven't quite got the fetching part down.

They say I'm a little rough around the edges.

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer

It may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbor's fridge

There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks

One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.

The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.

I named my dog Ted

Each of our training sessions are called Ted talks

Nerd Joke: What's the difference between UDP and an epileptic?

Only one of them shakes hands.

I guess if you're worried about offending epileptics, you can swap out "epileptic" with "well-trained dog." I came up with this after hearing another UDP joke: "I know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it."

Didja hear dogs are being trained to smell the virus?

That will be an enjoyable Lab test.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dog training doggy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dog training trained piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes