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Dog Training Jokes

66 dog training jokes and hilarious dog training puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog training that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Dog Training Short Jokes

Short dog training jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog training humour may include short dog breeding jokes also.

  1. Going to mass is basically just like a dog being trained A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack
  2. Me: Sweet dog you got there Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.
    Me: Still in training, huh?
    Police officer: What do you mean?
    Me: Nevermind
  3. I just met a dog that was trained to help blind people Apparently he's blinded three already.
  4. drug-sniffing dog Me: "Sweet dog you got there"
    Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog."
    Me: "still in training, huh?"
    Policeman: "What do you mean?"
    Me: "nevermind"
  5. I've been trying to train my dog to play dead, so I started rewarding him with chocolates. I think it worked.
  6. My friend's dog has been trained to sniff drugs. It's brilliant, he can even roll up his own $20 bill.
  7. My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud... ... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
  8. I don't understand why the police train up bomb dogs to work at the airport They're all colourblind and always cut the wrong wire
  9. I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money. It's sniffacult work.
  10. Well Trained I trained my dog to fetch beer.
    It may not sound too impressive.
    But he gets them from the neighbor's fridge.

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Dog Training One Liners

Which dog training one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog training? I can suggest the ones about dog fighting and dog treat.

  1. my dog is training to be a blacksmith every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door
  2. What do dogs do after finishing training classes ? They get their masters.
  3. I named my dog Ted Each of our training sessions are called Ted talks
  4. Didja hear dogs are being trained to smell the virus? That will be an enjoyable Lab test.
  5. What do you call a dog training to be a teacher? a subwoofer
  6. What can you do when your dog is hit by a railroad? You can train it
  7. Pizza delivered by well trained dogs Little Ceasar Millan's
  8. I've trained my dog to bring me red wine.
    It's a Bordeaux collie.
  9. Where do you train your sled dogs? Mushroom
  10. Why is there no such thing as a drug sniffing dog ? Because the dog will high at training

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about dog training can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dog training puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Amusing & Witty Dog Training Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about dog training you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean dog whisperer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dog training prank.

Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

I named my dog Chuck Norris, but I couldn't train him because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.

When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.
So my parents sent me to dog training school.
I learned a lot when I was there.
Sit, stay, roll over.
I haven't quite got the fetching part down.
They say I'm a little rough around the edges.

Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer.
"You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."

I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.

A man takes his friend gorilla hunting...

He says :
"All you need is a trained dog, a net and a shotgun. I'll climb the tree where the gorilla is sitting and I will shake the branches as hard as I can ! As soon as the gorilla falls on the ground, the dog will bite and rip off his g**.... When it's done, you will be able to put the net on the gorilla and capture him !"
His friend asks :
" Yeah, that sounds nice, but what do we need a shotgun for then ?"
The hunter replies :
"If I fall from the tree...kill the dog."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.

Nerd Joke: What's the difference between UDP and an epileptic?

Only one of them shakes hands.
I guess if you're worried about offending epileptics, you can swap out "epileptic" with "well-trained dog." I came up with this after hearing another UDP joke: "I know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it."

They were still arguing when..

There were three men in a forest. Walking down a path, they saw some tracks. The first man said "these are definitely deer tracks". But the second one said "No, I am pretty sure they are bear tracks". The third one said "come on guys, you can clearly see that these are dog tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

The Trained Dog

A woman goes to a pet store and asks to buy a trained dog.
The owner walks to the back and shows the woman three dogs.
"Here are our dogs." the owner says, "The first dog knows the commands 'sit', 'stay' and 'lay down'. She costs $500. The second dog knows the commands 'roll over', 'fetch' and 'beg'. He costs $700. The third dog will obey any command he hears and costs $50."
Seeing a good deal the woman buys the $50 dog. She takes it home and tries out some commands.
"Sit" the woman says.
The dog just stands there blinking.
"Roll over" the woman says.
The dog continues to stand there.
"Lay down" she says angrily.
The dog still just stands there.
The woman takes the dog and goes back to the pet store.
"You lied to me!" the woman yells at the owner "You said he would obey any command but it doesn't do anything!"
"I didn't lie to you" the owner said, "I just failed to mention that the dog is deaf."

Bear Removal Service

A man in northern Minnesota woke up one morning to find a bear on his roof. He looked in the Yellow Pages, and sure enough, there was an ad for "Up North Bear Removers." He called the number listed and the bear remover said he'd be over within an hour.
The bear remover arrived, and got out of his van. He had a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12 gauge shotgun, and a mean looking, heavily scarred old pit bull.
"What are you going to do.?" the homeowner asked.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go
up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his t**..., and
not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the
cage in the back of the van."
He then handed the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun
for?" the homeowner asked.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, you shoot the dog."

