Dog Staring Jokes
28 dog staring jokes and hilarious dog staring puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dog staring that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Dog Staring Short Jokes
Short dog staring jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dog staring humour may include short staring jokes also.
- Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.
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Dog Staring One Liners
Which dog staring one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dog staring? I can suggest the ones about dog sitting and dog biting.
- Never stare at a dog with a prosthetic foot... ...it's a faux paw.
- My dog just sit there staring at me. It's my biggest pet peeve.
Dog Staring Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about dog staring you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog smiles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dog staring pranks.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."
After a brief chuckle, the vendor makes the hot dog and gives it to the monk, saying "That will be $4 please". After the monk hands over a $10 bill, he finds himself waiting uncomfortably while the vendor does nothing except stare back at him.
Awkwardly the monk asks "What about my change?" "Ah," replies the hot dog vendor, "Change must come from within."
2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,
''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
Two Scottish nuns
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.
The mother superior was first to open hers, stared at it for a moment, then leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"
A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole
The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.
He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.
He throws in a big stick; still no sound
He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing
Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.
The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"
"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"
"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"
I thought my dog looked a little cross-eyed...
I took my dog to the vet, as I noticed his eyes were strangely crossed. When I got to the office, I told the vet the problem with my dog. He picked up my dog and stared into his eyes for a while. Then he spoke up "I'm going to have to put your dog down." he said. "What? Just because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed. "No." the vet said "Because he's heavy!"
Three racehorses were standing in a field.
One says, you know, I've won ten races in my life.
And I've won twenty races! Brags the second horse.
The third horse is much older then them both. He says, That's nothing! I've won fifty races!
Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound trotting through the field.
Amateurs! The dog laughs. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them!
The horses are all shocked. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Then the old horse says, Holy s**...! a talking dog!
Dog
A salesman drops in to see a business customer. Not a soul is in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stares at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looks up and says, Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job. Incredible! exclaims the man. I can't believe it. Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk! Please don't tell him! pleads the dog. If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone too.
My grandpa was very competitive...
My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.
But I'll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…
… staring contest, go!
My dog sat watching the orchestra play...
My dog sat watching the orchestra play, he was staring at the conductor and I could see what he was thinking ... for f\*\*\*s sake ..Just throw the f\*\*\*ng thing.
A blind man
A blind man walks into a store with his service dog. He goes to the middle of the store, picks the dog up by its hind legs and starts spinning around. Everyone in the store stops and stares. The store manager immediately runs up to him and says "Sir, can I help you find something?" The blind man, still spinning with the dog, says "nope, just looking around."
Old western stranger
An old man sitting at the edge of an old western town sees a silhouette approaching from the dusty horizon. Its not long before he realizes that it is a 3 legged dog limping toward him. The old man shouts a warning to the dog "we dont take kindly to strangers around here". The 3 legged dog limps like john wayne while slowly raising his gaze up to look straight into the old mans eyes with a piercing stare and says" Im lookin for the man who shot my paw"
Hot dogs
Two foreigners arrive in America for the first time, in New York City. They step out into the city and see a hot dog stand. One says to the other "wow - they eat dogs in America? Well I guess we should give it a try". They each get a hot dog and sit down to eat. After a minute of just staring at his hot dog, one turns to the other and says "hey... what part did you get?".
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?
A blind man walks in to a department store
A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.
As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, but he notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again.
Out of the corner of his eye the manager sees the blind man start swinging the dog over his head with its leash.
Shocked, the manager runs over and says "Mister is there a problem - is there anything I can help you with?"
The blind man calmly replies "No thanks - I'm just looking around."
A guy gets shipwrecked onto an island with a dog and a pig
So a guy gets shipwrecked onto an island with a dog and a pig. After years, he gets s**... urges and his mind visualizes the pig as a super hot woman. Everytime he tries to get the pig alone and put his arm around it, the dog starts barking loudly and scaring the pig to run away. One day a super beautiful lady gets washed ashore. He nurses her back to health and takes care of her. One day he's sitting right next to her staring at the beautiful sunset then leans into her ear and whispers " hey, can you go take the dog for a walk".
So this guy is stranded on an island with a goat and a dog.
Days pass.. then weeks... then months... and years pass with no human contact. He starts to crave the urge to have s**....
So he looks around and sees the goat. Comes up with the idea to have s**... with it. He positions her right and is ready for some action. But just as he is about to pull his pants down, he sees the dog just staring at him. Uncomfortable, he decides to try again the next day.
Next day comes and he guides the goat to a hill side where he would like to do his deed. Just as he's about to pull his pants down, out of nowhere, he sees the dog staring at him. He gives up again.
A few days go by and he sees a boat sinking offshore. He hears this women screaming for help. He swims to her rescue and the woman is grateful to him.
Thanking him she says, "Can I do anything to repay you."
He replies, "Anything?"
"Yes, anything." she answers.
So then he asks, "Okay. Can you take the dog out for a walk?"
Ruth! (not sure if repost)
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what's on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Two blind pilots
Can't remember where I heard this - it was ages ago and it changes every time I say it...
Two blind pilots were greeting passengers at the door with their guide dogs. The passengers where quite worried about blind pilots flying a plane and were staring down the aisle as they settled in their seats. The pilots went into the cockpit and shut the door behind them. The engines started up, and everything seemed to be going as planned, so the passengers went back to their magazines and forgot about the two blind pilots in the cockpit.
As the plane roared down the runway getting closer and closer to the water at the end, the passengers quickly became worried and started to scream and yell out. With that, the plane lifted smoothly off the ground and into the air. The passengers again went back to their magazines and in the cockpit, the pilot says to the co-pilot: "One day they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die!"
A boy meets his girlfriend's parents for the first time...
they greet each other and sit down at the family table and begin to get to know each other. During the conversation, the boy feels something terrible brewing in his stomach and decides he can't hold it in anymore. he lets out a silent, but very smelly f**.... The Father gets a whiff of the f**..., stops mid-sentence and yells,
"Wilson!" while he stares at the dog who is sitting under the boy's chair.
"This is great!" the boy thought, i can f**... all I want and he'll blame it on the dog. A few minutes later the boy feels another f**... coming so he lets it rip. This time it was slightly audible.
"WILSON!" the dad yells, staring at the dog again.
At this point, the boy thinks it's hilarious that the dog gets blamed every time he decides to f**.... A few minutes pass and the boy feels the mother load of all farts coming on. He decides to let it rip as loud as he possibly could and the whole family fell silent when they heard it. The Father looks down at the dog and yells
"WILSON! Get out of there before that kid kills you!"
A guy takes his talking dog to a talent scout.
This dog can speak English, he claims to the unimpressed agent. Okay, Sport, the guys says to the dog, what's on the top of a house?
Roof! the dog replies.
Oh, come on… the talent agent responds. All dogs go 'roof'.
No, wait, the guy says. He asks the dog, What does sandpaper feel like?
Rough! the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. No, hang on, the guy says. This one will amaze you. He turns and asks the dog, Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?
Ruth! goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
The dog turns to the guy and says, Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"