Dog Tail Jokes
72 dog tail jokes and hilarious dog tail puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog tail that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dog Tail Short Jokes
Short dog tail jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog tail humour may include short dog fur jokes also.
- I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.
- Where do dogs go when they need a new tail? A re-tail store.
I think it's such a cute joke, it's one of my favs :) - Did you know that dogs chase their tails clockwise in the southern hemisphere and counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere? It's called the Corgi-olis Effect.
- A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around his head What are you doing?! shouts the barman.
Just having a look around - clever dog Bloke walks into a pub and sees a dog playing poker with 3 men. "He must be a clever dog" the bloke says, "not really" says the barman "whenever he gets a good hand he wags his tail"
- What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed? Looks like we got a tail.
- You ever hear about the canine pilot from WWI? He got into a dog fight but thankfully he shook his tail.
- Dogs playing poker Why are dogs bad at poker?
Because they wag their tails whenever they have a good hand.
Why did John's dog win the poker tournament?
Because he's a Doberman. - I went to the vet to get the tails of both my dogs chopped off… My mother in law is coming to town and I wanted her to know nobody was happy to see her.
- The ghost of a dog with no tail walks into a bar after closing time.. Barman: Sorry, we don't retail spirits after hours.
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Dog Tail One Liners
Which dog tail one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog tail? I can suggest the ones about dog sitting and dog smell.
- Where does a dog go when he loses his tail a retail store
- Where do you take a dog when it loses its tail? The veterinarian
- My Dog's Pretty Good In Making Ends Meet By Chasing His Tail!
I'll show myself out.... - Every dog has his day... But when he has a broken tail, he has a weak-end
- Why don't dogs play poker? Because they have very obvious tails
- Why do dogs wag their tails? 'Cause nobody else will do it for them.
- What did the dog say when he rubbed sandpaper on his tail? Rough, rough!
- When does a dog have wheels? When its tail is a wagon.
- how do you cheer up a dog that's lost its tail? retail therapy
- The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
- Why did the business dog chase his tail? So he could make ends meet!
- Do you know how to tell if a dog is from Ohio? There's an O under their tail.
- How can you tell a dog is a cool dog? It swags its tail.
- Why did the poor dog chase his tail? Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
- Where does a dog go when he loses his tail The dock.
Uproarious Dog Tail Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about dog tail you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog treat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog tail pranks.
A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around.
„What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by.
The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
The dead duck.
A not-so-bright farmer brings his dead duck to a vet, asking for treatment. The vet takes one look and says, "I'm sorry, but that duck is dead." The farmer asks if they can do some tests to make sure. The vet agrees and whistles, summoning a black lab. the dog puts its front paws on the table and sniffs for a moment, then walks out of the room, whining with its tail between its legs. The vet again says, "I'm sorry, but that duck is dead." The farmer asks for one more test, and the vet whistles one more time. This time, a tabby cat scampers in and leaps onto the table, and walks around the duck, before exiting like the dog. The vet says "Unfortunately the duck is 100% dead sir. I'm sorry for your loss. That'll be $1500." "WHAT?!?!?!" exclaims the farmer. The vet explained, "Well Lab tests and CAT scans aren't cheap…"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Odd f**......
A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual f**... procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is a line of 100 more men, walking just as slowly.
His curiosity gets the better of him and he approaches the man with the dog as they pass, falling into step beside him.
"This may not be the best time..." he begins "but I've never seen a f**... like this, so I need to ask what's going on. Who's in the first hearse?"
"My wife" says the man with the dog, mournfully. "She yelled at me, so Rover attacked and killed her." As if it feels guilty, the dog lowers its head and tail at the mention of his name.
"Oh.. oh my. I'm so sorry for your loss." Says the second guy. He walks alongside in respectful silence for a while before, once more, curiosity gets the better of him. "So whose in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law." comes the reply. "She tried to help my wife, so Rover killed her too."
"Oh my god, that's awful!" says the other guy, and walks alongside in respectful silence for a moment more. Eventually, he looks up and says "I don't suppose I could borrow your dog, could I?"
"Get in line." answers the guy.
The intelligent dog
Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.
My boss has some winners, but I always get a chuckle from this one. (Pretty Long)
A man and his dog walk into a bar, the man sits down, and his dog follows in suit. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The man orders a shot of whiskey and drinks it as soon as the glass hits the bar. "That'll be $3.50." the bartender says promptly. "What if I told you that my dog is able to talk? Would you let me drink for free?" The bartender quickly rebuts. "A talking dog? Sure, why not" So the man looks to his dog and asks Ol' Scruffy; "Scruffy! Tell this barkeep what keeps this bar dry during rainy days" "Ruff!" the dog says. The bartender, now frustrated, says "Ok Pal, Where's my $3.50?" The man waves him off and explains that Scruffy is merely jesting and orders another shot, which the bartender pours and watches the shot disappear. "Ok Scruffy, who is the greatest baseball player that has ever played the game?" "Ruff!" The dog replies with a wagging tail. The bartender now gets fed up with the man and his "talking" dog and throws them to the street. The man gets up, wipes his face and looks to Scruffy. Scruffy looks up and says "Well, I guess I should have said Joe DiMaggio"
Need a punchline to finish this....
why did the dog bite off it's own tail?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There once was a dog who like to walk the railroad tracks
One day he was a little too close as a train came by and it clipped off the end of his tail. Wondering where it went, he peered over the tracks and the train took his head clean off.