I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,

I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive,
but he gets them from my neighbour's fridge.

The gorilla catcher

A man wakes up one morning and found a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers" He calls the number, and the gorilla cathcer, Santa, says he will be over in 30 minutes.
Santa arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van.
He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG.
"What are you going to do", the house owner asks?
Santa said, "I'm going to put this LADDER up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this BASEBALL BAT. When the gorilla falls off, the DOG is trained to grab the gorilla's t**... and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the house owner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the house owner.
Santa replies, "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, SHOOT THE DOG."

Three blondes went for a walk in the country...

...when they stumble upon a line of tracks in the woods.
The first blonde looks down and says, "These are definitely deer tracks!"
The second blonde replies, "No s**..., these are bear tracks!"
The third shouts, "You're both wrong these are certainly dog tracks!"
They were still arguing 5 minutes later when the train hit them.

There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks

One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.
The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.

A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.

A f**... procession crawls through the centre of town

At the front is the hearse carrying the coffin. Behind this is a man with a big grin on his face and holding a leash which is attached to a big scary looking dog. Behind him are hundreds of mourners, except they're all men.
An onlooker approaches the man with the dog and asks, "excuse me, who is in the hearse?"
"My mother in law" the man chuckles.
"Oh really? Well, that explains the grin. But what's with the dog?"
"Oh, the dog killed her."
"The dog killed her?"
"Yes. I've trained the dog to kill mother-in-laws. It's awesome."
"Wow."
"I know right."
"So... um..."
"Mhm?"
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Sure," the man says, "but" he jerks a thumb at the procession behind, "you'll have to join the queue."

Bear Remover

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his t**... and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk

The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer.
The officer walks up to me and says, "Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."
I reply, "Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."

what did the Mexican dog groomer tell his apprentice on the first day of training?

You no do strays.

My neighbor, an elderly p**..., adopted a puppy

and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

A dog comes upon a set of train tracks

As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.
Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.
As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.
The end.
The moral of the story:
Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail!

A Russian, German and p**... just robbed a bank. They all jump on a train to get away from the cops...

They all climb on board a cargo car carrying pets and supplies. The crew hears the the conductor coming and hides. The Russian hides near some dog cages, sees the conductors flashlight and barks a few times. The conductor moves on, and shines his light towards the cat cages where the German hid. Right away, the German meowed and the conductor moved on without pause. Finally, as the conductor moved towards the back of the car, he approaches a sack of potatoes the p**... has hid in. He kicks the sack and the p**... yells out "PO-TA-TO"!

What's the most difficult thing about training a dog?

Getting the peanut butter out of your p**... hair

Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.

My dog needed training, so I brought him into the bedroom at night.

From me he learned how to beg.
My wife taught him how to roll over and play dead.

I've trained my German Shepherd to find any paper towels that are missing from my house.

He is auditioning for the next Dog the Bounty hunter.

Faithful dog for sale

Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.

A guy moves to a new neighborhood and sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog

A guy moves to a new neighborhood. The next morning, he sees his neighbor playing chess with his dog. Tries to be friendly, he asks: wow you have an incredibly smart dog, he can even play chess, how'd you train him?. Bothered, his neighbor replies: Nah, not that bright, we've been playing 10 games, and he lost like 7 of them!

Last time I rode the train in London, I taught my dog to play the trumpet.

We went from Barking to Tooting.
(you may need to be British to get this joke but trust me it's amazing)

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer

It may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbor's fridge

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.

First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."

Awkward phone call:

"You put it down!"
"No, *you* put it down!"
"No, really, you put it down!"
"I can't, you put it down!"
"No, you put it down!"
"You put it down."
"No, you!"
"No, you put it down."
"For goodness sake, it's an old dog and you're a trained vet!"

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"
The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".
The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"
The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.

I saw an advert selling a trained police dog for £25 in the local paper, saw a bargain and bought it.

When the current owner brought it round a mangy mutt jumped out their car.
I said 'There's no way that's a Police dog'
The owner replied 'Don't let looks decieve you, he worked undercover'

Two hobos are at the train yard looking to hitch a ride to the next town.

One hobo sees a dog l**... himself and says "Man, I wish I could do that"
Other hobo says "Maybe you should pet him first."

Sean Connery had his dog trained

He got the dog to do all kinds of tricks. Roll over, do a flip, fetch certain items, but anytime he tried to get the dog to sit, it would d**... on the floor.

jokes about dog training

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these dog training jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.