The moral of the story, never risk your head for a little bit of tail.
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
Invited to a private poke game...
A man was invited to a private poker game. When he arrived he saw that the game had already begun. Sitting at the table were four guys and a dog. More than a little surprised, he said, That must be a pretty smart dog to play poker. He ain't so smart, one of the guys said, Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.
A blind man walks into a shop...
...he picks his guide dog up by the tail and starts to swing it around his head. "Can I help you!?" Asks the shop assistant. "No thanks" said the man, "I'm just looking around."
Why did the blind man swing his seeing eye dog around by the tail?
He was taking a look around
When the dog saw the cat, why did he cross the street?
He was chasing tail. ^I'll^show^myself^out...
If a dog ran away every three nights and had an orange tail, what would that make it?
I think it would still be a dog...
A man took his dog to the vet...
A man took his dog to the vet. "Doctor" he said sadly "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail". The vet stepped back "Why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome".
What do you call the condition where a dog uncontrollably wags its tail?
Barkinson's Disease
Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.
He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I cut my dog's tail off...
Ya, the mother-in-law is coming over and I don't want anything to give her the impression that she's welcome.
Why was the veterinarian embarrassed after bandaging the dog's tail?
It was a bandage faux pas.
My girlfriend told me to stop laughing at my dog.
She said, "As I recall, you spent plenty of hours chasing tail too."
My dog's pace of wiggling his tail depends on how long I have been away. Longer I am away, faster he wiggles his tail.
So I am going away for a year now because I want to see him fly.
Dog Problems
My dog was having problems with his tail so I sent him to obedience school. A few weeks later there wasn't any improvement so I rang the school and found out he'd been wagging
A gutsy dog once made a bet with his friends
"I'll be the only dog to eat chocolate and live", the dog proudly said to his friends.
And so he did.
Needless to say, he didn't live to tell the tail.
When a male dog wags his tail he is excited. When a female dog wags her tail she is...
A stripper
Did you know that dogs keep track of how many times you've stepped on their tail?
It's your Yelp score
A dog accountant runs to see his boss, all excited
Boss! Boss! The numbers are through the woof!!
* waves tail *
A blind man walks into...
A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter the local department store.
As the store manager strolls by he thinks, "It wonderful to see this man navigate the store without a single misstep or bumping into anything."
Just as he was about to approach the man, the manager observes the blind man grab his dog by the tail and swing him around over his head in a wide circle.
Rushing up to the blind man, the manager clearly upset runs up and asks him, " Sir, oh my God, what are you doing?"
The blind man replies, " Nothing, I'm just looking around."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know if a dog is male or female?
s**... its head.
If he wags his tail, it's male.
If she wags her tail, it's female.
I used to have a dog that was only a head.
Very happy dog. One day I was drinking a beer and he wanted a sip. Who am I to deny him?
He had a sip and a body grew on his head! So I gave him a drink. A leg formed! Another drink, another leg, then another, and another. A final drink and he had a tail!
By now he was really drunk and I'm sure he had to pee, so I let him outside.
He staggered outside and into the road, where he was hit and killed.
I learned something that day.
It's better to quit while you're ahead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nothing says, "I don't take you seriously"...
...like your dog wagging it's tail while you scold it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Long] A r**... was walking with its dog...
A r**... was walking with his dog, when another dog starts to pick a fight with the r**...'s dog, the r**...'s dog with just one bite kills the other dog.
A lot of people get scared, cause there's a lot of blood and carnage, them a guy asks the r**... "What is your dog's breed?"
To wich the r**... responds "Before we cut the tail it was a gator"
True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.
Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!
It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"
I love riddles. Before reading the answer, I sat down with my wife and we spent a while pondering the possible answers.
Eventually, curiosity overcame us. We turned over the note to see the answer.
It read:
"Your dog.
I'm really sorry.
I ran it over."
I hate riddles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dog with two a**....
There were two police officers standing outside of a club with a dog beside them. Every so often someone comes from inside the bar, lifts the dog's tail and goes away. After a while, a police officer asks a guy "Why do you people keep looking under our dog's tail?" The guy answers "I heard there is a dog with two a**... standing outside the club.
